Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
I think I may possibly be spending the foreseeable future incommunicado sharing my meagre rations with the thing that barks. Itll be lonely this Christmas, lonely and blue, itll be lonely this Christmas living with doogiedoo .. what do you think? Christmas number 1?
Anyway firstly apologies for not writing last week mum had the affront to work last Friday and as usual took the laptop with her. I have suggested she needs to buy me my own but after this weeks antics I think I have about as much hope as a carrot has of surviving within my reach
It was mum and Is anniversary at the weekend 3 years since I arrived and chose her as my human. As a result she came home on the Saturday and gave me a big hug. Followed by a big squark when she caught sight of the very large love bite Dolly had given me the day before. Now I must admit Im all for some hot and heavy foreplay but I did worry the girl was going for my jugular, Id not thought to check her teeth for length so suddenly started realising Id never seen her eat garlic . Yikes!!
It was a very big bite and mum was NOT happy I heard her having words with Dolly later on so thats ruined any chance I might have had. My mothers little words are legendary ..
Anyway mum bought me a nice big molasses lick for an anniversary present. Id not got her anything so swiftly spat my dinner at her for her gift. From her reaction she was over the moon with my present; her voice got all excited and she jumped for joy.
Now at this junction I have to point out that mum knows I usually make a mess with my licks. This is not a new thing and I cant help it. I have to use my face to prop up the licky thing when it gets all slippery and wet so theres little wonder I have it all over my face and down my legs ..ooops. Even I dont know how I got it in my ears but heh I am a talented boy and who knows what I get up to in my sleep? This led to a very embarrassing hour long scrub on Tuesday night to rid my face of lickit before I saw cool new shoes man on weds. Mum however forgot to remove the licky thing overnight so she was thrilled to bits to see me back in the same state on weds morning. I am sure she uses the word tramp as a sign of affection she says it so often it cant be anything but that.
On Monday and Tuesday morning I was impressing the barn by demonstrating my amazing throwing powers. Mum helpfully leaves all sorts of things for me to throw about usually towels and headcollars and things, but this week the stick thing with the string that makes me go to sleep was also there so I has great fun wanging that about as well. Unfortunately I was going for a record in the feed bucket fling when boss lady Sarah walked by. Does she not know not to venture into a live wanging zone? Thankfully the feed bucket did miss her, but not by much
Apparently my behaviour and that of my retired older brother this week has driven mother to the brink. The brink of where? And how is this my fault? I dont even have a driving licence Im too young I think.
Wednesday night when cool new shoes man came she tied my up outside my stable as it was dark outside and he needed the light why Im not sure as Im pretty sure my feet are where theyve always been but heh if thats what the man needs. I got a little bored waiting for him to finish so decided to help out by rubbing all the writing off the white board on the wall. How was I supposed to know you use a cloth? Oh and that green and blue marker pen shows up really well on white noses? Sheesh the fuss that was made! Mother was making funny moaning noises and rocking slightly but Im sure that was due to the cold .
Yesterday a new lady, funky back lady, came to see me. She was very small and wore a funky coloured hat and cool boots with shoelaces I kept undoing. She thought that was funny and very cute why cant my mother think like that? She wriggled me about all over the place and did insist on trying to wrap my legs around my head. Im flexible lovey but not that flexible. Apparently I have hurt my poll which I why I have been leaning on mums hands. HA!!! I have been vindicated. I demanded mother take back all the nasty things shes said about my parentage of late; admittedly I did demand a little too hard and mum ended up face first in a haynet but heh I think she got my point!
Anyway funky back lady did all sorts of weird things to me and said I should be fine. But apparently my right bum is not as muscley as my left bum. She said all posh words about it but I can confirm that it was my bum she was poking. Now mum has been given carte blanche to pull my tail every day. I fail to see how this is fair so I pulled a chunk of mums hair in return. I didnt mean for it to come out in my mouth though .semi bald is not a look mum is carrying off very well I have to add.
So what with the accidental scalping, the molasses, the joy ride I give her on my legs every time she puts cream on the back of my knees and the antics bringing me in at night now its dark (Im not scared of the dark that would be unmanly- but I do think we should walk quicker than we do when its light) I think mum is looking back lovingly over our last 3 years together. Im sure thats what she meant when she said she was reflecting on her options? One of these options apparently means we might be going to a BBQ soon which will be nice, although diary what large prat burgers are I have no idea??????
I think I may possibly be spending the foreseeable future incommunicado sharing my meagre rations with the thing that barks. Itll be lonely this Christmas, lonely and blue, itll be lonely this Christmas living with doogiedoo .. what do you think? Christmas number 1?
Anyway firstly apologies for not writing last week mum had the affront to work last Friday and as usual took the laptop with her. I have suggested she needs to buy me my own but after this weeks antics I think I have about as much hope as a carrot has of surviving within my reach
It was mum and Is anniversary at the weekend 3 years since I arrived and chose her as my human. As a result she came home on the Saturday and gave me a big hug. Followed by a big squark when she caught sight of the very large love bite Dolly had given me the day before. Now I must admit Im all for some hot and heavy foreplay but I did worry the girl was going for my jugular, Id not thought to check her teeth for length so suddenly started realising Id never seen her eat garlic . Yikes!!
It was a very big bite and mum was NOT happy I heard her having words with Dolly later on so thats ruined any chance I might have had. My mothers little words are legendary ..
Anyway mum bought me a nice big molasses lick for an anniversary present. Id not got her anything so swiftly spat my dinner at her for her gift. From her reaction she was over the moon with my present; her voice got all excited and she jumped for joy.
Now at this junction I have to point out that mum knows I usually make a mess with my licks. This is not a new thing and I cant help it. I have to use my face to prop up the licky thing when it gets all slippery and wet so theres little wonder I have it all over my face and down my legs ..ooops. Even I dont know how I got it in my ears but heh I am a talented boy and who knows what I get up to in my sleep? This led to a very embarrassing hour long scrub on Tuesday night to rid my face of lickit before I saw cool new shoes man on weds. Mum however forgot to remove the licky thing overnight so she was thrilled to bits to see me back in the same state on weds morning. I am sure she uses the word tramp as a sign of affection she says it so often it cant be anything but that.
On Monday and Tuesday morning I was impressing the barn by demonstrating my amazing throwing powers. Mum helpfully leaves all sorts of things for me to throw about usually towels and headcollars and things, but this week the stick thing with the string that makes me go to sleep was also there so I has great fun wanging that about as well. Unfortunately I was going for a record in the feed bucket fling when boss lady Sarah walked by. Does she not know not to venture into a live wanging zone? Thankfully the feed bucket did miss her, but not by much
Apparently my behaviour and that of my retired older brother this week has driven mother to the brink. The brink of where? And how is this my fault? I dont even have a driving licence Im too young I think.
Wednesday night when cool new shoes man came she tied my up outside my stable as it was dark outside and he needed the light why Im not sure as Im pretty sure my feet are where theyve always been but heh if thats what the man needs. I got a little bored waiting for him to finish so decided to help out by rubbing all the writing off the white board on the wall. How was I supposed to know you use a cloth? Oh and that green and blue marker pen shows up really well on white noses? Sheesh the fuss that was made! Mother was making funny moaning noises and rocking slightly but Im sure that was due to the cold .
Yesterday a new lady, funky back lady, came to see me. She was very small and wore a funky coloured hat and cool boots with shoelaces I kept undoing. She thought that was funny and very cute why cant my mother think like that? She wriggled me about all over the place and did insist on trying to wrap my legs around my head. Im flexible lovey but not that flexible. Apparently I have hurt my poll which I why I have been leaning on mums hands. HA!!! I have been vindicated. I demanded mother take back all the nasty things shes said about my parentage of late; admittedly I did demand a little too hard and mum ended up face first in a haynet but heh I think she got my point!
Anyway funky back lady did all sorts of weird things to me and said I should be fine. But apparently my right bum is not as muscley as my left bum. She said all posh words about it but I can confirm that it was my bum she was poking. Now mum has been given carte blanche to pull my tail every day. I fail to see how this is fair so I pulled a chunk of mums hair in return. I didnt mean for it to come out in my mouth though .semi bald is not a look mum is carrying off very well I have to add.
So what with the accidental scalping, the molasses, the joy ride I give her on my legs every time she puts cream on the back of my knees and the antics bringing me in at night now its dark (Im not scared of the dark that would be unmanly- but I do think we should walk quicker than we do when its light) I think mum is looking back lovingly over our last 3 years together. Im sure thats what she meant when she said she was reflecting on her options? One of these options apparently means we might be going to a BBQ soon which will be nice, although diary what large prat burgers are I have no idea??????
