Hovis' friday diary

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Hovis_and_SidsMum

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Dear Diary
Oh dear. I am a little persona non grata at the yard at the moment. Dads mad with me, mums sort of mad with me, the boss lady is mad with me and Dolly’s not speaking to me. But on the upside I think hot new tottie is well impressed with me.
So to start at the beginning on Saturday Dad, I, hot new bird and boss lady all set off for a jolly hack. The weather was nice and she was flirting like MAD! Tail swishing, showing me her bottom and lady parts and generally being a total tease. Woowweee. I was one happy boy. So determined to convince her big boys are made of good stuff I trotted out like the manly machine I am and showed her the power of the Destroyer. Then we got to a big big big field and boss lady asked if we fancied a “nice little canter”. There in lies the problem: Her idea of a “nice little canter” and mine don’t appear to match……..
I leapt into canter as only I can and took off at full tilt leaving posh bird in my wake as I showed once again that there are racing genes in my bloodline somewhere. In fairness boss lady did say she’d never imagined I could move that fast. Well HELLOO lady – I am the DESTROYER!! Anyway Dad didn’t seem to happy and kept trying to slow me down but to be honest my blood was up, I was in the zone and some vaguely irritating tugging on the bit wasn’t going to stop me. A mile or so later I decided that dad was getting quite insistent about this slowing down business so I pulled up. Only to find hot tottie was two fields back covered in my dust. Ooops. After boss lady commented that it was a good job hot tottie had been well behaved I started to realise the humans were not too impressed. Still Frilly (I think that’s her name) seemed in awe and has done nothing but stare in a worshipping manner at me ever since. I can’t say the same for Dad……
Anyway I was so sweated up after Saturday’s antics that it took several hours to cool off and Dad announced I needed one last haircut before summer. So on Sunday I was shorn. Like a ruddy sheep. I look like a baby seal that has been attacked with a ladies razor. When it came to clipping off my manly stubble I got a little peeved and mum really shouted at me. So when she tried to take my picture I refused to look at her and generally sulked. Not that she noticed.
That remind me I have a serious bone to pick with you horse and hound forum people. I thought you all liked me? What’s this I hear about mum posting a picture of me (shaven and sulking) asking about my weight and you all saying I’m either about right or I should lose a bit. WHAT?! Are you lot BLIND? You should be banned from keeping horses I tell you. I am a neglect case on 4 legs. I am so starved I might waste away. This was your chance to tell mum to feed me more not congratulate her on her “weight management”. Sheesh.
Anyway mum has worked 4 days this week away so she came back this morning to go out for our hack. Now apparently the spring grass, my new go faster hair cut, my speedy moves on Saturday and the cold air meant that she felt she had to lunge me for 10 minute before we went out. What was all that about? That said when we went for a canter I did feel my mojo on the move and my rear wheel drive turbo kick in. Alas so did mum so she wedged me behind Billy’s bum so I couldn’t let it go. She is such a killjoy. Apparently I was “full of it” and if she sneezed I would have been in the next county. I have no idea what she was on about but she and aunty C seemed to concur. We saw lots of funny waddling birds today that made funny noises which was quite interesting. I think mum called them a rude word but I don’t know if that’s their names or if mum just doesn’t like them. She can be a bit uncouth can my mother.
Anyway mum seemed pleased that I had fought the urge to engage the turbo and so is vaguely talking to me again. She gave me a treat at the field but didn’t move my tape back for some more grass. I hold you forum lot solely responsible for that.
So today I am going to try to make up with Dolly who seems to be sulking since me and new tottie went out. That said Frilly did call out to me as Billy and I came down the drive so I think I’m in. Sheesh it’s hard to be such a mare magnet….
 
"That remind me I have a serious bone to pick with you horse and hound forum people. I thought you all liked me? What’s this I hear about mum posting a picture of me (shaven and sulking) asking about my weight and you all saying I’m either about right or I should lose a bit. WHAT?! Are you lot BLIND?"

Oh Hovis - great to see you at last - shame you wouldn't look at the camera BUT having read the 'weight thingy' on the forum, Hovis love you are blind - everyone said you were PERFECT, in proportion, someone even wanted you for their own, etc, only that you didn't NEED to increase your weight for the spring.... that is in your best interest dear friend - really. Fit birds won't like you with sore tootsies. ;)
 
Hovis you need to sort out your explanations for all this cantering off bussiness.
You NEED TO CANTER FAST so you can loose that bit of extra weight that the people on hho told your mum you need to loose. ;) :D Then you can get some more food as you have burnt it all off by going for a blast across the fields. :D
 
Hovis mate, I feel your pain.
Not content with making me ponce about in circles and go sideways all the time, mum's now trying to starve me to death. She's put me on rations as apparently I'm looking and feeling "too well". I'm getting a third of what I normally do at this time of year. How is it possible to be "too well", does she want me to be ill? I will be within a few weeks, maybe even days, if I continue to be malnourished in this way.
Archie
 
Hovis, in addition to being a top author you are gorgeous :D

I think you're just perfect as you are :D

I'll join the Hovis clique. Never joined one before, what do I do?:rolleyes:
 
I saw your photos and can see why you are a mare magnet - think the go faster haircut gives you more field cred :D Yes let's have a Hovis fanclub in fact I've just created a group on facebook "We love Hovis and his Friday diaries" and wondered if it was ok with the Destroyer if I put a picture of him on there? for all the lovely ladies, gentleman and not forgotten any hot mares who have their own computers who might want to "make friends" with you ;)
 
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