Help with a confidence issue, not sure which path to take

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mar2505

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I have issues hacking out alone and now I need to hack alone as my friends horse is not well. I am fine with her but cannot do a simple hack alone. I know I need help as it is my imagination that causes these problems, the horse is 100pc , but not sure whether to try a counseller or would a riding teacher help better.
I have tried NLP before , no good as fine on the couch visualising the best ride of my life but get me onboard and it all goes out of my head, I have tried hypnosis but he said my issues were too deep. I have tried someone walking with me, all good but cannot be left on own.
Does anyonehave any advice as not sure which road to go down now.
 
personally, if you're not confident hacking alone, i don't think you should even try it.
can you do anything else for a while to build your confidence up? schooling? get someone to come out on foot/bike with you? having a companion really helps as talking to them helps you remember to breathe!

i have SERIOUS confidence issues and someone lent me their Kelly Marks confidence book. on one of the first pages, it said the best way to destroy your confidence was to do a number of things... (eg have a break from riding, buy a project horse, etc) and one of the things was to hack alone.

it made me realise that the situation i was in wasn't a good one for rebuilding my confidence (i don't have a school or anyone to hack with at home without hacking to someone's house first). so, i took Raff down to a local livery yard that had a school and people to hack with - as a short term thing - within 2 weeks i was a million times braver. and if raff hadn't broken his leg, i'd probably be hacking alone by now.

could you do something like that? :)
 
Give yourself a break and take it easy. There is no rule saying you HAVE to hack out like a pro and at least you are trying to deal with it, lots of people just give in.

Here are some thoughts ...

1. Identify the 'scary' parts of the hack and work out a plan then practise these in the school before you go out. (ie turning the horses head away from scary object and putting your outside leg on).
2. Take a short hack and chop it mentally into 10 parts. If you get past the first segment great, allow yourself to get off your horse and walk the next 9 parts with him if you want to. See if you can build up segment by segment.
3. Similar to above but just do the first segment go back, then do it again (so you don't teach the horse to nap). Gradually increase the length.
4. Similar to above, but work out what you are going to do in each of the segments (ie make it more like a schooling hack, than a pure hack).

- and if you are feeling guilty about your horse not getting enough 'out' pay someone to hack it out once a week.
 
Hi I too had terrible confidence issues. I bought my horse in March last year and only started taking him out on my own confidently last month. I have been very lucky in that I have had buddies to ride out with. If things had been different I might have taken the plunge sooner. The main thing is do you have cause for concern or is your horse like mine pretty trustworthy. No horse is 100%. The next question is are you competent i.e. are you fine when hacking with a friend, no stopping issues or falling off! The last thing is how much do you want it. I felt so inadequate not going out. It is a real toughie. I had no real reason to be scared, my horse is good and I can ride. One thing I can recommend is to have some flat work lessons. I have a great instructor who tells me I can ride, sometimes we really don't believe in ourselves enough. Ride your horse in the school every day for a few days then try a 20 min hack I am sure you can do it. That is how started and can now canter in the woods on my own. :-].
 
I would try counselling. It's probably linked to other things and a counsellor (if they are good) could help to work through those things.

Good luck with overcoming your hacking issue
 
I agree that i should not hack alone, however I have had someone walk with me for 5 years now (dont laugh) and so the y are running out of patience. Also the horse is hacked alone by others if I let them borrow him as think it is good to get him out and I have now reached a point where the liveries are questioning why I cannot do a 15 min hack alone and as my friend is unable to hack at the moment i feel I have apoint to prove. Also we have no school so no hack, no riding.........help
 
when i got my new horse, this was a major stumbling block for me. my old horse was awfully nappy and years of habit meant i was expecting the same with my new horse. as mentioned above, i started with literally, a 5 min hack round the block (literally, up a track, round a big corner and home) i classed this as my 'safe' 'banker' hack. so whenever i tired something and it went wrong, i went back to my banker hack. eventually i got further and further and now i hack out everywhere for hours on my own. i know it sounds simple, easy, etc but you do need a safe place where you feel okay, mentally. i also did alot of other stuff like lessons and competitions as this built my confidence
 
my banker hack is 15mins round the block howver i got in such a state last time i did it that i now cant get horse down the drive. my imagination goes into overdrive and i cant continue the hack
 
Try talking to your horse while you ride...can be about anything but this will take your mind off the fact your riding and before you know it your half way down the road, but don't expect your horse to answer back!!!
Advertise for a hacking buddy...there might be people at local yards that want someone to hack out with?
Set yourself goals like today I'm going to walk to that oak tree, next day to the house down the road...few days later, to the phone box etc
Tell someone when your going out, where your going and how long you plan to be so that if your late back then someone can come and look for you. It's knowing that someone is there for you if something happens.
Think about what makes you nervous is it that your horse doesn't like motorbikes or drain covers so that makes you nervous abouts passing them. Is it that you had a fall and you can remember how much it hurts...we all know that as you get older you bounce less and it takes longer to get over things.
Everyone gets nervous about things...even the pros get butterflies but sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and think "I'm doing this"
Just think that if someone else posted your message what would you be telling them right now?
Good luck :D
 
Wow mar2505 the remark about the hypnosis and NLP people made me cross because I have come across too many of these people who after a short course start taking people's money - and when it doesn't work blames the person, not their lack of skill!!!

So, ignore them and start seriously believing in yourself, you have shown amazing tenacity by sticking at this for 5 years, for goodness sake give yourself a whole lot of credit for that. Additionally, you are not alone, everyone has confidence issues to a greater or lesser extent.

To be honest, my greatest leap in confidence came from a great teacher, who a) managed to get my seat more secure and b) gave me such exact rules on how to achieve this seat that if ever I feel nervous I just concentrate 100% on the 'rules'!!

I know of a couple of teachers, one in particular runs amazing courses (you go with your horse) who specialise in this sort of thing. If you are interested PM me and I will give you details - if they can't help they might know of someone who can.
 
I have confidence issues hacking alone also. My horse is great and is not scared of anything, or if he is he just stops for a bit then carries on. When I am with other people I don't have a care in the world. However, alone its a different story. We start off ok, but about 30 minutes in we reach a certain point that I can just see this huge distance ahead of me and I panic, then so does he, I tense then so does he. I have done this and then ended up walking for another 30 minutes with him, me on foot, and then mounting again for the last 10 mins. I have decided not to put so much pressure on myself to complete the whole circuit of the hack and I do and maybe find a different path to turn down and then go back on myself in the area I feel ok in. I have also asked a friend to come with me, her on bike me on horse, this works really well also. I think its quite common to have confidence issues hacking alone, you feel more vunerable, I guess thats just normal. Or a least I am telling myself that!!!
 
What about leading your horse out, that way you both get some excercise and you are one step closer. You will get there but you need to try some different things.
 
I had a tb for my last horse he knocked my confidences no end, I too would get others to ride him to get him out. It got to the point where the thought of getting on him made me feel sick. He never really did much he was just a tb on his toes sometimes put the odd buck in when he was excited. I always worried people thought i was a d**k.
I now have a cob who is the new love of my life. The worst he does is tries to eat bushes when walking past them naughty boy. When i first got him i use to stand by the mountain block and freeze my friend would be talking to me as i tried to put my leg over just to sit on him. I know i sound silly and i bet people think why didn't you give up.
I had to sort me head out i hated watching everyone going out and me just stood there. My friend still walks with me if I'm having a bad day don't be ashamed of that. I built up my hacks up really slowly. From tacking up and getting on, too now where i go out on my own and not think anything of it. Never worry what people think i will never go round badminton. set really easy goals so you are ending on a positive. Lessons are great if you find the right teacher. sing to your self or talk. In the beginning i would go down the road saying you are a good boy which for some reason made me feel better lol.
Maybe there is more behind your feelings it might be worth talking to your doctor.
Good luck
 
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2 things to try:
1. For a while walk out in hand on a route that you later hack. Watch his reactions and suss out the tricky spots, modify your route (shorten if needs be) til you can see he is quiet all the way round.
2. Ride that route but don't be afraid to tackle it in stages. Always quit while you are ahead.

Lastly tho if you hate it that much why do it? Do the things you enjoy, if you hate hacking out on your own there is no shame in not doing it. Life is too short for 'character building'
 
Oh and stuff what other people think.. You go riding for you, don't do it for anyone else. Do what you are comfortable with and if others don't like it well..thats their problem; don't let them make it yours x
 
Just a quick suggestion but maybe think about long lining your horse around a short ride a few times and then when you feel confident in each area of it try getting on even if its only for 5 mins and then allow yourself to get off and long line again if you want. I totally agree that the last thing you should do is put extra pressure on yourself and you should definately seek out a good instructor as the right one can really help with building your confidence. Good luck with it xx
 
Bit concerned that the person that you tried hypnosis with you said he couldn't help as your issues ran too deep. Regrettably, you get a lot of people out there that do hypnosis but are not trained counsellors - this is a limitation on the therapist and dosn't mean to say at all that you can't be helped!

Not meaning to plug my OH too much, but that's why he does counselling and hypnotherapy (and actually he specialises in horsey types).

So, just because you've so far not found a therapist that can help you, doesn't mean that there aren't any.

I would, tho, couple this with actually getting some good lessons/ putting yourself in a position where you are around people that can help you in the physical horsey sense as well as doing the counselling work.
 
thanks guys, seems I should go down the instructor route, just need something to stop the butterflies now
 
Some very good advice!
I too completely lost my confidence. At the beginning of last year I was merrily going round a sponsored ride with 50 odd jumps. But due to several falls and total mismatch with new horse, I felt totally useless.
I have had my new horse 6 months now. At first, I used any excuse not to ride him. But as someone above suggested, I would set myself goals. Like today I will go ..... and back. Gradually the 'goal posts' have widened and each time I get home, I breathe a huge sigh of relief. There have been several times when I have had to go back a little (narrowing the goal posts again), but I don't beat myself up about it.
I find this also helps - my daughter rides Harvey whilst I walk beside them. We go on a new route and I watch his reaction to every new thing he sees. Then the next day I will try the same route. If I know he has passed things without issue the day before, then it reassures me that he should also pass today also without issue.
I am also having one lesson a week with a lovely instructor. She boosts both my confidence and my ego! She is taking me out on a 'canter hack' as my lesson next week, as I have only cantered Harvey a very small handful of times and only uphill due to both my last falls happening in canter on the flat.
If I don't feel up to it on the day, I will just have my usual lesson and again, not beat myself up about it.
Yesterday I went on an 8 mile hack - alone and I felt elated when I got home and still do today.
Don't give up! Try a different therapist to see if that helps. Although hypnotherapy doesn't work for everyone. I really feel for you and wish you well. Sorry for the long post!
 
Just a couple of things I just thought. Firstly, you mention that others are asking questions. Don't worry about them, it is you who is going riding, if you feel pressured it probably won't help at all, so don't put pressure on yourself or let anyone else put pressure on you.

Secondly, would it help to know there will be someone half way round the hack to meet you? That way you have a safety net. It may just be a small step you could take.

Make sure whatever you do you are still enjoying your riding. You and the horse, your safety and enjoyment, are the most important things!
 
Thanks all your advice is fab. Only prob about someone to walk is me is that I have no one. friend is bored of doing it,no husband or boyfriend and to be honest because it has gone on for 5 years peole will walk once but then cant understand that I need to repeat it loads till its in my brain. Do you think an instructor wouldwalk with me or help at all.
 
I hit rock bottom with my naughty gelding in autumn when I broke my arm. even leading him in from the field scared me. I thought I would have to sell him. I gave him one last chance - a fresh start, when a friend lost her mare and needed a companion for her gelding so I moved to her yard. With just the 2 of us there is noone to bitch about me being a wimp and my friend is supportive because she prefers to ride in company and enjoys our hacks together. She encouraged me to join the riding club and now I've started jumping and hacking alone. We HAVE to hack as we've no school, and I never thought my spooky boy would go past houses, cars, buses, walkers, flapping washing in gardens but he does now. It's all to do with my confidence.
I also found that Paul McKenna's confidence cd really helped me. I am SUCH a cynic and cannot believe it helped but it did. I was going through a terrible time at work and that affected my confidence with my horse. The cd sort of hypnotised me, and sent me to sleep but I honestly woke up feeling totally different. Worth a try for you?

It sounds to me like you have a big mental block. Maybe a total change of scenery would help? A fresh start at a new yard?

Anyway those are my ideas, dunno if they're any use to u!
 
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