Help with grief

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luna88

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As you all know from previous threads my boy has severe desmitis and after the last few days is declining and is loosing his spark unless he's on very high levels of bute I've decided that in the next few weeks he need to be put to sleep as much as it breaks my heart ( I'm a wreck) I can't function even thinking about it is there anything which makes this more bearable it's got to the point I'm even considering sleeping in his field as I can't bare to be away from him knowing he won't b here soon
 
I'm so sorry, I had to make the same decision with my mare and had a week from booking the euthanasia to when I had it done. It was very hard at the time but I'm glad now I had that week with her as we did some nice things together although limited as she wasn't allowed out in field until day she was PTS (laminitis)

I don't know if you'd want to contact them but The Blue Cross have a very good bereavement helpline. You can either call them or email if you don't want to talk on the phone but I found them helpful.

All my love and just remember that you love him enough to let him go xxxx
 
Sadly, this is the hardest thing about being responsible for and loving an animal. It will be hard for you, but you should comfort yourself with the knowledge that you were able to stop him suffering further, and that you let him go peacefully and with dignity. (I have just been through this myself). Keep a clipping of his mane or tail, and maybe plant a tree in his memory. Also, I would have this done sooner rather than later as there is never the "right time". xxx
 
Thanks I keep having moments were he's ok and beat myself up thinking am I being to hasty he's grazing walkin around and 60% of the time happy but vet warned me that the ligament will snap eventually and sooner rather than later so I think me thinkin like I am is being selfish
 
I'm really sorry to hear how you are feeling. I had to put to sleep my cat last week who I had owned for 15 years. I knew it had to be done in the week before and it was heart breaking. I think the family all expected me to bring him back from the vets dosed up on painkillers but I knew it was time. What I'm trying to say is that it was more upsetting for me thinking that it had to be done than afterwards when I knew that I had done the kindest thing. My best advice would be not to delay if you know that it has to be done - you've done your best for him.
 
I have tried everything spent 100s but as a vet nurse my nature is to fix everything I just need to b strong for him as he has no one else and I will c him again and he will always be around and will always have a very special place in my heart as he's my first horse xx
 
So sorry you have to make this decision, it's always horrible. However, I found it easier to cope by just making the decision and booking the time.

Better a week too soon than a day to late.

Please be kind to yourself; you know you are making the right decision.
 
Please remember nothing dies until the last person to remember them goes. As long as you are alive he will live in your heart forever.
It is a hard but very loving thing to let them go before it becomes a struggle and a pain for them
 
I was in this position just over a year ago, and when I made the decision, I booked the vet for the following friday, so we had nearly 2 weeks together (that was the time that felt right to me), and although that tume was so so hard, I'm very grateful for it, and Misty went after a nice morning in the field.

((HUGS))
 
Make the decision while it's still your choice and you can plan it. I lost my pony earlier this year due to a broken leg, I had 20 mins to say bye. What I would have given for a little more time alone with her. It does get easier honestly. But I took some time off work because to me she was my sister/baby. Try to plan some way of remembering him, I've done this by getting a picture of her tattooed on my leg. Extreme, but she is worth it!
 
I had my mare pts last Thursday, it was sudden, the night before she came out her stable with lami, then colic from the pain. She was comfy over night but I knew that she would not do box rest, she would stress and colic. I made the only choice I could for her and said goodbye the next day.

I am still numb, devastated and miss her more than words but I do not regret ever making that choice for her. I was not going to be selfish and keep her going just because I couldn't say good bye.

You know the time is right, you know what is right for him, it is the only choice you can ever make for them.

Hugs and you can pm me when ever you like.
 
nuttychestnut said:
Make the decision while it's still your choice and you can plan it. I lost my pony earlier this year due to a broken leg, I had 20 mins to say bye. What I would have given for a little more time alone with her. It does get easier honestly. But I took some time off work because to me she was my sister/baby. Try to plan some way of remembering him, I've done this by getting a picture of her tattooed on my leg. Extreme, but she is worth it!
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Can only agree with the fact that having time to plan your last time together is something you really can take advantage of! My boy didn't have a sudden accident, he was lame on and off for about a month (he was always the type to do something daft in the field and be a girl about it so we didnt think much of it) but he suddenly declined quickly and he went for x rays. The x rays came back the same day and he was in the horse hospital having had them, he had fractured his pastern on one foreleg and by over compensating on the other leg the stress had caused his pedal bone to rotate hense the sudden decline. He was 24 and he had been a part of the family for 15 years, so all the box rest and remedial shoeing in the world wouldn't have been worth it to keep him unsound forever, which was the prognosis, so an hour later he was put to sleep after we had time to give cuddles. I had kept on and on thinking we would be taking him home with us and it would happen another day, but obviously the reality was that we couldn't keep him in that pain and so he went that afternoon.

As much as it hurts and as awful a situation as it is to be in, if I were in your shoes I would make sure I just took a few days off work, made some plans to do things we could both enjoy together over those days and then say goodbye once you had had those lovely memories.

I am so sorry for what you are going to have to go through as there are no words to make it better, but just be grateful that you have the time to say everything you want to say and say goodbye properly. xxxxxx
 
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For me, once the knackerman is booked (that's how I prefer to have horses pts) I feel better for having made the decision. The first time losing a horse is the hardest in my opinion as you don't know what to expect. There will be guilt as well as grief - that is absolutely normal.

A good death is the last gift of love to any animal you hold dear. The grief will lessen, I promise.
 
Most of us have been through this - unfortunately there's no easy way and your heart will surely break. I personally think its every bit as bad as losing a close friend or relative. Its better to do it sooner rather than later and please remember that by doing what you're going to do shows that you are a responsible and caring person.

You will feel better in time - honest.

My very best wishes to you.
 
BHS run a scheme called "friends at the end" with local trained volunteers to assist with anything that needs doing - from advice to practicalities to just being there for you.

Better a day to soon than a day too late IMO. My heart goes out to you.
 
Can only echo what others have said.It will break your heart and hurt like hell, but you will have done the right thing.I lost my boys to colic, and one of them was so sudden I barely had time to think.Could only say goodbye in a heartbeat ,he was so bad.From the time the vet arrived to the time he was PTS was barely half an hour.
Have a few days with your boy, enjoy his company, then make your goodbyes.He'll never be gone, he'll always be right there beside you.Feel so much for you.Be strong for him, even though I know you will be breaking up inside. Lots of hugs and thoughts to you xx
 
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