Horses and babies!!... how do you do it??

[Riverblade]

Hi everyone,
I’m a long term lurker on here but never post! I am due to have a baby next week... eeek!!
Just wondering how people generally manage it? Day to day care wise, me and mom Mom have a small yard with 4 horses, 1 that is on full livery and both normally work full time,
I usually compete most weeks throughout the summer and will be able to enlist grandparents/ husband to fit baby in with this but I was wondering about the general day to day care? I will be going back to work in October,
Do any of you have any words of wisdom/hints/tips??
Obviously don’t want to dump everything on my mom! We are lucky in that we have a ménage with lights so winter is doable!
Thanks in advance!!

 

[DD]

I sold all my horses except one and turned that out on a sheep farm for a couple of years.

 

[GemG]

If you have hands on help for baby and for horses you will be just fine. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself to do exactly what you did pre baby. Your life will be turned on its head .... horses are the perfect escape though!

If you have your own yard and ménage etc that will make things eternally easier. Good luck and remember baby grows up quick.

 

[HeyMich]

I waited till my kids were at school before buying my horse! Hahah!

BUT, saying that, I have a few friends who had horses during pregnancies and babies and they all managed well. Babies were put in a sling or buggies when small and just kept happy while mum does feeds and mucks out. One friend even set up a play pen with loads of toys in the tack room (large, heated tack room) so that she could muck out.

Things do take longer to do with babies around. Also depends what kind baby you have and what kind of mum you will be - my firstborn was very clingy and there was no way I could have looked after a horse (or 4) then. My second baby was so laid back and confident in herself (perhaps I was more confident too?) that I could leave her anywhere (within sight/earshot!) and she would be happy. You'll find you get into a routine and some things will work, some won't.

Good luck! Hope the baby arrives safely and you enjoy the new adventure!

 

[tallyho!]

My old horse went to a friends and I bought a foal and just turned it away for three years.

I still managed a few shows here and there though.... I rode a friends horse every now and again.

 

[Nudibranch]

I went part time, cut down the number of horses and ride a LOT less. I wouldn't actually want to hand baby NB over to someone else for hours on end although I didn't realise that before he was born. Mine are at home, out 24/7 and I just hack these days...I still feel guilty all the time. It is surprising how much time little ones take. It's easy when they're tiny and happy to sleep in a sling (or pushchair although babies left in pushchairs for yard duties does not sit well with me). Once they are walking and into everything it's a lot more tricky. Don't underestimate your own need for rest and recuperation after the birth either.

 

[stencilface]

I'm 4 years in to parenting with the youngest at 9 months and I still get guilt if I don't ride every week. My horse is 17, had years of issues and injuries and currently only hack, maybe that's all he'll do now. And I still get guilt!

Good luck with it, go easy on yourself. And don't be surprised if horses are the last thing you can be bothered with some days. And that's ok.

I've been bringing on a WHW pony the last year or two (was for my daughter but will be a few years before they're ready for each other!) And now I'm considering riding him. He's 13h

 

[abbijay]

Like anything, it is doable if it matters enough to you but some things will fall by the wayside.
My twins are now 5 and in school. I kept my horse throughout but I have had to rely on part livery (the nearest suitable stable is a 10 minute drive away) and I have had a number of sharers to keep the riding and fitness up so when I do want to do something he's ready to go.
I have found myself falling into dressage as it is much more convenient than other forms of competing - they give you a time a few days in advance so you know exactly when you need to leave and when you'll be home. I used to do quite a few agricultural and county shows, ridden showing, but they're full days out. (It didn't help when a jumped up early 20something mare had the audacity to tell me I wasn't supporting these shows enough - I was mum to 2 very young babies who competed single handedly and had to pay for it all myself unlike her whose parents would drive her, bath the horses, clean the tack and it was all paid for - not that I'm bitter about that!!) Even riding club showing can have an hour or 2 of hanging around if it's a busy day.
Do what it takes to make it work for you and learn to deal with the "perpetual guilt" of motherhood. You can't be superwoman everyday, you can only do your best.

 

[zigzag]

I sold mine, then bought my daughter a pony when she was 2. I underestimated how much babies would sleep lol

 

[Patterdale]

I'm 4 years in to parenting with the youngest at 9 months and I still get guilt if I don't ride every week

4 years since PregnancyBox!? Wow! How many have you got now?

 

[pippixox]

try not to stress- I did get back on board 4 weeks post birth (I had healed well! not c-section, just lots of stitches you know where) as I was desperate to ride. but I have a 16 month old now and I have taken a huge step back with the horses, as sometimes, even when you have time/babysitters to ride you have other things to sort out or are just TOO TIRED! my baby was clingy and a terrible sleeper- took a year to sleep a night without waking (sorry if I'm scaring you!). I had 4- 1 retired, 3 rideable- 1 older and happy to hack occasionally, the others were just 6 and backed before I got pregnant. I sold one when my baby was about 8 months- she wanted more work and attention and I did not have enough time. my pony is about to go on trial with view to long term loan as I am now pregnant with number 2!!!! so I will be left with a more manageable retiree and happy hacker. especially as I am on DIY, with little help.

honestly, just see how it goes. Don't beat yourself up if it is months before you sit on a horse and you barely make it to any competitions this year. However, I know people with babies who do manage. Im not competitive and don't have the support network. don't be afraid to ask for help either. your priorities do change- I love my horses and could not get rid of them completely, I have just had to be sensible and downsize.

 

[katastrophykat]

It’s really really hard work. My LG is 2 now, and it’s no easier. At every stage someone says ‘it’ll be easier when they can...’ and that bit is, then a harder bit comes along at the same time. It just changes. For me, the Mummy Guilt is harder than everything else put together. I struggle to justify time at the yard when I should be with her. Time with her when the ponies need sorting. As soon as something major happens, the world goes to pieces and I struggle to juggle priorities.

I genuinely can not count how many times I’ve stood at the yard in floods of tears, looking at the horses, the wagon(s!), the carriages and had no way whatsoever to justify any of it. Everything has been for sale more than once! But someone always steps in and gives me a talking to, and instead of being sensible and keeping what I have, I’ve bought little one two sec A ponies. They’re babies, a pain in the bum and utterly wonderful. They make me laugh on a daily basis and while the big man is turned away, the rising 2yo has taken his place as my cuddle buddy. I say that they’re hers... I mean that they’re my driving pair to be, and that she can borrow them while she fits them I don’t regret getting them, but I could have made life easier by not doing so!

 

[Littlebear]

I can’t lie it’s hard to juggle but I have found a happy medium now, when the baby is small they sleep loads and you can time their naps around doing things, I have to say I haven’t ever ridden while he is there but lots of women park them up near the school at nap time and ride and that works for them.
Once they’re walking it’s much more difficult to juggle, I have 2 on full livery and 1 in a field and now I go around 7:30pm when his dads home and then I go very early on weekends to hack etc, I couldn’t contemplate competing still but I do ride a lot and it all works.
I work from home and look after my little one and it’s very lonely, the horses are my escape from it all and I couldn’t have given up totally although I understand why people do x good luck!

 

[Rosiejazzandpia]

I told my husband we were having horses instead of children

 

[stencilface]

4 years since PregnancyBox!? Wow! How many have you got now?

Only 2! How about you?

I feel like I would like a 3rd, but oh not keen and I don't want to make the new one a middle child but I feel I might regret it if we don't.

Just to add, sleep wise my 4yo still wakes up sometimes, and didn't reliably sleep or go to bed til age 2.5. I'm hoping I can train the new one a bit quicker

 

[tallyho!]

Hi everyone,
I’m a long term lurker on here but never post! I am due to have a baby next week... eeek!!
Just wondering how people generally manage it? Day to day care wise, me and mom Mom have a small yard with 4 horses, 1 that is on full livery and both normally work full time,
I usually compete most weeks throughout the summer and will be able to enlist grandparents/ husband to fit baby in with this but I was wondering about the general day to day care? I will be going back to work in October,
Do any of you have any words of wisdom/hints/tips??
Obviously don’t want to dump everything on my mom! We are lucky in that we have a ménage with lights so winter is doable!
Thanks in advance!!

There is a thread by a great eventer on here - I honestly can't remember for the life of me the name but you might find it in competition riders - I think one of the horses was called Parrot? Could be wrong...

Anyway, she had two and one was a newborn and her husband supported her all the way - I'll never forget reading her posts they had me cracking up laughing in tears as she recalls breastfeeding in between the SJ and the XC and her boobs leaking halfway through honestly, worth a read if you want some inspiration.

It can all be done if you have the right support and you don't fall to pieces at the seams - harder said than done but we are resilient beasts - we adapt. If you can't afford full livery, suddenly 24/7 t/o becomes oh so appealing, you rethink your set up to suit - it will just happen.

You never know how it's going to be... you may have a great delivery, walk out there with a bouncing baby, back in your size 10's in a week and jumping 1.10 in two (I actually know someone like this and it was her 5th child!!). Think positive!

Even if you do have a three day labour, an emergency cs, an infection, your boobs are shredded and you haven't seen the inside of your eyelids for three days running - well - remember it all heals in the end, it's not forever and if you truly love the horsey life you will find a way - no matter what .

You get amnesia about the whole thing and most will go on to have yet another crack at all of the above for a second time and who knows, maybe more

 

[stencilface]

This is the hho poster and blog

https://e-venting.co.uk/category/blogs/materna-venting/

 

[jimbojones]

As others have said it is tough.

I found it ok when I was on maternity leave as I spent all day with baby then would ride at night or weekends. I struggled however when I went back to work full time and suffered badly from mummy guilt- so much so I sold my amazing horse - something I totally regret now.

My daughter is 3 now and horse mad. I’ve had a couple of horses to ride and have just decided to bite the bullet and buy another which my daughter can also potter about on.

I’m sure it won’t be easy - I’ve got more responsibility at work now but have found a good full livery yard very close to home and new horse is the type you can leave in a field for weeks then just hop on and go - it is about resetting your expectations. It also helps to have a horse that doesn’t need ridden everyday.

 

[alainax]

Congratulations and best of luck for the big day!

I work full time, have a 2 year old and a 4 month old - and one amazing husband who understands I need horsey time to be at peace with the world.

 

[gingernut81]

My little girl is now 4 and for the first 2 years and the later part of my pregnancy I had a sharer as my horse was in at night all year (had only 1 until daughter was 9 months). Both he and my daughter's pony then moved to a friend's yard just before my daughter turned 2 so they could be out all the time. They are now just down the road on a rented field but out 24/7. When she was little she came up the yard in her "backpack". Used to muck out, long rein eye with her on my back - brilliant piece of kit. Before that she stayed in the car/pushchair at the yard. I still don't ride that much but my boy doesn't mind.

 

[windand rain]

It is easy and necessary if you have the right backup and use it. Easy if you can let go and let others help without feeling guilty as as a grandma nothing pleases me more than looking after my grandkids three of whom are under 2. Your oh is the childs parent too and needs to be a half contributer to child care for his relationaship with the baby.
Necessary as you will need time away from a demanding little person who your world revolves round no matter how obsessed you are with your baby it is good for him/her to spend time with a lot of different people. One thing I found when I had kids 3 under 4 was the real sense of responsibility when I rode again it changes your perspective and risk taking

 

[pennyturner]

I got one of these. Used to go out with the babies in the cart with me. They'd fall asleep almost immediately as we trotted along.
Easier if your pony is already broken to drive.. Mine wasn't, but it didn't take long.
Almost certainly not health and safety approved, but I expect you could fit a car seat if you tried.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1NBYX53gcyrsVXWYk7voQ_EnGW2BBOpjP

 

[Tory27]

I wondered how i was going to cope when i fell pregnant. I've got 4 horses all on a rented private farm all on my own all DIY, twice a day or more at times and work full time. I went back to work full time October last year, I took 9 months maternity. Baby was born in January 2017.

I was rode up to 34 weeks then stopped in case I went into labour whilst on board. I stopped competing at 5 month-ish and took it steady from then on. Giving up riding was the easy bit the hard work of mucking out all 4 of my stables twice a day and all the other stuff that come with caring for a horses took twice as long – you get puffed out pretty quick! Following birth (naturally & 2 stitches) I was back in the saddle about after about 3 weeks and back competing by April 2017. I also breast fed until she was 6 months! I expressed all my milk into breast bags and bottle fed her. I went to 3 day stay a away shows last year with 2 horses competing I just took my breast pump with me and pumped in the morning, evening and in between classes.

It helps greatly to have a great support network. My OH is fantastic I wouldn’t be without him. He’s very understanding and knows my horses are a big part of my life. (The thought of selling my horses just because I’ve had a baby doesn’t even enter my head)! You adapt! My new favourite word – ADAPT!!! You learn to adapt to your new life and fit everything in around your baby. I have great parents and in-laws who looked after her if I needed some ‘me’ time. Now I’m back at work full time, I still get up and feed my horse beforehand, work all day do/ride horses on way home then home. (Commute to work is 40mins each way) Baby is with my mum2 days a week mother-in-law 1 day and childminder 2 days. It all works brilliantly. You just find what’s right for you.

When my OH went back to work after his 2 week paternity leave baby came with me in the mornings up the farm to feed/muck out. I had her in a carry cot on the hay. She was fine. She knows no different. She comes up with me now in pushchair and has a great time! People might think me a hard cow but as much as i love my baby i also love my horses and im not giving them up! Baby has to fit in to my lifestyle and that of my horse. We still go to shows weekends, not every single one but narrowed it down to 2 a month or less. We still go to stay away shows will be going to a few this year. We still have our family holidays and days out together minus the horses.

I must also add my OH is a fisherman who disappears to France 2 -3 times a year. Last year he went March when baby was 3 months old, I coped. And again in September, that was slightly harder as I was back at work. A single mum for a week, baby and 4 horses – you just get on with it!! I’m not going to stop him from having ‘his time’ after all he does for me. That’s our compromise. He’s booked to go twice this year too – although to make it easier for myself (especially in the mornings) I’ve book the same week off work.

Organisation is very important. Being horsey people I like to think we’re all fairly organised anyway. You just have to remember to pack for your extra person. People often laugh at us at shows, the ramp comes down on the lorry and the first thing they see is the pushchair. I’m walking course in full SJ get up with baby in carry sling! But we manage and we have a great time. Baby loves her horsy days out.

Scarily enough we’re planning on having baby no2 early next year, if we will cope with 2 who knows?? But I’m sure we will come to adapt when the time comes!!

Congratulations and hope all goes well with your new arrival – You’ll love it. Best thing I ever did!!
Ps – hoses and babies can be done ;-)

 

[Riverblade]

Thank you so much for this!! I have a great support network-my Mom is amazing and is at the yard morning and night without fail-I Di worry about putting on her too much at times but she also rides and loves the horses so I guess she would be doing it anyway! ��
My hubby is also amazing and very understanding, he does a lot of mountain biking so has ‘his’ time too, plus I know he will be very hands on with baby! He has already said he has no problem with coming competing as long as we go less often but make it a proper day out and plan properly! So I might just try my hand at eventing!
Thank you again for all your comments!

 

[Annieryan]

I have 2 with my eldest being 18months. I gave ended up putting my mate out on grass last summer to make things easier! I have now got her on part livery as couldn’t cope with 2 kids and diy and riding! I don’t have much of a support network they all say they will help but in reality my eldest has been with a aunt for one afternoon. My husband is good however I only ride 4 times a week and am yet to go out competing mainly cos I don’t have any transport!
I think if you have help and your horses are sane it can easily been done you wouldn’t catch me riding my mare in the school and a pushchair in the corner of never make it round the school!

 

[charlie76]

I have a nine week old baby, five horses and run my own livery yard with 27 in! My baby was six weeks prem. I struggled with the guilt of not riding at first , then the guilt of riding but not spending time with the baby.
Dont think life will be the same! I thought id pop him out then business as usual but to be honest, its exhausting. Every thing takes three times as long, you are like a zombie for a large part of the day! I coukdnt have coped without my staff and many times recently ive considered giving it all up and just having my horses. I rode up until the day he arrived. I had stitches but was back on after ten days!
Its hard work, you wkll cry A LOT.
I git stressed that i didnt bave enough love to go around.
Also prepare for the unexoected. I was in hospital for a week following his birth and he has since had two morw three night stays in.

But... its worth it. Horses are fine with a bit of mud on them or not ridden. Your priorities will change and that little pwrson will become your world. X

 

[honetpot]

You buy and easy care native, prefrabely a dark colour, that lives out on no food and no rugs. That you can drag out of the field once or twice a week, hop on and know its not going to deck you, and you can take to a show and tie to the side of the trailer while your daughter throws a tantrum.
The beauty of this saint is with a bit of luck you will be jocked off by the time the babe is six. Then you spend the next year finding a FR that you can trial round the countryside with you either riding and leading or acting as a moving blocker to stop the FR from doing a runner.