Help with sharer

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littlen

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Hi everyone,

Looking for some advice please, will try and keep it short!

So after starting a new job and having a child I was struggling with my 2 horses and was constantly rushed off my feet with them. I have 2 arab geldings.
A friend on the yard had a friend who had started to ride as an adult and my friend asked if she could borrow my older gelding for the lady to hack when I am at work, under my friends supervision. Meanwhile this lady had lessons once a week at a riding school. This went on for months and I heard nothing but glowing reports from my friend about how the pair were getting on.
A few months later this lady approached me saying she loved my horse and would I concider loaning him to her on a full loan basis. I agreed under the conditions that I would supervise his care and riding and stipulated things like only her could ride him, he wasnt to be overschooled or jumped as he hates it and has arthritis and also under the condition he is unfit and must be brought into work. This went well for a month and I heard nothing but good reports once again, although I mostly communicated via text/email as I work when she rides (she is a stay at home mum) She told me they were doing well together and never once complained. She paid for most of his costs but I still paid for insurance and supplimented his hay and feed and wormers etc. I also bring him in on a night with my other boy as they are turned out together. I also had a basic contract.

Now, last week another lady from my yard stopped me in the tack room and told me that she had witnessed my loaner and 2 friends 'riding' my horse. I say riding but I heard he was booted around the school with one lady running behind him screaming at him to canter, bearing in mind he is not fit at all and is 20 years old. I was not happy about this and confronted my loaner who apologised and said she didnt realise I was unhappy about her bringing friends to the yard. Since then I have heard from 3 different people on my yard that she regulally brings numerous friends up for a ride/play with horse. Now these friends are horsey but she knows from the riding school. I was not happy about this and stated once again nobody else was to ride him.
I then heard yesterday that she was cantering him around the school while he was sweating and my 'friend' was chasing him around with a schooling whip. When I asked my friend she said the horse was a lazy pony and needed a good smack. Fair enough, but my horse has never ever needed a smack when I owned him. Infact he is very responsive and being an arab is super sensitive. Even the YO commented on how unhappy he looked ridden. I told loaner and my friend that he is my horse and I dont want him whipped or schooled in general as I can do that myself, to which I was told by my friend that loaner should be able to do what she wants as she is paying for the horse.

I then told my friend I wished the loan to stop as it is causing me alot of stress and this isnt the first bitchy thing said to me (things like my friend shouting around the yard that I havnt cleaned tack before lady rides and its a disgrace...ITS MY TACK and if its scruffy then its MY problem) and also my friend and loaner have changed bits of his tack, like a flash from a cavesson etc. So anyway I told her, cue lady in tears and friend ringing me saying I am being selfish and stupid as now I will have to pay 2 liveries. Loaner is still ringing me begging for a second chance.

What on earth do I do?
How do I tell her politley to go away without hurting everyones feelings, I hate confrontation!
 
You were right to stop the loan, you cant have someone you dont trust riding your horse. She went agains your clear terms, in a way that was bad for the horse. Keep the horse to yourself or find a new sharer/loan, and keep your eye on them or make sure the people on the yard tell you about things like that straight away!
 
ngrace said:
You were right to stop the loan, you cant have someone you dont trust riding your horse. She went agains your clear terms, in a way that was bad for the horse. Keep the horse to yourself or find a new sharer/loan, and keep your eye on them or make sure the people on the yard tell you about things like that straight away!
Click to expand...


Thanks Ngrace, well technically, the loan isnt stopped as my friend had a huge argument with me over it and loaner is still begging for another chance! I cant get her to accept no as an answer!
 
As someone who shares out her horse herself If they even changed tack without asking me I would have somthing to say, It sounds like your loaner has got a bit forgetfull that he isnt actually her horse...
Block her number if she wont leave you alone !
Shes a fully grown lady who had more than one warning - therefore she should know better ! :O As much as help with a horse is useful, horsey has no voice of his own so he deffinatly deserves to come first.

know it must be disheartening but if you want another loaner there are plenty of better calibre out there who would love to take your horse for quiet hacks and cuddles, not flog it round a school, so dont give up on the idea completly but there is better out there
Seriously dont feel bad for outing her, i would have !

Charlotte xx
 
If it was my horse, I'd stop the loan. It clearly isn't working and the horse's welfare is paramount.

Maybe just use that as your default answer ('I'm sorry, but it wasn't working out') and don't get drawn into the reasons why anymore.
 
What does the contract say - does it include people not riding her, or a notice period, or similar?
If she has broken the terms of the contract you can just take her back. If you are worried about relationships with your friend (I wouldnt call them a friend though to be honest, given that they are making this situation worse for you when they could be helping explain to her friend) then thats a different matter.
 
I echo the others in stopping her from riding your horse, if you hate the thought of any confrountation just think of your horse's sake and be strong about it.
 
That kind of behaviour is out of order (as they both well knew at the time). It might be hard and you will get grief from both of them on stopping the loan but at the end of the day it's a welfare issue. I expect there are plenty of loaners out there who would treat your boy with care and respect. Don't waste your time with this one!
 
I really feel for you, it is a difficult situation. At the end of the day he is your horse and if things are happening that you are not happy with and compromising the mental and physical health of your horse, it really is time to end the agreement as you are trying to do.

As hard as it is, you have already had to warn the sharer and remind her, she has failed to keep to your requests. Although she may well be upset she has no one else to blame but herself. Please do not feel guilty yourself for putting your horse first in all of this.

I would try and discuss with both parties rationally, even using the example that if it was them that owned the horse and you were the sharer and you had been doing things wrong, how would they like it.

I think you have been more than fair given them as many chances as they have had. Please do not be guilt tripped into changing your mind. You are your horse are worth more than that. You will be able to find another sharer who will treat your horse (and you) with the respect you deserve.

Good luck
 
Well you gave loaner a written contract which she's ignored, so no to 2nd chance and as for your friend I wouldn't want a friend like that, ditch them both, your animal should be your main priorty ask YO if she may know someone. Happened to me many years ago when kept my 2 horses at a riding school/livery yard found out by chance they were using my gelding in riding lessons behind my back, several hours a week, wasn't till a young girl remarked that he got a beating for playing up on the lesson. I moved them both a week later after I'd given the managment a mouth full.
 
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