Hovis' friday diary

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

Dear diary
It has been an awful week. The love of my life is in horsepital. She has been kicked and now has a poorly leg. Mum has told me she’s going to be ok but I am very worried about her. I’m thinking of sending her a gift in horsepital – do you think a swede says I care or that I don’t get much pocket money? I’m not sure if I can stretch to a lickit unless anyone knows where I can get a discount version?
Anyway hopefully she will be home soon so I can gaze adoringly at her but in the meantime I will think about how to show her I care.

Anyway apologies for not writing last week – mum was in france so she’d taken the laptop with her.
Last week was a bit quiet as mum was away but we had a nice ride at the weekend. This week aunty Sarah has taken me out with poofy a couple of times which is fun. I love mum dearly but aunty Sarah likes to go fast!

Last week we moved into a new filed so I helped mum and dad clean out the water trough. It appears that the mice in the area must be depressed because quite a few had committed suicide in the trough. Yuk! Mum and Dad did not seem to appreciate my help in cleaning the trough out though – honestly some people are so ungrateful. Mum is in despair as the gateway to the new field is very muddy and so my feathers are a tad dirty. Ok – for a tad dirty read “absolutely filthy”. I am actually going to try to roll in the mud today because later HE is coming.
As I told you last time Army man came I’m warming to him more all the time but I am getting worried he might like me in all the wrong ways. After last time him nuzzling me I thought if I get all dirty he may be put off doing this and at least give me a manly high five instead? I’m not looking forward to having to work hard though even if it is fun jumping – do you think if I get dirty enough and lie down I’ll be disguised like a lizard?
New shoes man is coming later too – apparently he’s made me some cool new big boys shoes which I’m hoping will mean I can stop wearing these daft over reach boot things. A boy can hope can’t he?
Anyway must go and try to hide before mum gets back – any suggestions of where a 16.2HH big boy like me can hide in a field?

 

[agreenhalgh]

HAHA! love it! xxx

 

[Theresa_F]

Dearest Hovis

I personally would adore a swede from you - full of goodness and I can do a huge one in about 30 seconds if I take time to chew as well as bite. Stinky being a poof nibbles his and would rather have a slice of bread.

Unfortunately being the same size, I have to confirm that there is no hiding a clydesdale, we just stand out.

I am having a nice haircut tomorrow, apparently mum is giving me a tidy jawline as she says girls with beards are wrong and I should be lucky it is not being waxed (whatever that is).

If you get too dirty it will not go well. I tried the hippo look - stuck my head in the thickest mud so my forelock was one big pointed mass, and mum poured water on my head as a result. She is now going to cover me in piggy oil again in an attempt to keep me looking like a pedigree clydesdale rather than a mongrel mud monster.

I hope your girlfriend is ok, if you want I can come up to comfort you whilst she is away.

Lots of love

Farra Clydesdale xxxx

 

[DW Team]

OH Hovis thank you you have brightened my day. I love reading your diary.

 

[misst]

Hi Hovis

As a mare of many years experience I can advise you that you need to find out if your ladyfriend like quality or quantity.

For myself I like the extra large tub of treats that my Mum gets - it is on special offer at the shop where she gets our stuff. This means I can really enjoy a good scoff (in a lady like manner of course). My big brother (who is I think a bit like poufbags) likes little treats called stud muffins. These are very expensive and so he can only have one each day - silly thing thinks this makes him more classy than me.

So Hovis I think that you should find out if she is a quality or quantity lady. I think a swede is difficult to eat politely and should only be eaten in private so if you want to see her enjoy her treat then something smaller may be prefered by a lady. I hope she is better soon.

It is funny about the mice - my little brother and I had a dead crow in our field trough - Mum and Granny were very put off by it but we didnt mind really.

ETS Best wishes Tally Ho

 

[Geraldine]

Dear Hovis,

Sorry to hear about your lady friend, I hope she is home soon.

I can confirm that it isn't really possible to hide in a field but I will give you a handy tip that will stop your mum even talking to you never mind riding you!

My mum insisted on giving me a haircut, she said it was a blanket clip. I don't need a clip but she wanted to see if I would stand still and she wanted me to look smart (cheek of it). So now I have to wear my big coat with the collar that comes right up to your ears, I look like a right Jessie! The other day I took the rug off and turned it inside out

I left it for mum to pick up but I left it in the biggest patch of mud I could find! She was furious with me. I didn't get any carrots in my tea but it was worth it. Ha ha!!! I can't tell you on here how I got it off or she'll know my secret. Now she mutters about corsets and lacing me in but I don't know what that means. I should have rolled in the mud as well but I was too busy talking to the new lady in the next field.

Say hi to Poofbags for me. Chat soon.

Your mate,

Bob

 

[Barneykins]

Lol - love it!

 

[Hippona]

Dear Hovis,

I thought it was time I introduced myself- having admired you from afar for a while now. Although I am not a Clydesdale like your other admirer Farra I am a 'heavier' girlie with plenty of feathers and a swishy mane...some people think I am grumpy but they just don't know me very well.

I can confirm Hovis...thats its quantity that counts....I would think a swede (or 2) a lovely present, in fact I get them in my tea in winter...lovely!

I too like getting all covered in mud like a disguise...I think this makes it harder for my owner to catch me and make me do work.....but they always manage to find me....Mum says its because I have a big white head she can pick me out in the dark

I hope your girlfriend gets well soon....but if not....I'm always up for it

your admirer.....Storm

 

[Annagain]

Dear Hovis,
Thankyou for the advice the other day. I have been acting extra manly for the last few weeks so that nobody thinks I am wearing my high heels out of choice. I have even tried standing up to the field bully but he bit me so I went to hide behind mum where he couldn't get me. I have decided I'd rather be a girl sometimes, I know I'm a man after all.

Now it's my turn to offer advice. You can't hide so you have to run. My old mate Ebony (God rest his soul) favoured the circling around the catcher approach to go for maximum annoyance factor, but I prefer the "start a stampede" method so I can pretend to be innocent, especially if I then blend in with the group. Good luck with it - it's good fun even if it doesn't work.
Archie.

 

[zeroboysid]

Dear Hovis,

Over-Reach Boots... Get-over it Dude!! Apparently its all the rage with the Youngens in the City along with hoodies!

Anyway dude I think they make you look cool and kind of athletic!!!

Thank you for not breaking my spine today. See you next week when I attempt to sort your Poofy brother out .....

 

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

Ohhh dude - you are in SO much trouble with my big brother. He has taken massive offense at you calling him poofy and is threatening to wedge his new soes (the ones he hasn't worn through) somewhere I can't imagine. I like you far too much not to mention it

PS Can i please stop wearing my over reach boots?
PPS Please can you and army man get with the program, act like men and just slap me on the neck or something? You're both getting a bit too nuzzly for my liking and its worrying a boy.........

 

[brianT]

Dear Mr footlover
My brother from another mother has just informed me that you have been questioning my manliness and referring to me as "poofy"?
I am looking most forward to our meeting on tuesday where I will have the pleasure of fidgeting, stamping, snorting and potentially wedging one of my rather nicely made shoes up ones buttock.
PS If one thinks anything makes my bog trotting brother look athletic can you please ensure that one wear ones glasses when dealing with my feet. Either that or buy him a leotard..
PPS To use ones own vocabulary my news shoes "rock.... dude"

Kindest regards
Omar, the Dark Lord