Horse seems to have 'fallen out' with me since I sent her away

[Wagtail]

I know this sounds daft, and anthropomorphising, but I made the huge decision to send my mare away for a few weeks to be ridden away. I've been pretty ill over the last 18 months and although I'd backed her, I just wasn't getting the consistency in with her training. So I figured it was best for her to get some proper training in, and see a few sights, get out hacking etc. But when I visit her she is either lying down or dozing and apart from the first time I visited, when she was very hyper, she is totally disinterested in me. She didn't even get up one time. I usually just give her a groom but normally she loves being scratched and fussed but I can't even get her usual itchy spots right at the moment. She looks well, has a lovely deep bed and fresh water and hay. The people there seem to love her. I wonder if she is just utterly tired. She's used to having a really easy time at home with me. I do remember a youngster here being the same when we sent him away. Do other people find their horses seem a bit distant when they visit them at the trainers or breakers? Could she be sulking with me because I've 'abandoned her'? I've always just done horses myself and never sent one of my own away before, apart from a mare that went to my trainers before coming to me, but that was different because I hadn't bonded with her at that point.

 

[Goldenstar]

No she's a horse and she's in the moment being quiet resting doing her stuff she not missing you nor has she forgotten you she just being a horse .
Resting during the day is normal in summer sometimes I have five down in the stables looking like a terrible disease has struck .
I have strong partnership with all my horses but they don't need us ,they need people who treat them fairly and give them good care if they have that they are content even if the people are completely detached emotionally.
I am glad you have her away being ridden away that was a good call , how long is she staying away ?

 

[Michen]

I sent my youngster away for a week last week. At home he is very clingy to me even though he's on part livery. He couldn't have been less interested in me when I visited him at training yard!

 

[Kezzabell2]

When Sam was away and I went to visit he didn't seem bothered about seeing me at all! where as at home he would always come over to see me as soon as I arrived!

By the sounds of it, I would say your horse is quite tired! so I wouldn't take it personally, she will be back to her normal self when she comes home!

 

[Wagtail]

No she's a horse and she's in the moment being quiet resting doing her stuff she not missing you nor has she forgotten you she just being a horse .
Resting during the day is normal in summer sometimes I have five down in the stables looking like a terrible disease has struck .
I have strong partnership with all my horses but they don't need us ,they need people who treat them fairly and give them good care if they have that they are content even if the people are completely detached emotionally.
I am glad you have her away being ridden away that was a good call , how long is she staying away ?

She seems really attached to me at home and will go a long way from the others to stand and call for me at the fence. Just for a scratch, even when there's loads of grass and not feeding time. If I'm poo picking she chooses to follow me rather than stay with the others. But I get what you're saying and it makes me feel a bit better. I just have never done this with a horse of my own before. I'm finding it hard to let go, lol. She's away for around 3 weeks. Maybe more, depending on how she does.

I sent my youngster away for a week last week. At home he is very clingy to me even though he's on part livery. He couldn't have been less interested in me when I visited him at training yard!

Really? Oh that makes me feel better then. Thank you.

 

[Wagtail]

When Sam was away and I went to visit he didn't seem bothered about seeing me at all! where as at home he would always come over to see me as soon as I arrived!

By the sounds of it, I would say your horse is quite tired! so I wouldn't take it personally, she will be back to her normal self when she comes home!

Thanks. Yes, she's a very strong-willed madam at times so I expect she will have been putting a lot of her energy into objecting to various things, and also will be having a crash course in so many sights and sounds and experiences, so I suspect that she is very tired. It's strange how they are so different away from home!

 

[Antw23uk]

I understand what your saying OP. I put my gelding out on loan two years ago now and each time I visited he would be pleased so see me but ALWAYS nip me .. this horse usually has impeccable manners and would never dream of trying to bite/ nip. He did it with no one else and did it the dozen times I visited him that year. He's home now, never done since. It was 'almost' like he liked to see me but that I had to be told off for sending him away. Very strange. I've just started bring my fairly new mare in to proper work and she's always laying down now, lol!

 

[Goldenstar]

It's not easy having them away when you are not used to it .
I have a horse being vetted on Tuesday and if he passes ( fingers crossed )he will be staying with the trainer he's at ,he's five but very green and has done very little he's been a fortnight where he is leaving the home where he was bred to go there .
I will be leaving him with the trainer a while because I feel it's better for him not to move again so soon and I am struggling with that and I doult I have been in the horses company an hour so I understand fully it's not easy to send your friend away .
When they got her on a bit start to go and ride her and then it will all seem worth it .

 

[SpringArising]

No she's a horse and she's in the moment being quiet resting doing her stuff she not missing you nor has she forgotten you she just being a horse .
Resting during the day is normal in summer sometimes I have five down in the stables looking like a terrible disease has struck .
I have strong partnership with all my horses but they don't need us ,they need people who treat them fairly and give them good care if they have that they are content even if the people are completely detached emotionally.

100%!

 

[Wagtail]

I understand what your saying OP. I put my gelding out on loan two years ago now and each time I visited he would be pleased so see me but ALWAYS nip me .. this horse usually has impeccable manners and would never dream of trying to bite/ nip. He did it with no one else and did it the dozen times I visited him that year. He's home now, never done since. It was 'almost' like he liked to see me but that I had to be told off for sending him away. Very strange. I've just started bring my fairly new mare in to proper work and she's always laying down now, lol!

he sounds a character. My girl is just being really quiet and polite, but it's as though I'm a stranger to her.

It's not easy having them away when you are not used to it .
I have a horse being vetted on Tuesday and if he passes ( fingers crossed )he will be staying with the trainer he's at ,he's five but very green and has done very little he's been a fortnight where he is leaving the home where he was bred to go there .
I will be leaving him with the trainer a while because I feel it's better for him not to move again so soon and I am struggling with that and I doult I have been in the horses company an hour so I understand fully it's not easy to send your friend away .
When they got her on a bit start to go and ride her and then it will all seem worth it .

Thanks. It's really hard for me but I guess that if she was fussing and neighing after me when I leave her, it would make it harder to leave her in a way. At least I can see she's relaxed! She needed a bit of excitement in her life. Yes, I'll be going up and riding her there before she comes home.

 

[Cortez]

Is this a professional yard? Perhaps she's being asked to work, and not being treated like a pet. When I used to train for owners one of the first things we had to do was get the horses to just listen and not be all over the grooms and riders. Sometimes the horses had never been "told" to do anything in their lives and had a bit of a sharp learning curve. NB: I'm sure your mare has lovely manners, and NB: No, we didn't go around "disciplining" horses, we were kind, but firm.

 

[be positive]

Thanks. It's really hard for me but I guess that if she was fussing and neighing after me when I leave her, it would make it harder to leave her in a way. At least I can see she's relaxed! She needed a bit of excitement in her life. Yes, I'll be going up and riding her there before she comes home.

I see her not fussing over you as a positive, a confident horse will not cling to a person, they are content and relaxed ready to go out into the world and learn what life is about, far better than a horse neighing in distress, from a trainers point of view she will be easier to deal with than a clingy one that lacks independence.

I remember my now 26 year old being left here by his breeder, I bought him as a green 5 year old that had only left the farm to be backed, she left here with mixed feelings, half upset that he never looked up from his haynet, half pleased that he was so obviously settled, he proved to be one of the nicest well brought up horses I have ever dealt with, he came as a project to bring on and sell, 21 years later he is still here!!

Your mare will be fine.

 

[Wagtail]

Is this a professional yard? Perhaps she's being asked to work, and not being treated like a pet. When I used to train for owners one of the first things we had to do was get the horses to just listen and not be all over the grooms and riders. Sometimes the horses had never been "told" to do anything in their lives and had a bit of a sharp learning curve. NB: I'm sure your mare has lovely manners, and NB: No, we didn't go around "disciplining" horses, we were kind, but firm.

Yes, it's a very professional yard. I absolutely trust them to do a good job with her. I think she probably needed a bit more structure from people not emotionally involved with her. her manners are lovely. I had taught her to step back out of people's way and she isn't 'in your face'. But she was nuzzley in a charming, soft way. But only when you allowed it. She is willful though and will stand up if she disagrees with something or gets excited so I had to realise my limitations. I am not the woman I used to be since falling ill. I'm mostly better now but I reckon it knocked my confidence not being so strong and able as I am used to being. Very hyperthyroid so lots of tremor and nervousness when not controlled. So I think I just realised I needed to send her away as although in many ways she's easy peasy, in very small, but important ways she needs showing that her behaviour is sometimes not acceptable.

I see her not fussing over you as a positive, a confident horse will not cling to a person, they are content and relaxed ready to go out into the world and learn what life is about, far better than a horse neighing in distress, from a trainers point of view she will be easier to deal with than a clingy one that lacks independence.

I remember my now 26 year old being left here by his breeder, I bought him as a green 5 year old that had only left the farm to be backed, she left here with mixed feelings, half upset that he never looked up from his haynet, half pleased that he was so obviously settled, he proved to be one of the nicest well brought up horses I have ever dealt with, he came as a project to bring on and sell, 21 years later he is still here!!

Your mare will be fine.

Thank you. Your boy sounds amazing. It's strange the way they come into our lives sometimes.

 

[Elf On A Shelf]

I find one of the horses I ride at work sulks when someone else rides him. He just plods along with them and then with me the next day. Perks up again the day after.