Hovis' Friday Diary

Hovis_and_SidsMum

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Dear Diary
Apologies for not writing last week but Mum and dad were away in some place called Italy and Boss Lady Sarah doesn’t allow me near the laptop. I did try to convince her to take notes and type it herself but she didn’t seem too keen – I really need to get a secretary I think.
Anyway since mum has been away I have had a relaxing week chilling in the sunshine, dodging hailstones, stealing Hot Steppers licks and his grass and generally being a dude. In my dude-likeness I may have accidentally ripped my fly mask in half resulting in it being sent to the sack machine at the farm to be re-stitched but this was of course an accident. Any suggestion that Hot Stepper and I conspired to destroy my lovely heshian sack, lust killing head gear is just inappropriate……
To my excitement Boss Lady Sarah bought me a lick when mum was away – “wow!” thought I “The lady is starting to understand what a star I am” either that or she got my new rider with my demands on it faster that I thought it would arrive. My excitement was short lived – she only allows me to have it for half an hour a day. HALF an HOUR. What kind of sadist is she? Horrible evil woman – I temporarily forgot she taught Evil Army Man as a child. How am I supposed to get my teeth into it, smear it all over my legs and face when I only get half an hour? Humph.
Anyway mum came back this week and she’s turned into a palomino – she’s all blonde maned and she’s gone a funny colour. Well if its lickit all over her face she’s spread it more evenly than I manage. Maybe they didn’t have showers in this Italy place and its muck? Anyway she only brought me a measly carrot back so I’m sulking and refusing to speak to her. That said she did move me fields when she arrived back so now I have more grass and am next to Dolly again. The downside is I still have Hot Stepper in tow – apparently I am a soothing influence on him. Great. I get saddled with the highly strung, well bred loony AGAIN. Dolly seems very keen again but I do think she’s angling to have my lickit. I shared a bit with her yesterday by kicking it so it was halfway under the fence between us – mum went mad when she saw what I’d done. Apparently the lick costs money that doesn’t grow on trees. Like duh! Well pay for it with the type that does then?
So the beasting started in earnest last night. I have missed out on my hack with the Billy monster this morning because mum has a meeting so no doubt I shall be forced into poncing around the ménage later – deep joy. I did perk up a bit when mum mentioned we might go to a competition jumping next week. I do realise she means raised trotting poles against children on small ponies but heh its better than poncing about in circles covered in talc.
I’m off to snog dolly over the fence and see if I can lick the remains of lick off my whiskers without pulling something vital. Laters people, laters.
 
WOO go hovis :) Lucky you , italy !! honestly.... :D
Isnt that what competitions are about, racing around against children on small ponies?
Its what I do :D
What a meanie , half an hour a day?Maybe she wants it for herself :) I would have thought you could destroy it in 1/2 hour though :0
 
Good to have you back, Hovis! Try and get Aunty Sarah to get you one of those blue minty flavoured likits. It's amazing how much fun you can have with one of them on your white bits!
 
Hovis, you've just answered the question that's been nagging at me for a few years now - why are so many celebrities "Orange"? Of course, they've all been at the Lickits! Hmmh, I wonder what Robert Kilroy-Silk's favourite flavour is?
 
I am assured that the best way to react to having a bucket of likit rationed is to kick the bejasus out of the bucket so the delicious gooey black treacly stuff runs out all over the grass. They won't clear that up in a hurry!! Just make sure no one sees or hears and blame the other hoss!
 
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