horrible horsey people!

diggerbez

diggerbez

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Cavallo's post below has really got me thinking about how horrible a lot of horsey people are- why do you think that is? Is it just a case of women spending too much time with each other? :rolleyes: (my OH calls horse people "horse bitches" :eek:)

I can honestly say that i have some REALLY good friends who i have met through horses. people whose advice i value and who i wouldn't hesitate to talk to in a crisis. these are the people who can be competing against you in the same class and it really doesn't matter who wins because its great that you are there, having a laugh with your mates. and lets be honest- i'd rather a friend won than some random if i'm not going to :D

but alongside that there are a number of people who i get on with well enough on a personal level- but they seem to spend a lot of their time wishing and hoping that things will go wrong for you- so they are really interested in the minute detail of when you got bucked off or when you got eliminated but couldn't care less if things are going well. i'm now very attuned to people like this. i used to let it really get to me but now i just have a small chuckle to myself and think "what a loser..you are only jealous" and go on my merry little way!
what horrible people have you lot been subjected to in the horsey world?! :)
 
diggerbez said:
Cavallo's post below has really got me thinking about how horrible a lot of horsey people are- why do you think that is? Is it just a case of women spending too much time with each other? :rolleyes: (my OH calls horse people "horse bitches" :eek:)

I can honestly say that i have some REALLY good friends who i have met through horses. people whose advice i value and who i wouldn't hesitate to talk to in a crisis. these are the people who can be competing against you in the same class and it really doesn't matter who wins because its great that you are there, having a laugh with your mates. and lets be honest- i'd rather a friend won than some random if i'm not going to :D

but alongside that there are a number of people who i get on with well enough on a personal level- but they seem to spend a lot of their time wishing and hoping that things will go wrong for you- so they are really interested in the minute detail of when you got bucked off or when you got eliminated but couldn't care less if things are going well. i'm now very attuned to people like this. i used to let it really get to me but now i just have a small chuckle to myself and think "what a loser..you are only jealous" and go on my merry little way!
what horrible people have you lot been subjected to in the horsey world?! :)
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Well.....intresting question.... I've always thought/felt that if a person is happy with their own life in general, happy and content with their horse and the way their horse is going and their focus is on what they are doing with their own horse.....then they are not ever bitchy, because to be bitchy you must have to be unhappy in yourself?
When I go to the yard I am going to see and work my horse and nothing else, ie: I'm not going to see other people, in fact I often don't see anyone else at the times I go and that's fine as it's my horse I want to see, therefore my focus/interest/motivation is to be with my horse do all the jobs and ride, ride, ride. I school a lot and my mare is not easy and therefore i get very tuned into her.

Having said all that I am always happy to see the other 5 liveries at any time and have a chat about the yard etc it's a small yard so we are not in each others pockets at all and it suits all of us I think, it's a very happy yard and we all help each other if needed, but never voice an opinion unless asked and none of us sit round drinking coffee and gossiping.

The bitchy yards seem to be the biggerones where a lot of the liveries seem to go there to sit around drinking coffee and gossipping about someone else and leave their horses tied up outside the stable for ages while they gossip, I have a good friend who has the misfortune to be stuck on a yard like this and she's looking for somewhere else, right now, she says they all seem to forget they go there to ride!!

Always try to think that the bitchy ones must be very unhappy and not getting much from their horses!!!
 
Someone put a quote on here very recently on another thread:

Those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.

Sums it up perfectly for me.
 
Haha! Just seen that Tarrsteps quoted the same quote on Cavallo's thread. It's Baydale's quote.
I'll leave it on as it has a place on this thread too.

It's a brilliant quote Baydale, it will really stick with me :)
 
Horsey people aren't horrible - people are horrible. Full stop. Not everyone is nice and not everyone is going to think you are nice. Work in an office it makes horsey people look tame.
 
I think it's because with horsie people we are often in an enviornment with other people that we would not naturally be friends with. It is like working in an office, just because You have a job in common doesn't mean you have anything else in common.

My REAL horsie friends are people that I would be friends with anyway. E,g if I worked with them or met them out partying or whatever. Their personalities mean they are naturally my friends, horses in common or not.

The horsey people who are jealous and bitchy are normally people who if I met through another platform I would not be friends with. We only talk because we have horses in common and that's it.

I've know and do know some weird, horrible, mean and bitchy people but I've come to the conclusion that it's nothing to do with horses, they are just horrible people!
 
i think there's a huge amount of jealousy in the horse world, and it's fairly unique in one respect because in most other areas of life, performance and success is purely based on the person's fitness, talent, dedication, etc etc, but we all know that a fantastic forgiving horse can sometimes cover for a lot of a rider's inadequacies... at least for a while! so, someone fairly average can do really well because of a great horse. of course, someone who rides brilliantly can do really well on a rather average horse too... but the jealous people tend to forget that!
worst thing that's been said to/of me... many years ago, by my 'bete noire', that i should get on a horse that we were looking at for a friend to ride, because then they'd all get to see "how it goes with a beginner on it." the utter COW. i was eventing successfully at novice at that time, on my first horse, produced from scratch. she headed the bitch-clique at the livery yard i was at, and was an utter nightmare to quite a few of us. I took a lot of pleasure in going clear round Brigstock Advanced years later when this same uber-bitch (who had never managed more than PN) was fence judging... ;) ;) ;)
 
There are some real nasty people in the horse world I have to agree. It pains me to say it but a lot of it is down to the disproprtionate ratio of men to women in my opinion. Men have a kind of calming influence on women I find and take things less personally.

Unfortunately, the sport also attracts the following types which when all thrown together in a competetive environment can be rather explosive....

1. Spoilt brats

2. Pushy parrents (also in other sports but not involving the same amount of financial investment)

3. Social climbers who just want to tell everyone that they have a horse and do competitions

4. Bit rude here but lots of "nouveau riche" types who are only able to make judgement about things if they know the price tag. Doesn't apply to me, I'm "old poor" :D)

5. Second apology in advance but throwing lots of teenage girls together adds plenty of fuel to the fire (I went to an all girls school for 7 years so have a good ecucation of which ones to avoid eg women/girls who look you up and down before they say hello to assess if you are prettier/better dressed/trendier/richer than them - AVOID!!!). I do realise there are plenty of great girls around but I'm sure we all know a fair few that aren't.

6. Lots of "Experts" with "opinions"

Obviously there are plenty of lovely people too so I guess it's a question of concentrating on them and ignoring the horrors - not always so easy though I appreciate. In my experience the lovely ones are generally the genuine horse lovers who just enjoy the animals and the sport for what it is.

I am lucky over here I don't understand/listen to most of the yard gossip and just bimble along in my English bubble and talk to my horse :D
 
I think you're absolutely right about jealousy causing nastiness in the horse world-it does bring out the worst in people. I've experienced terrible things said & done by a "friend" who was doing less well and it has made me rather cynical of people I'm afraid. If half of the bitches (and these can be men too!) actually rode their horses, and were not so arrogant to believe they should win everything just for turning up, instead of gossiping and backstabbing they'd probably do a bit better themselves. They certainly dont like it when the tables are turned on them!!

I do wonder though what happened to folk being your friend just because they like and get along with you? Like Cavallo, I try to be a good person and helpful in general only to find I've been used (is being nice seen as a weakness :confused:) and bitched about. I'm not even counting work colleages as IMHO they never count as friends :rolleyes: I've just got a policy these days of only helping out my true honest lovely friends and the people who have let me down have been deleted from my blackberry LOL!! I do feel better for being allowed this rant even though the people who should see it probably wont. Forums are great for letting off steam ;)
 
kerilli said:
worst thing that's been said to/of me... many years ago, by my 'bete noire', that i should get on a horse that we were looking at for a friend to ride, because then they'd all get to see "how it goes with a beginner on it." QUOTE]

Oooh that's horrible! Nasty cow. :mad:
Oh well, it's obvious she was doing it to make herself feel better :D
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I have to say that for the most part my horsey life is pretty good. I am ashamed to admit that most of my social life revolves around my horsey friends, OH is pretty good about it as he enjoys the company of the other OHs as well. However, I would say that most of my horsey friends I would chose to be friends with if they didnt have horses.

I do agree that there is a huge amount of jealousy and bitchery in the horse world, ususally directed at those doing well, or those fortunate enough to have a job that pays well enough to afford decent things for their horses and their riding wear etc. I have been on the receiving end of both - I've got a good job, I make no apology for it as i have worked dam hard to get where I am today. For the most part I can afford nice things for myself and Mini TX and our nags - other people seem to think that is wrong. ALso, Mini TX has done ok for herself, ok she's had the odd blip (like recently), but she is fine mostly. She;s had some bitching directed at her over it. Why? I dont know. Also, much of the nastiness has been when we have been on a big yard.

We dont get a bit of bitching on our yard (9 liveries, plus YOs horses), but we get on with it and get over it. Life it far too short. We had a major cow on our yard who actually made me cry because she spread lies about me and it caused a major row with myself and another livery. Our YO gave them both notice and harmony has been restored. I dont know what it it with women and horses,, and guess I will never know. Yes, there are some vile horsey people out there, there are also some really great people. I suppose that it is true of all walks of life.
 
kerilli said:
I took a lot of pleasure in going clear round Brigstock Advanced years later when this same uber-bitch (who had never managed more than PN) was fence judging... ;) ;) ;)
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That's glorious, love it. One day I will have that moment too ;) (not likely to be Advanced though!)
 
diggerbez said:
but alongside that there are a number of people who i get on with well enough on a personal level- but they seem to spend a lot of their time wishing and hoping that things will go wrong for you- so they are really interested in the minute detail of when you got bucked off or when you got eliminated but couldn't care less if things are going well. i'm now very attuned to people like this. i used to let it really get to me but now i just have a small chuckle to myself and think "what a loser..you are only jealous" and go on my merry little way!
what horrible people have you lot been subjected to in the horsey world?! :)
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^^^ This is so true lol! Im glad im not the only one who has noticed this :)
 
Jul said:
Haha! Just seen that Tarrsteps quoted the same quote on Cavallo's thread. It's Baydale's quote.
I'll leave it on as it has a place on this thread too.

It's a brilliant quote Baydale, it will really stick with me :)
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I wish I could take the credit for it but actually it's Mummy Baydale's quote: just perfect for someone like me who's spent half her life paralysed with worry by the thought of what other people may think of me. Pathetic really.:rolleyes:

Anyhoo, in my limited experience of horrible horsey people, it's those who are uber competitive or just plain jealous that can't help themselves in the gob department.;) To all of them: get your own house in order and get over yourselves.:D
 
Perhaps I've got a 6th sense when it comes to this as my last 2 yards have been blissfully non bitchy, mainly working professional people who actually want to ride their horse and not gossip/make life harder for everyone. I don't mind paying the extra price tag for this one bit. I've been looking at yards recently as I'm moving house (love my current yard though) and can sniff the bitchyness a mile off... Its as if a lot of people get into horses for the status thing and to prove themselves in ways they can't otherwise in their day to day life. I know a lot of the same people as Cavallo and can really sympathise. People offer to help but its not genuine help, and if things go wrong they turn against you.

But then you also find these insecure people everywhere including in the workplace. Its very basic psychology and I find it amusing that these people are so lacking in self awareness that they don't realise people actually see them as being the insecure and unhappy ones. If only they realised that happiness comes from being nice and respectful of others, perhaps they could actually learn from the more succesful or talented people but their mind set is so fixed that it means they remain stuck at the same level while those around them progress in many other ways much faster. I think that everyone is fundamentally nice or at least has the potential to be, but some people just need to work through their issues and blockages, and not project their insecurities onto others.
 
horsey people no different to work people!
My motto is "someone else's opinion is their problem not mine"
 
I think it can be a real shame when people (especially ones who should know better) are horrible. For the majority of riders, horses are their hobby and their pleasure, its a crying shame that bitchiness can make lives such a misery. On saying this after working in the NHS for too many years, its really no different to the work place.

Is it some peoples nature to 'like' others to fail, rather than celebrate their success? I am firm believer in Karma, what goes around comes around, may take a few years to happen, but in the end the bitches will be bitten back in some shape or form:D
 
Is it bitchy to occasionally wish people to have fences down?! I sometimes do this if I am competing, or if say I am watching the SJ say at Bramham and want a certain person to win? I was crossing everything that Pippa would go clear the other week, and wanted others to perhaps have a fence, so that she wasn't under such pressure! :eek: :D

Worst things I've had said to me were by the same PC instructor. Once when I was 16 telling me I would never pass my B test the next day (thanks for the vote of confidence eh?!). Then 2 years ago when I had a lesson with her thinking she may have changed. I hadn't ridden in 18 months after working away, and had only been back on my horse for 2 weeks. She told me within the first 5 mins that I 'rode like sh*t' then proceeded to pull me apart. By the end of the lesson she thought I was better (quelle surprise) and told me I should be careful not to ruin my horse! :eek:

Needless to say I didn't go back for another lesson, and have recently discovered that she has no liveries left on her yard as she is such a b*tch to everyone :)

Have to say though (although guess this would be different if horses are your job!) that office b*tches are far worse than anything I've come across in the horse world :D
 
I wouldn't say it's that much different to school :p There will always be nasty people, wherever you go. Saying that, my parents do find a lot of horsey people unpleasand :p But they think my YO and her husband are fab, which is why they are happy enough to pay the slightly higher priced livery!!! The YO doesn't speak to them like they are idiots because they don't understand horses, and I think they really appreciate that. To be honest, the entire yard I'm on is lovely, there is no bitching at all really :)
 
Myself and my close friends down the yard feel that we are "abnormal" because we actualy get on!


Horse people can be wretched but then so can non horsey people! I unexpectedly dismounted :eek: at a show today and I have NO doubts it will have already circulated round my old yard and they will be having a good old b*tch at my expense! But MEH.... atleast I went out and am actually TRYING to do things and teach more horse (whom I have realised hasn't seen fillers since sept last year :o )
 
frazzled said:
Try the school playground mums they take it to new levels! :) :) :)
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I was reading this thread and that was exactly what was going through my mind!! Moved away from London commuter belt a couple of years ago, and much better now where we are. When the current school mums ask a question at least I feel they are interested and care, with the last school there was always some hidden agenda and point scoring going on!!
 
Rouletterose said:
The bitchy yards seem to be the biggerones where a lot of the liveries seem to go there to sit around drinking coffee and gossipping about someone else and leave their horses tied up outside the stable for ages while they gossip,
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I am on a big yard where we do sit around drinking coffee and shock horror enjoying each others company. We hack, school, jump and go to shows together and are all very supportive of each other. We often go on yard nights out together and I would say these are some of my best friends who are always at the end of a phone if needed for anything horsey or otherwise. I would say the yard is not bitchy at all. Please don't tar us all with the same brush. We rarely gossip about each other and are actually quite a nice bunch - although I may be biased of course!;):D
 
Jo C said:
I am on a big yard where we do sit around drinking coffee and shock horror enjoying each others company. We hack, school, jump and go to shows together and are all very supportive of each other. We often go on yard nights out together and I would say these are some of my best friends who are always at the end of a phone if needed for anything horsey or otherwise. I would say the yard is not bitchy at all. Please don't tar us all with the same brush. We rarely gossip about each other and are actually quite a nice bunch - although I may be biased of course!;):D
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Good for you, as is always the case there is always the exception, I'm sure there are more than a few 'bigger' yards that are as nice as yours. I can only say about yards round here that I know people from etc...
 
Agree that there are horrible people everywhere! How you cope comes down to your own confidence IMO (as someone who struggles with self-confidence and, as per Baydale's post, worries far too much about what other people think!). I've just about got to the point at work where I don't worry what most people think, though the odd particularly bitchy / politically-motivated person can knock my equilibrium. Still a way to go in the horsey world though particularly after 12 years out of horse-ownership, so I try to avoid the bitchy people as much as I can. Thankfully, 3 weeks in, the yard I'm at seems very friendly and supportive!

Takes a while to find though, I've posted before about how hard it can be to find a friendly and welcoming RS.

Think I'll bear in mind Mamma Baydale's quote :)
 
ah i'm glad to see that its not just me that has spotted these people ;) Kerilli is winning so far...what a cow! :eek: i bet it felt awesome to fly past her at that event :D i too am a big believer in karma...it will come back and bite them one day :D:D

ETS i mean Kerilli's 'friend' is a cow obviously...not K!
 
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