HHO Confidence Club...

Hahaha, yes, get the valium out - maybe give it to the horses as well ?? Can you imagine - I'd be there in a stupour and Shy would just be swaying like the hippy he is. Maybe a bit of Bob Marley ??
 
shysmum said:
Hahaha, yes, get the valium out - maybe give it to the horses as well ?? Can you imagine - I'd be there in a stupour and Shy would just be swaying like the hippy he is. Maybe a bit of Bob Marley ??
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Oh my lord, I dread to think of the consequences if I gave the Comedy Cob a valium - she's gormless enough as it is! I'll have hers ;)

Shysmum, Shy seems to have a fetching moustache just like the Comedy Cob's. Here's the gormless one. The celestial rays had something to do with the fact she'd just pooed a smurf.

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Sorry, let's get back on topic ;)
 
Maybe it's an age thing, as I would blast around on my pony bareback, jump anything, go anywhere and not realty care if I fell off. Now 35 years on and with a young family I have to consider everything little canter we do - is there hedges for things to fly out of and make my horse spook? Is the grOund uneven and will she trip? I would love to have the guts to jump more and will pop the odd fence now and again but I have to summon up the courage. My mare is more than capable and has never refused with me but I know i would come off if she did, mostly because my jumping seat is so insecure because we don't do it often. She has hit a xc fence hard twice and I have come off and then recently slipped over whilst galloping and threw us both on the ground so all freak accidents but I just hate that feeling of knowing you are about to bite the dust and what injuries you will escape with. Those 3 times I have come off in the last five years were total accidents and the horse wast being naughty and that is what scares me most - the unpredictableness of it. I guess I could have jumping lessons but even that makes me feel slightly sick and I know I never really will enjoy jumping again but think I should do it because that what riders do!
 
Firstly GREAT idea for a thread!!!! Well done OP:)

Also I have been subject so so many judgemental opinions from Riders who have never experienced confidence loss - tbh if you havent experienced it you cannot judge the fear, anxiousness etc ..... Why do we keep trying?? Because we want to & fancy a challenge to go back to what is such a passion

Ok so wont bore you with my long winded story as posted it up couple wks ago but to cut a long story short I used to be an exceptionally confident rider, jumped to a high standard & nothing phased me until one day many moons ago where I agreed to take a horse cross country that I had never ridden before ( yes shame on me ) ended up being dumped into a ditch, landed on my head & fractured my neck. Did not ride for years & years but watching my young daughter start to ride gave me a kick up my backside... wasnt' easy as after my fall I would literally break into a sweat , start shaking etc ( before mounting )... gradually got my confidence up by riding bog standard school horses & then progressing up to one of the more difficult horses which not many could ride as he was a bit of a flyer:) actually thinking of it this is the horse that prob has me where I am now.
Bit the bullet & bought a fab 4YO ISH - yes 4 yr old, not a bomb proof plod along. She has taught me so so much, far from bomb proof as she is so young & have taken couple of tumbles including being slammed into the arena fence @ about 30kms an hour after she cat leaped over a jump which I wasnt expecting & I lost my balance which spooked her - totally my fault.
But I am a million times the rider I was when back in saddle couple of mths ago & love her to bits - she is defo a keeper.
On the back of the thread I posted & have had a number of PM's from people looking for the " secret " to being confident again... tbh there is no secret but couple of tips below.

*Take it slow, even 10to15 mins riding where you keep your nerve is better than an hours riding where you get more nervous & anxious as the minutes go by.
*Set a goal for each riding session, eg : I WILL Canter once on both rein
*Always finish on a good note
*Have someone on the ground in the arena distracting you - when I first started jumping my mare on approach my instructor would start asking random questions about weekend plans, how are the kids etc so it completely distracted my nerves
*Put your I-pod on , even music on a low level can be soothing & distracting
Rescue Remedy also worth a shot

& above all HAVE FUN!
 
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^^this is something extra to hang on to when it all goes t*ts up.

And THIS is what I mean by our failed jumping technique *blush*...but it's not worth pushing things atm, because of my fragile back, and I simply don't have the strength to do it -so happy hacking it is for now.

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like most nervous riders you probably tend to pitch forward when panicing which is what I used to do! Get yourself a saddle with HUGE Knee blocks & ride with a neckstrap so something to grab onto if you go into panic mode. suggest you do lots of work with trotting poles & tiny tiny fences , for 2 wks make yourself jump 3 fences every day without putting height up ... You would be suprised the difference you will find in your confidence:)

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Jericho said:
Maybe it's an age thing, as I would blast around on my pony bareback, jump anything, go anywhere and not realty care if I fell off. Now 35 years on and with a young family I have to consider everything little canter we do - is there hedges for things to fly out of and make my horse spook? Is the grOund uneven and will she trip? I would love to have the guts to jump more and will pop the odd fence now and again but I have to summon up the courage. My mare is more than capable and has never refused with me but I know i would come off if she did, mostly because my jumping seat is so insecure because we don't do it often. She has hit a xc fence hard twice and I have come off and then recently slipped over whilst galloping and threw us both on the ground so all freak accidents but I just hate that feeling of knowing you are about to bite the dust and what injuries you will escape with. Those 3 times I have come off in the last five years were total accidents and the horse wast being naughty and that is what scares me most - the unpredictableness of it. I guess I could have jumping lessons but even that makes me feel slightly sick and I know I never really will enjoy jumping again but think I should do it because that what riders do!
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My loss of confidence was my own fault.

Ridden since a child, always confident no issues at all. stopped for a few years when i fell pregnant. Then got back into it when my daughter wanted a pony.

Hubby bought me a wonderful ID mare, my horse of a lifetime. We've done everything together. She isnt massively scopey, nor does she have extravagant paces. But we had fun.

She went lame, So needed some time off.

Was offered the most beautiful horse, known her for a while, you know the sort, glides around the arena , has the WOW factor. Jumps top of the wings. Was told she has thrown current rider off, occasionally.

Too good an opportunity, i can handle that, no problemo. Im confident brave decent rider etc etc etc etc

The horse didnt just try and throw me off. She would explode at random times. Found myself on the floor with her rearing over the top of me. Thought she was going to come down on me. My life flashed before my eyes!!

Im now back on my mare who is now sound, just starting to get my confidence back.

Have a couple of 3 yeard olds, who will be backed at the end of this year, so need it back for then. They will be professionally started, and if my confidence isnt back enough I will get someone in to ride them, and enjoy being an owner, whilst enjoying my wonderful mare.
 
How weird. I logged on today humming and ahhing whether to post about my confidence issue and I found this thread! Fab! I have a combination of a lot of your issues. I have ridden for about 35 years with 2 short breaks and have never really had a bad fall. I used to show jump and event to a fairly decent level and then bought a 5 year old when I was really confident. Had lots of lessons was doing really well and then fell down some stairs and really hurt my back. Almost a year later my mare slammed on anchors at a jump and my confidence went out the window. Spent another year getting it back but just decided she was too fizzy and back killed. So.... I went the dressage route and many lessons with lots of instructors. Horse does not really have the right temp for dressage and lately we have been playing around at various cross country jumping venues just gaining confidence.

I brought the old boy (ex eventer) out of retirement last year and started regaining my confidence. Unfortunately he was kicked in field earlier this year and its been a long recuperation for him so I have gone back to mare.

My problem is a vicious circle - my mare will jump anything if you ride her in - but my nerves go to pieces so we whizz in - stop look and jump - have finally got the flow over smaller jumps and now my friend who comes with me wants to do a pairs hunter trials next month and I am terrified again. I dont even know what of !! Its so annoying. I give myself a good telling off and then just freeze when we head for any jump over 60cm! I am even too scared to book a xc lesson in case I have to jump higher than that and feel I might be wasting the instructors time jumping lower than that!

Part of my problem is that I am jumping in a dressage saddle - am loving whoever said get a big knee block saddle and neck strap as I have started thinking this is the way to go. I tell myself in my head - sit up - hold contact and KICK and yet the body just doesnt respond! :)

Good luck everyone :)
 
Brilliant idea for a thread!

To all intents and purposes I can ride, I can sit small bucks, spins, spooks etc etc I can ride lateral movements and jump about 2'6 without looking too bad. I've galloped over the moors of exmoor and the fire breaks of Spain. Yet, getting on a horse fills me with nerves, I am a nervous person overall, and horse riding brings out real nerves, all the what ifs etc.

Why do I keep going, because when I'm on and it's going well I love it, that feeling of everything coming together is unbeatable. Nerves make it difficult though as there are horses I know I can never get on because I'll blow there brains with my nerves, it's very frustrating. I am dreading looking for another horse when the time comes as I know my nerve are going to get in the way.
 
showpony said:
Also I have been subject so so many judgemental opinions from Riders who have never experienced confidence loss - tbh if you havent experienced it you cannot judge the fear, anxiousness etc ..... Why do we keep trying?? Because we want to & fancy a challenge to go back to what is such a passion
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My feelings exactly!

showpony said:
*Take it slow, even 10to15 mins riding where you keep your nerve is better than an hours riding where you get more nervous & anxious as the minutes go by.
*Set a goal for each riding session, eg : I WILL Canter once on both rein
*Always finish on a good note
*Have someone on the ground in the arena distracting you - when I first started jumping my mare on approach my instructor would start asking random questions about weekend plans, how are the kids etc so it completely distracted my nerves
*Put your I-pod on , even music on a low level can be soothing & distracting
Rescue Remedy also worth a shot

& above all HAVE FUN!
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Top tips, show pony. Constant chit-chat on a hack is brilliant too. Doesn't give me a chance to whine "I wanna get offf..." ;)
 
A great thread for all us nervous nellies out there!

When I have a lesson, even if it has not gone terribly well, my lovely (and very patient) RI will not let me get off until I can say three positive things about the ride. I now do this myself when I am hacking back to the yard at the end of a ride - it can be just silly, simple things like "we walked past the tractor and he didn't even flinch" or "that trot in the filed was great and he didn't want to tank off with me" or even just "the sun is shining, my horse is lovely and I a did not fall off"!

Try it - it just seems to help put things into perspective and focusing on the good things stops you thinking about anything bad :) xx
 
can relate to so so many of these posts! as a child i would ride anything i could lay my hands on pretty much regardless of what they rode like. Now im a nervous nellie!!

i personally think it was havin a break of about 10 yrs whilst having children that instilled my loss of confidence- no bad experience or nasty fall.

so i now have a fantastic, safe steady 22yr old cob. my biggest fear is being run away with- not sure why i fear this!! so currently i ride in my school, i try three small rides a week 20 mins or so each time. A friend currently hacks him out for me, each time she comes back and reports he was safe, steady and reliable it boosts my confidence,

i long to ride out and have a canter on the rise of the bridleway ( i can see the bridleway from my yard and i watch other riders do just this) each time i ride i know im a step closer to achievig this- im also having some lessons from a great instructor- she understands my fear- but is still firm and wot lt me wuss out!
 
ooohhh, just had a thought for all us nervous nellies ( like that name !!)

Why not all book a weekend at a horsecamp, if we get enough people we could take one over and have it dedicated to getting us to achieve our goals !
 
I need to become a member!
My confidence comes and goes.
I basically lost my confidence when I fell from a pony I was trying for my duaghter and was unable to walk for 3 weeks. To this day I don't know what happened to make me come off. No problems before then would get on and ride anything, stallions, ex event horses, racers etc. etc.
I think its an age thing. Things break now instead of bending.:rolleyes:
Was out hacking my WarmBlood mare a few weeks ago, she rears if she is unsure of if she is asked to do anything she really doesn't want to do. :eek:This doesn't phase me as I can feel when she is going to do this and can usually stop her. Anyway she wanted to follow another horse onto the beach but at a pace dictated by her and as I wouldn't let her we ended up arguing for about 15 minutes. :mad: She reared up numerous times spinning on her hind legs at the same time and a couple of times we ended up in the bushes, in the ditch and soaked in sweat and ..... I was still in the saddle!

Now you may think that this would have shattered my confidence but quite the opposite, my confidence was boosted that I could actually sit this out and at the end was in control, she didn't get her own way. I'm not saying that this is the way forward for everyone but I realised that my seat is better than I thought it was. The more I ride the more confidence I get. I also have the added advantage that if I am suffering from a real confidence crisis, I can use our Fjord who is the steadiest most gentlemanly pony I have known since I was 12. Riding him is like sitting in an armchair.:D
Sometimes I just need someone to tell me that I can ride well.
 
Well im not afraid to admit ive lost my confidence slightly since I had a nasty fall and lost my horse of a lifetime, not really ridden since then til I got Mr T on loan who was a fantastic schoolmaster was a complete angel to hack out I got him 2 years after i lost my lad.

I build up loads of confidence on him he went back to owners in the end I had him 6 mths, then I had a further 8 months off so thought I had all my confidence so searching for a new horse and thats where Finn fell into my hands.

I haven't had the best start with him to date BUT I am NOT going to let a super horse o through my hands so quickly I am going to get more lessons with him hack him out with a quite horse even though he's good on his own anyway, just bit green at times.

I haven't had a younger horse before so this is all new to me, let my nerves get the better of me recently and feel stupid for it, however I have done some thinking about it all and want to get it all back again and Finn really isn't a bad horse at all he's just young I now have to deal with him and myself as a partnership and I do believe we can do it together.
I have huge support from people at the yard and hubby I just need to believe in myself once again.

Anyway...
I rode him this morning in the school at first popped a couple jumps, super fab boy even had a tractor thing come past the school he didn't bat an eyelid and also a huge tractor in fields opposite making a noise churning the fields, so this was impressive, after being in school I went for a bimble down the lane where tractors were on either side of us... didn't put a hoof out of place, he did try and spook at the 'scary' house but I put my leg on talking to him quitely giving him and myself the reassurance needed and yep we got past big pats from me, then on way back he again started looking at the same place as it has dogs barking and that usually come running out to the gate kept him walking on with leg on and again using my voice and thinking about my breathing and yes he side swerved slightly giving it the big looky look but again didn't put a hoof wrong what a good boy I came away from yard feeling on top of the world.
Even had cuddles from him afterwards :D :D :D :D :D :D
 
Well I want to post my positive update. I took nappy mare out on a hack for an hour and half this morning with a friend - we went out at 6.30am to avoid the traffic and did a route where previously I had had to get off and lead her and then a couple of weeks ago we did the same route and she did her spinning and mini rear things about four times as well as bouncing backwards down the road. This morning she only did it once and I managed to catch her straight away, so she didn't even manage to spin all the way round. Managed to use my leg at the same time and get her forwards. Although she was backing off from then on, she didn't actually try another spin......so feeling pretty good today and feeling more like I may be able to deal with this issue... I still only have two routes that I do by myself and I'm not sure I want to do any others by myself at the moment, but at least today was progress.
 
I lost my confidence about 1 yr ago after my horse bronced me off several times. I kept her as a field ornament and we both were happy. I got her a sharer and eventually she took her on full loan and has been amazing with her. She is jumping her and everything, the reason I got a sharer was to give jess more experience to to build my confidence. This has had the completely opposite effect and now I don't want to get on my horse as I'm worried because she is soo much more experienced she will be too much for me. I recently decided to take riding lessons and thought I would be a nervous wreck but I jumped on fine and loved it.
 
Brilliant thread. Some people can be absolutely foul when you lose your confidence in something, so I thought I'd just repost this bit about lizard brain because it bears repeating.

Me and hubby invented the term Lizard Brain after he had a nasty crash in the car and got a couple of panic attacks when driving on motorways. I didn't wan't to call them panic attacks and wanted to explain they would go in time. I explained that it was due to his amygdala (commonly known as the brainstem or lizard brain), which is the most primitive part of the brain (also present in lizards). Basically it responds instinctively when things leading up to a previous dangerous situation happen again - causing a rush of adrenaline. So it's not wussy fear - its instinct from your lizard brain.

When you've got Lizard Brain going on, despite what some people think being brave and facing the fear can actually make it worse. You often need to work back up in incremental steps. Doing something you feel safe with first.

Dunno if I'm going to need to join the club yet after my fall. Problem is I regularly work with people with Traumatic Brain Injury and it's not something I wish to have. Fell off loads in my teens, but never on my head, so it hadn't really occurred to me that this could be a risk even with a well fitting hat.

Paula
 
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