Spudlet
Well-Known Member
Hello there fellow HHO canines - Henry here. That's right, the devilishly attractive one with the curly ears.
I thought I would share my Top Tips for a happy working relationship with your minions I mean humans.
1. Remember that you are there for quality control purposes. Therefore, you must make sure that you are present whenever anything interesting happens. For example, if your humans are filing and making piles of paper on the floor, you must ensure that all bits of paper are going into the correct pile by knocking all the piles over so that the humans have the chance to double check this. They will thank you for it later.
2. As Office Spaniel, your meeting and greeting role is very important. No visitor must be allowed to leave the office without having been thoroughly greeted. This is especially important if they are senior management wearing clean clothes - you must ensure that they have gifts of dog hair and dribble on their trousers before they leave. This will help your human's career prospects by ensuring that the boss remembers them.
3. Often in offices, humans spend a lot of time on the phone. Sometimes they will be talking to Very Important People. You must make your presence as Office Spaniel felt at these times, by choosing this moment to have a good shout about everything going on.
4. Other phone calls represent a golden opportunity to eat your human's lunch / run away with their paperwork / leap all over inocent bystanders. This is a good test of your human's multi-tasking skills, as they try to tell you to stop using semaphore while not losing track of whatever message they were supposed to be taking.
5. It is always a good idea to behave very well in front of the person who decided whether or not you are allowed into the office except when you are wet. At these times you should attempt to plaster this person in pawprints, as a fashionable embellishment to their boring suit trousers.
6. Anyone tendering for any kind of work from your company is fair game. They are not allowed to annoy your humans so it is fine to hit them with a groin level flying leap (for men) or a head-up-the-skirt vanishing act (for women). This will test their sense of humour and ability to remain professional under testing conditions.
7. Your minions I mean colleagues must be able to identify priorities when managing their time. This means that any needs that you have, for water, walks, treats or a game must be dealt with immediately. Accept nothing less!
8. There may be times when your human misguidedly attempts to exert some authority over you. This kind of behaviour must be nipped in the bud immediately, or it may become a habit. Therefore whenever the human says anything which may be aimed at preventing you from doing your job properly, you must immediately collapse to the floor, wagging your tail pathetically and possibly whimpering. You must then go and sit next to one of the other available humans, leaning against their legs to show how mistreated you are. You may wish to hold up a paw pathetically, while giving them pleading looks. Of course, you must alternate these looks with Death Stares aimed at your own human. This will soon stop this unwanted behaviour.
9. If for some reason your human decides to put you on a lead you must scream as though you were being boiled alive every time they move away, even if you are tethered in the exact same spot that you sleep in and you never normally pay attention the whereabouts of your human.
10. Office carpets are often very boring, so liven them up by getting them as mucky as you can. The cleaning humans will appreciate this - they may even leave your human little notes expressing their appreciation.
Follow these ten top tips, and I can guarantee that your working life will run without a hitch.
Yours barkingly
Henry
I thought I would share my Top Tips for a happy working relationship with your minions I mean humans.
1. Remember that you are there for quality control purposes. Therefore, you must make sure that you are present whenever anything interesting happens. For example, if your humans are filing and making piles of paper on the floor, you must ensure that all bits of paper are going into the correct pile by knocking all the piles over so that the humans have the chance to double check this. They will thank you for it later.
2. As Office Spaniel, your meeting and greeting role is very important. No visitor must be allowed to leave the office without having been thoroughly greeted. This is especially important if they are senior management wearing clean clothes - you must ensure that they have gifts of dog hair and dribble on their trousers before they leave. This will help your human's career prospects by ensuring that the boss remembers them.
3. Often in offices, humans spend a lot of time on the phone. Sometimes they will be talking to Very Important People. You must make your presence as Office Spaniel felt at these times, by choosing this moment to have a good shout about everything going on.
4. Other phone calls represent a golden opportunity to eat your human's lunch / run away with their paperwork / leap all over inocent bystanders. This is a good test of your human's multi-tasking skills, as they try to tell you to stop using semaphore while not losing track of whatever message they were supposed to be taking.
5. It is always a good idea to behave very well in front of the person who decided whether or not you are allowed into the office except when you are wet. At these times you should attempt to plaster this person in pawprints, as a fashionable embellishment to their boring suit trousers.
6. Anyone tendering for any kind of work from your company is fair game. They are not allowed to annoy your humans so it is fine to hit them with a groin level flying leap (for men) or a head-up-the-skirt vanishing act (for women). This will test their sense of humour and ability to remain professional under testing conditions.
7. Your minions I mean colleagues must be able to identify priorities when managing their time. This means that any needs that you have, for water, walks, treats or a game must be dealt with immediately. Accept nothing less!
8. There may be times when your human misguidedly attempts to exert some authority over you. This kind of behaviour must be nipped in the bud immediately, or it may become a habit. Therefore whenever the human says anything which may be aimed at preventing you from doing your job properly, you must immediately collapse to the floor, wagging your tail pathetically and possibly whimpering. You must then go and sit next to one of the other available humans, leaning against their legs to show how mistreated you are. You may wish to hold up a paw pathetically, while giving them pleading looks. Of course, you must alternate these looks with Death Stares aimed at your own human. This will soon stop this unwanted behaviour.
9. If for some reason your human decides to put you on a lead you must scream as though you were being boiled alive every time they move away, even if you are tethered in the exact same spot that you sleep in and you never normally pay attention the whereabouts of your human.
10. Office carpets are often very boring, so liven them up by getting them as mucky as you can. The cleaning humans will appreciate this - they may even leave your human little notes expressing their appreciation.
Follow these ten top tips, and I can guarantee that your working life will run without a hitch.
Yours barkingly
Henry
