Horses and Heartbreak

[Pandapal]

My boyfriend of 18 months told me a few days ago he that he no longer loved me the same way and I made the decision to end things, having realised that we were actually incompatible long term and some of the things that happened during our relationship weren’t acceptable and that I should never have allowed them to happen repeatedly.

Two months ago I bought my beautiful, goofy, wonderful horse. My ex liked horses too and wanted to help me out from time to time and our long term dream had been a plot of land somewhere someday with our own stables and a horse each, maybe ponies for children. Just a fantasy really, but a nice one.

And now my relationship is over and I have a horse. I can still financially afford him and have absolutely no intention of giving him up. He is my (affectionate, stressy, furry) rock.

The routine of having to care for him helps. When I’m at the yard I’m surrounded by kind people who, even though they haven’t known me very long, are happy to distract me and offer reassurance. And I can hug and smell and boop and kiss my horse. I can sit with him in his stable and talk to him.

And once I’m feeling stronger, I can think about all the dreams I have for me and my horse. And how we can achieve them.

This isn’t a post asking for advice. I just wondered whether anyone else was going through something similar and wanted a space to share. Or if anyone who has experienced a break up whilst they owned a horse has any words of wisdom for me and others.

 

[starbucker]

Sorry you're going through a difficult time, sometimes things must leave us to make space for better things ( I learnt this the hard way 2 years ago ) . Horses are such good listeners you are fortunate that he can be your rock in this time. It will get easier

 

[nagblagger]

My first horse saw me through school, first boyfriend heartache, flunking exams and then passing resits, getting into nursing and qualifying, marriage and later divorce so I understand completely, I had him for over 25 years. He was my rock.

 

[Snowfilly]

Over many years, I’ve found crying into a mane has helped with breakups and bereavements and everything else that comes with life much more than any human ever can.

And they’ll never tell your secrets, and all they ask for in return is some dinner and maybe a neck scratch.

 

[PeterNatt]

My girlfriend told me that it was either her or the horse. Girlfriend was told that I would not get rid of the horse. I kept the horse for a further 15 years until she sadly passed away.

 

[ponynutz]

I also recently went through a heartbreak while at uni. My parents/close friends weren’t there but my part-loan was my absolute rock. The days I saw him made it all okay although he saw a lot of tears!

My pony at home saw me through some mental health struggles, the issues of growing up and other boy struggles.

I find horses to be very sensitive to emotion and also have the ability to stand for hours being hugged!

 

[Sossigpoker]

My horses and dogs have got me through several break ups so I know exactly what you mean. When my ex-husband left me , there was a time when needing to look after them was the only thing that kept me in this world. At the moment my horse and his routine is helping me cope with the loss of my dog , something I'm really not coping with that well.
Lean on your horse and the therapeutic effects of being outside and being active. Someone more compatible will come along.

 

[Time for Tea]

My girlfriend told me that it was either her or the horse. Girlfriend was told that I would not get rid of the horse. I kept the horse for a further 15 years until she sadly passed away.

People really shouldn’t ask these questions! The thing is, if keeping a horse makes you happy, why would a person who cares for you want you to stop?
I am sorry you have lost your dear horse. I have just lost a dear friend of 15 years, my good mare.
Horses are indeed a great support

 

[ROMANY 1959]

I had horses all my life, when I married at age 32 , he persuaded me to let the horse go, why I agreed lord knows, but when he worked long weekends, I then had nothing to do. So I started helping at RDA, he didn’t like it one bit, but I only went when he was working. We were happy, he suddenly died 14 years ago, left mortgage paid off with a insurance , and I got his substantial work pension,
6 months later I bought me and my then 9 year old a horse each, We had fun every weekend at the yard, we got a dog, then another dog, then son discovered girls, and went to uni, and I sold his horse and loaned out mine, then gifted him to loaner. And I was back to where I was in the start, alone at weekends. so I now have 4 dogs an I love nothing more than a wonder up woods with them. Sadly, horses are in the past now

 

[Trouper]

I don't mean to sound flippant and I am sorry you are feeling upset over the end of your relationship, but having a horse instead of an unsatisfactory relationship sounds like a win-win to me. In time, I am sure the right person will come along.

 

[jules9203]

I've had horses in my life since I was 9 yrs old. I'm now 55yrs old. Never once did I allow someone to dictate my relationship re the horses. Many times I was broken hearted and sobbed on a friends shoulder. However when I was in my 30's I met a man that understood. We are now married (20 yrs on) and he has always been supportive.

 

[HorseMaid]

I'm incredibly lucky that my husband has been super supportive of me having a horse, even during times when things were on the edge financially or we had a lot of stress put on us from family issues (thankfully now a lot better than a few years ago). I didn't own a horse when we got together and decided that I MUST have one about 3 or 4 years into our relationship/marriage, because I was at breaking point with my job and young children and needed an outlet.

My philosophy is, feeling stressed? Go for a ride. Feeling sad? Go for a ride. Feeling emotional? Go for a ride... etc etc etc. Without fail, when I'm feeling down or life is getting on top of me, going for a ride or just spending time with my horse is, without doubt, the best medicine and better than anything that could be prescribed by a doctor (or the alternatives, wine etc!) I think my husband recognises this, even though he isn't horsey.

Cherish your horse, he's the best therapist you'll ever have!

 

[cjwchez]

the bright side is - you’ll have more time to spend with your horse now you’ve got rid of the boyfriend!

on a serious note, it’s difficult when you’re in this stage of a break up and you feel like kicking yourself for putting up with so much and letting it go on longer than it should have. you’ll come out the other end of it much better and stronger, it just takes some time (and lots of horsey filled self-care days.)

I completely agree with HorseMaid - if you’re emotional/upset/anxious/feeling heartbroken etc spend time with your horse and he will put a smile on your face.

hope you’re okay!

 

[J&S]

My horses have certainly been my saviours through some really rough times. Still doing their magic now with me aged 75 + so keep the horse going.

 

[smolmaus]

My OH was around long before the pony. I don't think I was even really doing my RS lessons when we met. Then I took up lessons again, started volunteering every Sunday at the local equine rescue, two cats came home from there and then of course a pony came home with me too. I am not the same girl he took up with at all these days! I'm happier and healthier and more stable though which works out much better for him too. And my eggs are no longer all in one basket, I'm not relying solely on my partner for a social life, hobbies and emotional support which isn't really fair on a person.

 

[Pandapal]

I don't mean to sound flippant and I am sorry you are feeling upset over the end of your relationship, but having a horse instead of an unsatisfactory relationship sounds like a win-win to me. In time, I am sure the right person will come along.

Not flippant and pretty spot on!!

 

[Pandapal]

the bright side is - you’ll have more time to spend with your horse now you’ve got rid of the boyfriend!

on a serious note, it’s difficult when you’re in this stage of a break up and you feel like kicking yourself for putting up with so much and letting it go on longer than it should have. you’ll come out the other end of it much better and stronger, it just takes some time (and lots of horsey filled self-care days.)

I completely agree with HorseMaid - if you’re emotional/upset/anxious/feeling heartbroken etc spend time with your horse and he will put a smile on your face.

hope you’re okay!

He really does make me smile. I can’t help but grin when he’s scaring himself with his own sneezes, debating whether the bin is going to eat him, covering his forelock and ears in hay like he’s trying to camouflage himself, or pleading with me for treats and scratches.

 

[lynz88]

My horse has seen me through job loss, nearly being kicked out of the country (twice), a few relationships, extremely hard times at work where the world is literally crashing down around me, financial difficulty, loss of friendships....the works. He's a great horse to just hug (he lives for human hugs and attention) and have a bit of a cry into his neck or nose.

 

[windswoo]

I had my first horse before met OH.
OH knew nothing about horses when we were first together, but he started coming down the yard with me and would help out. Then one day he asked if he could have a sit on. Now my horse could be a little sh*t when he wanted to be, but he was absolutely golden for him. OH started riding him more regularly until I lost him 12 years ago, so now he has a horse of his own who adores him.
Horses can become your rock, your confidant and unfortunately your biggest heartbreak - but no one would of lasted long telling me to get rid of my man when I was younger - they'd have gone first. My OH wouldn't even say it in jest.
Enjoy you new man and enjoy the future together.

 

[FlyingCircus]

I've cried more over horses than I ever have boys/men in my many years

 

[lynz88]

Haha I make it clear horsie first. Don't like it? Going to make comments about it? There's the door. And I mean it too. I remember on my second date with my current partner, telling him straight up - horse first and it isn't like the gym where you go for an hour and that's it. I was honest that most men have trouble accepting that because it is a true commitment, horses were there first, and that is all there is to it. He has since referred to horse as my "first man"