HELP scared of my new horse

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ApacheWarrior

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Please can anyone help - I have owned a couple of horses in recent years and then took a few months off due to a fall involving traffic which altho didnt injure me, it shook me badly. I was never the bravest of riders in any event, and am only a happy hacker. I took a great deal of care when looking for my new horse. Despite it only being almost 4 years old, and bigger than I anticipated (16.2 cob and still growing), he was extremely quiet to ride and I went back three times and rode him in the indoor / outdoor / had a lesson / had a hack thru the village on him and he was quiet and steady in all ways. (He had been used in a riding school apparently for the last eight months). Now however, in his new home, he is extremely nervous and edgy and this is scaring me even more. He panics out on a hack and tried to rear with me the other day resulting in me getting off and walking home. He wont stand for the blacksmith. I haven't dared go near him since and can't now even take him out of the field in case the others barge out past me. My fear seems out of control and I don't know what to do next. I am getting all sorts of conflicting advice from people on the yard and am being told to just parelli him for the forseeable future. I've had him for 5 weeks now. Advice urgently required please.....
 
Forgot the Parelli crap.

Get a reputable instructor or rider, go back to basics, start from scratch. If he was good before and going on that he was sold in good faith, then it sounds like it's escalating from your nerves. He's only just rising 4, riding school or not everything will be new to him and he is still a baby.
Get your instructor/rider on him once or twice a week and lessons/eye from the ground instructing in between as otherwise you'll be stuck in a spiral.

Failing that, sell him and get one that's spot-on ideal for you.

Not intended harshly!
 
Calm down and take a deep breath.

You have only had him 5 weeks poor chap is still settling in. Speak to his old owners to establish what his routine was and how they managed him. They know him the best and I am sure will be happy to help for his sake.

Find a recommended instructor whom you trust or a confident calm friend and get them to help you handle him.

Ground work will help build his trust in you and your confidence in him. I am not a parelli fan but each to their own. But basic commands like stand, back up, move over, walk on will help you get to know eachother. He needs to understand what you want and you need to be calm, confident and consistent.

I had to do 8 weeks of ground work and then aclimatising my mare to tack ( she had a severe saddle phobia) before I even contemplated riding her. Those early weeks paid huge dividends and she is now an happy relaxed easy girl who looks to me for reassurance when something scares her.

Kelly Marks does a great series of books as does Michael peace.

Good luck, step back and get to know him .
 
Thanks - I was dubious about the Parelli - as he seems scared of the stick thing when it's behind him and I have spent many hours waving the blooming stick in the air as we march around the arena! Not really what I bought a horse for..... I am fine riding him in the arena - once I manage to get him out the field and tacked up and have been out three times with him - in the company of a couple of thorobreds who I think are just encouraging him to spook. My instructor took me on a walk around a field over the road the other day (she was on foot) and that was when he reared - I think he totally panicked at being the only horse out. He isn't a naughty horse, he is just scared, but I am scared too and we are feeding off each other's fear. I don't know how to break the cycle or whether I should sell him before I ruin him - but how can I sell him when I can't reliably let anyone hack him out or even get a set of new shoes on him in order to try and hack out.
 
Ladybird said:
Did you have him vetted? Might be worth having the bloods checked if there's been a drastic change in behaviour.
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Hmmmm sounds much more like a baby horse with a nervous rider rather than anything physical tbh.

Echo Binky, get yourself an instructor to take you both back to basics and help build your confidence.
 
I think you need something a bit older.

A rising 4 year old that has been used in a school for 8 months, was not strong enough or wise enough to do anything wrong, a lot of youngsters are total sweet hearts when broken and then find thier balance and strength and then start to test people.

From what you have said i think maybe something a little smaller and older, 8 or 9 that has been thier and done it and proven to be quiet, a 4 year old is not proven in anyway.

Better that then scaring yourself and not wanting to ride again.
Not good for a young horse either, if he isn't getting the confidence he needs from his rider.
Sorry to be brash but i think you need to sell him and get a better friend for you.
 
Beatrice5 said:
Calm down and take a deep breath.

You have only had him 5 weeks poor chap is still settling in. Speak to his old owners to establish what his routine was and how they managed him. They know him the best and I am sure will be happy to help for his sake.

Find a recommended instructor whom you trust or a confident calm friend and get them to help you handle him.

Ground work will help build his trust in you and your confidence in him. I am not a parelli fan but each to their own. But basic commands like stand, back up, move over, walk on will help you get to know eachother. He needs to understand what you want and you need to be calm, confident and consistent.

I had to do 8 weeks of ground work and then aclimatising my mare to tack ( she had a severe saddle phobia) before I even contemplated riding her. Those early weeks paid huge dividends and she is now an happy relaxed easy girl who looks to me for reassurance when something scares her.

Kelly Marks does a great series of books as does Michael peace.

Good luck, step back and get to know him .
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This ^^

I would also recommend books by Chris Irwin.
 
He's entering the dreaded 5's. My angel turned 5 and became the devil himself...he's now 10 and while forward going and strong he's essentially perfect (for me anyway!). Definately forget the Parelli bo***** and get a good sensible instructor and a very very big bottle of Rescue Remedy and try to relax.

It will be fine, if he's been a nice quiet chilled out fella once then he will be again. No rush you've got years ahead of you with him and if you take a year off is it really the end of the world? I had a year of walking my lad out in hand and frustrating as it was I wouldn't change that year for anything because it made us rock solid.
 
Some good advice from the others.

I also think you need to take his workload into account, if he was being used in a riding school before he will be used to being worked a lot whereas now his workload will be much less, so giving him lots more energy.
What are you feeding Him? Does he need feeding at all?

Have your nerves affected his?..him being a youngster he's likely to take his confidence from you.

I think it's a little early to give up on him as he seemed so perfect before. I agree that getting an instructor in to help you both would be a good idea.
 
Amaranta said:
Hmmmm sounds much more like a baby horse with a nervous rider rather than anything physical tbh.

Echo Binky, get yourself an instructor to take you both back to basics and help build your confidence.
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Yes he was vetted and even the vet said how steady he was - he took bloods but I don't think for one minute it is that - it is, indeed, just me and my nerves and we are both looking to each other for confidence and neither of us is feeling safe.
 
What a bad situation to be in.

I echo the others, at 5 weeks, he will still be settling in. He has a nervy rider on him and he will pick up on that, so when he looks to you for confidence he isn't getting it. Try inlisting the help of a friend or instructor to give you some groundwork lessons, it will help you bond with your Horse, he can learn to trust you and you can get your confidence back. In the mean time do you have an experienced friend who could ride him for you to help him settle and get used to his new surroundings?

Take a deep breath and relax, his very young so no rush for you, take things slow and enjoy getting a bond with him and being confident on the ground, then start with some schooling lessons, perhaps on the lunge? then when you feel ready introduce short hacks, ask another rider with a calm Horse to ride out with you, to give both you and your Horse confidence.

Good luck x
 
I have two rising 4 years olds if I sold them Im sure they would be nervous and upset, dont forget he is a baby, he may have done 8 months work in a RS but that was probably all in the company of other horses, now he is on his own , in a strange place and you are rather nervous. Take it very slowly and try to build his confidence,spend time grooming, practicing picking up feet, lungeing, long reining, all these things you can do without getting on also help build a relationship, 5 weeks is nothing, and also get a quiet reliable horse to hack out with. Im sure he will come right
 
ApacheWarrior said:
Yes he was vetted and even the vet said how steady he was - he took bloods but I don't think for one minute it is that - it is, indeed, just me and my nerves and we are both looking to each other for confidence and neither of us is feeling safe.
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Youngsters in particular look to us for their confidence, if you are scared then he will be too, perhaps you need to get something older for both your sakes.

In any event, whatever you do, please do not parelli him, unless you are very practised at this all you will end up with is a more confused baby horse.
 
Thanks Gingercat and all others for your sensible and honest replies. He isn't fed anything and is out 24/7 now. It is such a shame as I am sure he is a lovely boy, but I cant help this fear of getting hurt!
 
I really think you need help. The parelli is a load of crap, I can't believe your yard suggested this!

Maybe move yards? It sounds drastic moving him and unsettling him again but I really think you need someone sensible and Knowledgeable to help you and another yard might have a good YO or on site instructor that can be there to give you a hand day to day.

It's very early days but it's a very fragile time for you both. I think you should have a couple lessons a week and have someone to help you leading in and that sort of thing untill you know your horse better and can cope on your own!

I'm worried about you being at a yard with a big young horse and a lot of people who are trying to get you to wave sticks at him and take you hacking with spooky TB's!
 
TBH his age isn't really something I'd be bothered about...I took on a 3 year old as my first horse, it was a learning curve and I was scared ALOT but it wasn't the end of the world and never once did I concider selling (although lots of 'get rid' comments were given:rolleyes:). I think 5 weeks is absolutely nothing, and everyone advising to sell already...really???? Give the horse a chance, and give the OP a chance! If you sell now what's the say the next one won't have a quirk you don't like? Then the next..then the next...

They are horses..not machines and will have moments of madness and they will have natural reactions to situations, but it's just horse ownership...30 year old at my yard can throw a spook like nothing I've ever seen and he's been there and got the t-shirt!!

If you are seriously considering selling him after this very short time without giving him time to settle, then I'd suggest give up on owning a horse and just have lessons and hacks at your local riding school because if you really are that terrified NO horse is going to suit you.
 
Sounds like you will have some kind of fear on anything new to you, hence why i think you need something else that is more confident reguardless of it's rider.

Really wish you the best with whatever you do, but remember you are supposed to enjoy your time with your horse and want to get on and ride, not be terrified.
 
You have my sympathy, I know how horrible it is to be a new livery on a yard with a horse you are scared of.

As the others have said, don't panic. He's a baby, in a strange place, looking to you for leadership and he's not getting it. Stop what you are doing and get help immediately.

I'd try and find a good pro rider to hack and school him for a few weeks, then take it from there.

Good luck!
 
My friend is not nervous of her youngster, but he gets a bit angsty and nappy sometimes through insecurity and so I sometimes walk along with them, with my dog in tow, on little hacks to give him a lead and a little bit of extra confidence if he needs it. Someone calm and confident walking out with you might help?

TBH though he is still very new so I would be inclined to stop riding for the time being and concentrate on getting to know him - bringing him in, giving him a good groom, then chucking him out again, building up to groundwork, then only riding again when you are ready. If there are lots of other horses in the field with him you may well be having trouble, as many of us would, so there is no shame in getting someone to help you with the gate. Again, my firnd is experience but she has a small herd, all youngsters, so it's a lot easier for her to get the horse she wants out with someone to help fiddle with the electric fencing and things.

Also, try something like Kalms or Rescue Remedy to take the edge off your own nerves - you may find something like NLP helpful too:)
 
Hi, where abouts are you as a member on here may be able to help if they live down the road.
I'd go back to the VERY begining. Get someone else on the yard to catch in and turn him out. All you have to do at first is, say groom him. It can't be easy, on both of you, and I assure you, you are not alone.
As for parelli, well, lets not go there eh!?!
 
Beatrice5 said:
Calm down and take a deep breath.

You have only had him 5 weeks poor chap is still settling in. Speak to his old owners to establish what his routine was and how they managed him. They know him the best and I am sure will be happy to help for his sake.

Find a recommended instructor whom you trust or a confident calm friend and get them to help you handle him.

Ground work will help build his trust in you and your confidence in him. I am not a parelli fan but each to their own. But basic commands like stand, back up, move over, walk on will help you get to know eachother. He needs to understand what you want and you need to be calm, confident and consistent.

I had to do 8 weeks of ground work and then aclimatising my mare to tack ( she had a severe saddle phobia) before I even contemplated riding her. Those early weeks paid huge dividends and she is now an happy relaxed easy girl who looks to me for reassurance when something scares her.

Kelly Marks does a great series of books as does Michael peace.

Good luck, step back and get to know him .
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This is excellent advice.
 
I know exactly how you feel. I've had a few horses before and last year completley lost my confidence on my 7 year old quarab, who was a nutcase - I am not a complete novice but not really experienced either. I sadly lost my quarab later in the year. I thought, right, now is my chance to get a horse that has been there done that. I looked at loads of horses, even attempted to buy two of them, but one failed his vetting and the other just didn't work out.

So I ended up going to a dealer (a reputable one). I fell in love with a 5 year old, who was alot younger than I wanted but he was just perfect except for his age. He flew through his vetting, with the vet commented on what a fantastic horse he was.

On the way home (january) he was involved in a horsebox accident and when I finally got him home after being at the vets, he was the grumpiest sod ever (he did have injuries). I was so scared of him as he tried to bite and kick. I was so upset and almost gave him back. The best move I did was to get in contact with a natural horsemanship lady (which is not parelli!) and she came out to me for half a day. She was fantastic and showed me how to handle him - what she showed me was just all common sense no mumbo jumbo - there were no games or anything like in parelli, it was just things that people learn anyway and it helped because she was confident in handling him. She even helped me load him and even came in the horsebox, which was the first time since his accident. I know the horsemanship lady I got out will ride clients horses, take them for hacks etc etc to help with problems.


Although my story differs a bit from yours as to ride he was a star (albeit a baby - spooky etc) and was what was described - it has taken a good three months for me to feel comfortable on him.

From there on in, it all started looking up and things are now going brilliantly. I still get scared sometimes when riding him, as he is a baby but this is getting less and less. I have fantastic horse I take him out with and this has been great for his confidence. I have taken him out a few times by himself and he's been ok (though on his toes).

From what you describe it sounds like your new horse is just feeling unsettled and being the baby that he is. Try and find support - I know that I wouldn't have been able to cope without my mum and other helpful people (including the HHO crowd).

I have written all of it in a blog (bottom of my sig), whilst it was happening, so you can see how close I was to throwing in the towel.

I wish you all the best and hope things work out. x
 
ApacheWarrior said:
I've had him for 5 weeks now. Advice urgently required please.....
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5 weeks is nothing! You have a big, young horse. His life experience is very limited as he is 4 years old. His world has just been turned upside down by moving to a new home with everything in his life changing. And you are nervous. So he will be feeling anxious and if you are too then that won't help him, which in turn doesn't help you.

Get yourself some experienced help and be patient.

Good luck
 
Thanks Spudlet - and all the others who have replied. I feel so much better for knowing Im not alone in this - this was my first post ever on a forum and you have all been terrific. I will take my time with him and try and find some help for bringing him in and helping me on the ground before I contemplate riding him for a while. Fingers crossed we can work it out as this is definitely my last attempt at horse ownership and yes, maybe I should not have ventured down this route, but I have, so I have to deal with it.
 
Miskettie - you are wonderful - feel so much better after reading your post - I will be sure to read your blog too as soon as I can. Thank you x
 
It takes at least 6 months for a sensitive horse to settle into a new home and it is usually closer to a year before you finally get that bond. I am a very experienced horse person and it still takes that long to really get to know each new horse that arrives on my yard. Obviously some are quicker than others, with some settling within days but those are the ones that come with owners, not the ones that arrive on their own. So jut be patient and don't try to do too much to soon. Get him into a routine so that he startsto feel secure. Bring him in, feed him a tiny feed. Give him a groom then put him back. Do this each day and gradually add more things, perhaps just leadhim round the arena, then on the next occasion lunge him for five minutes. Build it up slowly so that he's really secure with each stage before moving on to new things. Parelli has some useful techniques but I don't think it's suitable for nervous horses and there is a danger you can get sucked into spending a fortune and never getting anything useful done wth your horse. I prefer clicker training for nervous or sensitive sorts.
 
Five weeks isn't much for a baby to settle in. And it speaks volumes about the start he has had that he has been in a riding school as a three year old.

I think you need to get him on livery so there is absolutely no pressure on you and all you need to do is build your relationship with him. I would find an instructor who is experienced with youngsters, not all are and it is important, mine has worked breaking horses along with starting several of her own so she's great, but some may never have ridden a four year old themselves so won't know what is normal and what isn't.

Take it very easy. Groom him, scratch him, make friends with him. Don't worry about riding him, a bit of time off won't hurt, you can always get your instructor to ride him for you if you need someone to.

When it comes to riding take it easy. When my four year old first arrived I lead her round in hand in the school before getting on to make sure she wasn't too fresh or spooky. We also built up hacking gradually, going out with a sensible old horse and experienced rider on a safe route with dh on his bike as back up. We then went out with just dh on his bike or just one other horse. This was all walking on quiet lanes just seeing the sights. Then we tried bigger groups, longer routes etc before going alone. Only after three months have we started to canter on hacks, and only in safe places not in huge open fields.

That might sound really overcautious but I want to ensure she doesn't have any bad experiences and that I have no reason to feel nervous about riding her either. She is only young so there is no hurry.

You need to have some help and support from people experienced with babies who know the challenges they present. It is invaluable when you are struggling with something.
 
irishdraft said:
I have two rising 4 years olds if I sold them Im sure they would be nervous and upset, dont forget he is a baby, he may have done 8 months work in a RS but that was probably all in the company of other horses, now he is on his own , in a strange place and you are rather nervous. Take it very slowly and try to build his confidence,spend time grooming, practicing picking up feet, lungeing, long reining, all these things you can do without getting on also help build a relationship, 5 weeks is nothing, and also get a quiet reliable horse to hack out with. Im sure he will come right
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Agreed. Horses are pack animals and pick up what their friends are doing. My 5 year old is quite bold but if out with a spookier horse is much more on edge. Also another one who says forget Parelli. Pick the steadiest horses you can to go out, continue with your lessons and give yourself a little time to get used to him. It might even be a good idea to go and have lessons at a RS on the quietest most laid back horse they have just to give you more confidence. Good luck!
 
Hi appachewarrior
where abouts are you based, there is bound to be someone on here who is nearby or knows someone who is that can help you.
I know its hard, but try taking a deap breathe and calm down, he will be feding iff your nervous and looking for a leader and not finding it in you is getting stressed and worried himself, relax (rescue remedy if need by) catch him, deep breathe, bring in, spend time with him all with your being the leader and showing hi there is noting to be scared of.
I know it all sounds silly but ground work now will pay off loads in the future
 
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