Hovis' friday diary

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Hovis_and_SidsMum

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Dear Diary
This week I have decided that my brother is a girl. He may be all big, dark, brooding and sexy on the surface but actually he is a girl.
Last Friday cool new shoes man visited and made sure that my shoes were on tight. I didn’t like to tell mum but I had stood on my own feet in the field so that’s why my shoes were loose. I was hoping that he’d ay I didn’t have to wear my silly over reach boots anymore but alas no.
On Saturday mum and Dad, poofy and I went on a nice little hack round the woods then we went in the school. I decided that I couldn’t be bothered to mis-behave so I was really good and mum let me jump over a jump that was up!! Weeeehhhaaa!
THEN on Sunday we went on another long hack with those dogs that appear to keep losing things!! I only said in last weeks diary I wanted to go again so I’m starting to think mum reads this!! Maybe I should start writing about more food and a girlfriend?
Anyway we were at a different place this week so I’m not sure how they’d lost the man in the red jumper again but hey hum its fun helping them find him. There were more people there this week and poofy didn’t like it. Another horse went bananas and poof bags floored dad. Ohh SO not a good move. We were then made to go home in disgrace. Lord my older brother is thick. Seriously if he doesn’t start to grown a set of cahones soon I’m going to buy him a skirt for Christmas.
So my hack with the doggies was shorter than I’d wanted. Needless to say I was an angel – I know what side my bread is buttered on! Ha just because I’m all big and hairy don’t mean this boy is dense – oh no!
Mum then went away to work and came back on weds. Yesterday HE came. Army man. Note the lack of “evil” these days – this is because I really think he has come around to my way of thinking. He did worry me a bit when he nuzzled my nose though – I want him to like me but not THAT much! Come on man – we’re men. High five me or something but please don’t make it look like you’re kissing me – I have a reputation to uphold you know what I’m saying? He also seems to be trying to grow a fluffy nose band, like the cool shoes man has fluffy blinkers. They both must gawp about or look at the floor whilst jumping – well it’s the only thing I can think of?
So yesterday we did LOADS of jumping, in canter!! Yippppeee!! Army man says mum has to be brave and trust me – like duuh? What have I been saying for ages? Just sit still, don’t interfere and let me get on with it! It was great fun though even if I was pooped by the time we’d finished. I’d not sweat that much since fit mare did a runner last week in her nightie. Phew mama – those longs legs, an early morning dew and her still in her night clothes – I’ve come over all peculiar just thinking about it!!
She’s hurt her leg so hasn’t been allowed to come out and play – I did offer to give her a massage but I think she’s also hurt her ears because she didn’t seem to hear me?
Anyway Army man and mum were very pleased with me so it was a good day.
Now if my suspicion is right and Mum is reading this……… how about a bit more tea, breakfast and half an hour in fit mares stable please ma?!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
A treat as always, Hovis - thank you!
smile.gif
 
I love you Hovis! You make me laugh out loud. I'd happily nuzzle noses with you though I know I can't compete for your attentions when you're so keen on fit mare!
 
Hovis darling, I am still naked in the mornings and the dew drips off my long furry body drip drop drip drop - fancy catching them??? Come on honey, I am a pure bred, stud book registered mare with a need for a strong clydesdale boy.

Daddy says I look beautiful in my full hairy glory and Stinky looks like a teddy bear - well a stinky one as he is covered in mud and burrs.

I went to have my share of Stinky's tea last night - he was only nibbling it - it does not taste nice. Wimp has a bit of a chest at the moment and mum has given him some horrible stuff called clarity - more like yukity in my opinion.

Your ever adoring

Farra Clydesdale
xxxxx
 
Ahh Hovis,
I have been waiting for contact from you for a while as I have a question. How do you cope with your mum putting girly stuff on you and generally compromising your manliness. I too had the new shoes man come out to me last week and...I can barely bring myself to say it out loud... mum's made me wear high heels. High heels I tell you. Do I look like a short French President or like I'm going to go on Strictly Come Dancing? Ok so my feet don't hurt like they used to but I'd rather be a man and bear the pain. Actually maybe not, but the others are calling me Lily Savage now. Please help me Hovis, what should I do?
 
Dear problem sufferer
Ah the downsides of having a mum rather than a dad owner. they are generally more lavish with care but can be rather embarassing. I am forever telling mum not to kiss me in front of other people - its SO unmanly.
The only way out fo your predictament is to front it out. Perhaps suggest your new shoes are "elevators" to allow you to more adequately ahem pleasure the ladies? Or perhaps are the rigeur of the day for manly rodeo horses in amearcia and you are thus a tend setter?
Failing that if somone calls you lilly savage again perhaps stick the aforementioned shoes up their nose for a closer inspection?
 
Dear Farra
You always sound one sexy mama but you are starting to scare me with how forward you are. I'm sure your daddy wouldn't like you to use such language.
If we were closer to each other I'd delighty show you what this boy can do but alas geography keeps us apart like a cyber romeo and Juliet.
Your loving but slightly scared
Hovis
 
Dear Hovis,

I haven't gotten to go on one of those fast hacks with the howling and tooting things at all yet this year! I hope I get to go soon! But how do you get up the courage just to jump over things like that? Can you give me a tip or two?

Carrots,
the Spooky Pony
 
Dear Hovis,
Thankyou for the advice and your discretion. I'm sure you understand why I want to keep my identity a secret. It's bad enough my fieldmates call me Lily Savage, I couldn't cope with the nation knowing my dirty secret as well.
A Horse.
 
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