Help! Think I've made a mistake loaning out my horse

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Benefice1

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Sorry if this turns out long, will try and keep it short!

So, I own 2 horses, 1 ridden and a companion pony and also have another ridden horse on loan so have 3 altogether.

I've had the loan horse about a year but fell unexpectedly pregnant not long after he arrived and gave birth in June so they all had time off. He hadn't done much for quite a while when he arrived but we were getting on well and he didn't put a hoof wrong. I have had my other horse coming up 7 years and she is brilliant and I know her inside out.

Since having my baby I realised that it perhaps wasn't fair having 2 ridden horses as felt like neither of them were then getting enough time and work.

I then saw that my friend had recently lost her horse and another she had on loan hadnt worked out so thought perhaps she could try out the horse I own and see how she got on, which would then give me time to concentrate on bringing my loan horse back into work and bring him on.

So she came and saw her and decided to see how it went. It's been about a month now and she is getting on really well and adores her (as everyone does!).

My problem is, I regret letting her go, I miss seeing her every day and I miss having my little horse who I know and trust, I made a quick hasty decision at a time I thought I was doing the right thing. In addition a couple of weeks ago my loan horse literally dumped me and I was lucky not to hurt myself. Now going through all the usual checks to rule out anything physical but in all honesty I'm now too worried to get back on him as i just can't risk hurting myself when I have 3 children, one of which a baby. Have spent the last few weeks doing ground work with him and I'm waiting to hear when my saddle fitter can come out as that's the last thing to check.

All I really want is "my" horse back and I'd then probably send my loan horse back so I would just have the one. Just feel like my loan horse is too green and needs too much work that for 1 I can't necessarily commit too and 2 I'm no longer confident enough to do it.

My problem is I know I wouldn't be popular asking for my horse back, especially after such a short amount of time and how attached she has already become and spent money on her (I'd happily give her the money back).

I was just too hasty and didn't realise how much i would miss her and obviously didn't know things would go wrong with my loan horse.

I just feel so torn as I feel like it's my own fault and I'm just going to have to suck it up and leave things as they are but I'm just so sad about it all. I don't want to upset anyone, I feel like such a horrible person 😔

Don't really know what I expect people to say!
 
At the end of the day, it's your horse. I'd say better to ask for her back now before the loaner gets any more attached.

Would your current loan horse suit your friend? If so, it might be worth suggesting to his owners and your friend.
 
I get where you are coming from and if she is a real friend she will get it too.
Ultimately the horse is yours and this sounds like a situation where you understandably need to be ‘selfish’.

Do it before she gets more attached / spends any more money. Make sure she knows it’s nothing she has done. The offer to refund her expenses is honourable.

Good luck
 
Send the loan back and have your horse back. But - perhaps your friend would be interested in a two day a week share?? That's maybe something that could well for the both of you?
 
just tell your friend that you really miss your horse and would like her back. maybe give her a months notice so she can look for something else but make sure you tell her its nothing to do with the way she is looking after her... not a nice thing to have to do but if you are sure that you want her back its the sensible thing to do. good luck
 
I've been wondering for two years how things turned out after your husband left you when you were pregnant in 2016. The forum gave you terrific support at the time. Is everything OK ? Have you got three kids now?

In answer to the question, take the loan horse back before she gets any more attached.
 
Get your horse back. I had a similar scenario to this and got my boy back from his loan home. It was horrible and they were heartbroken, but he was on loan and he was my horse. I have never regretted it.
 
Thanks everyone, I just need to get my brave pants on and tell her. I know it won't go down well. I'd be more than happy to continue to let her ride her or share but don't think she will want to. I'll offer anyway!
 
Benefice1 said:
Thanks everyone, I just need to get my brave pants on and tell her. I know it won't go down well. I'd be more than happy to coantinue to let her ride her or share but don't think she will want to. I'll offer anyway!
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Good luck , you might just have to take some stuff on the chin But just get it over with .
 
Agree with everyone else. Do it now before your friend becomes really attached to your horse.

Take her out for a coffee and just be completely honest about everything. She'll be sad I'm sure but if she's your friend she'll understand.
 
So I did it! She was understandably upset but she does understand. She is coming home at the weekend because she said the longer she leaves it the harder it will be. I'm so relieved and so happy. Thanks everyone for making me feel better about it.
 
Benefice1 said:
So I did it! She was understandably upset but she does understand. She is coming home at the weekend because she said the longer she leaves it the harder it will be. I'm so relieved and so happy. Thanks everyone for making me feel better about it.
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Oh well done! It's always nice to hear when something turns out well. And that friend must be a good one. Enjoy having your horse back - perhaps a bit of a break was what what you needed to realise how much you value having her.
 
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