Horse loss

[kc921]

Hi all, how did you deal with a horse loss?
I had to put my beautiful boy down in August 2022, I was 30 odd weeks pregnant at the time and the birth was less than 2 months after, I had problems there and it was extremely traumatic for myself, partner and family, I was in and out of hospital for roughly 3 weeks and I am still receiving treatment for some of the complications.
I never really got time to grieve/mourn over the loss of my heart horse.
It was unfortunately sudden, he went extremely downhill in about 2 weeks (he started suffering from seizures) so after many vet visits and different vets advice, I had to do what was best for him and put him down.
My little girl is now nearly 4 months old and now things have started to settle in day to day life, I am really struggling to get over/move on from the loss.

Thank you in advance

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

I lost mine very suddenly, barely 12 hours since symptoms started. I still cry often, I miss him terribly but I'm coping and getting back into exercise and better eating habits to try and help my mental health.

I'd suggest some counselling, you can self refer these days but waiting times can be a bit disheartening so consider private treatment.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

The Blue Cross provide counselling for people bereaved of their pets, you might find that useful but equally your midwife/health visitor might be able to offer some support or a referral to support because I imagine that your emotions are heightened because of your hormones. Otherwise, time does help.

 

[SO1]

I lost mine back in July and made a thread on here called grief from loss of horse. He was only 20.

I am still sad. It is hard. The Blue Cross Bereavement helpline were helpful.

I am getting flashbacks as memories as I am starting to look at my next horse. It feels weird.

His death made me think about death and worry about loosing my family and other loved ones.

 

[YoLaTango]

Can’t speak to the loss of horse (though my heart goes out to you), but also had a traumatic birth…

It might be the case that both events (loss and trauma) has mixed to form a toxic whole. My birth story was awful and really effected how I bonded with my boy for a while. You probably know this, but you can have a meeting to go over what happened during birth. I found this very helpful. I also suffered pnd for a while - I think in part caused by the trauma. A course of SSRIs helped.

What you are going though is very tough. It’s made worse by the fact that you are grieving and probably exhausted and tapped out (everyone needing something from you).

What helped me? Various things! Getting sleep when I could. Agreeing to take help when it was offered. Dealing with the trauma (talking about it, understanding it, understanding the risk of it happening again). Forgiving myself (irrational but I deep down believed it was my own fault). And getting some time for myself. If you can (took me about 8 months to even think about it) a bit of exercise helps.

I can’t speak to the horse loss. But ultimately, what helped me through the fog of depression was spending time with horses. So maybe… maybe… think about ways to incorporate horses into your life again.

 

[Caol Ila]

I bought a two year old filly when my 27 year old horse started looking a bit wobbly. A couple months later, my old horse went downhill quickly, and I made the decision to PTS. On the day that I said goodbye to my old horse (who I’d owned for 21 years), I later went to see my filly, who was at a different yard. I looked at her and thought, sh1t, she could be pregnant. I called the vet. The next day, the vet said that not only was the filly pregnant, she was going to foal THAT WEEK. She did.

My plans to spend three weeks lying in bed were scuppered.

Not long ago, when a fellow owner asked how I coped with losing my old girl, I said, “My filly was a teen mum and I just didn’t know what the f&)@ck was going on anymore.”

Not that this is helpful for anyone else.

 

[kc921]

I lost mine back in July and made a thread on here called grief from loss of horse. He was only 20.

That's the hardest part for me, he was only 13, I keep thinking back, is there anything more I could have done to help him or prevent it, he was an exracer and I'd owned him for over 5 years. But he helped me through so much and was such a unique, kind hearted boy.

Thank you everyone for all your advice and support, I have started to try and exercise and lose some weight (as I did comfort eat).
I will contact my health visitor or blue cross and see if they can put me in touch with someone for counseling/ help or advice x

 

[misst]

Nothing sage or useful to add except I know how much it hurts. It gets better. The birth of your baby complicates things - you're supposed to be happy etc and birth is never straightforward or simple. Combine with bereavement and it is a minefield. Feel whatever you need to. Allow yourself time. Guilt is normal but not helpful. Take care of yourself. You will get through this.x

 

[SO1]

Here is the link to my thread. It may help others or avoid if you think it might triggering I really struggled with emotions. I think it is normal to feel so sad.

You are allowed to grieve and be sad about losing your horse it was a devastating thing to happen. Just because it was delayed due to thr trauma related to the birth of your child does not mean it is devalued. The adrenaline was probably keeping you going due to the worry about your child and your own health.

There is no easy way to just get over a bereavement otherwise we would all be doing that thing. I think in time we learn to live with the loss I have not got to that point yet.

Grief due to loss of horse

I had to PTS my equine companion of 15 years yesterday. The vet thinks he had nerve damage which prevented his stomach from emptying properly. There was no treatment we had tried a special diet and the gastric impaction returned. I decided to let him go before he started to feel pain and colic...

forums.horseandhound.co.uk

 

[JumpTheMoon1]

Best advice is not to post on here and get caught up in all the " stories ". Your horse was beautiful and special to you and only you have the special memories of him.Just grieve and do what you have to do.Make a special place in your home with his photos and stop the self blame - you did what you thought was the right thing to do.Find some quiet moments to remember him and thank him for all that he gave you.Good luck.

 

[Snow Falcon]

I do feel for you. I sadly lost my beautiful homebred mare last year after several months of her being unwell (following years of unexplained episodes) when she was only 12. I'm still struggling to come to terms with loosing her. Personal circumstances here are not easy which isn't helping.

Talk to your health visitor about how you are feeling regards to your birth experience too. I would also contact your vets and talk through things with them.

Speaking to other people who have lost their horses through similar experiences starts the grieving process. SO1 and I met up and discussed our losses as our ponies both had gastric issues. I hope you are able to start moving forward soon. Happy for you to PM me if you wish.

 

[SEL]

Ignore the poster above who says don't come on here - sharing stories helps many people with grief.

I think the first thing is to accept that you made exactly the right decision for your horse. He didn't have to suffer. It's horrendous for us and I'm sure everyone who has had a horse PTS spends time second guessing their decision but when they are sick it is done from a place of love.

Are there any horses around you could visit for a cuddle? A good friend of mine lost her mare just before her daughter turned up and once life was more settled they both came to visit my little herd. She won't be in a place to have another horse for a long, long time but she loved introducing her daughter to lots of snuffly noses.

 

[kc921]

Ignore the poster above who says don't come on here - sharing stories helps many people with grief.

I think the first thing is to accept that you made exactly the right decision for your horse. He didn't have to suffer. It's horrendous for us and I'm sure everyone who has had a horse PTS spends time second guessing their decision but when they are sick it is done from a place of love.

Are there any horses around you could visit for a cuddle? A good friend of mine lost her mare just before her daughter turned up and once life was more settled they both came to visit my little herd. She won't be in a place to have another horse for a long, long time but she loved introducing her daughter to lots of snuffly noses.

Thank you.

I do have friends that have horses and my friend who shares a horse asks me for riding lessons as well,
I think it would be a great idea introducing my daughter to my friends horse, as that is one of the things I'm caught up on, is she never got to meet my boy.
I am in the same position I won't be able to have another horse for a long time now and still do not feel ready to ride another horse.
Thank you for your advice

 

[TooScaredToJump]

I knew I had to make the decision for my boy (who was also too young at 15) but the timing was forced earlier than I’d have liked as I was in the middle of moving for work, so I didn’t have much down time to grieve as I was organising everything myself for the whole family.

I felt very alone during the investigations/ treatment/ box rest and afterwards - having to make all the decisions myself with nobody to talk to, I lost contact with horsey friends; I no longer see them out and about anymore and as we all know they do take up a lot of our spare time! I’m not in a financial position to purchase another anytime soon and living so rurally the option to share is non existent.

I don’t have much in the way of advice, I’m still working this all out myself. Be gentle to yourself, you did what you needed to do and please don’t beat yourself up about it - if only us humans could be treated with such love and dignity.