Horse PTS tomorrow... how do you cope?

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Jericho

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After a 16 months of trying to get my boy right and sound and happy I have finally made the decision that I knew I would have to make eventually and he is being PTS. He is only 13 yrs old and I only had the priviledge of knowing him 2 years and riding him for 6mths but I am devestated and there will be a huge empty space in my heart this time tomorrow.

I knew after the initial diagnosis of navicular, soft tissue damage as well as problematic back and hocks (basically lots of problems that are all linked that will always cause him mild pain) that he would never be anything than a light hack so he became a companion to my mare. It became increasingly obvious he didnt like being a companion and wasnt settled and worries about everything, he loses weight at the first sign of rain and is miserable when he has to be rugged as he hates them being taken on and off and the pressure on his neck and back. He hated being groomed, having his feet done, being left when we went out for a hack. He hated the hard ground, the mud, the flies....

To avoid THE decision which I have never had to do with anything before, I tried to bring him back into work a couple of months ago with the view that he could go to someone on loan as a light hack and to give him more of a life but it was clear he hated every second of being ridden, was kicking and biting before the saddle even went near him, napped, reared, paniced, shook his head every time I sat on him. I could never ever have trusted anyone else with him in case they hurt him more or if he hurt them (which he increasingly seemed to want to do)

I certainly didnt want him to spend another winter being miserable so with my heart in my mouth I rang the kennels and tomorrow he will run free living the life he deserved and wanted, running with the herd with the sun on his back with no flies, no worries, no tack, no horrible farriers and no pain. I feel horrible, like a traitor, I cant bear to look at him and I just want to bury my head in pillows until it is all over but I know I owe him more than that and I will be stuffing his face with treats and scratching his neck (the one thing he did love!) with all my might tomorrow. The worse thing is that he looks majestic, wonderful and noble and like a horse in his prime (until he moves and then he looks like a right old crock three times his age) and I have had to play God with his life.

So to Hawkins, while you are still here, thank you old man for all the happy memories, you are very much loved and you will never be forgotten and Ihope that your last couple of years with me were at least sometimes happy.

Thanks for reading if you got this far, its helped a little to write out how I am feeling.
 
Oh I'm sorry hun :( Not a lot words can say but just hugs and carrots for you both xxxxxx

Don't be there when he's taken away if you can though :( x
 
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Major hugs: you don't cope, you just get through it and rely heavily on your mates to help you and give you their shoulder on which to cry as often as needed.:(

Sincerely feel for you: the worst decision I've ever had to make.
 
Im very sorry. Its a very hard thing to have to do. All I can say is spoil him all you can beforehand give him all his favourite things and let him go knowing he wont be in pain any more.

Hope it goes smoothly for you both.
 
So sorry and so brave and thank you for making the decision rather than pass it on.

You don't get over it. You buy half bottles of whiskey or rum at your local shop and get the deed done. Give one bottle to the vet and one bottle to the digger driver (or removal man) and drink the other yourself.

You go home.

You do all the housework within an inch of its life, listening to Simon and Garfunkel (or whatever you really like) on full, crying your eyes out.

Then you have a bath, go to bed with a bowl of neat liquid chocolate mixed with cornflakes.

Wake up tomorrow with a stinking headache but knowing you did the best and only thing possible.

Hugs hun xxx

We have all been there and I, for one, respect your decision and ability as a horse owner. You have livestock so you have deadstock.

xxx
 
I do feel for you, it seems you have made a very brave decision, you have done all you could have done for him, it is not easy, i know myself,:( in time you will be able to remember the fond memories with a smile and not a tear, i shall be thinking of you tomorrow.
 
My heart goes out to you, it doesnt get easier. I had to make the same decision in June (my only consolation is I had him for 18years and he wasnt suffering any more)

It sounds like you have tried everything possible. I don't know you but can tell that you have done him proud and have always put him first.

I am sure Charlie will be waiting at Rainbow Bridge for your boy tomorrow.

I will be thinking of you
xxxx
 
Very sorry to hear this. Such an awful decision to make.

I had no choice but agree to my mare being PTS at the end of June as the vets found a tumor in her chest and nothing could be done to save her. So in a way I havent had to make the decision but it was still very difficult to come to terms with as a month before she was happy and healthy.

I've cried my eyes out and gone through being very withdrawn from everything. I've bought a Jack Russell puppy and turned my attentions to horse hunting so now my new horse arrives tomorrow and although i'm still heartbroken over Tia, i've got a new horse to concentrate on. I found the worst thing was not knowing what to do with my time. Especially as i've been out of work for the whole time too.
 
As previously said, you don't cope, you survive.

I am so sorry to hear about your boy, I had to make the decision for my girl nearly 6 months ago now and I still sob every day. I had her for 6 years, she was my first horse, and on my 21st birthday (fantastic timing) she went lame, was mis-diagnosed twice and 7 weeks down the line was showing text book laminitus signs, even though she had been on box rest! I was so lucky to have my girl right until the end, the only thing she couldn't do was move, and it broke my heart to watch her try. I had a final lot of x-rays taken with a different vet (from the same practice) who only had to look at the state I was in to know I knew what was coming (she had heart bar shoes on and was on 4 bute a day, only 13.3, 2 notches of sedaline twice a day and it still wasn't even touching her pain)

I miss her so much, but it was the only thing I could do to make her pain stop, I was with her right until the end and wouldn't have wanted her to suffer anymore. It does feel like a huge relief once it has all happened and is over with, I didn't know what to do with myself.

Try and be strong for your boy and let him know you are doing it for him. Lots of hugs and kisses coming your way.
 
First of all BIG HUGS x x
I had my mare pts but it had to be done, came as a bit of a shock and was dealt with all in a blur. I was stunned afterwards and it didnt really sink in for ages but to have to plan it must be terrible.
I think you are really brave and doing the best thing for your horse. I really feel for you x
 
You cope because you have made the only decision possible in the circumstances and you have done it with HIS, rather than your, best interests at heart.

It is a horrible decision to have to make and it doesn't get any easier, no matter how many times you have to do it.

Thinking of you at this very difficult time.
 
firstly hugs to you!!

its an awful decision to have to make :( we had my first pony pts last wednesday & yes it still hurts, but day to day life is improving. Life has to go on & keep yourself busy.

When he is actually pts its your choice as to if you hold him or not, it really is a personal decision. We had Lucky pts in the field with his 2 girls. I walked them away & sob into Honeys mane while he was injected & my mum held him (he had also been her 1st pony after me!).

But whatever you do dont watch them loading him into the wagon. It is an undignified process but necessary :(

(((((HUGS)))))) to you again, just remember you are doing the right thing by your boy, & for that he is grateful.
xx
 
Ditto what others have said and a very brave but hard decision for you. The first thing I did was get off the yard as fast as I could, went home and poured myself a stiff drink with shaking hands, cried, had a strange sense of relief at the same time, cried some more, .........I found it harder the next day turning up to see to the others and seeing rugs, halter, sweet itch creams, feed trug etc that once belonged. When we were going through it with the vet and disposal man, I found it all a bit surreal, it wasn't until later that it hit home.

Anyway, spoil him while you can, be brave if you can and be good to yourself afterwards. Remember you are doing a kind thing. Will be thinking of you.
 
So sorry, I had my beloved 5 year old pts in January and am facing the prospect of losing my TB if he doesn't xome rigt after kissing spines op.

It will be a difficul time for a while yet but time does make it bearable, it's a horrible thing to go through, you have my sympathy.
 
I have had two ponies PTS in as many years. I really feel for you. You know you are doing the right thing for yours. Hugs for you. Time is a great healer, means nothing to you now.

Thinking of you.

Jane
 
So sorry for you news how sad. You just have to think of all the fun you have had it is really difficult but you are putting your horse first. I think you get buy but it never gets easier. I took locks of hair from mine and kept their last set of shoes I found that a bit of a comfort. Some of the hair I have had made into a stock pin to remember them by.

Will be thinking of you.
 
I am so sorry for you. Many hugs.

When my mare was pts, I actually found the day before the hardest. I kept thinking about what was going to happen, and I was very frightened.

When the time came I found some strength I didn't know I had, and afterwords it wasn't quite as bad as I expected. You may find when it's over, the relief of knowing the pain is gone for good will help you through it.

It seems impossible right now, but you will cope. Some like to get off the yard; I personally mucked out my horses stable. Just do whatever you feel like doing afterwards and don't let anyone stop you.

Will be thinking of you. xx
 
Oh God I'm so sorry.

You are making the kindest decision for your horse, and I respect you for that. In answer to your question, if you're anything like me, you dont cope. My mare was PTS 4 weeks ago yesterday, I had had her for 27 and a half years and I basically am lost without her. And this happened 9 days after my beloved dog died. I think alcohol is helping me at the moment. I've never drunk this much this often. I'm depressed, I'm sad and I miss my lovely girl. I'm waiting for it to stop hurting so much.

I wish I could be there to give you a hug and talk to you. We are all different and cope differently. You MUST remember, every time you are hurting, that it's only you that's hurting now - your horse will be pain free and I'm sure if he could he would thank you for letting him go. You aren't playing God, you are doing something for your horse that only a selfless owner can do. I couldn't let my mare go on with no quality of life, she had given me so much pleasure over the years that it was what I owed her. To go with dignity. Dont be upset that he's going still looking majestic, be grateful he's not going looking horrendous. Does that make sense?

You will get through tomorrow. You will go onto automatic pilot, and it will be a horrible dark day. But you are doing the RIGHT THING.

Big hugs to you, I really really do feel your pain.

xxxxxxxxxx
 
Hugs. As was said to me, you are doing the final and most important act of kindness you can ever do for him. You are letting him go with dignity and are relieving him from suffering.

I hope the sun shines.

Thinking of you

Dxxx
 
What beautiful words for a beautiful friendship. You have tried so hard.

There are tears in my eyes as I type.

Hugs darling. He will run free over the rainbow bridge, with Tiggy and Moz and so many so much loved others.
 
So sorry to hear about your sad news. It is so difficult but hard as it is, try to enjoy every single last second with your boy. Let the tears fall as freely and as often as you need them to afterwards, don't bottle it all up or it makes it even worse if that is possible.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow and wish a peaceful passing for Hawkins.
 
Having had to do the same thing last Friday for almost exactly the same reasons (collateral ligaments in front, hind suspensories, SI strain and then a sudden further problem of prob DDFT) I do know what you are going through. Jesper was 12 and the light of our lives in many ways. He had not been ridden for 18 months but has given us 7 and a half years of pleasure(and tears).
My heart goes out to you.

No advice just go with the flow. It is awful but knowing you made the right decision helps. I hope your vet is as good as ours was and your boys passing is as swift and peaceful.

Tell him you love him. He will wait for you at the bridge. ((((Hugs))))x
 
really sorry to hear your news

At least you made the right decision and thought of your beautiful boy.
Most of us have been where you are now,its part of owning a horse.
Its a very brave thing you have done,at least he can have some dignity and will be running round horsey heaven with out pain.
Bit tearful as it brings memories for me.
These people are professionals and he wont feal a thing,just remember that.
You dont need to stay,no one will expect you to,give him lots of cuddles and say goodbye.
Dont stay for the removal hun your boy will be treated with loads of respect , trust me on that,just go home,and snuggle a picture of him.

lots of hugs
 
My old boy was PTS five years ago; it still feels like yesterday. Ditto to everything everyone has said, plus (this might sound stupid) be aware of what you're wearing, what perfume your'e wearing, what you listen to on the radio etc etc, coz this is an awful time for you and memories tend to "stick" with things, and you get associations. For instance, when my boy was PTS I was wearing lavendar oil, just to relax him and make it easier for him, coz its supposed to be brill for horses. Yesterday I put some on, and bang, I was right back sobbing my heart out like I was five years ago, and I was right back there. Ditto with stuff on the radio - if you're listening to summat and it goes into your subconsious, you might hear it in the future and it will make you sob your heart out.

Bless you, I shall say a prayer for you. Another lovely horsey soul to be with my JC and all the other lovely horses that are waiting at the gate for us.
 
Awww huN! I dont really have alot of words but lots of hugs!!! Im sure he had a wonderful 2 year with you, you have done so much to make his life better, and make him more comfortable, I dont think anybody could give him anything better. Have a tub of B&J with a bottle of wine. thoughts are with you both xxxxxxxxxxx
 
Thank you all so much for your kind words. Its over now and I sit here typing with the tears falling. At least he can worry no more and feel no more pain. RIP Hawkins - you were a wonderful horse as honest as they came and I hope you forgive me xxx
 
Jericho - there is nothing for him to forgive. Just the opposite. You did the very best you could for him every steps of the way with love in your heart. No horse could ask for more.

*hugs*
 
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