Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
I have a feeling of impending doom. I think mum might be telling me a few porky pies and Im actually being set up to do something horrible. But more on that in a minute.
This last week has been quite pleasant with mum being away for two days so meaning I get a couple of days off from the hell shes been putting me through. As I reported on Monday I have been being worked into the ground and coupled with mums now legendary meanness with my grass means I am exhausted and being slimmed down to the size of an anorexic TB. Sometimes being me is so hard .
On Tuesday I overheard Boss Lady Sarah ask mum if she could move me into another field as she was concerned about the love affair that has developed between Hot Stepper and Frilly. Ha! Thought I I can move back in with the posh totty and show her a real man again rather than that river dancing pansy. Alas what she actually meant was Ive been put next to the can-can kicking clown and Frilly has been moved. How does that work?! The up side of this arrangement is I am near the ménage so get to see all the other mums beasting their steeds around although none of them appear to have the fluent grasp of the English language that my mother does. More to the point Hot Stepper has a big treat ball this is apparently due to him having the attention span of a flea and so when hes bored he digs holes. I am hoping his aim isnt too good and said ball comes my way I love my treat ball but mum only gives it to me when were living inside and then not that often. Scrooge was a good Samaritan compared to my mother .
So back to my mothers scheming. The other night she came and sat with me and brushed out my feather s whilst I ate my tea. Weird I thought. Then she told me were going to a party tomorrow and that Ill enjoy it if I open my mind. Which to me translates as youre going to hate it so Im not telling you whats really going on. I have a feeling that shes entered me in some prancing about competition. I am SO not happy. I am not built to parade around like some sort of poof that Mexican dipping implement, Moorlands Dorrito, I am NOT. Shes being very sneaky about it my mane was tidied the other night and I swear by the whiskers on my nose that she said I was having a bath later. Ill be on strict instructions to levitate all night if we are going out poncing and she gets my feathers nice and white.
This morning we are going out for our usual hack with Billy so I might ask him if hes heard anything. Mind you since I found out that I have a letter addressed to me at Bransby and I told the others they have started to act all jealous. Its not my fault I have fans. Mum says the letter is probably a complaint or a restraining order. I hope it is ordering mum to be restrained for even THINKING about doing dressage. Mum also told me that she mentioned that she would rather someone else rode me tomorrow (which makes me even more suspicious) and that some people on the Horse and Hound online forum said theyd like to apply to be my rider. Im thinking that I could audition people? Maybe people could send me a CV and pictures and a brief paragraph saying why they should be my rider and if they sound a) more talented than mum b) less mouthy than mum and c) more likely to give me treats than mum then I could ask them to be my rider? Lets face it with those criteria half the population would qualify
Anyway I am off to go and wind up Hot Stepper boy and then head out with my main man Billy. I may well write to you on Monday telling you of the hell my mother has put me through. On the other hand that does assume we survive the experience ..
I have a feeling of impending doom. I think mum might be telling me a few porky pies and Im actually being set up to do something horrible. But more on that in a minute.
This last week has been quite pleasant with mum being away for two days so meaning I get a couple of days off from the hell shes been putting me through. As I reported on Monday I have been being worked into the ground and coupled with mums now legendary meanness with my grass means I am exhausted and being slimmed down to the size of an anorexic TB. Sometimes being me is so hard .
On Tuesday I overheard Boss Lady Sarah ask mum if she could move me into another field as she was concerned about the love affair that has developed between Hot Stepper and Frilly. Ha! Thought I I can move back in with the posh totty and show her a real man again rather than that river dancing pansy. Alas what she actually meant was Ive been put next to the can-can kicking clown and Frilly has been moved. How does that work?! The up side of this arrangement is I am near the ménage so get to see all the other mums beasting their steeds around although none of them appear to have the fluent grasp of the English language that my mother does. More to the point Hot Stepper has a big treat ball this is apparently due to him having the attention span of a flea and so when hes bored he digs holes. I am hoping his aim isnt too good and said ball comes my way I love my treat ball but mum only gives it to me when were living inside and then not that often. Scrooge was a good Samaritan compared to my mother .
So back to my mothers scheming. The other night she came and sat with me and brushed out my feather s whilst I ate my tea. Weird I thought. Then she told me were going to a party tomorrow and that Ill enjoy it if I open my mind. Which to me translates as youre going to hate it so Im not telling you whats really going on. I have a feeling that shes entered me in some prancing about competition. I am SO not happy. I am not built to parade around like some sort of poof that Mexican dipping implement, Moorlands Dorrito, I am NOT. Shes being very sneaky about it my mane was tidied the other night and I swear by the whiskers on my nose that she said I was having a bath later. Ill be on strict instructions to levitate all night if we are going out poncing and she gets my feathers nice and white.
This morning we are going out for our usual hack with Billy so I might ask him if hes heard anything. Mind you since I found out that I have a letter addressed to me at Bransby and I told the others they have started to act all jealous. Its not my fault I have fans. Mum says the letter is probably a complaint or a restraining order. I hope it is ordering mum to be restrained for even THINKING about doing dressage. Mum also told me that she mentioned that she would rather someone else rode me tomorrow (which makes me even more suspicious) and that some people on the Horse and Hound online forum said theyd like to apply to be my rider. Im thinking that I could audition people? Maybe people could send me a CV and pictures and a brief paragraph saying why they should be my rider and if they sound a) more talented than mum b) less mouthy than mum and c) more likely to give me treats than mum then I could ask them to be my rider? Lets face it with those criteria half the population would qualify
Anyway I am off to go and wind up Hot Stepper boy and then head out with my main man Billy. I may well write to you on Monday telling you of the hell my mother has put me through. On the other hand that does assume we survive the experience ..
Good luck at the erm.. party 
