Horsehunting but am I trying to find the impossible?

[vickyb]

OP, having read what you've said about your nervousness, why don't you and your daughter have a riding holiday together before you buy a horse? This would give you many more hours in the saddle out and about, and thus more chance to learn to relax a bit, also you could learn some stable management as well. I too think that committing yourself to horse ownership at this early stage could end badly. Even the saintliest of horses will push the boundaries to some degree - it's not just horses spooking for fun when ridden, for example, it's also them discovering that ground rules aren't being applied and that they can walk all over you in the yard/field/stable.

 

[Milly Molly 1966]

OP, having read what you've said about your nervousness, why don't you and your daughter have a riding holiday together before you buy a horse? This would give you many more hours in the saddle out and about, and thus more chance to learn to relax a bit, also you could learn some stable management as well. I too think that committing yourself to horse ownership at this early stage could end badly. Even the saintliest of horses will push the boundaries to some degree - it's not just horses spooking for fun when ridden, for example, it's also them discovering that ground rules aren't being applied and that they can walk all over you in the yard/field/stable.

Thank you.....we did that last year and have been having lessons on and off for a couple of years....I have owned my own horse previously and we have been sharing for the last year. We did more when sharing than we have done having riding lessons. I think they are great for the basics but you never really learn until you get your own. I know how to look after a horse as I am doing that now. My problem is just the nerves when riding...I don't know whether to just give up on finding me a horse and concentrate getting one for my daughter.

 

[Suec04]

Thank you.....we did that last year and have been having lessons on and off for a couple of years....I have owned my own horse previously and we have been sharing for the last year. We did more when sharing than we have done having riding lessons. I think they are great for the basics but you never really learn until you get your own. I know how to look after a horse as I am doing that now. My problem is just the nerves when riding...I don't know whether to just give up on finding me a horse and concentrate getting one for my daughter.

Don't give up Milly! . There will be a horse out there for you both. It is more difficult to find one that will suit you both but there will be one! I feel exactly the same as you. I am knocking on 40 this year, owned, ridden and worked with horses for many years until I had my daughter 13 yrs ago. I am nervous too but only because I have been out of the game for so long. I believe the same as you in that you only learn to ride properly on a 'normal' horse. you just need to be patient to find the right one. If it takes me a year to find ours, then I don't care. He/She is out there somewhere. Keep having the lessons in the meantime to build up your confidence, as am I. I too, want to get my daughter outside instead on behind a computer screen all day long. x

 

[EstherYoung]

I'd agree with many of the previous posters.

1) Don't rule out the oldies. A 'been there done that' horse will have a lot to teach you, is more likely to be the reliable bombproof horse hat you are looking for, and a sound horse in its late teens or early 20s could well have another 5-10 years of active service ahead of it.

2) Don't underestimate what there is left to learn at a riding school. As someone else mentioned, try and ride as many horses at the school as you can. It will boost your skill and confidence level, and it will also give you a feel for the type and build of horse that you enjoy riding. Plus riding schools are the only way you will get guaranteed riding. If you just have the one horse of your own, they have an inconvenient habit of being off games just when you need them

3) Don't underestimate what your own horse will cost. You'll enter an endless feedback loop of saddle fitting, physio, vet fees, livery charges, farriers, and you'll still have to pay for lessons...... And after all that there's not even any guarantee of riding (see point 2).

Personally, in your situation I'd get as many lessons in as possible over the winter, and then maybe look at getting your own in the spring. That way, you'll be doing the searching in daylight, and when you do get one you'll have the summer to get to know each other before the ming of the winter sets in.

 

[oldie48]

I started riding very late in life and have owned a number of different horses over the years. I've learned a huge amount and still have a way to go but generally I've found that despite being very careful to buy "suitable" safe horses and being prepared to pay a proper price for them, I've never really found that confidence giver that so many of the ads talk about. Every horse I've owned has been easy and well behaved when I've felt confident and in control, if I wobbled a bit, so did the horse! I've never found the first few months easy and have always invested in lots of lessons and still do. Personally, I'd invest in more RS lessons, when I bought my first horse i really thought I could ride, 15 years on I realise i was pretty much a passenger!

 

[Primitive Pony]

Aside from all the other responses, I would say that yes, there are horses out there that you can just enjoy hacking without worrying about what the horse is doing - I've just bought one!

It wans't quite my intention to find a 'bombproof' horse but he is, regardless, and it is such a pleasure - so don't give up, from that point of view. But look for something older, schoolmaster-type perhaps. I'm not too far from you so will keep my eyes open!

I also have another that will need a loan home soon but might not be quite what you're looking for as is prone to the odd spook, but PM me if you might be interested.

 

[1life]

Have you thought of advertising for a suitable share horse, maybe in a local tack shop or at a equestrian competition venue? Getting a horse for yourself, if you are having confidence problems, would be a huge step. A share would take the pressure off and if it doesn't work you don't have to worry about rehoming etc.

 

[WeeBrown]

When I was in a similar situation - new horse required, nervous rider - I sought out a dealer I trusted to find me a horse. They can do all the hard, horse hunting work for you once they know what you require and your level of riding.
I'd also reconsider finding another share option, not everyone is trying to palm off their nutty horses. It's a shame you're not near to me as I have a lovely cob I'm putting up for share in the new year as I'm not having time to ride all mine at the minute. Also don't rule out age. I got him at 12 years old (he's nearly 17 now) and we've done tons together including xc this year and he doesn't seem a day older in his way of going. You might find, if you do share on a large yard, that you hear about other horses for share/loan/sale. Don't give up!

 

[Tobiano]

Hi OP - hope you find what you need. I have a LOT of experience of buying the wrong horse for me (3 times now - all in good homes now) - and if you are trying to get something that is suitable for your nerves and your daughter's ambition I really urge you to aim for the former. Your daughter will develop far more skill and confidence on a horse that is 'too quiet' than the opposite, and you clearly need something that is very forgiving and quiet. That is not a criticism, its what I need too! Aim to under-horse yourself rather than over-horse. It's easy to say and speaking as someone who has made the mistakes many times I know it is far far harder to do, but in the long run it is definitely the best thing. If you get something that shakes your confidence now it may well put you off riding in the future. I also agree with those who say it is a whole different ball game owning your own when you are an adult with responsibilities (though I know you have in the past). Its no fun setting off for a hack wondering who will look after your daughter if you spend 2 hours lying unconscious in a field before someone finds you. Somehow I find riding my own far more stressful than anyone else's - i think for me it is the responsibility thing and feeling that if things dont work there is a huge amount of effort to put it right. Whereas with a borrowed horse you can just get off, hand it back, and go and try another one. Also i wonder if it is worth, whilst looking, finding some more ways to work on your confidence? I would highly recommend lunge lessons as they develop your balance and will help you not to tense up if you feel a bit unbalanced. also there are lots of people who specialise in helping with confidence issues - a lady i have never used but really like her blogs is Cathy Sirett - Effective Horsemanship if you google her. Good luck!

 

[Milly Molly 1966]

Hi OP - hope you find what you need. I have a LOT of experience of buying the wrong horse for me (3 times now - all in good homes now) - and if you are trying to get something that is suitable for your nerves and your daughter's ambition I really urge you to aim for the former. Your daughter will develop far more skill and confidence on a horse that is 'too quiet' than the opposite, and you clearly need something that is very forgiving and quiet. That is not a criticism, its what I need too! Aim to under-horse yourself rather than over-horse. It's easy to say and speaking as someone who has made the mistakes many times I know it is far far harder to do, but in the long run it is definitely the best thing. If you get something that shakes your confidence now it may well put you off riding in the future. I also agree with those who say it is a whole different ball game owning your own when you are an adult with responsibilities (though I know you have in the past). Its no fun setting off for a hack wondering who will look after your daughter if you spend 2 hours lying unconscious in a field before someone finds you. Somehow I find riding my own far more stressful than anyone else's - i think for me it is the responsibility thing and feeling that if things dont work there is a huge amount of effort to put it right. Whereas with a borrowed horse you can just get off, hand it back, and go and try another one. Also i wonder if it is worth, whilst looking, finding some more ways to work on your confidence? I would highly recommend lunge lessons as they develop your balance and will help you not to tense up if you feel a bit unbalanced. also there are lots of people who specialise in helping with confidence issues - a lady i have never used but really like her blogs is Cathy Sirett - Effective Horsemanship if you google her. Good luck!

Thankyou ....I agree with everything you said. The only thing is it took me nearly a year to find the share horse so think it will be just as hard again to find another share. I have a great instructor at the yard we have arranged to keep our new horse and they are happy to get us through any issues we have with the new one. We are still looking after the one we had been sharing just to keep our hand in as I remember how hard it was before getting back into horses after being out of it so long. We have all the support we need but we just need the horse.
I have been considering all your feedback and even my husband said I need to tackle the nerves bit first. I think your right...lunge lessons would be good to relax me and concentrate on my position. Its funny but I feel confident on some horses but not on others and I rode a dutch warmblood and could walk trot and canter without any nerves but then I get on a cob and as soon as it bucks I tense up. The problem I have is that my tb used to buck and when I was in my teens and early twenties I would just deal with it ...then I had children and would not ride him anymore. He got so bad that if I got near his tail end he would boot me across the field. He was quite old by then and he went to a retirement home but then this was the last experience I had with a horse until a couple of years ago when I tried to get back into it. This experience has become embedded in my brain and getting over it is hard. Perhaps I hypnosis may help...so will look into this. I will also have a look at Cathy Sirett website.
Thank you everyone for their input, it has helped a lot.