Horrific story of spousal and horse abuse

B

Barbara_LF

Well-Known Member
Joined
22 August 2009
Messages
59
Visit site
This is one of the most horrific stories of spousal and horse abuse I've heard of, but it's a story that needs to be shared.

I applaud the bravery of Anna Moss for coming forward with her story and I hope it helps other victims know they are not alone, and, hopefully seek the help of friends, family and even the police, if necessary. The story is followed by an interview with Anna.

WARNING: It is very upsetting to read, although it is ultimately a story of courage.

http://www.barnmice.com/profiles/blogs/echos-story-a-true-story-by
 
I'm about to say something very controversial.

Shame on that woman for allowing her husband to treat her horses like that. It's all very well taking a beating yourself and not standing up to your abuser (and I know many that live with this, why I do not understand), but to let him starve your horses or drive like a maniac, no way.
 
Maybe Anna has learnt that you can't truly get to know somebody in 11 weeks and it probably wasn't the wisest idea to marry them :eek:.

How did it end then?
 
Lol, glad I'm not the only sceptical one!! It sounds like a defence plea for someone charged of neglecting their animals to me - there's something a bit fishy about it imo

xx
 
I think its easy to judge if you haven't been in the situation. I haven't been so i can sit back and say 'id never be controlled like that' and i am shocked she didn't do anything and just let that happen to her horses, but i also can't say that i wouldn't be the same if put in that sort of situation. She had no funds of her own to escape this.
 
Hmmm, the minute that I was not 'allowed' to feed my horses and just watch them starve would have been the moment that that new husband was kicked into touch. :mad:

I'm a big believer in not judging until you've walked a mile in another man's shoes, but to knowingly starve a horse and watch it be abused to protect your own relationship is selfish, especially so early on in the relationship, it's not like she had been worn down by years of abuse like some victims.

As for having no funds of her own it was HER farm, he'd moved the horses there to save money, all she had to do was return to work as she'd managed well on her own up to that point.

I do think that there is more to this story than is being told tbh.
 
Last edited:
I'm sorry to be hard but I can't believe she put up with it either. Animal abuse makes me wild with anger. I'd have shoved him off a cliff
 
Exactly what I thought! No animal lover would watch their animals starve, not to mention she glossed over not keeping her colt fenced in so the mare got pregnant. It was her farm!!!
 
Its very easy to be righteous in this sort of situation. But it hasn't happened to you. Also its natural to lack strength and responsibilty in this sort of situation.
When someone restricts what, where and when you can do things through mental and physical abuse it pyhscolgicaly messes you up beyond undestanding.
So its all good to sit up on your high horse and say how you would have handled that, but you can't comment that unless you've been there!
And in the interview you realise it went to court and she left him!
 
She should be ashamed! I suffered at the hands of my ex with mental/emotional and physical abuse, yes I allowed it to go on for 5 years but there is no way I would have allowed him to make me starve my animals or mistreat them. He was very jealous of my dog, but that was one thing that he knew he would never be able to alter or take me away from.

Poor Echo, just hope she manages to stay with the lovely new people.
 
My friend is currently in the viscious cycle of being a battered wife.

She is battered emotionally - she acts like a typical battered wife - she does as she is told.

I've seen the damage he has done to her - reducing her from an intellegent free spirit to a doormat. Bullied into submission by verbal abuse.

She tried for three months to be away from him but has gone back just like many abused wifes do.

Those of us never been in her situation will never understand why she has gone back - we'll think her crazy but it is normal.

I personally could not have left a horse anywhere in that condition but we don't know what this man has done to Anna.

Coming from an emotionally abused childhood I can sort of understand - I loved my father but never realised the damage he was doing to us kids and to my mother with his demeaning bullying ways until I got older - and wiser. I wonder what hapened to Anna - the story is so sensitively written I can feel her pain and confusion.
 
That story is truly terrible. So often we focus on physical abuse and forget the much more common, and sometimes much more damaging mental abuse that can scare a person for life.
 
What I don't like about this article, is that it is written like a novel, rather than a true story of someone's problems. It is very easy for people to sit back and say - "I wouldn't stand for that", but sometimes women get themselves tangled up in situations with men and they just can't get themselves out of the problem. They watch their children suffer, they take the verbal and physical abuse and they seem to be powerless.

If it's true, then its very sad, but it does sound like a trashy american novel to me.
 
The_Hooligan said:
HorseGirl, Touchstone et all slagging her off, Clearly you have not been a victim nor have you had any real contact with someone who was, as if you had you would NOT be making the comments you have made, God help you if you ever do because your attitudes are beyond belief.
Click to expand...

As a matter of fact I have been in a much worse situation than hers so I feel I am perfectly justified in making the comments I did. She let her horses suffer and that makes her as bad as him IMO!
 
BigRed said:
What I don't like about this article, is that it is written like a novel, rather than a true story of someone's problems. It is very easy for people to sit back and say - "I wouldn't stand for that", but sometimes women get themselves tangled up in situations with men and they just can't get themselves out of the problem. They watch their children suffer, they take the verbal and physical abuse and they seem to be powerless.

If it's true, then its very sad, but it does sound like a trashy american novel to me.
Click to expand...

Agree with this. It sounds a bit like a Danielle Steel novel in the way it's written. I think that's why it's difficult for some to be sympathetic.

Agree also that women in some of these situations do indeed watch their children also suffer, so why not animals too?

I will add, surely as it's in the US and the woman lived on a farm, she would have had a gun?! I know what I would have done with it!
 
Well-said horsegirl. It takes two.

Especially in cases where the person has been an independent and successful adult before meeting the 'abuser'. People who go straight from damaging childhoods into being financially dependent on their abuser and/or those with mental health issues are probably an exception. But in general staying/letting them stay is effective (if not moral or legal) consent.

The one time anyone stepped over the line with me he was out. Instantly. And, although he had never done anything but be loving and caring with them and was very hurt by it, was not allowed no contact with my animals. Just in case.
 
crazyhorse4727 said:
Its very easy to be righteous in this sort of situation. But it hasn't happened to you. Also its natural to lack strength and responsibilty in this sort of situation.
When someone restricts what, where and when you can do things through mental and physical abuse it pyhscolgicaly messes you up beyond undestanding.
So its all good to sit up on your high horse and say how you would have handled that, but you can't comment that unless you've been there!
And in the interview you realise it went to court and she left him!
Click to expand...

I agree, its easy for people to comment but when you truly fear someone who knows how you will behave. I have personally never been in that situation so cannot comment on what I would do (although I would probably be close to murder if anyone tried to treat my animals like that), but really, we do not know how weak and submissive this person is and its so easy for people to sit on a fence and say they would do such and such a thing :(
 
Unfortunatley not everyone is as perfect and strongwilled as some people here obviously are.
Maybe I am a pathetic person, but I too have been the sufferer of a man who exerted extreme control and mental abuse over me. It is nowhere near as simple as 'i'd tell him where to go' or 'i'd shove him off the nearest cliff'.
Thankfully it never went to that extreme, but he certainly controlled the time I spent and the money I spent on my horse - even including when I was allowed to get the vet to attend.
And when not only has that person reduced you mentally to thinking you are completley useless, but that you are also financially dependant on them too, it is very difficult to get out.
 
Well I just can't be sympathetic, maybe I'm hard hearted. I grew up in a house where violence was an everyday occurance, my dad nearly killed my mum, I never knew what I was coming home from school to. He battered her, he battered me and was nasty to our animals, never touched my brothers though. He died nearly 17 years ago but my mum is still suffering as a result of his beatings, she's in hospital now waiting for an operation, a direct result of the brain hemmorhage he caused years ago. Although I love my mum I've never quite forgiven her for allowing it to happen, he even stole pocket money my grandma had given me. If anyone touched my kids or my animals just once, they'd be more than sorry.
Maybe we don't know the full details, but really, being told you're not allowed to feed your animals, I don't think so!
 
The_Hooligan said:
HorseGirl, Touchstone et all slagging her off, Clearly you have not been a victim nor have you had any real contact with someone who was, as if you had you would NOT be making the comments you have made, God help you if you ever do because your attitudes are beyond belief.
Click to expand...

And before you judge my or anyone else's situation you need to be fully aware of the facts! You do not know anything about my life and I'm not prepared to disclose things on here.

We are being given one side of the story, personally I feel that after a few weeks of 'knowing' someone and then getting married and finding they were a different person you would have the strength to chuck them out of your home, whether you needed to enlist your friends, relatives, the courts or whatever.

No one can force you to abuse an animal, I'm afraid that was her responsibility, and so yes, I do hold her responsible for that.
 
Bits that don't make sense to me:

Why collect 12 or 13 horses if you don't have the money in savings to deal with emergencies. Saying she thought the husband would pay is no excuse as what if they split up?
Why not drive the trailer/box yourself?
Why have ungelded colts around Mares if not to produce more horses?
Why not sell one or more of the horses to get money for feeding the others rather than let them all starve?
Why not sell or give them away to prevent abuse?
 
Its strange really, the people who think she is in the wrong (& im not say she was or wasnt) seem to be people who have either suffered abuse or been in a family who were abusive. I lived with my Mum & her husband who was extremely violent amongst other things towards myself & my sister. He was a horrid person & yes i do blame my Mum & i would never allow myself to get into the situation she did. Have to say when i heard he was killed in a car accident i couldnt help but think what goes around comes around. I think being at the hands of someone like this does make you see things from a different point of view to people who havnt, it does harden you to certain things in life. As to what i would have done if id have been in her situation...simple, i wouldnt have been, he'd have had a pair of my size 7's up his backside & out the door as soon as he started trying to control things.
 
I'm sorry, that story made me really angry.

No matter what he supposedly put her through, if she gave a damn about her animals she would have kicked him into touch immediately after opening the trailer.

I would have killed him.

And before anyone says 'you haven't been there you can't understand' you're right- I don't.

I had an ex try to control me- he failed, and it p.ssed hum off no end. The second I left him he beat up my horse in temper, unfortunately whilst I was getting transport to come and move him to safety. I have never forgiven myself for letting him get to him, and he is incredibly lucky I did not catch him at it- I would have ended up arrested.

Women under control of their husbands I understand, if not fully.

Women who allow their husbands to inflict cruelty upon their animals or children are as guilty as the perpetrator.
 
Amazing that you would attack someone like this. None of us know the true story as we were not there to experience it, but these scenarios don't happen over night. It takes years of tiny changes to build up an abusing relatationship like she has described.

I am sure that if our partners suddenly turned on us on day and told us that we were not allowed to work and not allowed to spend time with our animals and not allowed to feed them we would all tell our partners to take a hike. The way I read that story the it did not happen like that, the abuse was very gradual, she lived in the middle no nowhere with no neighbours, no family, no friends, no money, mid winter with an abusive controlling husband.

I agree about the colt "running free" that only added to the woes.

Perhaps the whole story is a figment of someone's imagination anyway!
 
"He was wealthy. Why was he making an issue of feeding horses in the winter? Having them at my farm was saving him lots of money. When I told him that my hay was gone, he made it clear that he had no intention of sharing any of his hay with my horses"

This is partly what rings alarm bells for me, he'd provided for his horses, and who knows what the arrangement/agreement was financially between them, reading this it sounds as if they were separately responsible financially.

She also states that she was spending too much time with the horses and he wasn't interested etc, but what if that actually were the case and he was seen as a meal ticket and it may have been that he was very unhappy stating that she loved animals and not people? We simply don't know.


If she couldn't feed her horses she should have put her foot down and returned to work or gifted/sold rehomed her apparently extremely valuable horses.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top