Help! Nervous, spooky horse & nervous creaky rider!

[FionaM12]

Hi, I’m new here and could do with some advice please. I was a keen rider when I was young and had my own horse. But, I was also very ill and was forced to give up totally as it turned out my life-threatening illness included a devastating allergy to horses.

I’m in my 50s now and bizarrely am not only finally reasonably healthy but also no longer allergic. So I’ve returned to horses after a gap of 35 years. I had a few lessons last year, then rode out regularly on hired horses locally before deciding to take the plunge and get my own again.

I wanted a safe, quiet hack for myself and my daughter (a beginner) to ride. An old friend who lives far away found me what she believed to be a suitable mare, Mollie, and delivered her back in June. She is 17, 14.2hh, beautiful and gentle.

When Mollie arrived after her long journey, she was very nervous and jumpy which I assumed was the effects of travelling. She’d lived somewhere remote and rural (she was trekking pony) and where I live is busy by comparison and the farm is next to a motorway. Previous to her move she’d been out at grass 24/7 and unridden for 8 months.

However, 2 months on, she’s really no better. She spooks at everything. She’s very hard to get in from the field. When I ride her, she spooks and shies and when I take her out onto the road I’m scared she’ll shy into traffic. She’s not scared by traffic, it’s just every bit of litter, road sign etc! She's nervous in her field and nervous in the stable.

I took her out the other day with two other calm horses (who she knows) and riders and while they plodded along she jumped about, spooked, trotted on the spot, and sweated copiously. I was actually very scared as I felt I had little control. I don’t know which of us was more relieved when we got back to the farm!

Returning to riding at my age is a bit like being a beginner again. I’m not confident, strong or very fit. However, I wasn’t overly nervous riding other horses, but Mollie’s behaviour frightens me. I realise my anxiety will pass onto Mollie and make things worse, but don’t know how to overcome it.

Returning her to her previous owner is NOT an option. I don’t want to sell her either. But, do you think she should have settled by now? People who knew her previously say she wasn’t nervous in the past.

Yesterday, on the way in from the field, she shied at something the wind had caught. She ran back so unexpectly and violently she heaved me off my feet. I didn’t let go and managed to calm her and carry on past the object, but I have nasty rope burns on my hands, and my arms and shoulders hurt today.

She’s out at grass most of the time, with other horses. She comes in for a few hours most days and I groom her, fuss her, walk her about the farm in hand and I ride every few days. She eats only grass, hay and a few carrots.
Any advice would be appreciated! Thank you.

 

[swalk]

Some horses who have been in riding schools/trekking centres just don't do well out of that environment, maybe she is one of them.
Why is her previous owner unable to take her back? Would she consider exchanging her from something else?
If I was you and I wanted one horse who I could enjoy hacking out on then I'm afraid Mollie would be out the door....being terrified is not an enjoyable and relaxing way to spend your spare time! Does your daughter ride her at all? Only you said she was for both of you.

 

[splashgirl45]

hi and welcome. i am in my 60s and bought my current horse when i was 56 after losing my previous one at age 24. i had always been a confident rider and would ride anything but lost my confidence on my mare and would be nervous even riding her in the fields where i kept her. i seriously considered selling but had become very fond of her as was worried that she might not get a kind home as she was VERY spooky and not a novice ride. anyway i decided that i would not be beaten and eventually we formed a partnership and although she is still a bit spooky, she calms quicker because i do not tense up. i found that talking to her heped me to relax as i realised that iwas holding my breath when she spooked, so talking made me breathe. (one of my friends sings to her horse when she gets worried!!!) have you tried lunging her for 20 mins before riding, it may just take the edge off and get her to relax before you get on. good luck with her and dont give up...

 

[FionaM12]

I can't send her back because (long story) she came from several hundred miles away. A nine hour journey, in fact. A friend got her for me in good faith, believing her to be just right for me.

I don't want to give up on her yet. The time may come when I have to, but I'll perservere for a while first. No, my daughter hasn't ridden her. I'd wanted a horse she can learn on and as yet Mollie's not safe for that.

 

[kirstyl]

Poor you, this sounds awful. Can you find yourself a sympathetic instructor who can assess whether this pony is ever going to be suitable for you (and if so, support you) and if not, help you sell the pony on. I think you need to get in touch with the previous owner and say exactly what the pony is doing. You say she is 17, and I have to say, unlikely to change dramatically in behaviour. Just remember that life is short, and horses are expensive. Make the decision sooner rather than later, and if she proves not to be suitable, try not to feel guilty. It's not your fault! And there are lots of very nice horses who will be suitable for you and your daughter. Wishing you the very best of luck

 

[be positive]

She has come from a very different life where she probably spent most of her time following the tail of the horse in front of her.
Most treking horses are worked fairly hard during the busy times ,several hours a day,with little stimulation just routine.
She has come out of this "safe " environment to a totally new world,in her eyes.
She was probably totally unsuited to you and your much less rural area and may not find it easy to relax.
I think you have several options a]send her back. b]sell c]persevere with some help d]send her away for some professional retraining
She will be lacking self confidence which is not going to help your own confidence and the situation can unfortunately get worse as time goes on.
It sounds as if you have tried really hard with her, but you should be able to enjoy your riding.
Just to add if you decide to sell and buy another one please go and try it yourself so you can hack out and test how they will be with all the "horrors" out there.

 

[D66]

I agree with the advice to get some help. Mollie might be unsettled with the move, need a bit of schooling, and you might need some help in handling her.
it's possible that she may be unsuitable but you want to give your friend the benefit of the doubt.
An experienced instructor who can work with you and the horse will be much better placed to judge than us on here! But come back here to tell us what happens - and for support.
Good Luck.

 

[FionaM12]

I know it sounds foolish that I bought her unseen, but because I'd been so long away from horses I had no confidence in finding the right one myself. Then an old friend who's a life-long professional horse woman (dressage rider, BHSI qualified instructor & breeder) offered to help. She lives very far away, so I had to trust her judgement. She found Mollie and arranged transport to me.

I haven't the heart to contact her and tell her all the above.

 

[D66]

You should tell her. If she knows horse she shouldn't be too surprised and she can help you find someone local to fix the problem.

 

[KrujaaLass]

Try giving her some rescue remedy. It may just take the edge off her

 

[kirstyl]

I think you need to get in touch with your friend - she is the experienced one! Be honest, no matter how difficult. You and your daughter need to have a safe horse that you can both enjoy

 

[be positive]

Your friend is an experienced person she will have sympathy and have experienced this type of situation before,she will also feel responsible. Although she obviously had thought the pony was ideal she did not know how much it would change in a new home.
I would contact her ,she has no reason to feel she has done anything wrong,we can all make errors of judgement ,I would if I were her,wish to know that things are not working out .
She may be able to offer advice as she knows the pony and you.
Good luck.

 

[FionaM12]

Thankyou everyone for your feedback. It's given me some things to think about.

I don't give up on animals easily. All my life I've adopted dogs with problems and rescued creatures of all types. And generally, they're with me till they die. However this time I wanted a steady, safe hack as I feel too old and rusty to tackle a problem horse. That hasn't really worked out so far!

I want to work with Mollie and help her settle, but I don't want to put myself or my daughter at risk. I think you're right, it's time to seek professional help.

 

[Mike007]

Please dont vanish from the forum ,I see you are new here. We all have problems with horses (if we are honest).There is a lot of good advice (ok and a bit of rubbish advice)on here. I admire your enthusiasm and desire to return to horses. Some horses will always be sharp. My beloved "Bob the not a cob" is as sharp as a razor. He sees everything and if anything startles him he slams on the anchors and looks. Not particularly nice but a great deal better than what he used to do. We have worked past the " its every horse for himself" stage and now he is more like a gundog who is pointing out a hazard . An intelegent horse will always react to a sudden input, they cant help it. You need to give the horse the confidence that despite the surprise it will all be OK because "mum" will deal with it.Incidentaly I am also in my 50,s and I still get slammed about when my horse shies at a bit of paper.Find yourself some good local help. A good instructor . Maybe a goodsharer to help you. I am sure there is a lot that can be done . Feel free to pm me. regards Mike.

 

[SpruceRI]

Hi there

Having had several horses in my lifetime, I think it takes a good 6 months for me to gel with them and vice versa.

But, seeing as your pony has come from a specific environment, I would try to replicate that for her for a while, and try moving her to a riding school where you can join in group lessons, group hacks, and she can perhaps be kept as a 'working livery'.... because, as someone else mentioned, horses that in the past have been used as a 'trekker' will be used to working for several hours a day, and be a 'follower'.

She's probably totally unsettled by her new 'do it on your own' environment.

Good luck

 

[Boulty]

Hey, I totally agree that you need to find yourself some professional help but I'd advise you to find someone willing to help not just with the riding side but someone who will help you to teach her ground manners and remind you how to school her and desensitize her to scary objects. If you don't feel safe hacking her out at the moment, even in the company of others then don't. You are right in thinking that she will pick up on your nerves and this will make her more tense. Go back a few steps and think about what you ARE happy doing and how far outside this "comfort zone" you can push yourself without feeling nervous. Is there a school of some kind or at least a field that you can ride in at your yard that is a safe enclosed space? If you are worried about her spooking one thing that you could do is gather up a load of scary objects and slowly introduce her to them on the ground until she isn't bothered by them any more (Probably best to seek some help with this if you are unsure so as not to create any dangerous situations). This will give both of you a bit more confidence as you will be able to reassure yourself next time you encounter similar hazards that nothing is going to happen because you have worked on this at home and if you feel more confident then so will she. Some of this probably is due to being unsettled, a 9hr journey to a totally new environment is a big upheaval (also all your hacking routes are totally new to her, trecking ponies will be used to going the same routes over and over again) , her being out of work for several months probably hasn't helped either (my boy is always more spooky initially after periods of time off), your nervousness and being unsure will also unsettle her as she may not 100% trust your judgement (well if you're not sure of yourself why on earth should she be?) so likely a combination of things that could have created this.

 

[Chavhorse]

Hi and firstly welcome to the forum.

I know exactly where you are coming from)

I am now 47 and following a bad accident on a loan horse 3 years ago am certainly not the "gung Ho" fearless rider I used to be, add to that a young horse who desperately needed a 100% confident rider to give him confidence we were not the best match!

Eventually after yet another lesson where we managed to do nothing more than scare each other to death, I put him on an exercise livery with a very down to earth friend who owns a riding school. Six weeks on he is now hacking out, schooling and has been entered for his first dressage competition and jumping nicely, the only thing that has changed is that he has had 6 weeks of only being ridden by confident riders who's whole attitude is "come on you may just enjoy this". For me seeing him just out doing things with no drama has given me so much more confidence in him that I am ready to start riding him again.

So could you maybe find someone who does not have the wibbles that you not surprisingly do to excercise Molly for you for a while? someone who can just do stuff with her in a very down to earth matter of fact way to give her some confidence. At the same time a good instructor or Recommended Associate who can give you some ground work lessons so you can get your confidence with handling her on the ground and then once you are both feeling more confident some riding lessons together.

Best of luck with what ever you decide to do.

 

[Booboos]

Sorry to hear you're having problems, It can't be easy to get back into riding after having such a tough time and end up with an unsuitable horse.

A couple of things you should consider:
- was the horse vetted? Has it been seen by a vet since? Bad behaviour can often be the result of pain, e.g. teeth and back are the usual suspects, but also eyes, ulcers and lameness should be checked out by an experienced equine vet.

- why had she spent 8 months in a field? This is usually a very alarming sign. In general horses spend time in a field doing nothing if they have had an injury or if they are in some way difficult to ride. It is rare for a gem of a bombproof, beginner's hack to be left unridden for so long as there are so many people who could ride it.

- have you had any professional help with her? No disrespect to your friend but someone who procures a horse that's been doing nothing for 8 months, unseen (unvetted?) for a novice does not come across as very reliable/experienced. Has any other instructor given you lessons or ridden the mare? If there is no physical problem causing her behaviour and you want to percevere with her get a really good instructor to give you frequent lessons (once a week) and also ride her out to get her into better habits. Trekking ponies are used to a lot of low grade work in a group - change that and you may have problems.

Best of luck and keep in mind that riding is supposed to be pleasurable!

 

[FionaM12]

There was a reason why she'd been off work for 8 months.

Her previous owner used her for trekking in the summer season only. All the horses went out to grass from October. This spring she decided for personal reasons not to re-open the trekking business so all the horses were put up for sale.

Thanks again everyone. I'm off to work now for 24 hours. Will check the thread on my return tomorrow.

 

[MrsMozart]

Hopping in to say Hello

A few things sprang to mind:

It can take a horse up to six months to settle

It's a whole new life for the lass, so might take longer

Try a magnesium supplement. I've used Nupafeed to good effect;

Ditch the carrots. A number of horses are highly sensitive to the sugars in them;

Keep her on a no/low molasses/sugar diet (things suitable for laminitics)

Get some professional help to desensitise her, and to give you some confidence. You don't say where you are in the country - if you give us a rough idea, someone will know someone who can help

Wear gloves when handling her. Rope burns are not a good look no matter what one's age

Do you have an instructor? If not, get one. Word of mouth is usually a good guide, just remember that you might not click, so be prepared to try a few

And hang on in there m'duck. It sounds like you love this lass, and there is still much to try

 

[AmyMay]

It's such a shame that you did not get better support and advice when returning to horse ownership - as clearly this is not the horse you were looking for.

I would not ride her yourself - but get someone who is a confident jockey to ride her for you, and in return you ride something that is a real confidence giver to get your confidence back.

Once your little horse is more settled, then start riding her again.

What part of the country are you based in?

 

[CHH]

Remvoe the 'emotive' and financial issues from this scenario - and what do we have?

A horse it seems you didn't (correct me if I am wrong) go and visit prior to purchase and was living in a trekking centre.

Trekking centre horses live and move generally in a group, the only horses required to think remotely are the lead and the rear horse. If she has been one safely in the middle, simply following the tail infront and secure with a nose up her own tail, then that has been her security.
This doesn't mean for one minute these horses are broken correctly or schooled, and in our previous experience take some experience in handling and retraining to deal with.

You are not going to do either of you any good, we have an old saying,:

green+green = black & blue

You are green, you have a massive gap from being involved in horses, and this horse has NOT had an independent life.

I think you could have far better fun and enjoyment to sell this horse, go and have lessons for a period of time and then have a patient and well thought out search for the RIGHT animal for you, your livery circumstances and to make sure this is an enjoyable hobby - afterall isn't this why we keep horses if we don't do it for a living.

I hope this isn't harsh sounding, but if you are nervous and 'a little mature' then a horse who is feeling lost and insecure needs someone confident and experienced.
Yes, you could throw loads of money at an instructor who could come out and make a living out of you, but realistically - are you having fun?

I really feel for you, after such a long break finally getting into a position to own and now dealing with your own nerves and a horses.

 

[northernnewfiediva]

Sorry to hear of your problems, I am also a very mature horse owner with an incredibly sharp ex s/j TB who spooks,leaps, plunges into traffic, bounces at every little thing ( except big lorries - explain that!). My biggest success in solving the ' I don't even want to get on' feeling was to change her feed to Mollichaff calmer it has magnesium and another herbal additive and it has made a world of difference to her approach. It didn't take long and her whole approach too everything became more considered which helped me breathe and sing when hacking!. She is still sharp but much less scary and I don't feel that she is trying to kill herself or me when hacking. She now looks at strange bits of grass/stones/road signs rather than going into full on panic.
It also worked wonders for my 'bad tempered with other horses pony'.
Old age doesn't bring courage but it does bring cunning!!!!
Very best of luck

 

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

Firstly hello and welcome to the forum.
I'm sorry your return to riding hasn't been quite what you hoped for yet.
If I were in your shoes i would probably do the following:

Talk to the friend who found the horse for you - if she is a friend then she'll understand and if she is as experienced as you say might be able to offer help.

Find a local instructor to come and look at you and the horse and offer an honest opinion on whether you can over come the mare sissues or if this is a match that is not meant to be. A good instructor can look at all options an dmore importantly can SEE whats happening -something which we on this forum cannot. Ask about for reccomendations though (tack shops / other liveries etc) as you do not want someone who is merely going to take your money and fill you with false hope. If you are prepared to say whereabouts you live then perhaps people on here could also recommend someone?

Also talk to the instructor about calmers etc but to be honest this sounds (see my point about the fact we can't SEE this mare) more like the mare is institutionalised to the riding school mentality rather than needing lots of things shoved down her neck.

How much work is she getting? Bare in mind when they are in work riding school horses may well be used every day sometimes more than once in a day. Is she in a steady routine? Again its surprising how many horses need that security of a routine to feel settled.

Is there anyone on the yard who could help handle her with you? If not again it might be worth getting some assistance for some gorund work and desensitising.

With regard to your daughter can you get her lessons at a local RS to help build her confidence and ability?

Lastly good luck with whatever you decide to do. Please come back and ask any daft question you feel the need to or indeed just to have a moan/ vent. No matter who we are or how good a rider we think we are, we've all had days when its a nightmare: I remember vividly sobbing my heart out on a boxing day 4 years ago that i'd made the biggest mistake of my life because my big 4 year old horse wouldn't pick his feet up for his nervous novice mum - 4 years on i love that horse more than life itself and we're a team.

I hope to see you on here again soon with tales of your plan - whatever you decide you want to do xx

 

[sue12345]

It's possible that i know this horse and have ridden her. I'll pm you.

 

[Fellewell]

If I were you I would concentrate on the positives. You haven't parted company out on your hacks and yesterday when she tried to get away on the ground you won What breed is she? (send her back if she's welsh).

The other thing I would say is get the tack checked. What is the saddle like? If it's from a trekking centre it won't be good. Also I doubt she needs supplementary feeding. Grazing should be enough, maybe half an apple when she comes in for a fuss.

There isn't an equestrian on the planet who hasn't, at some point in their life, been ready to make a Faustian pact with the devil for a result from a wayward equine Join the club!

 

[BonneMaman]

I really would tell your friend - it seems rather a strange decision to make to get this mare for you on the back of her being off work for 8 months. How on earth did she know how she went?

I really would consider selling her and getting something both you and your daughter can enjoy. I persevered for 18 months with my mare but once I had taken the plunge to sell her the relief was wonderful!

I am in my mid 40s and had given up completely for the 10 years previously for kids and family reasons and yes you are certainly not alone in the "creaky rider" syndrome!! I used to ride anything and everything as a kid and competed at all levels of RC,PC I have gone through the "TB type horses" stage and am now back on hairy ponies and loving it!!

The only other thing you could do would be to try to desensitise her to plastic bags etc - ie get a large tarpaulin, loads of plastic bags, road signs, cones, poles, bunting etc and set it up in a field and work her through, through, through, through and through it all some more!

 

[intouch]

Thankyou everyone for your feedback. It's given me some things to think about.

I don't give up on animals easily. All my life I've adopted dogs with problems and rescued creatures of all types. And generally, they're with me till they die. However this time I wanted a steady, safe hack as I feel too old and rusty to tackle a problem horse. That hasn't really worked out so far!

I want to work with Mollie and help her settle, but I don't want to put myself or my daughter at risk. I think you're right, it's time to seek professional help.

You sound like a really kind and genuine person, so please don't feel offended if I say you are not (yet) an ideal owner! Would I be right if I suggest you need to develop some assertiveness? Horses don't judge people, but they need a leader. If you are not showing her leadership qualities (and I don't mean bossiness or bullying) she will feel she needs to take the lead - that's just what horses do. So if she sees what she perceives as danger, she needs to tell you about it - and if you happen to be on her back at the time, that's scarey.

"The only other thing you could do would be to try to desensitise her to plastic bags etc - ie get a large tarpaulin, loads of plastic bags, road signs, cones, poles, bunting etc and set it up in a field and work her through, through, through, through and through it all some more! "

I'd agree with this, but I think it would be best if you can get help with it. So-called Natural Horsemanship has a lot to recommend it in making safe horses and competent handlers/riders. See if there are any clinics in your area, and toddle along to fence sit. If you like it, take your horse along to the next one, and you will really learn.

Or see if there are any Horse Agility trainers in your area, that's a great fun way of getting to know your horse on the ground.

Your horse is fine, and sounds lovely. Let her teach you what you need to know - with a little experienced help.

THe other thing you might look at is Emotional Freedom Technique (google it) I find it very effective for nervous riders, as well as a lot of other things! Sounds flakey, but works.

 

[Penny Less]

I feel for you, being in the same boat. From my own past experience, if you are basically not that confident it is very difficult to change your own character. Having with a previous problem horse sought the help of a good instructor, said horse gave instructor very little trouble, but when returned to me because of my "shortcomings" horse reverted to being a spooky so and so . Unfortunately you can never guarantee that a "bomb proof" type is not going to be different with a new owner and home. I hope you manage to sort out this horse if you are really attached, but if you can bear to part with it I would.

 

[lynseylou1]

lots of good advice on here I thios could have been written about my mare! I employed the help of a pro/ v exp rider to help me and made massive leaps on, I also found a fab supplement that really helped just take edge off. I have pm you the name and will for anybody else wanting it xx