HELP scared of my new horse

The only comment I will add is the time of year! Probably getting plenty of spring grass in his tummy, feeling good about being out in his field with his mates. He will be testing the bounderies of what he can and cannot get away with. Its early days for both of you so as someone else said - stand back, take a deep breath and do lots of groundwork and getting to know you work.
Your instuctor will be the best one to advise you as to whether this horse will be ok for you or whether you should sell him on. If you do sell him on its not the end of the world - i sold on a youngster that was way too much for me - he`s now in the right home doing stuff I never would have but, thanks to a very dear friend I now have a smaller gypsy cob albeit another younster who is much easier to handle and ride and with whom i have done stuff i only ever dreamed about.
Just remember - we keep horses for fun and pleasure - not to be scared witless.
Take care - and good luck.
 
ApacheWarrior said:
Miskettie - you are wonderful - feel so much better after reading your post - I will be sure to read your blog too as soon as I can. Thank you x
Click to expand...

You're welcome - I to wrote a very similar post to yours a few months ago on another forum. Everyone was so nice and helpful and shortly after things really improved. My boy now isn't going anywhere. It's difficult keeping at it but hopefully all works out for the best in the long run. x
 
ApacheWarrior said:
I am getting all sorts of conflicting advice from people on the yard and ameing told to just parelli him for the forseeable future. I've had him for 5 weeks now. Advice urgently required please.....
Click to expand...

Please, please, please don't subject the poor horse to the terrors of Parelli. It is a cruel training system that suppresses horse into "behaviour" via learned helplessness, no horse deserves the Parelli treatment :(
 
Hi there. There has been some great advice, as yes your horse is just a baby, and away from his friends and in an new environment, he's not getting the leadership and reassurance from you that he needs (yet!). I'd highly recommend giving Sarah Dent a call. She covers the Durham area, and is very experienced and talented, and good at helping not just the horse, but also teaching the owner too!

Like Rosie Jones (who helped Miskettie), Sarah Dent is an Intelligent Horsemanship Recommended Associate.

Why not give her a call for a chat, and see where it gets you.
01423 322172 (www.gallabarfarm.co.uk)
 
I really sympathise with you, it's horrible to be scared of your own horse. I agree with everyone else about the instructor and ground work, how about kitting you both out with hi vis, lunge line, gloves and hat and take him out on in hand hacks all over the place, get him used to routes, crossing strange things, walk him round the block and get him used to cars and dogs etc. Sounds like he just needs some confidence, and doing this will build both your confidence up as he see's you're not scared and you see an improvement in his behaviour from the ground.
 
I have hacked him out 3 times in company of others then fourth time was to be with my RI walking alongside - he trembled and shaked and eventually freaked out and I jumped off.
 
I'm in the same situation as yourself. I haven't had time to read all the above comments. He will be testing you and they can feel your tension, which doesn't help. I bought my horse, normally a very laid back warmblood, aged 4, seven months ago. In new situations he becomes scared and so do I, I have had 2 serious falls, because I think i'm over horsed as he is very athletic in his movement and jump. My trainer and I have made the decision that it would be best to sell him. He is going next week, a very hard decision, but safety comes first. All the best
 
Just another thought, would you not consider moving him to a RS on working livery? Then he gets schooled and lots of exercise, you get to ride on a busy yard with plenty of instructors about and they have some safe nanny type horses for you to ride with? i know a RS near me does this and has transformed loads of 'problem' horses and their owners into brilliant pairings.
 
Hi - don't know if I am the only one to hear alarm bells ringing regarding his history.

You've said he is only just four, yet he has supposedly worked in the riding school for eight months prior to his purchase?

Riding school licenses only permit the use of horses over four years of age, so either:

a) He's older than you have been led to believe (but at that age he should be easy to age relatively accurately.)

b) They have been economical with the truth regarding the his experience.

c) They do not have, or are trading not in accordance with, a riding schools license!
 
Oh Dianem - Im sorry to hear your horse is having to go.... It will be for the best though I am sure. I am now in a situation where I would not be able to sell as he can't be tried out other than in the school - not helped by not being able to be shod either. Hes not a naughty horse, just nervous of his new life and me so I am hoping to find a good RI and get a bond going with my horse (although I can't even contemplate taking him out the field in this windy weather).
 
ApacheWarrior said:
Oh Dianem - Im sorry to hear your horse is having to go.... It will be for the best though I am sure. I am now in a situation where I would not be able to sell as he can't be tried out other than in the school - not helped by not being able to be shod either. Hes not a naughty horse, just nervous of his new life and me so I am hoping to find a good RI and get a bond going with my horse (although I can't even contemplate taking him out the field in this windy weather).
Click to expand...

If you did need to sell him, can you not put him to someone else who could sell him for you? I did that with my last horse as she was too sharp for me. She needed a braver rider!
 
ApacheWarrior said:
Please can anyone help - I have owned a couple of horses in recent years and then took a few months off due to a fall involving traffic which altho didnt injure me, it shook me badly. I was never the bravest of riders in any event, and am only a happy hacker. I took a great deal of care when looking for my new horse. Despite it only being almost 4 years old, and bigger than I anticipated (16.2 cob and still growing), he was extremely quiet to ride and I went back three times and rode him in the indoor / outdoor / had a lesson / had a hack thru the village on him and he was quiet and steady in all ways. (He had been used in a riding school apparently for the last eight months). Now however, in his new home, he is extremely nervous and edgy and this is scaring me even more. He panics out on a hack and tried to rear with me the other day resulting in me getting off and walking home. He wont stand for the blacksmith. I haven't dared go near him since and can't now even take him out of the field in case the others barge out past me. My fear seems out of control and I don't know what to do next. I am getting all sorts of conflicting advice from people on the yard and am being told to just parelli him for the forseeable future. I've had him for 5 weeks now. Advice urgently required please.....
Click to expand...

To add to my previous post, I hate to say this - but how reputable were the people selling this horse? I would never, regardless of the horse's temperament, recommend a client of mine to buy such a big, young, horse, if they were as nervous as you say you are. It has nothing to do with your ability, or whether the horse is a saint or not. At that age, by far the majority of youngsters will test the boundaries at some point, and you, by your own admissions, are not confident to cope in these scenarios - which has been proven by your post.

They may have well worked this horse into the ground before you tried him, or used calmers, etc - you have no way of knowing either way.

He's a big boy, and a baby, you are already scared of him. My honest advice to you, from someone who has seen so many friends and colleages purchase horses that were unsuitable for them, and have seen people become miserable, and lose confidence, is to find a competent person to get your young chap going for you and sell him to a home where he will come on and be loved.

Then you can have a look for your perfect companion - and don't overlook the many old timers out there that have been around, got all the T-shirts but are still hale and hearty enough to be your horse of a lifetime.

Please don't take offense from this post, I don't mean to be patronising or condescending. From the info given, I can't see how any amount of expert, or well meaning, help, will make you and your horse into a successful partnership.

Have just read your post re difficulty selling him - a good dealing/sale yard would take him on if you are honest about your problems. Nothing you have said sounds insurmountable, providing you are realistic about price. It's the best time to sell!
 
Last edited:
Can I just say to everyone that I have been absolutely overwhelmed by everyone's kindness and helpful advice. That plus the fact that I have had over 1380 people view this thread strangely gives me some confidence that I am not the worst person in the world nor the only one to feel fearful around horses. I have taken everyones good advice on board and have just ordered a couple of recommended books, made contact with a couple of RIs in my area, and been to hug my boy in his field - and got a nice hug back!. I have a mobile phone full of affirmations to give me confidence and a yoga dvd to calm me down. The Rescue Remedy is by the back door and the carrot stick is firmly locked in the garden shed. (The latter may well upset my YO unfortunately). I am also going to ask a friend if she will help me on the ground just by being there to hold a gate for me or an extra pair of hands to groom him etc. Onwards and upwards!
 
Personally if he is only just nearing 5, has been in a riding school for 8 months, and is still growing I would be tempted to turn him away for a bit.
 
ApacheWarrior said:
Can I just say to everyone that I have been absolutely overwhelmed by everyone's kindness and helpful advice. That plus the fact that I have had over 1380 people view this thread strangely gives me some confidence that I am not the worst person in the world nor the only one to feel fearful around horses. I have taken everyones good advice on board and have just ordered a couple of recommended books, made contact with a couple of RIs in my area, and been to hug my boy in his field - and got a nice hug back!. I have a mobile phone full of affirmations to give me confidence and a yoga dvd to calm me down. The Rescue Remedy is by the back door and the carrot stick is firmly locked in the garden shed. (The latter may well upset my YO unfortunately). I am also going to ask a friend if she will help me on the ground just by being there to hold a gate for me or an extra pair of hands to groom him etc. Onwards and upwards!
Click to expand...

In that case - I genuinely wish you all the best, and look forward to hearing about your successes in the near future, good luck!
 
Hi Bertthefrog - I understand what you are saying - If it was simply a case of returning the horse then I would I think, but the previous owner (breeder of the horse and dealer / riding school) will not take him back although he said I could keep him there for a couple of weeks to "square him up" however I don't think that would solve anything as I would still have to return to my own yard and back to the same situation again. He had been shod twice at previous place, and used in riding school for 8 months and has never bucked or reared under saddle. he was quiet and contented in all ways when I tried him out - hacked in traffic etc etc. I need however to get him back to some sort of sensible and quiet frame of mind and get him shod somehow before I can even think about anyone riding him to sort him out for me - his shoes are paper thin and very slippery.
 
Its actully against the law to use a horse in a riding school under the age of 4 yrs old. I would contact the local council and the BHS (if its BHS approved).
 
jsr said:
He's entering the dreaded 5's. My angel turned 5 and became the devil himself...he's now 10 and while forward going and strong he's essentially perfect (for me anyway!). Definately forget the Parelli bo***** and get a good sensible instructor and a very very big bottle of Rescue Remedy and try to relax.

It will be fine, if he's been a nice quiet chilled out fella once then he will be again. No rush you've got years ahead of you with him and if you take a year off is it really the end of the world? I had a year of walking my lad out in hand and frustrating as it was I wouldn't change that year for anything because it made us rock solid.
Click to expand...

I agree with this totally , go back to basics , only do ground work and just get to know each other , it's not a race , you've got years ahead and your horse is just a baby really so is looking to you for security - you can't give that at the moment , so only do what is positive , oh and get a good instructor to help you.
 
Amaranta said:
Hmmmm sounds much more like a baby horse with a nervous rider rather than anything physical tbh.

Echo Binky, get yourself an instructor to take you both back to basics and help build your confidence.
Click to expand...

Yep - ditto this. He was probably confident in his old home so could cope with a nervouse rider. he has now moved out of his comfort zone and is not getting the reasurance he needs from you.

Work with your instructor, try some ground work too, but not nec parelli, perhaps get someone confident to ride thim from time to time. If all else fails consider selling him and getting something older and wiser. Good luck. Not much fun when it goes pear shaped.
 
Will the riding school send someone to help you out a little, even as a one off to show you how to handle him? I know, from my own experience, that once that fear sets in it is very hard to shift, but you can do it. I was terrified of one of ours (12.2 if that makes you feel better!!)on the ground, Sarah Dent cured his rearing in a matter of minutes initially then took him for 3 weeks to start him but also to deal with his aggressiveness (caused by my lack of confidence and fear of him). She also worked with me a little too, showing me how to handle him, I had to fake confidence for a while but it worked. You need someone who isn't scared of him to support you until you realise he isn't out to hurt you and start to build your confidence with him, so your friend helping will be good. It can also be amazing how some change when they go to a new home but with confident and consistent handling they will settle reasonably quickly (but think months not weeks). I would love to see if in a few months you are posting to say you cannot understand what all the fuss was about and you have the wonderful horse you viewed originally. Good luck!
 
Why not just have his shoes off if he is bad to shoe. He should cope ok with school work and light hacking barefoot, and that will be less stressful for him. It also gives you time to desensitise him a bit before you have shoes on.

That was my plan with my difficult to shoe youngster, told the farrier to see how things went but he was brilliant with her and we got her shod with the aid of some treats and no calmer or sedation needed.

Get a good farrier experienced with youngsters rather than just going with whoever the yard use. Ours does racing yards so was unfazed by our mare jumping about but the yard farrier refused to even touch her without the vet sedating her!

You aren't the only one in this situation, there is lots of support for you here.
 
I have not read all the replies so I am sure there is good advice to be found. My lad was 5 when I got him and very green. He hacked and schooled great in his home and was calm and relaxed. When I bought him home he was like something wild off the hills and I realised fairly soon that he could not cope with change and was frightened deep down of life itself.
I would say it took him a good 8 months to truely settle down to being what he was prior to buying him. Whilst I am not the best rider technically, I do have a fair bit of bottle to sort the tantrums and issues out calmly...but you may want to look to getting a calm, firm but fair instructor to help you along the way.
The key to it all is for you to be leader and be calm around your horse so that he can pick up on good vibes and take a lead from them.
I went right back to basics with my lad, established a rigid routine with him every day and spent a lot of time in his stable with him in the evening getting him used to me, my voice and doing things with him. Just little things like grooming, being touched, handled and getting him used to scary things like bags, material etc being rubbed around his back, neck, legs and head.
Whenever I handled him, I made sure I did not talk un-necessarily, kept things calm and quiet and made sure that he understood insteructions by using the same voice tones and words for halt, back up, stand etc.
I also did a lot of in hand work with him, long reining him and doing little exercises in a safe confined place.
Ultimately, my lad needs a good routine to his life and is so much happier with it, he needs me to stay calm with him as he worries easily and he needs reassurance.
They are all very different but it can take them a long time to settle and I think if you are worried and nervous, the help of an instructor would be best.
 
I'm probably going to get shot here and will seem unkind

However if you "are not the bravest of riders" why on earth did you buy a youngster?

They are going to throw the toys out of the pram and test you to see what happens. If they win ANY fight you will "make" a bad horse, it takes them once to learn a bad habit and around 5 times to correct it.

Also the settling in thing is nonsense, the best way to settle a horse is with a routine and no allowance should be made for bad behaviour

I do get annoyed when people buy such young horses and don't realise they are going to turn into 'orrible teenagers. They are often weirdly quiet when you start until they find their strength.

You must stop your bad habits of freaking out and getting off. You are inadvertently teaching him that when he freaks, his rider gets off and he can stop doing whatever he was trying to avoid. Unfortunately if this continues the behaviour could become permanent

You need to be brave or get someone else to ride him

Saying he will not stand for the farrier - why not? Does he pull back? Panic? Firstly get another horse for him to tie up with and do some training. Again its a young horse and you need to train it rather than your farrier.

I hope you have a support network to help you through this - and I would advise making sure you have a back up rider to work through the kinks.
 
Last edited:
Have just spoken to the riding school I got him from - they are going to send someone up to ride him for me and see what the problems are. They assured me he had been shod before without any problem whatsoever and that he was the quietest horse imaginable. He has also ridden out alone from there without issue. There was apparently a 12 year old girl tried him before I did and they wanted to buy him but couldn't raise the purchase price and were gutted when he was sold. I honestly feel he is a genuiine horse and the problems are all down to me transferring my nerves to him. Maybe a valium before I ride??!!
 
I had been riding my horse for six months before I bought him, did everything with him and he was deemed safe enough to work in a RS. Doesn’t mean we didn’t have a nightmare for the first 9 months.

BUT I consoled myself with the fact that it wasn’t his normal attitude, so I kept at it, changed his feed, put him on a calmer, got someone out to help with groundwork, got a super safe hacking partner and had some hand holding when riding in the school. I also had a super friend who when he got too much would hop on him in the school or take him to the field for me. Oddly enough no one else has hacked him out except me for a long time as I’m adamant that’s ‘my’ job.

I am pleased to report horse has totally gone back to normal now, we’ve both grown together and he’s my (slightly grumpy) best friend :D
 
Hmmm

Trouble is you need to sort out your fear before you get on him. Too big an ask for a baby to look after you I'm afraid, its just not his role. An older horse may (or may not) make allowances. They are flight animals and can sense fear. He doesn't have enough miles on the clock to ignore yours.

Don't get me wrong - I regained my confidence on my 4 year old BUT I had a bucket load of help (instructor rode him 3 times a week for a year with me having a lesson a week). Figured it was cheaper than having him schooled and better for me long term.

I think you should perhaps look at getting another horse
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top