Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
How do I go about divorcing my parents? I want a new set. Ones that give those mints with the holes in them, cuddle me lovingly and DONT make me have lessons with evil army man.
This week had been fun, mum rode me loads at the weekend which was great although tiring now she has those dratted spaniel stirrups! Then Aunty Vicky looked after us during the week, fed us lots of tea, made us really comfy big beds to sleep in (thats another thing why cant mum and Dad make beds like aunty Vicky?) and didnt make me do any work. Fab! Poof bags and I have been chilling out, eating grass, watching the flirty ladies and generally enjoying life.
Until yesterday. When HE came.
Poof bags went first which was fine by me as I stayed inside and ate hay. 1.5 HOURS later he came back. Exhausted, defeated and drenched since it wasnt raining I had to assume it was with sweat SO not a good look, even on him.
I did try to avoid having to go and be beasted by refusing to open my mouth to put my bridle on but apparently mum has seen that little trick before and before I could clench my molars shed got that horrible bit of metal in my mouth.
Then it started, the off the leg, correct canter lead, collected trot, no napping, no slowing down and no catching my breath, session from HELL. He made mum make me jump over this grid thing, which in fairness was quite good fun, then he made us go in the jumping paddock. Mum hates it in there as apparently I am a knat on grass? At least thats what I think she told him Timmy who was hanging over the fence and making unhelpful comments, said it sounded more like she said tw not kn at the front but hes old and I swear his hearing is going. He also said that when I jump over a fence my bum looks so big it blocks out the sun. He made be old and wise but seriously he makes comments like that again I am so going to bite his mustache.
So we did another looooonnnnggg session in the paddock with him making mum jump judging from the way she was breathing I dont think she enjoyed that much but heh this was her stupid idea. THEN, then he made me go all the way up to the big field and made mum walk to catch him up, turn me round trot off 100 m, turn round and catch him back up again. Now Im sorry but if I walk too quick for him either bring his own horse or dont bother. Why should I have to keep turning round and doing twice the distance I need to? THEN, then he made mum turn round and go back home the way we had come on our own. By this stage I have to be honest I was that pooped that a small tiger could have jumped out of a bush and I wouldnt have cared. The man is satan.
Apparently he was very pleased with poof bags and me. Ha! Tell it to two horses who care! Mum and Dad have booked him AGAIN for 2 weeks time. Poof bags and I did bond over the situation though we are plotting how we get shot of this bloke quick sharp. All this working and being made to do things properly is so not fun.
Anyway I swear I heard mum say shes taking me out jumping tonight I seriously hope not. My legs are so tired I cant do a trotting pole let alone jumps. Where has the easy going, fun loving mum gone? This new mean version Im going off rapidly.
So a) does anyone know any hitman horses who can bump this bloke off for us for a carrot and a gob full of pasture mix (Id offer more but Im wasting away as it is)? And b) how do I divorce my parents anyone know any solly ickitors (thats what timmy says we need) who will work for half a haynet and some spat out calm and condition?
Please help, hope is fading and my legs cant deal with much more of this ..
How do I go about divorcing my parents? I want a new set. Ones that give those mints with the holes in them, cuddle me lovingly and DONT make me have lessons with evil army man.
This week had been fun, mum rode me loads at the weekend which was great although tiring now she has those dratted spaniel stirrups! Then Aunty Vicky looked after us during the week, fed us lots of tea, made us really comfy big beds to sleep in (thats another thing why cant mum and Dad make beds like aunty Vicky?) and didnt make me do any work. Fab! Poof bags and I have been chilling out, eating grass, watching the flirty ladies and generally enjoying life.
Until yesterday. When HE came.
Poof bags went first which was fine by me as I stayed inside and ate hay. 1.5 HOURS later he came back. Exhausted, defeated and drenched since it wasnt raining I had to assume it was with sweat SO not a good look, even on him.
I did try to avoid having to go and be beasted by refusing to open my mouth to put my bridle on but apparently mum has seen that little trick before and before I could clench my molars shed got that horrible bit of metal in my mouth.
Then it started, the off the leg, correct canter lead, collected trot, no napping, no slowing down and no catching my breath, session from HELL. He made mum make me jump over this grid thing, which in fairness was quite good fun, then he made us go in the jumping paddock. Mum hates it in there as apparently I am a knat on grass? At least thats what I think she told him Timmy who was hanging over the fence and making unhelpful comments, said it sounded more like she said tw not kn at the front but hes old and I swear his hearing is going. He also said that when I jump over a fence my bum looks so big it blocks out the sun. He made be old and wise but seriously he makes comments like that again I am so going to bite his mustache.
So we did another looooonnnnggg session in the paddock with him making mum jump judging from the way she was breathing I dont think she enjoyed that much but heh this was her stupid idea. THEN, then he made me go all the way up to the big field and made mum walk to catch him up, turn me round trot off 100 m, turn round and catch him back up again. Now Im sorry but if I walk too quick for him either bring his own horse or dont bother. Why should I have to keep turning round and doing twice the distance I need to? THEN, then he made mum turn round and go back home the way we had come on our own. By this stage I have to be honest I was that pooped that a small tiger could have jumped out of a bush and I wouldnt have cared. The man is satan.
Apparently he was very pleased with poof bags and me. Ha! Tell it to two horses who care! Mum and Dad have booked him AGAIN for 2 weeks time. Poof bags and I did bond over the situation though we are plotting how we get shot of this bloke quick sharp. All this working and being made to do things properly is so not fun.
Anyway I swear I heard mum say shes taking me out jumping tonight I seriously hope not. My legs are so tired I cant do a trotting pole let alone jumps. Where has the easy going, fun loving mum gone? This new mean version Im going off rapidly.
So a) does anyone know any hitman horses who can bump this bloke off for us for a carrot and a gob full of pasture mix (Id offer more but Im wasting away as it is)? And b) how do I divorce my parents anyone know any solly ickitors (thats what timmy says we need) who will work for half a haynet and some spat out calm and condition?
Please help, hope is fading and my legs cant deal with much more of this ..
