HELP scared of my new horse

I agree with those who are advising you to stay away from Parelli, as from your posts I don't think learning such a different technique, is what you need right now.
Obviously, some good advice has been offered, and hopefully you will be able to find a half decent sympathetic instructor, in your area.
Sounds to me like there is nothing wrong with your horse, but you need to get yourself sorted out, as you are the cause of the horses behaviour.
 
I totally agree with you - the issue has never been with the horses behaviour, just with my fear and lack of confidence transmitting to him. We had a great lesson yesterday with the yard RI and cantered lots - even over poles on the ground and then with the middle one raised a couple of inches!! Jumping!!! and we learnt turn on the forehand which he does brilliantly, and we started to learn half pass - which may take a while for us both to understand!! Turned him out after and rather than heading off to be with the herd he stood with me at the gate for a good five minutes which was lovely. That's why I want to work with him to resolve my issues. Hacking out seems to be the scary thing - quite ironic when all I have ever done is hack out and always thought that was my comfort zone and always been terrified of being in a school! Anyway, lots of positive feelings after yesterday. Just looking forward to the day he will stand still long enough for me to groom / bath him as a coloured horse in a field with a muddy pond is not a good combination!!
 
ApacheWarrior said:
I totally agree with you - the issue has never been with the horses behaviour, just with my fear and lack of confidence transmitting to him. We had a great lesson yesterday with the yard RI and cantered lots - even over poles on the ground and then with the middle one raised a couple of inches!! Jumping!!! and we learnt turn on the forehand which he does brilliantly, and we started to learn half pass - which may take a while for us both to understand!! Turned him out after and rather than heading off to be with the herd he stood with me at the gate for a good five minutes which was lovely. That's why I want to work with him to resolve my issues. Hacking out seems to be the scary thing - quite ironic when all I have ever done is hack out and always thought that was my comfort zone and always been terrified of being in a school! Anyway, lots of positive feelings after yesterday. Just looking forward to the day he will stand still long enough for me to groom / bath him as a coloured horse in a field with a muddy pond is not a good combination!!
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Yey - go you!! Well done - a few more sessions like this and you'll have forgotten all your woes!
 
I have a horse the same age as you ApacheWarrior and i will say now, if im nervous-shes nervous.

your horse is young, alone and probably terrified. He needs you to be confident and firm with him, not to freak out and jump away when times get rough. All thats telling him is that when he is scred you bail out on him, why should he trust you?

I would also agree that turning him away, or at least going back to the basics for a while would be the best bet. If its true that he has been worked the way he has then hes probably got good reason to worry.

Good luck though. find an expert and get help.
 
ok so forget the hacking for now.

I didn't hack my new horse for a while because I was nervous and was recovering from ankle surgery and he was a touch exciteable.

I built up a bond with him riding him in the school,making sure he did exactly as I asked when I asked, grooming and playing with him.


THEN started hacking him

Worked for me! Twice!

may be get him some mag ox too!! it will help settle his nerves
 
Haven't read through every post but just wanted to add my experience!

I've owned my horse for 6 months now and he's 12 yrs old. When I viewed him he was so chilled out and calm. When I got him he seems to have found a new lease of life and acts like a 5 yr old!
The first 4 months I genuinely thought he wasn't going to be the horse for me and he would be 'too much' to handle. He was perfect in his stable but outside he was strong, spooky, sharp and always on his toes... And we haven't even gotten onto the ridden side of things yet. I hacked him out once (found some courage!) and he was so strong, spooky etc... I soon realised that he had gone from a home of 3 years to having his world turned upside down and was now in a new place, people he doesn't know or trust etc...

Lack of turnout was partially to blame and he was moved to a new home. He is finally settled and now that we know each other we don't have any spooky-ness, pulling and I haven't fallen off for a while :p The ridden side of things is finally coming right, but he's put me through every test he could before we got there!

Anyways, I know it's been said already but he's a young chap and it's going to take months not weeks to get him settled. It will come in time, you just need to be confident, fair but firm with him. Plenty of ground work too will help build trust and boundaries. I often lead mine around the outdoor and yard, getting him to stand, back up, move to the side and so on.

Get as much help as you can with people who know what they are doing and you can trust around him.

As for the hacking maybe leave it for a while until you can see he is settling?

It's only been 5 weeks so I'd say give him another 3 months at least before you make any decisions about whether he's for you or not :)

Try not to take to heart other people saying he's too young for you. That's not up to them to decide that, only you can.

Good luck!
 
Thank you for sharing your experience - every day is different for me at the moment in terms of how I am coping but I have to realise the horse is not actually doing much wrong and is probably better behaved than most on the yard! I also have to decide that he is MY horse, and only I can decide what I should and shouldn't do with him, and not try to listen to everyone elses opinion on the yard. There's a fine line between constructive help and opinion!
 
My OH bought me a 3 year old unbroken filly after I`d had a break from riding for a good few years, when she first arrived she was a total doll, then turned into the fiend from hell, she`d rear in hand, spin try and drag me, it got to the point where i wrote out an advert ready to sell her, then a couple of days later when she was having one of her antics I just had enough I wasnt taking anymore of her crap, i didnt stand there holding onto her rope crying like a baby i grew a pair of balls and made her go where I wanted to go..since then we`ve both come on in leaps and bounds, I have still had an eek moment like the first time she reared when I was on her ( evil dogs came at her) but after two years we both know each other and she`s the only horse I trust totally. It takes time to form a bond with a horse and 5 weeks isnt long enough, you need to gain his trust, spend time with him, sit in the stable with him, read a book, sing; sit in the field with him, go for walks.....he`s still a baby he needs reassurance.
As others have said have some lessons, when going hacking go with company. He`ll soon trust you and form a bond..
And for god sake no parelli! x
 
I think you'll both be fine once you get to know each other and settle into a routine :)

Completely agree that you need to be the overall decision maker. It's taken me months to realize my horse is mine and I don't have to follow other peoples advice or thoughts if I don't think it's best for him. You'll find someone trustworthy and genuine :)
 
He's a baby, broken in too soon overworked in riding school and now with owner who is very very nervous and I would say when he's with you feeding off your nervousness. I'd see about getting advice for your problem not his, as you should be his leader the one to trust, but you don't trust him.
 
Well Ive had my boy about 12 weeks now and I feel we have come on really well under the circumstances. I am not often scared of him now even though he has the odd strop on the ground and tends to plant his feet in the field and refuse to come out. But I manage him. He's been shod, and Ive ridden in the school 2/3 times per week. I therefore decided I would take up someones offer of a quiet walk around the fields last Saturday and turned up only to find there were 5 going out - including YO who proceeded to take us along the lanes and then back via the busiest road she could find - one which I never ever intended riding on due to my fear of traffic accidents and which there is no need to ride on. Saturday lunchtime in the summer this road can have teams of motorbikes flying up and down and lots of high sided wagons etc. I was livid that she chose this route to take us on bearing in mind my history... Also I had been told at the vetting not to trot him on the roads for a couple of years until his bones had developed - so what did we do - trot for most of the 1 hr ride. There was also one night when I had someone over to help me with calming him as the blacksmith was due the next day - and suddenly a party was set up outside the barn - squealing and shrieking and a motorbike being revved for the full 90 mins we were in the stable - he was the only horse in and he was terrified poor thing. Am I being victimised or am I being neurotic?
 
I think I would move yards. At the very least your liveries and YO do not have your safety at heart, at worst they are being nasty.

Also I once had to leave a yard shortly after getting a new horse as someone was giving said horse oats, so that I would be scared of him. For other reasons it didn't work out and when I did put him up for sale, guess who bombarded me with phone calls ?
 
I think the YO was trying to help but went round it the wrong way. The YO's methods would work for me though as it would mean I wasn't stressing the whole night before etc and can look back at it being a positive - on the basis that nothing happened.

In regards to the trotting - did you not ask to walk? Perhaps rearrange a hack and advise the other person that you would like it just to be the two of you.
 
Hi AW,

I'm pleased things have been coming on well for you for the last 6 weeks. And well done for persevering with him :)

I must admit, my YO/Instructor, pushes me to do things I wouldn't like/want to do, but in the end, I thank her for it as she actually builds my confidence. Do you think your YO made you go on that main road to prove you would be ok? Maybe she wanted to build your confidence back on the roads (granted this was probably not the best way to do it!!).

I would say, that if you're not happy there and feel at all victimised, then you should look for another yard where there are lots of knowledgeable people around to help you and your boy. On the other hand, what I wouldn't want is for you to end up moving and stressing your boy even more if he has now settled.

It's a tough one, but try to find the reasons for her taking you on that hack. Perhaps sit her down and explain to her how you feel? Maybe she doesn't realise, and if she does and is just being spiteful, then I would move. :)

Good luck, I hope you get it sorted!

BorgRae x
 
I haven't read all the replies so I do apologise but just slow down and take a breath. There is no rush. He's young, take your time. Enjoy him. Look at how far you have come already.
The hacking situation of the other day? You should have said no. There's always another day, you didn't have to go. You must put you and your horse first. I'm not surprised your horse was uptight and anxious in the stable the other day. Swear to yourself about everything going on and stick him back out.
My horse is 16 now and i've had him since he was 6. I can hack him out quite happily but I couldn't hack him in a group of 5. He is also stabled but he would have cried over being on his own with all that going on.
 
Thanks - I can see how she maybe thought it would help me - but she never looked back once to see if I was okay and ignored my requests to walk. and I seriously think for my first hack out in 7 weeks it was the wrong thing to do. I think because she told me not to hack out for the forseeable future, and because I didn't get her "permission" she was trying to prove a point.....
 
I agree with the above, YO trying to help and went round it wrong way and going out with 5 other horses would have given your horse confidence on the road. But I'm afraid you really must get some help to over come your fears of traffic because when or if you do want to sell him, he's not going to traffic proof and that devalues him. If you cann't ride him on the roads could you find someone that will help you out on the one issue.
 
Bertthefrog said:
Hi - don't know if I am the only one to hear alarm bells ringing regarding his history.

You've said he is only just four, yet he has supposedly worked in the riding school for eight months prior to his purchase?

Riding school licenses only permit the use of horses over four years of age, so either:

a) He's older than you have been led to believe (but at that age he should be easy to age relatively accurately.)

b) They have been economical with the truth regarding the his experience.

c) They do not have, or are trading not in accordance with, a riding schools license!
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They dont always play by the rules ;) I used to work at a RS, they had a 3yr in lessons sometimes for 3 hours in a row!! They also had a 2yr broke and sold then bought it back and put in lessons at 3. I dont agree with it but it does happen.

OP glad to hear youve had a break through :) My just turned 4 yr old goes very spooky and flyty if a new rider gets on her. She only started getting used to me after about 2 months, now she rarely spooks and is very settled with me. Good luck :)
 
Yes that was always my plan - to get a more confident rider to do the roadwork with him - but I wanted to make sure he was settled and happy first before confronting him with potentially 20 motorbikes flying past at 100 mph. As it was, we were the last ones to turn into the yard and there was a huge highsided wagon crawling behind me by this point - all the others bar one had turned into the yard and effectively "disappeared" and all the other yard's horses were flying up and down their fields and my poor boy didnt know what to do - in the end we cantered sideways into the yard, almost taking out the YO's two vehicles in the process.
 
I agree I think you need to start looking round for a more sympathetic yard. I moved years ago to my yard when I was having issues and it was the best thing I ever did!!! After years of quiet plods to the beach and back within a few months of moving I was doing dressage, jumping, XC and even drag hunting...all on a horse the other place had told me I'd never do anything on and who would 'kill me' one day!!!:rolleyes:

Sounds like you are definatley making progress but your YO was extreamly selfish to not do as you wished and your yard appears to have alot of people who aren't very understanding of your issues. I know it's not up to everyone else to help you but a little consideration goes along way when we are struggling.
 
Move to a different yard, or alternatively don't hack with them again. It will knock your confidence and you will start to go backwards. I am all for having confidence boosted by trying more challenging things but it would seem your YO was trying to prove a point and went about it in completely the wrong way. Also, I wouldn't be trotting a horse on the roads for an hour non stop regardless of their age.
 
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AW you've come a long way since your first post, well done. Riders who are lucky enough not to have confidence issues can be very inconsiderate. How may of those on that hack would have swapped horses with you? I'd take a wild guess and say none of them.

Search for a nice small private yard, ideally with a YO who competes and instructs and will help you with your big baby, wanting you to succeed.
 
I too would look for another yard. Whether your YO was proving a point, or whether you are over reacting, its not the right place for you. Is there not a yard nearby that is run by an instructor that you trust? That would be the best place for you, where you can have lessons on site. They would also be able to assess whether the horse is the right one for you. To be honest, it doesn't sound a good choice for you. With a lot of work and lessons, you will probably get there, but you'd be there a lot sooner with something older, smaller and more experienced, and a more experienced rider would be able to bring the horse on into a confident ride much sooner. I think that you two together are going to give each other issues - you will not get your confidence for a long time on this horse (your issues and worries don't stem from this horse, they are pre existing), and the horse is going to learn to be spooky in traffic etc as it is getting frightened vibes from you, when at that age it needs a confident rider. It is a real shame to see someone novice buy a youngster that seemed bomb proof because it was still a dopey baby. You're not the first, and you won't be the last, but it is generally not a good scenario. Please don't take that as a personal attack. It isn't. I'm just saying that just because people on here will tell you stories of how they over came problems with their horses eventually, doesn't always mean that its the best thing. My first pony was like this, and yes I over came it, but as an instructor now, I wish we'd sold it and found it a more suitable home and me a pony that would have given me more confidence. I'd much rather see someone learn with an experienced horse. Its your hobby and is meant to be fun, not endurance!
 
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Im sorry to hear youre having problems, but a nervous rider on a young horse isnt a good combination, that said you have him now and well done you for persevering.
Ive only skimmed replies so sorry if im repeating others
Firstly, you turned his world upside down when you moved him, he was obviously settled into his schooling work and hacking area, this move will have escalated his anxiety when being ridden and handled in his new environment.
Unfortunately your anxiety is only heightening his.
Find a really good instructor who isnt averse to jumping on and helping you out with schooling issues, and will help him through his antsy episodes.
If you can find a calm sympathetic rider to help who is ballsy enough to take him out and about without feeling the need to go head to head and prove a point, even if in the first instance its just short hacks around your fields.
I really feel from the info he's needing a calm, encouraging, experienced person who has a background in bringing on youngsters with a good toolbox of interventions with any issues thrown up.
Sincerely good luck, i hope it works out for you and your horse;)
 
Sorry haven't read all this thread but it sounds to me as though you are doing rather well and I thought it very disappointing that this was nearly all undone by an unsympathetic YO. I would be inclined to either look for another yard, and/or a sympathetic instructor and/or riding buddy to hack out with.
 
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