Hovis' friday diary

Hovis_and_SidsMum

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Dear diary
I am in the dog house. Mum is not happy with me at all. All was fine until this morning - I will explain more in a minute.
This week boss lady Sarah has looked after me for the beginning part of the week. This followed a weekend of mum poncing me about the menage - this apparently was due to being "inspired" by that Tortila bloke. Now call me old fashioned but what some mexican dude who calls himself after a dorrito crisp has to do with me parading around our arena with my head on my chest I have NO idea. Apparently there has been some games on recently and lots of horses were invited. I took afront at this - why wasn't I invited? Was it some elitist WB party where hairy macho men like me weren't allowed in? I heard Mum telling Aunty C that some bloke called Fox-in-a-hole had done very well. Yeah well I bet he'd not win the apple bobbing games if I'd been there?
I got thinking about why I'd not been invited to this games party and concluded that you have to have a posh name to get on the guest list. That Moorlands Tortila dude got in so this got me thinking........... I'd now like you all to call me "Boglands Quaver". I think it has a certain ring about it don't you? Thus newly named I have awaited my invite all week to these games but one has not turned up yet. Do you think its got lost in the post?
Whilst I waited for my invite I was grazing alone yesterday when this big machine started ploughing up the earth in the field next to me - needless to say I wasn't too happy about this and I admit got myself into a bit of a lather. Well more than a bit - I was more lathered than a poodle in a washing machine.
So when mum arrived she was very worried about me, sponged me down, got me lovely tasting water to drink and then spoilt it by giving me a tiny amount of tea. This was apparently in case I got colic. I've never seen anyone with this colic thing but I can tell you I don't fancy it much - boss lady sarah came and poked me most of the night to check I was ok. By the third time of the lights going on at 11pm I was like "love, get over yourself, I know I'm cute but I'm also sleep deprived so can you stare at my manliness in the morning like civilised people?"
Anyway this morning mum arrived, decided i was fine (like duh?! of course I'm fine - I AM Boglands Quaver) and off we tootled with Billy and his mum. Thats when I ended up in the casa del fido.......
We were having a very nice canter over some stubble fields, I had just over taken slow coach Billy and was pulling steadily away when a dive bomber attacked me low and fast from the hedge line. Like the seasoned warrior I am I threw myself left in a lightening move designed to save mum and I's life. Except mum lost a stirrup and shouted a LOT of rude words at me. Some people are SO ungrateful. I don't think the couple of seconds delay in her asking me to stop and me actually stopping helped either. Ooooopppps.
Anyway she let me trot most of the way home and berated me for being an idiot for most of the journey - how saving us from one of those low flying orange and green attack drones is idiotic i have no idea. I think Darwins theory fails when it comes to my mum.
Anyway she has put me in a new field next to tom and that Ronny dude and gone home - no doubt discussing with people my bravery.
So til laters - I've got some grass eating to do
 
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picolenicole

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Dear Hovis,

I used to be a little worried about those big machine's, until I saw that they poo nice big bales of haylage!!! They go round fields eatting the grass, not on as I could be eating it, but they then poo out really big bales of hay/Haylage, so now I really like them. You should try thinking this when you see the one.

King
 

ischa

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Dear hovis

I usally read your diarys and find them quite amusing
But I have never replied .
I'm too in the dog house with my mum .
I thought I show her how clean my back hooves where
While she was taking my food across to where I eat .
I thought she appreciate it but she didn't
I ended up with a thing on my bum in shape of a body part I was not impressed and didn't talk to her for a while
I too also had a big thing pass my field it had a big noisy thing on the back with that stuff we lay on .
Myself wasn't impressed and jumped 2ft in the air and landing back down on a body part of my dad he yelped like a complete girls blouse so not only am I in the dog house with my mum but also my girls blouse of a dad
Maybe we can be in the dog house together

From your friend friesian Leo
 

tonitot

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Dear Boglands Quaver,

I am another who is in trouble.
My mum came to give me my lunch and she has this thing of not letting me have it until I stand still and stop harrasing her, but I try a bit first incase I can get my lunch a bit quicker. Today I was so hungry (she hadn't given me my breakfast!! Said she "didnt have time" !!) that admittedly I was a bit excited, so much so I barged into her and nearly knocked her over. She smacked my shoulder very very VERY hard :( But I guess it hurt her too cause she screwed up her face and shouted a bit more. So I stood dead still for AGES until she gave it to me, then she gave me a pat and said I was good for standing still :) Think she's still annoyed though, she called me a very rude word!! :eek:

Yours Faithfully

Ethel! :D

P.S. I want a fancy name too, can I be Marshlands Skips?? :D
 

Tamarisk

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Had a really rubbish day at work so not much was going to cheer me up today until....Hovis's Friday Diary!

This had me laughing out loud, absolutely brilliant (particularly the bit about being woken up at 11pm). Still giggling now!

THANK YOU!
 

JenHunt

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Dear Boglands Quaver,

I would like to join in your renaming thingy, and have decided that from now on I shall be Forestedlands Scampi Fries.

I am in the doghouse too... Tom (now Forestedlands Bacon Fries) and I were out in the field as per usual, and grandad had some big grass eating machine come in and cut the grass, especially in the thistly bits (well, given neither of us like them, that was fine by us). Well, you've never seen such odd shaped poo... square and tied up with string! :eek: and soooo much of it!

Grandad then moved all the poo to a pile on our "runway" (the gravelly bit for putting the trailer away). Tom discovered that the poo was actually almost like hay, so when grandad had gone we stood and ate some. But we got told off when he cam back and it was spread alllllll over te place! oops!

Yours, FSF
 
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