Help needed making the hardest decision ever

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121kelly121

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I own 2 horses, a 14.1 coloured welsh 9 year old mare - melody, and a 17h Irish draught 24 year old retired police horse -major. I also have a 9 month old baby. I have had melody for 7 years, and major for 3 years. Major retired from the police in 2010 due to the vets picking up a slight heart mormour. Since coming to me he has taught my partner to ride and has lived a chilled out happy life with me and my partner. Melody is not a novice ride, is quite forward going and is ridden in a western saddle.
When me and my partner decided to have a baby we said that we would never sell the horses due to the baby.
But I have to bring myself to admit that the people who were telling me that I wouldn't have time to look after a baby and 2 horses whilst both me and my partner working full time were probably right.
I obviously didn't ride whilst pregnant, and had a c section so couldn't ride until 6 weeks after the birth of my daughter. Since then I have been able to ride melody on a hand full of occasions, and one time I fell off. She just decided that she wanted me off, as this happened during a walk this has really dented my confidence.
My horses live out all year round which they love. But they can be stabled if needed. But this is ideal for major to stop his joints stiffening up.
Just recently the upkeep of the horses has been left to my partner. He goes up every other day to check the horses and poo pick fields, do their feet ect.
I have to stay in to pick my daughter up from nursery after I have finished work, I take her home give her a bath bottle and bed. When I cook tea for me be my partner who doesn't finish work until 7pm every other week.
I find that we are only going up to see them because we have to. We are not spending the time with them that they deserve. I have no confidence at all to ride. I feel bad leaving my partner to sort the horses all the time, they are kept about 20 min drive away. I cannot drive due to having a sight impairment so I canno go up on my own. We are spending less time together as a family and it is burning us out If we carry on this way. I just feel that I have lost the spark in my heart that was there for my horses. Although it is breaking my heart to make this choice. I keep thinking to keep them and carry on the way we are, but this is not fair on the horses or on us. None of my family live close by so I can't ask someone to have my daughter whilst we go up to spend the day with the horses.
My heart is saying keep them and carry on the way we are, and maybe in a few months I will build my confidence, my daughter will be older and can run around down the stables with us, and I will gain the enjoyment with them again.
But my head is saying thus is not fair. I've tried for so long to keep this up but cannot do it any longer. And the horses can be with someone who can spend the time they need.
However. I am very worried about advertising them. Major especially. Due to his status as an ex police horse. He hasn't been rode for several months but can be bought back into work . He likes the general slow hack. He is 24 years old but can still be ridden in a school, but he doesn't do a lot. He just wants to live out his last few years in peace. He loves other horses to bits so is a great field companion. He also only has one eye which does not affect him in the slightest. He has a few ckicky joints, but that is just what happens when he has done as much work as he has at his age!
Please if anyone on here knows anyone who will love major as much as me, but who can just sit and spend the time with him please let me know. I will not give major away as I want him to go to the right home, and I know people's views on 'giving' horses away. He will come with tack but my need saddle reflocking due to him changing shape. He has lots of rugs, is barefoot. But please will you help me find the ideal person and I will give more info on him. I do not want anyone to have him as he is an ex police horse. He is now a normal horse and cannot do as much work as he did do.
With melody, she is forward going, she needs an firm, but patient rider. She needs someone with confidence. She has so much potential with the right person. She has lots of rugs and all rack will go with her including her western saddle. Please if you know the ideal person for her can you let me know and I will give more info if they get in touch with me.

I am so scared to put up the adverts I thought and said I'd never do. I'm scared of time wasters and cannot bring myself to think about the day they go to their new home. But I cannot go on the way I am.
I hope you all understand and if anyone is or has been in a similar situation please comment.
 
I am in the process of getting rid of all my horses, only one to go. My life isn't half as difficult as yours but I can tell you hand on heart-best thing I ever did.
 
Having a baby is such hard let alone having a full time job and two horses. I don't work and got my first horse when my younest was nine months and it was really really hard! Having a job on top of that must be unbelievably hard. Tbh it doesn't et any easier with the children. My boys are five and six now and even when they do want to ride it isn't for very long. They can only manage short hacks at the moment.

Is loaning or even a share an option. You could do this and this will give you some time to see what its like not having the horses as a huge part of your life and you might find that you either really miss them and feel that later on you could make it work for you uys as a family or you might find that you grow less attached to them because you aren't seein them as much and want to sell.

The good thing about loaning esp your old gguy, is that you might find someone who he will be able to show the tricks of the trade to and then they might want to take him on if you feel that you want to sell in the future.

I really do feel your pain though. I had my two really close together and there were times when I wondered what the hell I was doing taking on a horse as well.
 
Thanks for your advice. I did think about loaning. But am really worried about people treating them unfairly. You hear so many bad stories of loaning. And I know not everyone is like that. But I worry that if ever the loaner wants to send them back for what ever reason, I have to find new yard, ect and then I'm back in the same situation. I think it's an all or nothing situation.x
 
Perhaps you could put a clause in the contract that the loaner has to give 3 months notice to terminate the agreement which would give you time to find someone else.
 
Have you thought of trying Happa for Major? They do have a waiting list of people looking to rehome horses so might be able to help.
 
I thought there was a specific charity that took on the retired police horses? Did you get him from the force directly? If so would it be possible to contact them to ask for help with rehoming? I do think you may feel differently in a few months though, that is my only concern. Is there anyone who could maybe look after the baby so maybe you and your husband could have time together with the horses and see how you feel? Horses do not care about not being ridden. But you could look for someone to loan them from where they are currently? All I would day is, don't rush into making a decision you may regret. Maybe a loan initially to see how you feel when you don't have to go tend to the horses may help with your decision?
 
Major sounds quite lovely. Melody sounds like issue. If you replaced her with a quiet cob? Once my son started walking he loves being around the horses, helping feed, muck out etc. A quieter cob wouldn't mind being ridden once a week when you get the chance. A Loss of confidence may be influencing your decision to pack it all in
 
Agree with minimilton- Major sounds lovely :) I think that you will have trouble getting your confidence back with Melody especially as you are struggling for time (are you actually managing to sleep?!). It probably doesn't help that you aren't riding regularly, so every time you do get on she has excess energy to use up. Would Major cope on his own if you found Melody a new home?
 
Yes I got him straight off the mounted section from nottingham police. They have since got rid of their mounted section due to funding cuts. Yes major would cope fine without mel. But we would still be up there every day in winter ect. As we did think about keeping one. But we would still be in the same situation. Such a hard time. X
 
Is there definitely not a yard / just a field (with others for company obviously :) ) nearer you? at 9 Melody should find a good riding home and have a secure future if you sold (if you pick the right home carefully) Major sounds sweet and much less hassle, doesn't have to be ridden every day and at his age may not have a secure future without your care elsewhere.
 
Hi, sorry your going through such a rough time of it right now. I too was a new mum once who decided I couldn't make a go of baby and horse. Dispite all the stories from other horse owning mums I felt guilty leaving my daughter strapped in a car seat crying whilst I gave my poor horse the absolute minimum of attention so I made the choice and rehomed him.
Looking back it was the best thing I could have done for all of us. My daughter is now older and having not had horses forced upon her as a baby she now has a genuine love and interest and we both have horses and ride. It's lovely and something even now she's a teenager we can enjoy together. Friends who forced the horse/baby thing though on the whole I notice that their kids show little interest now.
I think children/ family life and your sanity come first. Hugs xx
 
Thank you so much for that. That is exactly how it is. When we all go to the stables together my daughter is left to cry as she doesn't understand that kneed to do other things. I think I could Re home mel quite easily it's just major. Which is why I came I here to see if anyone was looking for someone like him.x
 
It's a tough decision, I have a 14 month old baby and last winter with 4 horses and my own business was really hard I felt like selling them all most days but now he is a bit older and can potter round the yard it is much better, I did sell one horse so now down to 3 but get up early and ride before my husband goes to work and manage to ride one or two horses every day. I do have the horses at home and have help from my mum which is a god send but I'm really glad I kept them as I'm loving riding again. I would be bored and fed up if I didn't have them, I need that time to do something non-baby and work related!
 
I wish i could keep mine closer to home /at home. As I cannot drive so that makes it impossible for me to go to down to the horses on my own. There isn't really anyone to have my baby either. I just wish there was an easier way.but I cannot see any other way.
 
I cant begin to imagine how difficult this is for you but looking from the outside in I would personally keep Major where he is but find a loaner or sharer to help and sell Melody as a project pony

It could be in a few months time you will treasure a couple of hours away from it all on a hack and Major sounds like he would be the ideal low maintenance mount from that point of view and I would hesitate to rehome such a big horse at that age

An alternative for Major may be a blood bank provided he could do without those rugs
 
You must do what is best for your family, your child will be small for such a sort time so you need to enjoy that time.
I was lucky that I managed when my kids were small but I had the horse at home and I worked part-time. I did sell a mare I owned because she was not suitable, she was a difficult ride and at the back of my mind I knew my children must come first. I cried a lot but it was for the best and have not regretted what I did.
Concentrate on finding a home for the most difficult, I think the old horse you will have no trouble finding a loan home, large horses that are suitable for a novice are rare. I would try the local RDA or some animal charities like bigger animals for their helpers to ride.
 
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Absolutely do what's best for your family. But just to say I found there was a big difference between a 9 month old and a 14 month old. At 9 months my son was too active to be in the buggy but not yet walking. Obviously I couldn't let him crawl around in the mud. It was a very difficult time. Once he was steady on his feet then everything changed for the better. He's at his happiest in his wellies and waterproof overalls splashing in the muddy puddles (thank you peppa pig) and helping do up the feeds

Good luck either way. If I lived near I'd have Major in a heartbeat
 
I'm sure you will easily find a home for Major. I would loan him out, if nothing else it gives you the right to call PTS when his time is up and selling old horses always seems a bit wrong. The RDA might well love him, as my sister-in-law always struggled to find big horses for disabled adults and large teens.
Melody I would sell, you will get very little for her this time of year but having a baby is such a special time try to give yourself the energy to enjoy it. Take care of yourself and your family.
 
I have advertised them both for sale, worst thing I have ever done. I may have found a home for my mare. Just need to find one for major, so if anyone knows someone looking for a field companion/plod/happy hacker please let me know. He is the perfect teacher.
 
could you afford to put Major on retirement livery? There were a couple of threads on here about it recently. I havent done it myself but rather gather that you only have to visit when you want to and the yard will look after them, though you would need to check that out for yourself. Do hope all resolves happily - agree with others, its not going to work for you to keep them. x
 
Contact the Horse Trust regarding Major. Obviously you cant sell him.

Getting a letter of support from the force he came from will support his case.
 
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Hope you manage to sort it all out op. I would be very tempted to put major on retirement livery, the cost compared to what you are paying now will be much less, or possibly contact riding for disabled. Just be careful to check out any charity carefully before becoming involved with them.
 
Not sure if anyone has suggested yet as not read through properly but have you thought about the Veteran Horse Society. They find permanent homes for older horses and do all sorts of checks on potential homes.

Sympathy for your situation. I had 3 horses before I got pregnant, managed to loan one out to a great home, another is on retirment livery and I just have my old mare. I manage to ride her once or twice a month if I'm lucky. My kids are 11months apart & I did her DIY til 6 months ago. They are now 3 and 4 yrs and the relief of having her on part livery is huge. It did place a lot of strain on me and the family as a whole.
 
Sorry if I am not following any rules. If I am please delete this & let me know where I need to post but I have been sent here by a friend as we are looking for a happy hacker/field companion for our big lad Robin (he is a horse) & my partner who is a novice Andrew. I foolishly bought one 9 weeks ago on a face book page (yes I have been called all sorts i.e stupid/foolish etc) after falling in love with Simba. Sadly the poor lad turned out to be all the now I know to be 'Dealer' said he was. Fast forward 6 weeks. We are still Simbas owners & he has gone to a wonderful permanent loan home where he is now making great progress but that now leaves us with a) poor Robin without a field/stable mate & b) my partner who really has worked so hard single handed post and railing 2 acres into 3 separate paddocks etc at great expense all summer only to now not be able to ride out with me not that I can ride out any way as Robin will not hack out alone! I am no stranger to horse as between my daughter & myself we have 7, 5 in Wales 2 of which are on permanent loan & have been for 15 years + & now as I said Simba is also now on loan. (sorry I am rambling) so I will cut to the chase. We are looking for as I said a happy hacker to go out for 'us' tome together as I own a dog rescue & my partner is a special needs teacher & also a volunteer for a very special charity that helps amputees in the armed forces get their lives back after they have been injured etc in conflicts called the Pilgrimbandits. We have the means to support another horse financially & are open to any home check etc required
 
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