horses and OH's

tinycharlie

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My partner was against us getting a pony for our daughter but I had my heart set on it, I found one,told him I was going to see it, when I got back I told him I'd put a deposit on him and i would need him to pick him up 😄 he had no complaints lol he picked him up for me and the last couple of years he has been a great help from feeding and checking him to helping out when he had colic.
He does complain sometimes but it's mostly half hearted as he can see the enjoyment we get from owning and caring for him. He took him to the yard for schooling the other day for us.
He's said that we'll never have another, at one time it was not negotiable and i felt upset by this but as time has gone on I think he's accepted that there will be another lol 😁 but only when charlie gets outgrown and will have to be loaned or sold. If I can earn more he'll be staying! He's quite fond of charlie in his own way, we've had him at home before now and he always talks to him. Unfortunately charlie is a bit nervous and sometimes runs away from him!
 

AlwaysWorried

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The way I understand it from your last post, you OH probably remembers horse ownership as making you miserable - and perhaps the negativity is him trying to protect you from repeating that. A chat about why you were having trouble before, and why its not going to be the same, might help?
 

impresario08

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The way I understand it from your last post, you OH probably remembers horse ownership as making you miserable - and perhaps the negativity is him trying to protect you from repeating that. A chat about why you were having trouble before, and why its not going to be the same, might help?

that's what I'm thinking too :) he probably doesn't understand that they actually bring me a lot of happiness usually
 

noodle_

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My boyfriend thinks my horse is 'cool'... probably as he only sees her every few weeks and dosent gethalf the crap that goes with it

I did say a couple of weeks ago about selling up as i just had enough - i was met with a dont you dare... and suddenly more plans to see the horse....

He rode her for the first time the other week...and [un?]fortunately loved it.... says hes better than me and will go galloping next time - and you know what the sod probably will...... :D

Wouldnt bother me if he wasnt that intrested but i would want support and understanding - its a lifestyle choice.....not a hobby to me :D
 

unicornystar

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Through the last 40 years I have only had 1 partner who was supportive (albeit he hated the cost) but enjoyed it so much so he bought his own........but he ran out of time for it after 6 months, I ended up caring for it and riding it.

The last OH tolerated my passion, loved the horses, but being a petrolhead never "got it".

I am now single again and LOVING it! Not having to mention how long I am going to be and why...............not that I felt I had to, just politeness I suppose!!

I just found it irriating having to explain to a non horsey partner what needs doing and why I am down there so long!

I honestly think unless I met a very special horsey male, I can be bothered at all with making the time for a man. I have a teenage daughter, 3 dogs, several horses here and there, a full time job, a family that needs my support at teh moment and a myriad of fantastic loyal non horsey and horsey friends, I dont actually "need" anyone.

However, if a horsey male crossed my path and I could share cuddles hacks and good conversation then who knows!
 
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pansymouse

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My husband has NO interest in horses, but he accepts that they make me really happy so just goes along with it all. I think some people just have non negotiables in their lives, and horse people are like that. if any of my boyfriends had voiced strong disapproval for my hobby, then i'd have to say they'd be out the door. Horses last a lot longer than most boyfriends do! My poor hubby has just been ground down to accept the fact there's always gonna be horses around, and that i'l always be spending a lot of time with them.

Exactly the same for me. I come as part of an inseparable package that includes a horse and two cats.
 

Orangehorse

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My OH has never taken the slightest interest in horses, never come with me to a competition. However, he does make sure my vehicle is right and will check over the trailer, plus he pays for their keep (they live at home), makes hay and straw for them.

I think it is one of those subtle "relationship" things - somewhere in the back of his mind I think he believes that if I have a horse to keep me amused, busy, interested, focused on competitions, I would not be getting bored with him and looking for another OH. This has just come to me recently! Anyway, he is right about one thing, I wouldn't leave without the horse, so I guess I am staying here.
 

MotherOfChickens

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that's what I'm thinking too :) he probably doesn't understand that they actually bring me a lot of happiness usually

I think it can be hard for any non-horsey folk to understand why we stick with something (that we are supposed to enjoy) when its so expensive, is hard work and then on top of that, stuff such as yard problems, horse illness etc can make it so stressful for quite extended periods of time! Hopefully at some point they realise that horsey is just what we are.

I went home upset a few weeks ago because new youngster was slightly lame. My OH just turned round and said he was always amazed when they weren't lol. Which was a different perspective ;)
 

impresario08

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I think it can be hard for any non-horsey folk to understand why we stick with something (that we are supposed to enjoy) when its so expensive, is hard work and then on top of that, stuff such as yard problems, horse illness etc can make it so stressful for quite extended periods of time! Hopefully at some point they realise that horsey is just what we are.

I went home upset a few weeks ago because new youngster was slightly lame. My OH just turned round and said he was always amazed when they weren't lol. Which was a different perspective ;)

definitely, it's sooo hard to explain
 

vam

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that's what I'm thinking too :) he probably doesn't understand that they actually bring me a lot of happiness usually

My sister was with me when my boy was pts. She is completly un horsey and actually terrified of them but she came to support me and my oh which was lovely of her. Anyway, she saw how upset I was and said to me she wouldn't get another if it was her as she couldn't stand to go through that sort of grief again. I said to her that those months of heartache and grief after they were gone was a price I was more than willing to pay for the years of happiness that my horse gave me.

My oh is very supportive and is actively encouraging me to get another while I'm being more practical about it. He knows that while it can be difficult, it does make me happy and as such makes our relationship better. Because I know that he supports me, is happy to come up the yard, drive me to shows and lesson, I am more likely to encourange him with his car things and I'm happy to take time out to go to car shows, even if it means missing something I want to do as I know he would do the same.

Mind you if I had to get the horse done in a rush because we were going out for the day, it was normally him that delayed us by talking to everyone up the yard!
 

william95

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I am currently on a break from horses due to personal circumstances but am thinking of getting back into them as there is a big gap in my life. However I've received a surprisingly negative response from my boyfriend telling me to remember what I gave them up in the first place…! Has anyone been in a similar situation?

My farmer husband is against me having another horse and I totally understand why and will accept his reasons. I had a fall from a horse causing a head injury resulting in me being unable to drive for 7years and losing 75% of my income (and my finances have never fully returned to their previous state). I have to take 8 different types of tablets daily for the rest of my life and at the start of each day we don't know quite how I will fair. We have 2 small children and although I would love to have another horse I have to look at it logically- if I fell off I would not be able to look after the children and even a "normal" fall would have serious health complications for me and make life extremely difficult for the whole family. He has seen the effects of a bad fall and so if I had another one, my husband would not forgive himself. He helps me look after my old hunter and with jobs on the yard so is supportive in that sense but just not of me having a new, unknown quantity of a horse.
 

frostyfingers

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It comes down to why you gave up - I can totally understand why william95's OH is against having another horse, I suspect most would be the same, I'm pretty sure mine would if I'd had such an accident. However if it's more simple like your circumstances impresario then I would aim for some negotiation/persuasion and see what happens. My OH actively encouraged me to get a horse once our children were of a more manageable age, (we had prem twins and a very stressful first few years), and although initially wasn't hugely involved he always took on the childcare to let me ride and do horsey things.

Now the children are almost adult with only 1 left at home he's hugely engaged and although he won't ride, comes to loads of things with me and helps a lot (not at home, but with the lorry and at events). It's so nice that we can share what was my hobby, he takes photos of horsey stuff and loves coming out and I feel much more relaxed about spending time with the horses as he's not excluded.

I do think it needs to be by mutual agreement though, as it could lead to all sorts of conflict if he has valid reasons for not wanting you to have a horse again.
 

impresario08

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It comes down to why you gave up - I can totally understand why william95's OH is against having another horse, I suspect most would be the same, I'm pretty sure mine would if I'd had such an accident. However if it's more simple like your circumstances impresario then I would aim for some negotiation/persuasion and see what happens. My OH actively encouraged me to get a horse once our children were of a more manageable age, (we had prem twins and a very stressful first few years), and although initially wasn't hugely involved he always took on the childcare to let me ride and do horsey things.

Now the children are almost adult with only 1 left at home he's hugely engaged and although he won't ride, comes to loads of things with me and helps a lot (not at home, but with the lorry and at events). It's so nice that we can share what was my hobby, he takes photos of horsey stuff and loves coming out and I feel much more relaxed about spending time with the horses as he's not excluded.

I do think it needs to be by mutual agreement though, as it could lead to all sorts of conflict if he has valid reasons for not wanting you to have a horse again.

thankyou :) my circumstances have changed and i am hoping to find a middle ground to stop myself getting in the same state I was last time
 

dollymix

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I've always been lucky in that all my past relationships have been supportive with regards to horses. TBH, if they hadn't they would have been out of the door early on!

A number of my friends have struggled though - been made to feel guilty about time and costs associated. However, the way I see it, I work hard to afford my horse (and in fact, affording her is one of my main motivations for moving up the ladder professionally) and if I choose to spend my time and money on an expensive hobby that's my choice.
 

FinkleyAlex

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It took a long time for my OH to get his head around my horses. He still bites his lip sometimes if I have a rant about a vet bill (he used to be far more vocal but realised it caused problems). He won't handle them but I do catch him giving their nose a tickle. More importantly once we get to the stables (once every 2 months or so that he comes!) he gets straight down to mucking out etc and my 'job' is to bring them in from the field. It's amusing because he gets absolutely zero pleasure from watching them tucked up all cosy in their stables and more or less does it simply to be helpful, which I appreciate. I don't mind really - he has his own hobbies - though I have had to improve on my timings as I've often been late for evenings out or dinner which puts a downer on the evening.
 

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I had horses for 20 odd years, had to sell my last one solely due to finances, but have just got another on full loan after sharing for a couple of months. I'm made up about it, boyfriend (who has been with me for 14 months & therefore hasn't known me with horses) is being a pain in the arse about it.... Well, I know which one I would chose if it came to it! :p
 

abes mum

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I am one of the lucky ones that has a horsey husband. We met when I borrowed his carriage to break my boy to drive. He is transport for the shows whilst I compete his percheron for him. Love the summer days when we can spend all day up the yard and go hacking together. Makes things so much easier as we have 3 horses between us, can't imagine being with someone that didn't understand the equine obsession.
 

Kikke

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I gave my OH a riding hat for his b-day and within two months he was hooked and wanted his own horse.
Top tip get him addicted aswell! :D
 

impresario08

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Lévrier;12845078 said:
I had horses for 20 odd years, had to sell my last one solely due to finances, but have just got another on full loan after sharing for a couple of months. I'm made up about it, boyfriend (who has been with me for 14 months & therefore hasn't known me with horses) is being a pain in the arse about it.... Well, I know which one I would chose if it came to it! :p

I'm the same - lol!
 

budley95

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I'd speak to your OH as to why he doesn't want you to have them. I had my boy long before I met my partner back in school, I've been with him now for coming up to 6 years, he says he'll never ride as he doesn't like the idea of controlling a 600kg prey animal with a mind of it's own (fairly sensible!) but he can deal with Bud on the ground now and it makes me laugh of a morning when he does his headcollar, he worries about hurting him so is so gentle he cant get the strap over his head and always forgets the surcingles when taking his rug off. Luckily Bud just stands there and sighs in an exasperated way...
 

misskk88

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My OH doesn't 'get' horses, but accepts it is part of who I am. He will sometimes drop the odd comment when I am moaning about bills or the cost, but I do the same about his cars and hobbies too! He asks after the horses, makes sure we are all ok, but overall he leaves me to enjoy my hobby. We are happy having our own interests, as long as we share some joint ones (which we do). It would be nice to have someone to hack out with, but that's what my horse friends are for. We both split bills equally, which I think is fair as I don't expect him to hold the financial burden of my hobby, especially as we earn around the same wage.

OP I can understand if your boyfriend is querying things so that you think it through financially and how much time it can take up, but if he is overall supportive or wants you to be happy, I would take his concern as just the sensible voice in your head.

If however he doesn't want you to have horses because they take up too much of your time and he doesn't like it, or he is showing signs of jealousy over your hobby etc, that is another ball game and I would be seriously having words with him (and ultimately making the choice of a horse!!).

Sorry If you've followed up your first post with any additional info and I have missed it btw, as only going by your first post!
 

mairiwick

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Does he have a hobby of his own OP? May make a difference, mine is out on his bike when I'm not at the horse (we have two young kids as well) so it's all a massive juggling act. He doesn't get horses, and how it makes me feel but I did give up after our daughter was born, I was miserable not having them in my life and 6 months later bought my current horse. He knows how important she is to me despite not understanding why. Mind you, I can't explain it either haha it's just always been and always will be a bit part of who I am.
Although any argument with him always involves him bringing up how much time/money I spend with the horse and that drives me insane. It's a cheap way for him to score points and he always denies it being an issue afterwards- just a heat of the moment/husband being a prat thing!
 

shadeofshyness

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Mine loves how happy they make me, but goes mad about the fact I pay to share one - he thinks I should be paid to shovel someone else's horse's poo and to school their horse. He just doesn't get it and never will! But he loves that I come home beaming and on the rare occasions when he comes with me to the yard he likes watching him roll and giving him his feed (because he's so noisy when you're getting it!). He's got used to the fact we can't do anything on a Saturday day now because I'm either at the yard or between trips and stinking of horse.

The only time he ever grumbles is when I'm home after 8 on a weeknight because it messes up his cooking times, but usually I can let him know if that's going to happen and to be fair he does cook amazing meals for us and I can totally understand why ruining one would be annoying!
 
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