Horrific story of spousal and horse abuse

I am not defending this woman in anyway but having been in an abusive relationship (which ended up me living in a womans hostel) there is no way you can judge this woman unless you have been in that situation yourself. The way a man makes you feel about yourself is something you will never want to experience & unless you have the support of somebody that can help get you out of it (which I luckily did otherwise I probably wouldnt be here to share) then whatever she did could not have been easy for her. I hope the story had a better ending for them all.
 
I asked Anna and Echo is currently pastured about 10 miles out of town from where she lives and, thankfully, is fine. I am adding a link to Anna's website.

The story of Echo is one of several told in a book that Anna wrote about her life and her horses.

Here is a link to her website. http://www.relationshipredflags.com/

As horrific as the story of the horse was, I have never been in Anna's shoes so I can't judge her actions. What seems like obvious action to take perhaps seemed impossible for her to do.

I have a friend who was in an abusive relationship. she was so terrified and reduced to nothing, she would go to a restaurant and be paralyzed - unable to simply choose something to eat off a menu. She used to hide from her husband in the basement and when he severely verbally abused her son, she didn't (couldn't?) stop him. One night, he attacked her and she finally summoned the courage to call the police, but it took her years. She was literally afraid of being killed.
 
I have to say, while it is an horrific story that needs an ending, thank you for posting this. I have a friend who is in an abusive relationship, I can see it, her parents can as can her other friends but she can't. I have read the authors sites, and it has helped me to understand my friends plight. I now just need to find away of getting the information to my friend as I think it would help her
 
horsegirl said:
Bits that don't make sense to me:

Why collect 12 or 13 horses if you don't have the money in savings to deal with emergencies. Saying she thought the husband would pay is no excuse as what if they split up? She had a job before she married him but he made her give it up
Why not drive the trailer/box yourself? As a control freak he probebly wouldn't let her
Why have ungelded colts around Mares if not to produce more horses? Didn't she say he got over the fence to the mare
Why not sell one or more of the horses to get money for feeding the others rather than let them all starve? Horses can't be sold that easily and quickly as we all know
Why not sell or give them away to prevent abuse?
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This is what she did in the end


To the person who hasn't forgiven her mother for the way she was treated - please do - she was a victim too! One day she will be gone and then you will never be able to heal.

Don't blame her it is not easy to leave when you have children to care for, no money, no where to live and then their is the fear of reprisals when the husband finds her. My friend returned to her husband for the sake of the children. I tried to get her to understand what the effect of the type of relationship has on the children but she somehow cannot see past this. Her husband wooed her to extremes when they were dating but turned on the wedding night. Love does strange things to people.

My brother forced my father to leave but it took him till he was in his 30's to have the strength and courage to do so. My mum is now a different person and I see the woman who should have raised me - she is funny and smart and everyone loves her - she got 45 birthday cards for her last birthday - she's 82! Yet when with my father he made all us girls & mum feel we were worthless, he wouldn't let her work, told us that women were only suitable to raise children and look after the home. Despite being at Grammer School he continued to put us down, whe got our GCE but with only just passes.

Then years later I studied with Open Polytech for a Business degree and got A's and B's for my work. I was an E & D student at school.

The desire to please and be accepted is so deep that even when my father was dying and I spoke to him for the last time - I tried to tell him about my degree - but he in his usual selfish way ignored me and was harping on about his condition. Selfish to the day he died. It still hurts that I didn't get his praise.
 
Evelyn said:
This is what she did in the end


To the person who hasn't forgiven her mother for the way she was treated - please do - she was a victim too! One day she will be gone and then you will never be able to heal.

Don't blame her it is not easy to leave when you have children to care for, no money, no where to live and then their is the fear of reprisals when the husband finds her. My friend returned to her husband for the sake of the children. I tried to get her to understand what the effect of the type of relationship has on the children but she somehow cannot see past this. Her husband wooed her to extremes when they were dating but turned on the wedding night. Love does strange things to people.

My brother forced my father to leave but it took him till he was in his 30's to have the strength and courage to do so. My mum is now a different person and I see the woman who should have raised me - she is funny and smart and everyone loves her - she got 45 birthday cards for her last birthday - she's 82! Yet when with my father he made all us girls & mum feel we were worthless, he wouldn't let her work, told us that women were only suitable to raise children and look after the home. Despite being at Grammer School he continued to put us down, whe got our GCE but with only just passes.

Then years later I studied with Open Polytech for a Business degree and got A's and B's for my work. I was an E & D student at school.

The desire to please and be accepted is so deep that even when my father was dying and I spoke to him for the last time - I tried to tell him about my degree - but he in his usual selfish way ignored me and was harping on about his condition. Selfish to the day he died. It still hurts that I didn't get his praise.[/QU




Sorry, I can't change how I feel, like I said, I do love my mum, she has no idea I harbour any resentment at all, however 4 of my other siblings have nothing to do with her, their feelings towards her are of contempt, it's only mysellf and my younger brother who have a relationship with her. It's easy to say forgive her, but I can't completely. I know all too well it's not that easy to leave with children, we were dragged from pillar to post, time and again but still she always went back. I was put into care for a time in my teens, he went to prison but she still took him back on his release. He was a vile man, evil. I know she was a victim too, but she chose to be with him, and she loved him more than her children.

sorry, pressed something wrong so not quoted correctly.
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i feel a little angry at people who say 'she is as bad as the perpetrator if she allowed it to happen to animals or children'. im sorry, this is ridiculous. i grew up in a very violent home, it took a long time but my mum eventually managed to kick my father out. this did not stop the violence, it happened for years after, even with police warnings.

my mum always tried to protect us, i never blame her for what happened. Could you imagine what mothers go through!? no, unless you have been there yourself. its not as simple as walking out and leaving. even as a child suffering from the violence, i could not imagine what my mum went through.

so please dont judge this lady, its briefly outlining what her and her horses went through. you dont know what else went on, you werent there to experience it day in, day out.

*NOT TRYING TO START AN ARGUEMENT, JUST MY OPINION*
 
The mindset of being abused blinds people to the effects it has on those around them.

I know people who only realised that their abusive marriages were hurting their children when the children began showing extreme behaviour. Anna only noticed Echo was starving when her behaviour changed. She only really saw how his attitude affected them when her jaw was cut open. Again, another realisation when Echo rejected her foal.

The slowness of starving to death wouldn't have been extreme enough to jolt Anna into realising what was happening.

However, unless her husband was extremely abusive, she could have stopped him driving.

As a point - the period of time I was abused and it was at its worse was when I was faced with having Dorey shot. After she went to stud I had nothing left and gave up. I lay down and told him to kill me. I'd absolutely had enough of life.

It's not ideal, but I understand why Anna couldn't bear to part with her horses. Had she sold them, it might be a much happier outcome for the horses and a much more horrific one for Anna!
 
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