Help please, am at end of my tether.

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Cedars

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Tether? Teather? Anyway!

My boyfriend has a horse. He's 16.2, irish cob, built like a brick sh*t house. We also have another mare, who belongs to his mum (but she never sees her so shes basically ours).

Before last June, I'd never looked after a horse in my life before. Then I moved with my boyfriend, and now I turn them out, bring them in, muck out, pick out feet, look after wounds, tack up, lunge, etc etc etc etc. Basically, one massive learning curve later and I can do everything that basic horse care requires. Still very nervous when things go wrong, mostly because I worry that I don't have the experience (but that is a whole other post!).

The problem I'm having at the moment is with my boyfriend's gelding. He just takes the piss! He uses his strength against me, walks off dragging me with him, jumps the electric fence when I try and put him in one section rather than the other, barges past me, etc etc etc. Basically, really badly behaved. I should say now he never bites, kicks, rears, and he's not dangerous with me - he just has the upper hand and uses it against me!

Just now, I took our mare up to the school for a lunge, came back, he's snapped the electric tape, trashed the yard, had a right hooley generally. So I tie the tapes up, catch him, go to put him back in his section of the field, and as I'm doing the tape up, he jumps it. Almost from a standstill. The tape is up to my shoulders (and I'm 5ft2!). So I catch him again, give him a few sharp smacks on the shoulder with the leadrope (he has a rug on), do it again, and he jumps it, again, this time getting tangled in the tape and snapping it again. Then he won't let me come near him at all, so I've had to leave him where he was.

How do I get him to respect me? He's too strong, when he decides to bugger off I can't hold him, and obviously I can't stop him jumping the tape, it can't get any higher! He is NEVER like this with my boyfriend, and he doesn't mess me around when my boyfriend is there and watching me lead him in or whatever I'm doing. At the end of my tether and I don't know what to do.

Ideas? Sorry this is so long.

Hannah x
 
I had the same with my 15h cob - she was just bolshy and pushy when it suited her and would drag me all over the place if she felt like it.

I invested in a Dually and got my local Intelligent Horsmanship RA out and he saw her at her worst (wasn't on her best behaviour for a change!:rolleyes:) and then we went through some excercises in the school and also what to do if she started charging around when being lead etc. Was worth every penny as she has never done it since. I periodically run through the excercises to remind her (this time of year is the worst as she is desperate to get to any new grass she can find) of her manners.

I always lead her in gloves, her dually and a longe lead rope and proper boots - that way I know I have control if I need it.:)
 
Oh dear.

First off well done you for learning a completely new skill from scratch and being so involved with the horses.

As to why is he doing it? Because he can. He doesn't respect you and you need to turn this around before his lack of respect injures you which means upping the control and discipline, handling for things other than turning out (ie doing some ground work) - your boyfriend needs to help you with this
 
Thanks the watcher. Thats what I'm struggling with I guess - I just don't know how to gain respect from a horse that KNOWS he's stronger and bigger than me. I do stuff with him on the yard, washing feet off, picking feet out, feeding, rug changing etc, but he doesn't listen to me until I poke him or yell at him and clearly then he does it cos he's scared of me, not because he respects me.

Any ideas for exercises, things to practice? Thanks for replying xxx
 
I would start with the general leading and manners bit and then work on the trickier things like the field behaviour after that.

Our 17 hander takes the piss with my OH but much less with me. He used to try but leading him I ended up carrying whip vertically in same hand thats nearest his head, hold it halfway down the whip so the knobbly end sticks up and can be used to block him if he tries to grab you or swing round. I also have my elbow ready to poke him or again block any playing around. If he messes around we stop, walk back down a few steps then turn and carry on our way. If he barges he is made to back up 4 or 5 paces and stand. It is never ignored or allowed to pass. His head is always bent slightly towards me, if they get the head away then the body follows and you have no chance holding the bodyweight if they do that. He soon got bored! If none of that works then would try a controller headcollar, preferably a kindish one like the Monty Roberts Dually. Also recommend Kelly Marks Perfect Manners book highly!

In the field, I would take his rug off and up the electric strength. With the rug on he can probably ignore the zap? Hes unlikely to dissolve in the rain! I would put a second electric line inside the first, he can clearly jump the height so needs width to discourage him!

You really can get this all OK, its a lot about body position and timing and consistency and it will get better promise!!! def read the Kelly Marks book tho, its great
 
Poor you its horrid when they behave like this,he maybe just taking advantage of you..you seem to be doing really well with them for a novice,try a monty roberts controller headcollar they are not cruel and do give you help when leading,it may also make you feel more in control,I used one last year for a massive ardeinnes mare and it worked.The jumping out is a whole other issue,is the electric fence definitly working ?A belt from strong electric fencing keeps most horses in.Is the grass greener nearby,has he got plenty to eat in the paddock?Some horses are just little b...ers.Good luck.
 
How about getting Kelly Mark's books. It is about respect and leadership, which doesn't generally mean having to be rough or hitting a horse, but you do need to get them to respect you and your space, so they don't barge into you, pull away, etc. Think of "the boss horse moves the other horses' feet." So if the horse is pushing into you and making you out of the way, he is being the boss horse. You need to be able to be in control, so maybe use the bridle to turn him out. You always want to use the lightest possible aids first, and give him enough time to understand what you are asking and time to react. When he does the right thing tell him he is good.

As for jumping the tape. Sorry, I have no experience with horses jumping out, so don't know what to suggest, other than making it higher. Or take him show jumping!
 
Haha trust me itsme123, I wish I had a cattle prod to hand sometimes!

Slinky - we do have a dually, I've not tried using it before on him, only on our mare. I'll definitely try that when I bring him in later. How much did the Intelligent Horsemanship cost? xxxx
 
1966barby, the fence is working but he just doesnt care about it - even when he gets shocked, he just doesn't give a damn. He leans on it! Grass is no greener, he just does it to be a little bugger. He does have plenty to eat, and he's not starving!

xxxx
 
It was years ago so I can't remember but he was here for around 2 hours - may have been around £70 - but as i say that was nearly 10 years ago. Even if it was double the price I would pay it again as it has been worth every penny. If you go to Kelly Marks website/Intelligent Horsemanship you will be bale to find the contact details of your local RA - give them a call and talk through the issues so they know what you are dealing with. The RA that i used also does work at the Rescue that my cob came from so was aware that she possibly had more issues than just being rude on the ground. She was beaten at some point prior to her rescue so going near her with a whip etc would be pointless. Cobs are bright so teaching them the right way is the best way as you use their brain - you will never beat them physically but you can outsmart them.:)
 
Haha he does show jump and bloody loves it ;)

I'll definitely buy Kelly Marks book, sounds like something I need to read! Will definitely try using his dually later.

If I try to back him up, or turn him round when he starts to pull, he just gets stressed and runs away from me. =[
 
Your right,he is a little b...er then.I had one on livery that did that a few years ago,he even jumped electric and post and rail fencing,just like yours well fed and everything I just had to give him very short supervised turnout,the lady sold him after a year as she had a baby,dont know what happened at next yard.I know this isnt much help but I dont want you to feel bad its not your fault and your not alone.xx
 
Well, you are right, it is about respect. Any horse can outdo most of us weight wise, the secret is for them not to want to. An awful lot of it is about body language, your boy friend will have a different body language around the horses than you do because he has been around them for longer and has more confidence. If the big lad sees that you are more cautious around them then he will see that he can push you around. I would suggest getting an instructor over who understands that sort of thing, perhaps a kelly marks type person or an NH type, and give you a few lessons on ground work. Maybe your boyfriend or his mum can help you out in the mean time.
Even if you are trying not to show you are nervous, they will still be able to pick up on it. Horses are the world authority on body language.
 
Haha, you're definitely right about the body language. I'm not normally nervous, in fact I'm never nervous because I know he wouldnt hurt me, BUT I do get extremely frustrated and often end up in tears, which I suppose gives out the same signals as nerves, so has the same effect!
 
Thanks guys =] its just so annoying, because I know he would never hurt me, but I dont want him hurting himself either! And jumping what must be over 4 ft tape from a standstill clearly can't be great for him! Particularly not with all the mud.

Slinky, I'll have a look for a RA and see what I can find!

Why on earth do we choose to have horses?

Do you think its because he's so close to my OH? I don't have this problem with the mare at all, but she was new to both of us so she's grown used to us equally.
 
Agree with the advice about reading Kelly Marks! If you want some more info your nearest Intelligent Horsemanship Associates are:
Nicole Golding & Adam Goodfellow, based in Cirencester, Gloucestershire
01285 831736
us@whisperingback.co.uk
http://www.whisperingback.co.uk/

Or you could call Sylvia Arnold on 07901 971 170 who is also an Intelligent Horsemanship Associate. (Its free, just your usual call costs)

All this info came from the IH website:
http://www.intelligenthorsemanship.co.uk/content/view/47/97/#north

Good Luck!
 
as suggested previously, turn up the electric fence and turn him out with his rug off to give the full shock of it. lead him in a bridle rather than a headcollar, anything to give you the upperhand really.
 
I would suggest since he doesn't do it when your OH is around, it is to do with your lack of confidence in yourself. It would be a different matter if he didn't do it with your OH but still did it when he was watching you. So i think it must be that he can pick up on something different about you when you are alone. I think the NH kelly marks advice above is good, as it will teach you about body language etc which is really important in situations like this.

As for the jumping of fences etc... I don't think he doing it to pee you off. Horses don't think like that. And especially when you were not even with him when he first did it. He must feel unsafe where he was, or more safe/happy where he went. Is he out with company? Does he get on with them?

Don't hit him with the lead rope once you have caught him. All this does is punish him for letting you catch him and shows that bad stuff happens when he is back in the place he jumped out of. plus it will only wind him up more and he sounds like he can be highly strung at the best of times. What does your OH say? You say this horse wouldn't hurt you, but this behaviour sounds dangerous and he is a big animal to be dragging you around. He could unintentionally hurt you, so it might help if your OH can watch (maybe not tell you when he's coming to the yard and just sneakily try to see how he is?) and give you some advice.
 
Poor you, but also well done for managing to do everything!

Can't add much more to what's already been said, but just one thing - please don't catch him and smack him after the event. All you are doing is teaching him that being caught = something unpleasant and that's going to bring with it a whole host of additional problems! He certainly won't have associated it with being told off for jumping the fence.

Good luck and well done for coping!
 
Sorry I dont think I explained that well - he snapped/jumped the tape the first time when I'd taken his companion away to lunge her - so he was alone, but only for about 15mins (we couldnt get a school). He does get distressed when they're separated (they both do, and we do have a new companion coming on Sunday incidentally) but I'd left him with a bucket of feed and he didn't even look up when we left so I (stupidly) assumed he'd be fine! Will definitely look at those links and get hold of the Kelly Marks book.

Also, I know I shouldnt smack him once I've caught him, lost my temper! Which clearly is wrong. so Thanks =] xxxx
 
Right, get that Dually out and get it working! Also, borrow, or if necessary, buy, a copy of Kelly Mark's "Perfect Manners". The cost of getting a RA out varies according to who they are and how far away they are from you - but they are well worth it.

Size has nothing to do with it. A tiny woman can easily control a big horse - but the horse has to believe she is number one... and so does the woman! If you go into the Kelly Marks' stuff you'll learn about how horses boss - and submit to - each other, and how you can use your body language to get your horse to respect you. Don't feel you have to buy into the whole Natural Horsemanship thing in just one direction - look into Richard Maxwell and Michael Peace's methords too. Avoid gimmicks and go with common sense.

I would also say, though, that the horse thinks he is hilarious, a right equine comic! The electric tape thing is, he reckons, the biggest laugh ever, and I think it's a sign of a very bright, naughty little mind! I second ideas like taking his rug off so he feels the zap, and also putting another strand in there too.

You're doing amazingly well and TBH any of us on here would struggle with this. I really hope you get it sorted as you'd be a great rider and I think once your OH's horse has learned not to P you off, you will be good friends. Horses can have a wonky sense of humour. Mine thinks it's hilarious to check all the catches on her stable door and escape, then hide in other people's stables! I have learned to count to ten...
 
Lol thank you your post really made me laugh =] You are also very right about him thinking he's the funniest, brightest thing ever - jumping the fence is definitely his way of trying to be funny! Rug will be coming off soon enough but he's clipped out so will have to stay on til its a bit warmer!

Thanks guys I feel better =] He tried to kick out at me when i was picking out his feet yesterday (with my OH stood by his head watching me) so I guess its all just come to a (very nearly hoof-imprinted!) head and i need to get it sorted =] xxx
 
As above start with manners.

I would recommend an ordinary pressure halter.

Do some lungeing with him but only let the pace change when you want it to. He should give in and join up with you eventually. It's amazing feeling when they do.
 
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