Horses and kids - how do you do both?!!!

seoirse

seoirse

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I'm getting married in October and OH wants to have kids pretty much immediately (scared! :eek:). We are getting on a bit so ought to not really faff about for too much longer so I suppose he is right.

Anyway, my horse is the centre of my world, and far pre dates the man in my life. I am very fortunate that OH understands this and is actually grateful for G's existence, as it allows him to play golf/cricket/footy etc guilt free while I waste hours at the yard.

I have already made it very clear that the horse is not going anywhere. He is my horse of a lifetime (not to mention now crippled on box rest but thats another story!), though I am very much open to considering sharing agreements to help with the workload etc and make sure horse if it ever comes sound gets lots of work as he isn't the sort that can rough off for a while.

I am just very interested to hear how people manage having babies and keeping horses too. Sadly I don't have land (yet -working on it!) so horse is at livery and there is not really the facility for other people to 'do' him on a regualar basis though short term I can arrange for someone to do the morning if I can only get there once a day etc.

How do you manage it? I know people that do and frankly I am petrified!
 
Sorry I am your first post because I am sure you are going to get a lot more positive ones than mine, but I sold my boy when I got pregnant because I just could not afford the money nor time to give both the child and horse the time they deserved.

I don't regret it - he went to a wonderful owner and they still have him (aged 24) so happy ending there.

I am now back into the full swing of it and 2 kids later I have a son (10) who plays golf 24/7 it seems with my OH and a daughter (5) that I am trying to get into horses (successful so far....) and we have a mare for me and a small hairy for her.

It is tough though - we both work full time and my life is just a mess of running around doing "stuff" all the time! My work is great though and I pretty much have free rein so long as I don't take the pee!
 
i have an 18 month old little boy, a yearling colt on diy livery and a bun in the oven!
when my LO was born we had 3 horses (one my riding pony, my husbands horse and my shetty) since my hubbie had to sell his horse as we found he only rode with me and one of us had to look after the baby so it was the best thing all round. my riding pony had to be pts in december and my shetty is away on loan to a little girl. i went without a horse for about 3 weeks and found i was going a bit insane! so we decided to get a young horse as it wouldnt need riding for a few years while i finish haveing babies lol.
my horses kept me sane when i first had LO as they gave me a reason to get out the house! i was back riding my pony 4 weeks after giveing birth.
i have an amazing hubbie that is more than happy to look after LO while im with my horse (he knows it keeps me sane lol). he turnes him out for me in the morning then i go up after hes finished work and have a few hours to myself.
hubbie doesnt suffer or miss out BTW lol he still goes to the football ect.
 
At the beginning of my pregnancy I said to my OH that the horse was staying (my horse predated my OH just like yours!) That was fine with him, but by 6 months I realised it wasn't goign to work and sold my horse. Shortly after, I put down a deposit on a colt and bought a companion for him! We have a small piece of land, but it is not at home so still a lot of work. By the time my son was 3 months old, I'd bought back my old horse so now have 3!

I had all 3 out 24/7 and it was hard work, but with my excellent sharer we battled through the mud all winter and managed it. But there really isn't grazing for all of them and no where to ride the old horse when ground is hard, so he is now on full livery. There is no way I'd have time to cope with a baby (now 1 year old and walking, so even more difficult!) if they were on DIY livery. I can cope with 2 youngsters out 24/7 as they just need poo picking (my sharer does most of this and I owe her so so much!) and feeding pretty much, but my other horse needs more work so full livery is my only option. Money is tight with this and I'll be getting him a sharer too as my original sharer much prefers helping with babies and taking them out and about showing this year than riding.

My son stays with his dad in the morning (who starts work at 10 so very convenient!) while I go and do the youngsters. Sharer generally goes twice a week to them so I get a couple fo days off. If I can't go in the morning for whatever reason, I take my son but it is difficult to have him there too. Will be easier when he's a bit older and is happy to go off and play with his ball in the field (very safe and fully enclosed!), but is going through a very clingy stange at them moment. As a baby, it as easy as he would stay in his buggy.

With my riding horse, I either go early or late around my other halfs work now it is summer and we have long daylight hours, or I convince a kind family member they want to baby sit for a few hours. But without the option of full livery it would be impossible as haven't got time to do jobs as well. I work 2 or 3 days a week as well, so don't see my old boy every day, but trust the yard 110%.

It is bloody hard work is the short answer!
 
With difficulty, perseverance and sheer bloody mindedness that I would NOT get rid of them!!

I too had my horse MANY years before meeting OH. He knew from the start that she was a permanent fixture and any suggestions otherwise would mean my getting rid of him rather then her!!

I was mucking 2 out, carrying water buckets etc until a few hours before I went into labour with my first one. Wasn't as straight forward with my 2nd as I had complications in the last 10 weeks of pregnancy, but was early summer and they were out which made life easier.

When they were born OH and a friend took turns to do the horses for the first few days, then I would either take baby in the 3 wheeler (BEST ever investment!!!) or take them for a drive up the road until they fell asleep in the car, then park right beside stable and paddock and get horses done as quick as I could!! I got into a routine with baby sleep times and getting horses done. The horses had to change their bringing in times a bit but it all worked out fine.
 
mymare said:
With difficulty, perseverance and sheer bloody mindedness that I would NOT get rid of them!!

I too had my horse MANY years before meeting OH. He knew from the start that she was a permanent fixture and any suggestions otherwise would mean my getting rid of him rather then her!!

I was mucking 2 out, carrying water buckets etc until a few hours before I went into labour with my first one. Wasn't as straight forward with my 2nd as I had complications in the last 10 weeks of pregnancy, but was early summer and they were out which made life easier.

When they were born OH and a friend took turns to do the horses for the first few days, then I would either take baby in the 3 wheeler (BEST ever investment!!!) or take them for a drive up the road until they fell asleep in the car, then park right beside stable and paddock and get horses done as quick as I could!! I got into a routine with baby sleep times and getting horses done. The horses had to change their bringing in times a bit but it all worked out fine.
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agree with all this especialy the three wheeler pram! BEST baby buy ever!
 
My work are great too and fortunately my MD's wife has horses (and kids!) and so he is very understanding, especially at the moment while mine is on box rest and I have to keep dashing off to the vet etc. The maternity benefits are lousy but OH and I have decided I'm better staying in current job cos of the flexibility with the horses and then with kids too hopefully.

I am terrified about coping with it all, but equally I am just not ready to pack up horses. I thought I'd reach a point when I was ready to put it all on hold, but that never happened! I'd be manic without G, plus he is so special needs these days I just can't imagine ever finding anyone who would take him on and manage to get it right. Luckily my Mum lives close by and I know she will help me, but equally I don't want to put on her too much. I want her to be able to help as and where and when she wants to. Though she is talking about retiring soon which would be GREAT!

Whilst horse it totally broken I can't really do much but if and when he recovers then I will start looking for a sharer as the sooner thats in place the better as when he is better he needs regular work to try and keep him well anyway. Sharers are another thing I am totally new to and I am sure it a complete minefield as well!
 
Frumpoon said:
Do YOU want kids though?
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Yes, definitely. For years I thoughht not but when I met this guy I changed my mind much to my mothers delight! :D

I am very organised and pretty blimming determined so I'm hoping I can do it. Plus I only have one horse to do which gives me confidence as some of you guys manage 3+ and even on 2 seperate yards! Hats off!!! :eek: We do also have a 13hh pony, but she is on part loan, even though she's at the same yard, so I just oversee things with her to make sure they are doing it all right as they are fairly inexperienced. My Mum pays all her expenses as she was my little sisters pony many moons ago and sis has since given up horses but we owed the pony too much to part with her!

Mental note made about 3 wheeler buggies for when the time comes!
 
Get yourself a good sharer and keep her. I am that sharer but my share horse's owner is also one of my best friends - and was for a long time before she had kids. We were really lucky as the circumstances just suited us.

When she got pregnant first she had a sharer who was very good but as her son got a bit older and my friend wanted to ride a bit more she didn't like it (depite this being the written agreement) and gave the ultimatum of having him on full loan or having him back so my friend had him back.

She then found another lovely sharer who was brilliant but then had to move away with work, followed by another who was then offered her old loan horse to buy so bought him.

At this point I had just been told that my boy might never be ridden again so took hers on officially as a share, although I had always been stepping in to help out when she lost sharers or they were on holiday. Two years on although mine is hacking and doing some dressage again he'll never jump again so I still share hers and take him competing, while I have a wonderful sharer of my own to hack mine.

In all this I think the sharer difficulties have caused more problems than the horse. She has a good routine and sticks to it 99% of the time, but when she can't I step in. I'll never leave her in the lurch and I think knowing that gives her security and peace of mind. Even if it's not my day to see to him, I'm up seeing to mine anyway so throwing a bit of extra feed at hers and checking he still has four legs is no problem as he's in the stable next to mine and the same field anyway.

I'd start looking for a sharer as soon as you're pregnant (lameness allowing). It might mean you have to sacrifce some of the last days of riding you have but it will give you enough time to get everything bedded in and any teething troubles out of the way before the baby arrives. And, as with any agreement, put it in writing making it clear what you want from them (days they do the horse, money, insurance etc) I'm not practicing what I preach here as my friend and I don't have a written agreement, but we do have 25 years of friendship behind us..... plus I know where she lives ;)
 
like many others my horses far far predated my OH, I fell pregnant quite by surprise after we had been together for about 8 years and at first was fully resigned to selling my horse, the trailer, everything, so we could have the baby, as could not see any other way financially!! anyhow long story, but, mare failed vet ( flexion tests!!) so, we didnt sell her, she went off on loan locally when I was about six months pregnant, ended up coming back to me when my daugher was three months old and the same week I had to go back to work!!! not ideal timing.......aaaaggh...this resulted in a very big regime change for my mare, previously a bit pampered (arent they all!) to being out 24/7 with lots rugs and checked just once a day by me, lots help from friends at the yard rest of the time. i had a sharer for her on and off which also helped but, it was very hard work, and didnt get much riding in during the first year, but, with hindsight, I am just so glad she failed the vet, that was over 12 years ago, my mare went off to a lovely new home about 7 years ago in her mid 20's to some friends for semi retirement, light hacking etc and is very happy. In the meantime I had bought a rising 2 year old ID x TB gelding project from a friend as he was proving a bit of handful! he is now rising 10 - I somehow managed to back and school him while working 3/4 days a week running the house and looking after small child. like many others I really do feel my horses keep me sane.
Daughter is now 12 years old, has had various shared and loan ponies to ride growing up now has her own pony and surprise surprise has turned out very outdoorsey and horsey...LOL.... OH not always been 100% supportive in the past with regard to me keeping the horses... but, he has come around to it and also enjoys the outdoor life and sees the benefits to me and our daughter. so , I am not saying it is easy, but it can be done and is very rewarding. yes, non horsey people think you are mad, but with a bit of juggling and determination, you can do it!!! good luck
 
It's hard work!!! BUT the joys of getting out of the house away from the kids and just messing around with the horses (not even riding them) keep me sane...

I'd say your biggest asset is your OH. As long as he's supportive from the start you'll be fine. Mine is an angel - not horsey at all - but happy to help out and more importantly look after the kids while I get out there.

I took a break from riding for a year recently as I retired my mare. It got to the point where my hubby literally TOLD me to go out and look for another horse as I was horrid to live with! I've got 3 now (one retired, one just 6 and a pony for my daughter) and they're spread out in different fields over a few miles apart but you make it work, especially if your horses can live out most of the year round - that helps.

You'll be fine! : )
 
annagain, you sound like a dream sharer don't want another one do you! ;)

Before he broke I was on the brink of advertising for a sharer as work was mental and I was only riding 4 days a week, but then work settled down and the clocks changed and I was riding pretty much every day, so I thought I'd enjoy this summer all to myself and then look for someone towards the autumn. Sadly illness put paid to that but I am hoping he is going to make a full recovery, though its going to be a long road, but thats horses I guess, and also a reminder that things don't always go to plan!

It's really great hearing how everyone copes with it all though, and encouraging that its possible, if a little frantic at times!

Need to get stuck in to getting G better and planning this wedding then!
 
I have a 5 yo on loan that we had just backed and started to ride out in spring last year, then I fell pregnant. With a youngster and a 21 yo yet skitty Arab X, I stopped riding immediately I found out. I couldn't bear anyone else to bring on the youngster as I wanted to do it, so the pair of them were field ornaments for a year. There was no question of selling or giving the youngster back - my 21 yo horse definitely predates my husband!

I had my baby in January, and luckily my parents agreed to look after my two in November on their farm so they could be turned out in the winter and run in to a field shelter and not churn up my small field (we've just built a new house and haven't started the stables yet... that's the next project...rubs hands with glee...!).

The downside is that in waiting for our field at home to be drained so we can put a wood chip turnout area down, my two have just both developed laminitis, (they are still at the farm) but that is another story! Mum and Dad have been great and have checked them twice a day and fed them when I couldn't get there.

I got back on for the first time in 11 months in March - oh my god was I nervous - and this was on a horse I've had for 15 years. Luckily it wore off pretty quick!

The irony is, I took the youngster to help a friend who had three young horses to bring on and had just had a baby herself - then I fell pregnant, great timing! Anyway she is back to competing in Endurance and manages with the help of friends to exercise two horses five times a week, which is no mean feat.

I've no definite plan for how it will work going forward; I'm just going to take it as it comes. I'm lucky in that they will both be at home so I can just go when I get the opportunity, and when I can get a family member to babysit - but financially, maternity pay doesn't stretch too far for babies, never mind horses (esp with big vet bills...). My priority now is to get them both sound anyway!

There is no doubt about it - it is hard managing both - you will certainly need a lot of support.
 
Foxy girl said:
I'd say your biggest asset is your OH. As long as he's supportive from the start you'll be fine. Mine is an angel - not horsey at all - but happy to help out and more importantly look after the kids while I get out there.
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He's not horsey really but his parents are farmers, well they are retired now on a fab farm which I'd LOVE to live on, but they won't move and neither of us want to live there with them! His Mum gave up horses to have children, and his sister had horses as a kid but gave them up to pursue a career, so 'giving up' horses is normal in his family. He is however a bit of a rebel in his family and is 100% supportive of me and my way of doing things. So long as I make it work he will support me 100% but if I overdo it and burn myself out he will make me pack it in. So I HAVE to make it work!
 
Now I'm not sure how true this is, but another friend told me that she bought a baby monitor with the longest range she could find, tied it to the fence of the field she was riding in (horses were at home) and made the dog sit next to it. Apparently the dog would bark when the baby cried (who was asleep in the house), so she would jump off horse and run in to sort baby out...!!!

Not sure if I'm brave enough to try that one!
 
Hi,

firstly I commend you in considering this before you find yourself in the situation.

It is really hard work to juggle both but do-able.

I think the key is financial stability and reliable childcare.

If you know you can afford not to work, or work part time and pay for a horse (on either part livery or assisted DIY) then you should be fine

There will always be times when bay has the chicken pox, or it is -5 outside in the day and taking baby to the stables is not possible.

Baby in a buggy up to about 6 months works well, after that it is a nightmare as the dont want to sit in it and are too little/not walking yet and so cant be out. Once they are 2 years old you can go back to short trips the the stables with them, but still no riding.

Try to schedule one visit a day without kids! For your own sanity. Try grandma, auntie, daddy for baby sitting.

Life is hugely easier April to October. The better weather and longer daylight hours make things soooo much better.

Consider resting your horse november to february or at list letting them down to very light work....cheaper as less feed and less time required. Also if you make it a conscious decision you wont feel guilty.

I have 3 kids 12, 6 and almost 3. I had horses up until I got preggie with number two. My horse at the time had to be PTS and Then took a 5+ year break and it wasnt until number 3 was 2 years old that I bought another horse. I bought him on my youngest son's 2nd birthday! This worked well for me. We couldnt afford it time wise and money wise whilst they were much younger as I had to give up work.

Now my kids are 12, 6 and almost 3 life is grand and I am back with my horses. And sooo much happier!
 
Orchardbeck said:
Now I'm not sure how true this is, but another friend told me that she bought a baby monitor with the longest range she could find, tied it to the fence of the field she was riding in (horses were at home) and made the dog sit next to it. Apparently the dog would bark when the baby cried (who was asleep in the house), so she would jump off horse and run in to sort baby out...!!!

Not sure if I'm brave enough to try that one!
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brilliant story! Not sure I'd be able to ride very well if I was always waiting for the baby to cry, plus my horse is a spanner and would get into all sort of trouble if I jumped off and left him tied up with his tack on!

Being able to have horses at home would make it all SO much easier though! One day maybe!
 
Orchardbeck said:
Now I'm not sure how true this is, but another friend told me that she bought a baby monitor with the longest range she could find, tied it to the fence of the field she was riding in (horses were at home) and made the dog sit next to it. Apparently the dog would bark when the baby cried (who was asleep in the house), so she would jump off horse and run in to sort baby out...!!!

Not sure if I'm brave enough to try that one!
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Fine until horse spooks, mum falls off and breaks a leg and baby is stuck inside screaming....or worse.

Very dangerous.
 
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Marley&Me said:
Fine until horse spooks, mum falls off and breaks a leg and baby is stuck inside screaming....or worse.

Very dangerous.
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Don't think anyone is actually going to try it! :eek: Hope not!

I know a girl at our yard who parks her 4x4 by the arena with the window open with baby in 4x4 and rides horse in the arena and if baby screams she jumps off and deals with him. I don't think I could do that for the same reasons. I'd only be able to ride and enjoy it and relax if baby was safely at home with someone or being minded at the yard by someone (hopefully my Mum, bless her!).
 
In retrospect, baby years are easy ( have 3), plus OH. It's how you manage when only one child rides, and has horse, competes and you are with them with your horse and the others can complain about time not spent with them, time spent too much with 'horsey' one and amount of money it is all costing - some days guilty conscience so bad I think about selling horses and on good days when we all go to a show and all have a great time it's wonderful. And yes, i do give the others time and outings; just i have had horses before any of them and the OH too - they have all had the option to join in! My horse is my sanity!!
 
I certainly won't be trying it - totally agree, on the one hand you have a horse with reins and stirrups trailing, loose in the field; on the other, something unthinkable happens and no one else is there for your little one. As I said, not sure how true it was. Plus how could you concentrate on your horse - life is too stressful anyway!
 
mymare said:
When they were born OH and a friend took turns to do the horses for the first few days, then I would either take baby in the 3 wheeler (BEST ever investment!!!) or take them for a drive up the road until they fell asleep in the car, then park right beside stable and paddock and get horses done as quick as I could!! I got into a routine with baby sleep times and getting horses done. The horses had to change their bringing in times a bit but it all worked out fine.
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Totally agree, 3 wheeler is a must and a yard where you can park quite close to the stable to be able to keep an eye on baby whilst mucking out etc.

I found leaving the radio/cd/dvd player on helped keep him entertained from 3 months to 2.5 yrs.

I also have a 7yr old who sat with baby to hold bottle etc during the winter months, now they play in an enclosed area at the yard and 7yr old has a pony too which helps with the "your always with the horse"
 
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