Hm. A dilemma

[MrsMozartletoe]

Daughter's friend loans a pony, which we helped find. So far not necessarily so good as child is not as confident as anticiaped and pone slightly more dominant than first realised.

Child's family not at all horsey. Child looks to me for horsey advice and guidance. I've given her a wee lesson on pone and in half an hour she really came on and I had high hopes things would continue to improve. Nice owner, eager that the partnership to do well: I'm not sure how well child and owner communicate.

Anyhooo, child is now scared of pony. She asked me to explain to her Mum what and why and how, as she found it hard to explain. So I tried, unfortunately by msn (their choice, not mine), only to find out that child has not told her Mum how bad it was

. Mum thinks it's because child cannot go to the shows this season (because child is scared, pone is being an ar$e). Another 'So', her Mum is now mad at me and at child: says if child not ride this pony then child not ride any. She has to stick with this one or give up riding.

I've tried giving a few tips on how to handle pony, but child says owner tells her to do one thing and other days says do something different. I cannot second guess owner.

Pointless post really. Just concerned for child - she's keen to ride and wants to have a pony she can bumble round with and jump little things with and do a bit of stressage, but at the moment this pone isn't going to do it with her

, and I dont' think they're going to get anywhere. I've seen her nerves.

Ho hum. Wondered what I could have done or said differently. I've suggested that she apologise to her Mum and that they sit down and discuss it: I've told her that as an adult with no parental control over her I cannot tell her what to do, only that she must listen to herself and be safe. I said that as an experienced rider etc., I could give guidance, but ultimately the pony is not mine. If Little Lad didn't have a tendancy to be a g1t she could loan him, but he's not sensible enough in that he's all sweetness and light and when you're least expecting it he does something gitish (bucks, bobs off, spins)l he only does it once and if the rider takes control he behaves after that, but not suitable for this child.

*mutters off into the corner, wishing had better negotiating skills and berating self*

Sorry, going on again.

 

[scotsmare]

I don't think you could really do anything different, other than trying to get mother, child, owner and pony all in the same space at the same time so they can see what the issue is. That said, child would probably feel horribly pressured - I know mine always does in that kind of situation and would rather sort it out for herself.

Sorry - that was no help

 

[Lippyx]

Toughie! It horrid when you see a child with their dream within reach only to have it shattered by something like this!
Personally if the pony and child are not a good match, then I would try to talk to the parents and pony owner together and explain that maybe this is not going to work, and to start again!
Its tough when a parent is not horsey. I had this problem when I started to get into horses as no one in my family is horsey, but luckily hand a fab local riding school who taught me all I needed to know!
The thing is though you don't want to come across as becoming nosey!

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

I think you're right SM and L

. Given all sorts of other bits and pieces I would not be welcome in the party - seen as 'confident/got it all, etc etc etc', now that child has spoken to me instead of Mum, I have the feeling I'm persona non grata

. I like the owner, but as we have spoken in the past (when I gave child a lesson and offered more she only had to call, which she hasn't) there's only so far one can go really.

My daughters will go and talk to other people sometimes. Occasionally I've felt a but blah about it, but on the whole I'd rather said daughters spoke to someone rather than no-one

.

 

[Slinkyunicorn]

Its difficult but I think the owner, mother and child need to talk together - can you mediate this by talking to the owner and expalining situation? As the adult in this and as its her pony I'm sure if she realised th extent of the problem she would want to sort it out as the pony is clearly not being ridden and will get more dominant the longer it is left to get away with it.

Understand the difficulty when parents of child are not interested though - the girl who loans my neices pony (push button well mannered pony) mother couldn't be less interested - sits in car with her back to school reading a book while daughter rides.....had to speak to her tonight about why you never leave a pony in attended whilst tied up especially when tractors are around - her answer was 'I was sitting in the car...' :-(

Sorry went off beaten track into own moan there! Choccy biscuit anyone?

 

[Gal]

Really difficult - you have done your bit. Perhaps the girl might be better off at a good riding school instead - until she has more skills and confidence....before she gets hurt.

Not much use, sorry. The parents sound like they do not have the will to try and understand - unless they are open to learning about horses/safety then the child is in a difficult position. It is their responsibility and their child.

I am very good at stating the obvious. Sorry again. I hope the child sorts it out with her parents.

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

Lol SU - have a hot chocolate to go with the biccies

. This mother leaves child at yard and goes home. Doesn't stay and watch

. Reminds me a an older child (mid-teens) - crackign little rider, rode a friend's pony, jumping at local RC, could have gone far; Mother never watched her, didn't go to RC presentation evening where child picked up jumping cups. Blah. It might not be one's 'thing' but if your kids are into it you go! I go and watch tennis (or did when child was actually showing some interest instead of just socialising) and umpteen other things, because they were what m'chid wanted to do. Rant rant rantetty rant

Off to drink some HC and nibble on one of your biccies

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

Ta G - child has had two years of riding school

.

I've seen her ride, and she really does listen and she looked really nice and pony was going forward well and soft and rounded at the end of our half hour. Child has the ability, she's just lacking in confidence

.

I'm tempted to let her come to our yard - she's been before but she and daughter fell out (girls!). The only thing is, ours are a bit full of themselves and I want her to increase her confidence, not have it squidged by the Hairy Gang

. They are pretty well behaved, but you have to be firm with them (cheeky bunch of monkeys lol).

I know that as with most children, the 'truth' will have been slightly re-arranged, but not bent out of all shape. Just have fingers tightly crossed that child does not get completely stressed or hurt

. If she does get hurt I'll be all guns blazing, which might be slightly ar$e-about-face, but I know her Mum and if I speak to her she'll shut down; and if I speak to the owner, quite possibly ditto.

 

[YorksG]

I may have missed a bit (due to lak of concentration

) but why is the parent insisting that the child has this pony and no other? Does mother believe that they are like bikes, one is the same as another, except for the colour?

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

Quite possibly YG! Says that a) child has been to two riding schools, then this pony, so she isn't changing again

; and b) believes it is because child cannot take pony to shows.
Child cannot take pony to shows because pony is too much for child! Argh!

Mother says she knows nothing about child being too scared of pony.

It makes my brain cell hurt

 

[MilosDad]

Despite my complete novice status the situation is not unlike the one we have at home. Daughter wanted horse, had been riding for 4 years, and fell in love with one she was led out on. We took him (and his evil flesh eating pony companion) on 6 month trial loan. Turned out to be a really nice horse but he will try it on with you. Regrettably this put daughter off somewhat so she will only ride him when I walk with her or on a lead rope. Its a shame cos he is a lovely boy and has taught me to ride to the point where I now have my 17.3hh warmblood who won't leave the yard lol. In a horsey family its no problem I keep the horses on cos I love 'em and she comes and goes as she pleases. In a non-horsey family its harder and I would have to say pone should go back and she rides as she chooses on a school horse.

 

[MilosDad]

Ps but I am only male so what do I know

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

Ta MD

- ponio is still at owners yard. Child goes at weekends and a couple of evenings a week. Owner does pretty much everything, just wants someone to ride ned.

Ned was a riding school pony a couple of years ago, but now he's possibly overfed and underworked: I'm not sure how much work he gets the rest of the week. When we did our wee lesson they didn't want him worked for too long (we were walking most of it, with the odd trot). He's a nice lad and she's a nice lass and the owner is nice and the mother is nice - there just seems to be a big chasm between them all

(I'm not nice

).

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

[ QUOTE ]
Ps but I am only male so what do I know

[/ QUOTE ]

Aw, don't put yourself down - we can do that, save you the trouble

(lol, only joking, I married a male and he's not so bad

).

 

[Dubsie]

MrsM it sounds like when we found our little loan pony (companion getting fat). Having not been ridden regularly for months, first few rides good as gold. Then for the next couple of times it gets assertive, takes the p*$$ and pops a couple of bucks swerves left to shed rider and canters off. Somewhat like your Little Lad I'd imagine. Had my daughter in tears, and, though quite competent after 4 years of RS lessons, she really struggled to get back in charge, (and we're too alike for me to suggest anything w/o rolly sarcastic eyes and 'I know').
Found local instructor who knew pony and owner and has been marvellous, although pony still tries on occassion she doesn't get away with it.
All I can suggest is for the girl to have lessons on pony, whether from you or from someone else, but in a more formal way with consent of owner. After all it is in owner's interests too if child rides pony better/pony becomes a more complient pony. Not sure if you're going to achieve that with owner being so involved with pony + lack of communication going on between child and owner (our owner suggested instructor). If you're willing to spare the time, could you suggest this as a route forward, that the mother asks the owner if it's OK for this to happen, or for her to ask if you can talk to the owner direct (and cut out the rider/mum)? It may be the owner has only had the pony ridden by more competent and experienced riders and thus isn't as aware of how difficult it is for child, even though the child can ride, it's a big step to go from weekly lessons on assorted ponies to 3 x a week on same pony

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

Ta Dubsie

. I've offered to give child lessons on pony. Owner seemed very keen, but concerned about me giving up my time to do so. Told her I was more than happy, and daughter happy to spend time there as well. Owner likes daughter (thinks she nice, quiet and competant lightweight rider, good for helping out with other pones). But, so far, nothing, no call from owner for help

The only thing I can think to do, apart from a text to child's Mum this morning aplogising for yesterday

, is that owner would like to meet our neds, which hasn't happened yet with one thing and another, so I'll try and get something arranged this week.

Child's Mother won't/can't pay for lessons on top of what she is paying for the loan. Owner can instruct, but child and owner don't click, owner says she makes child cry (doesn't mean to). I'm quite tough, but one thing in life I'm good at is teaching, so child likes lessons off me (I'm not an instructor!). Owner's daughter gives lesson when she can and they are good. I think a lot of it is the general handling of the pony as well as the riding, child is now scared and pony is being a pony and effectively taking the mickey

.

If we had suitable pony I'd offer him/her like a shot as I can see disaster looming

. If Little Lad had continued in what we thought was his new frame of mind we'd give it a go, but these odd bucks are wicked and child knows he does them: I don't think she'd get on him (other daughter won't, has given him up). The daughter of mine that still gets on has developed a whole new layer of confidence with him, and riding in general, which means he is still exercised and loved (to an extent, hubby wants him sold). I'm pretty sure we could get child to the same level as when she's not scared she's a good, quiet rider that just needs some confidence instilling in her abilities.

Ho hum.

 

[MilosDad]

On sober (rare for me) reflection and reading the whole thread it seems like Mum is the problem. Perhaps this loan is 'reluctant acquiescence' to daughter's desire for pony.
I think I'd take child out of equation and talk to Mum direct.

 

[Flame_]

[ QUOTE ]

Mum is now mad at me and at child: says if child not ride this pony then child not ride any. She has to stick with this one or give up riding.


[/ QUOTE ]

I was given the same choice as a kid. It worked for me. I've never done well competition wise because I've never been allowed to change horses bought for me. But I can ride complicated horses, I don't scare easily and I'm used to putting up with a lot. If I could go back and get some rosette machines, I wouldn't. I am glad I was made to stick with difficult ponies. I hated Flame for a year!

Get the child a good instructor, get her riding with other kids, in the pony club and riding clubs. If she's going to stick at riding, she should learn to deal with the pony, IMO.

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

Thank you MD

. Reflection is always good m'thinks

. I have sent an olive branch text to the Mum: I await her response, if any...

The Mum definately isn't horsey, and like many a parent before her, is somewhat bemused by her daughter's keeness and interest in such creatures. I think that if daughter was keener on going shopping her Mother may well be more aligned. Child is quite studious, as is mine, which is part of their appeal to each other. I sometimes wonder if the Mother is worried the interest will impact on the studies next year.

Forgot to say in all this, child is thirteen-ish.

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Mum is now mad at me and at child: says if child not ride this pony then child not ride any. She has to stick with this one or give up riding.


[/ QUOTE ]

I was given the same choice as a kid. It worked for me. I've never done well competition wise because I've never been allowed to change horses bought for me. But I can ride complicated horses, I don't scare easily and I'm used to putting up with a lot. If I could go back and get some rosette machines, I wouldn't. I am glad I was made to stick with difficult ponies. I hated Flame for a year!

Get the child a good instructor, get her riding with other kids, in the pony club and riding clubs. If she's going to stick at riding, she should learn to deal with the pony, IMO.

[/ QUOTE ]

I concure with your sentiments! Only child will not be able to have an instructor. Nor will she be allowed to go to PC or shows, etc. until she can handle said pony. Child not mad keen on competing, would like to have a bit of a go for the experience. She used to jump and gallop RS neds, but as others have said, she's in a different environment now and the support is not what she has been used to in the way she was used to it. She's spent pony days etc., so has done the handling side, just this pone has realised that she is bottom of the heap and he's wiping his hooves on her (metaphorically speaking!).