Horrible new girl!!! LOOOOONG. rant.

Horse and hound seems like worse than my yard, well from what your making out! Yous all seem to have the attitude 'teach her some manners' i cant be bothered with that, when im on a computer next ill delete this post and account.
 
That's a bit extreme to delete your account just because you don't like the responses.

I think the phrase 'we are all close and she feels like an intruder' shows how cliquey the yard is. I've been on yards like that on the past when i was a teenager and i'm sure I probably isolated people just because the rest of the gang didn't like them. It's a horrible atmosphere to have on a yard. It's fine if you are the one in the gang, but awful if you are the new person. A welcoming, friendly, inclusive yard is a 100% better place to be.

Sorry to sound harsh, but grow up and be kinder to people. Someday you'l be on the other side of the fence and you'l be grateful to people who are kind to you.
 
Unfortunately by posting on a forum you are going to get lots of opinions, not all will be ones you agree with. The good thing is by only using user names we do not know you, your yard or the person you are complaining about. It is up to you if you pay any attention to or take advice from any of the posters but very often there is some very good advice on here.
You have said you've only told us a few of things she has done, sorry but most have only replied to your first post, where you may have come over as rather critical and intolerant, if there is more going on then maybe you should speak to your boss rather than bringing it onto an open forum. But, please remember, it is very hard being the 'new girl' where there is a well established clique, it may just be a matter of giving the new girl a bit of a chance.
 
Originally Posted by maggiesmum
I didn't say we should go easy on her, I said we should give her advise on how to handle the situation rather than give snotty replies!

um, yeah you did... ''stop being so harsh''.... ring a bell?

Ok - if you wan't to analyse it - I actually said "I think you lot are being very harsh" - that was my opinion, I didn't tell you to do or not do anything!




As someone else said, we learn from our parents, we also learn from our peers - well clearly the YO isn't encouraging proper behaviour from the staff and the YO is the one doing the name calling!

and the OP reckons shes the one being hard done by because this girl GROOMED a horse on livery there..wtf?, yes her boss is a dick (and crap at making up nicknames evidently) but that no reason to copy her, shes 16 fgs not a child, she needs to find a bit of integrity.

Just groomed a horse? I read criticising peoples horse and parenting skills for me (and again this is MY opinion) that stood out as being unacceptable behaviour!
And by law OP's still a child.



I don't condone bullying its a disgraceful act usually done by a coward, but 2 wrongs don't make a right and us being heavy handed with the OP will only send her away without taking on board any advice.

i dont see how the girl in question has bullied anyone, by the sounds of it OP and her boss are quite adept at making nasty comments and being oh so judgemental, have you thought maybe that this girl is trying to fit in with what seems to be the norm. Shes working hard and doing her best, who doesnt in a new job? OH! and of course, how dare she groom a horse that A. needed grooming and B. was just left tied up in the yard..god she sounds like a right bitch The OP needs a big reality check, because shes going to find it bloody hard in the real world.

Completely missed the point here - I wasn't suggesting that the new girl had bullied anyone, I was agreeing that OP shouldn't be driving anyone off the yard as that would constitute bullying and is disgraceful behaviour! Also the boss is the one making up names!



Maybe we have to agree to disagree on this one.
yeah, we are, because the OP is 16 not 6


Didn't someone once say that a good horseman can get a horse to do anything and a great horseman can get the horse to want to do it?? Shouldn't the same apply in all aspects of life?
 
why not be the more mature person and befriend the new girl you may find its helpful in the long run.
if your the only person who helps her fit in she'll respect you for it ! she may even help you out.

and as for her putting you off riding by watching . . .id say you probably put pressure on your self as she was there ( were you trying to impress) next time ask her opinion when things aren't quite what you want even if you ignore the advice.
and my advice is get used to being watched when you compete they'll be lot of people staring ( and some bitching) deffo if you dressage.

remember this could happen to you in a new job situation later in life and when it does maybe youll think how your fellow grooms and YM are making this girl feel.

be the mature person as an example to the YM she obviously needs a good example to follow.
 
i think everyone words on this tread have become misconstrued, that's one of the reason i dislike chat rooms and forums as text on the screen is not the same as face to face conversation..there's no emotion so much cn be taken the wrong way.
 
greenmonkeykelly said:
i think everyone words on this tread have become misconstrued, that's one of the reason i dislike chat rooms and forums as text on the screen is not the same as face to face conversation..there's no emotion so much cn be taken the wrong way.
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This is one thing, but I do feel like the OP did mean what she said in a nasty way just from the 'should WE drive her out'?

Ive been in the same situation as the girl OP talks about, I started a new job, did extremely well, impressed all my superiours and the amount i was accomplishing in a day completely showed up my co worker, who would be the OP in my situation.

I mean, the girl would sit painting her nails. :rolleyes: i turned that place around cleanliness and function wise, in my first week i had categorised every peice of paperwork in the cupboard, cleaned, organised, sorted out a new rota, filled in a much needed H+S report, literally everything she was meant to be doing daily. Our bosses were made up and yes, probably werent helpful in telling her she could learn a thing or two from me and praising me to the heavens in front of her but hey, if she pulled her finger out i wouldnt have had the opportunity to do it all in the first place.

She made my working life terrible whenever she possibly could, she moved monies to make it look like i had stolen, she hid forms i had filled out, she even told our boss once that i was on holiday for the week when i was sorting out the stock room, she made snidey comments as i was speaking to clients to the point where clients were actually complaining to our superiors that it was unfair on me to have to pull my side of the cart, plus hers and that it made them uncomfortable. When questioned she said that 'when noone was around i was a nightmare, that i was rude and disrespectful and bullied her

I left, i should have ridden it out but it just wasnt worth it, and i really feel for this poor girl.
 
To be perfectly honest I just think you're jealous of the new girl. By the sounds of it she's come and fit in a lot better than you did with all the clients and liveries and you don't like that other people seem to like her more than you.

Maybe she spoke about her CV and her work with other animals because she knew she wasn't very experienced with horses so she wanted to try and justify being given the job (because clearly you all made her feel very unwelcome!)

Also, mucking out is a skill you develop, just like learning to ride. You're not immediately perfect at it.

Did you also consider that maybe she didn't "leave you alone" when you were schooling because she was trying to learn from you? I often watch people who are better than me ride their horses.

What you've said about your boss is shocking! And what your boss and the staff are doing is bullying.
 
Think you ate being a bit over the top. She might not have as much experience as you but just give her advice in a helpful way.
Mucking out etc.
If she was distracting the horse when.ridden politely to her as you would anyone else.
Why shouldnt she groin this horse?
It isn't yours and she works there too?

She has probably made friends with the kids ad this us easier to do than with adults and it stops her feeling like the outsider.
Sounds like you are very defensive, you both work there and should be equal but you seem to think she is lower than/less important than you.
 
YO should not call employees names in front to other staff , its not very professional, will make other staff wonder what she says about them.
This girl might be annoying hanging around being a pain
She could be
a) trying to hard to please or
b ) trying to prove herself to YO
c) a crawler or pain

still no excuse for YO torment.

YO employed her if she not pulling her weight or causing an atmosphere on the yard , they should call her to office and explain she either shape up or ship out . They should tell her not to pester the children about riding their ponies .

Sounds like YO isn't sorting this problem out they are being to lax . How can a yard run properly if the YO isn't keeping their employees in check .

This girl might be a pain in a$$ hanging around like a bad smell , but does she actually know what she is doing ? if she doesn't why don't you say ok and show her how to muckout properly , then say ok you go do that one the same , that way she should spend more time doing it right than wrong .

Yes there are some harsh people here some of what they say is called for some isnt . Take it with a pinch of salt , you will work out who will help and who wont.

Speak to YO tell them how you feel , if they do nothing maybe its time u find another yard.
 
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teamsarazara said:
Some of you are critiscing everything im doing but none of you seem much better, the things i said are just a few of the things she's done. Ive made an effort, but unfortunately none of the older girls did so she now makes snyde comments to everyone. Noone is nasty to her, everyone is actually pretty pleasent. We are all very close and she just feels like an intruder.
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well hun, I hope to god they didn't feel like that about you when you were the new girl, perhaps the way that she is behaving is her approach to earning respect, helping someone willingly, forging new relationships etc. Fair enough it may not feel comfortable to you but it would seem to me that she is trying to fit in and you my dear are going with the flock and are relaying a collective voice 'we all don't like her' have you stopped to actually think about how you behaved when you were new there (probably a bit the same) or even how you actually feel about things (not how you all feel about this!)

I understand it can be strange accepting someone new, but it can be far worse coming into an already established group of people. I can't offer you any advice on how to make it better since I am not in that particular situation myself, but I can urge you to be a bit more sympathetic and perhaps a bit less of a crowd follower, it seems to me that her way of gaining approval is to try to be over the top friendly and extra helpful, and yours is to agree with the others at the yard because they are older and they are the 'group' Iritating as an 'in your face, sugary sweet, extra helpful person may be, I know which one I would rather in my circle of friends, and just remember people can be fickle. Next week she could be the perfect little addition to their close knit work group and you could be the odd one out. Working together or not, that is how it goes in those types of yards.
 
Poor girl (the new one not you!) I think if I was her I would leave by choice I wouldn't need to be 'driven out' as you all sound really mean. Do you remember how hard it was to make freinds and fit in when you first started working there - think about it before being so unkind to someone else.
 
This post by OP is a microcosm of all that is wrong with the world. I really feel for the girl who tries so hard to fit in. This is actually my first post but I felt so compelled to write it as it saddened me to read it.

Should we chase her out ?Indeed...What are you a MOB, with mob mentality, makes mewonder if human beings did indeed evolve and come out of the trees, so to speak?

Very sad and a reflection of a young woman with no manners or grace at all.
 
It's not easy being the new girl on the yard!

Be nice; ask her for help and make her feel welcome - stuff what the older people think! be a bigger person, then get to know this young rider so that she can feel at ease in her new job.

One of the things that people have to learn once they are at work is that you are not always going to like everyone that you work with but you have to be mature and work with them and be tolerent.
 
I dont think this is the way to act to somone who is just trying to be nice. If she hasnt worked with horses alot before then it wouldnt suprise me one bit if she was a tad amazed and excited about working with them, most people are like this when getting a new job etc.
I have just moved to a new livery yard and it is so hard to talk to people and not come across over keen. I also in a barn which means im not with the rest of the yard which makes it harder for me to communicate to people. Try giving her a chance you never know you could end up friends. No need to make this sport more bitchy then it already is! good luck x
 
im sorry but it would you and your lovely mates getting the chop so your lucky im not your boss!! The poor girl is probably trying her hardest to fit in and this is what she gets - unbelievable! Just be grateful u werent treated like this when you started there because believe me you wouldnt be there now if you had!!
 
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