Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
This year has started well. I had a long rest, pulled Dolly, have got to watch mare-on-mare action with Dolly and the aloof ginger one and generally had a nice time.
However mothers new year resolutions are starting to get in the way of a boy enjoying himself. For a start shes quit drinking that nice alcohol stuff that i quite like (not that she lets me have any
) so shes really stroppy. Shes also on a diet according to Dad who pointed out she needed to be (not whilst she was in hearing distance i hasten to add - the man isn't THAT brave) so is mardy about her lack of carrots. On top of this she has resolved to ride me more and work me harder. Now theres something wrong with this. These are supposed to be HER new year resolutions. How come she gets to resolve that I have to work harder? Does this mean I can resolve that I want more hot mares to snog my whiskers off?
So due to my mothers insistance that i work harder I have been worked nearly every day since new year. The other day I cunningly decided to play her up and refuse to work - which with hindsight was a very large mistake. Dad was forced on board and I have to say I think HE needs to stop eating carrots too. But dammit he is SO much stronger than mum and before I could say "lardarse" I was off on the right leg and at full speed. Bugger. This in turn incensed mother into muttering "fine" every two minutes between gritted teeth(never a good sign) and a distinct lack of pasture mix in my dinner.
Never let it be said that us larger boys are stupid so the next day I behaved like an angel. All light and free moving (whch i have to say is very tiring) doing everything asked of me. This was all going swimmingly with mothers voice getting increasingly squeaky as she droned on about me being a good boy. That was until she decided that lateral work is the new in vogue idea. What is the idea of prancing sideways down a school like some sort of ballet dancer? It takes enormous concentration when you have legs my size to co-ordinate where they're going when we're in a straight line, let alone going sideways. Do I look like a crab to you? If I was mean to go sideways I'd have been born with pincers and boggly eyes - Hovis the Hermit crab I'm not. Mother has also learnt to foil my attempt to get out of going sideways by going forwards, by making me prance like a poof down the fence line. In front of everyone........ I've not been that embarrassed since I bottom burped mid snog with fit mare.
On top of trying to get us a place at the royal ballet school mother has also been writing letters on horse and hounds forums again which where published on their facebook pages. Honestly her head is big enough as it is (she looks like a mushroom on legs with her riding hat on) without people telling her shes marvellous. She also suggested in said letter that I have a brain the size of a pea and am not to be trusted when its raining hard enough to dent an armadillo. This is slanderous - I can be trusted, I just can't see when the showers turned on that hard. Billy suggested that I should wearing racing goggles - yeah right mate - I'd look more soggy digestive than sea biscuit.
So all in all after a good start this new year is going down hill faster than a rabbit on rollerskates. If this continues I'm going to be the size of a TB by february. Even cool new shoes man said I was looking lean and mean the other day. Don't make it sound like a good thing man - tell mother to a) stop working me so hard and b) feed me some more. Otherwise I shall not be doing lean and mean, I shall be doing lean and sulking.
I'm off to get some snogging in with Dolly and see if I can reach her grass under the fence. Laters
This year has started well. I had a long rest, pulled Dolly, have got to watch mare-on-mare action with Dolly and the aloof ginger one and generally had a nice time.
However mothers new year resolutions are starting to get in the way of a boy enjoying himself. For a start shes quit drinking that nice alcohol stuff that i quite like (not that she lets me have any
) so shes really stroppy. Shes also on a diet according to Dad who pointed out she needed to be (not whilst she was in hearing distance i hasten to add - the man isn't THAT brave) so is mardy about her lack of carrots. On top of this she has resolved to ride me more and work me harder. Now theres something wrong with this. These are supposed to be HER new year resolutions. How come she gets to resolve that I have to work harder? Does this mean I can resolve that I want more hot mares to snog my whiskers off?So due to my mothers insistance that i work harder I have been worked nearly every day since new year. The other day I cunningly decided to play her up and refuse to work - which with hindsight was a very large mistake. Dad was forced on board and I have to say I think HE needs to stop eating carrots too. But dammit he is SO much stronger than mum and before I could say "lardarse" I was off on the right leg and at full speed. Bugger. This in turn incensed mother into muttering "fine" every two minutes between gritted teeth(never a good sign) and a distinct lack of pasture mix in my dinner.
Never let it be said that us larger boys are stupid so the next day I behaved like an angel. All light and free moving (whch i have to say is very tiring) doing everything asked of me. This was all going swimmingly with mothers voice getting increasingly squeaky as she droned on about me being a good boy. That was until she decided that lateral work is the new in vogue idea. What is the idea of prancing sideways down a school like some sort of ballet dancer? It takes enormous concentration when you have legs my size to co-ordinate where they're going when we're in a straight line, let alone going sideways. Do I look like a crab to you? If I was mean to go sideways I'd have been born with pincers and boggly eyes - Hovis the Hermit crab I'm not. Mother has also learnt to foil my attempt to get out of going sideways by going forwards, by making me prance like a poof down the fence line. In front of everyone........ I've not been that embarrassed since I bottom burped mid snog with fit mare.
On top of trying to get us a place at the royal ballet school mother has also been writing letters on horse and hounds forums again which where published on their facebook pages. Honestly her head is big enough as it is (she looks like a mushroom on legs with her riding hat on) without people telling her shes marvellous. She also suggested in said letter that I have a brain the size of a pea and am not to be trusted when its raining hard enough to dent an armadillo. This is slanderous - I can be trusted, I just can't see when the showers turned on that hard. Billy suggested that I should wearing racing goggles - yeah right mate - I'd look more soggy digestive than sea biscuit.
So all in all after a good start this new year is going down hill faster than a rabbit on rollerskates. If this continues I'm going to be the size of a TB by february. Even cool new shoes man said I was looking lean and mean the other day. Don't make it sound like a good thing man - tell mother to a) stop working me so hard and b) feed me some more. Otherwise I shall not be doing lean and mean, I shall be doing lean and sulking.
I'm off to get some snogging in with Dolly and see if I can reach her grass under the fence. Laters
Pink, perchance? 
