Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear Diary
To use the campest expression since God invented caravanning OMG what a week I have had!
After a relatively quiet weekend mum quietly announced that Sunday was to be Sheath Scrubbing Sunday (apparently it was toss between that or willy washing Wednesday and she was working on weds). Oh good lord. Never again! The things my mother did to me should never be done by ANYONE let alone your MOTHER! It didnt help that Aunty Sarah was there to hold me and dad there to hold up my leg to stop me killing mum and they felt the need to snigger and give a running commentary the whole time mum was fondling things mothers shouldnt fondle. It was the way mum removed her watch and put on elbow length gloves that should have given me a clue. It was bad enough she gave me my tea to con me into dropping Mr Wee Willie winkie before she GRABBED hold of him and did rude things but then she announced she was going in and disappeared up to her elbow in places Im too traumatised to talk about. Afterwards she did a LOT of apologising to me and then said she needed therapy. SHE needed therapy?! What about ME?! I dont care if I now have a nice clean manly part it was WRONG! I shudder even now and I tell you she even looks sideways at it again for a long while and the cowabunga back leg is coming out to play.
Then on Monday Cool New shoes Man came and gave me some cool new shoes. He did a LOT of moaning about his back and about my cuddling and I believe even posted a picture on my face book pages saying I weigh a tonne. Factually inaccurate CNSM I weigh half a tonne so stop moaning. He did do all my chestnuts and ergots which I know he hates doing so I was slightly mollified. I then had to wait inside whilst Hot Stepper was done as hes such a girl he cries if Im not there. Well ok I made the crying bit up but he does do a good Mc Hammer impression which annoys Cool New shoes Man so to save the ear bashing from all the yelling I had my tea inside and waited.
Then on Tuesday just to punish me even more mum rode me in the rain for half an hour. Now in fairness this may have been due to the fact I convinced her I was dead on Tuesday morning . The night before Id heard her say shed never seen me laid down so despite hearing her car on the Tuesday morning I stayed sprawled out thinking shed be excited. When I heard her running towards me panting like a dirty phone call I assumed it was tears of happiness in her eyes. Until I realised the daft mare had thought Id sprouted wings and gone off to play with the dead people. She did put my head in her lap which was very nice although she swiftly realised the grass was soaking wet through and she had a very very wet bottom. Something I believe she forgot when wandering around someplace called Chavda later on ..
So I feel Tuesdays nights poncing in the rain was her sort of revenge for me scaring her half to death. Only half? Id better do a proper job next time .
Today we went out on our hack with Billy and I have to say I feel great. So much so that Billy couldnt keep up with my manly striding and we had to keep waiting for him. However crunch point came as we rounded a corner and saw IT. A big octopus thing blocking the way. Billy in fairness strode past it in a manly fashion and onto the narrow bridge over a very steep sided and deep ditch. I was a little less keen. There was a strap thing across the way and every time I went near it the barrels near this thing of terror moved. I then had to step over a pipe right next to the contraption and then fit through a narrow gap onto the bridge. One false move and mum and aunty C agreed it would take the fire brigade to get us out of the ditch. So perhaps my lack of enthusiasm was understandable? Mum let me look at it but no matter how much I tried to spin round or run backwards mum was firmly insistent. To be honest I didnt know she had it in her. After several minute of mum thinking I was dithering and in my words me assessing the situation aunty C suggested we turn back. I then heard mum say no way we were going past it and if needs be shed get off and lead me. Now two things here -1. If mum was prepared to walk past it maybe it wasnt too bad and 2 if mum got off getting on again would have been interesting. So taking a deep breath (and according to Aunty Charlotte shutting my eyes) I shot past it and across the bridge. Cue lots of patting, cuddling and good boys.
I was so fired up with adrenalin by the time we got to a long canter stretch down the side of a carrot field I was in no mood to pootle so we went for a yeehaa! Nothing is stopping me canter / gallop. Well we did - Billy stayed behind doing an impression of that Doritos bloke. We had one moment where I dived left to avoid a thistle and mum nearly dismounted at very high speed. She managed to avoid this and yank herself back in the saddle thus avoiding a disaster and proving once again shes getting stickier bottomed as she gets older. We then trotted down another few fields, across the lairs of the steel snakes on tracks (when a steel snake came past I have to add here!) and then down the side of a field where these clouds on legs were running about and making funny noises. Billy and I wanted to run with them but mum and aunty C said no. Apparently this was very funny and much laughter was had as we trotted home.
We got home to much cuddles and kissing (and that was from Billy) so its safe to say Im in the good books. At least until later. So Im off to try to convince Hot Stepper to take my silly mask off, tell Dolly about my bravery, eat grass and maybe even have a lie down to recover. Just as long as I get up before mum comes back all will be fine .
To use the campest expression since God invented caravanning OMG what a week I have had!
After a relatively quiet weekend mum quietly announced that Sunday was to be Sheath Scrubbing Sunday (apparently it was toss between that or willy washing Wednesday and she was working on weds). Oh good lord. Never again! The things my mother did to me should never be done by ANYONE let alone your MOTHER! It didnt help that Aunty Sarah was there to hold me and dad there to hold up my leg to stop me killing mum and they felt the need to snigger and give a running commentary the whole time mum was fondling things mothers shouldnt fondle. It was the way mum removed her watch and put on elbow length gloves that should have given me a clue. It was bad enough she gave me my tea to con me into dropping Mr Wee Willie winkie before she GRABBED hold of him and did rude things but then she announced she was going in and disappeared up to her elbow in places Im too traumatised to talk about. Afterwards she did a LOT of apologising to me and then said she needed therapy. SHE needed therapy?! What about ME?! I dont care if I now have a nice clean manly part it was WRONG! I shudder even now and I tell you she even looks sideways at it again for a long while and the cowabunga back leg is coming out to play.
Then on Monday Cool New shoes Man came and gave me some cool new shoes. He did a LOT of moaning about his back and about my cuddling and I believe even posted a picture on my face book pages saying I weigh a tonne. Factually inaccurate CNSM I weigh half a tonne so stop moaning. He did do all my chestnuts and ergots which I know he hates doing so I was slightly mollified. I then had to wait inside whilst Hot Stepper was done as hes such a girl he cries if Im not there. Well ok I made the crying bit up but he does do a good Mc Hammer impression which annoys Cool New shoes Man so to save the ear bashing from all the yelling I had my tea inside and waited.
Then on Tuesday just to punish me even more mum rode me in the rain for half an hour. Now in fairness this may have been due to the fact I convinced her I was dead on Tuesday morning . The night before Id heard her say shed never seen me laid down so despite hearing her car on the Tuesday morning I stayed sprawled out thinking shed be excited. When I heard her running towards me panting like a dirty phone call I assumed it was tears of happiness in her eyes. Until I realised the daft mare had thought Id sprouted wings and gone off to play with the dead people. She did put my head in her lap which was very nice although she swiftly realised the grass was soaking wet through and she had a very very wet bottom. Something I believe she forgot when wandering around someplace called Chavda later on ..
So I feel Tuesdays nights poncing in the rain was her sort of revenge for me scaring her half to death. Only half? Id better do a proper job next time .
Today we went out on our hack with Billy and I have to say I feel great. So much so that Billy couldnt keep up with my manly striding and we had to keep waiting for him. However crunch point came as we rounded a corner and saw IT. A big octopus thing blocking the way. Billy in fairness strode past it in a manly fashion and onto the narrow bridge over a very steep sided and deep ditch. I was a little less keen. There was a strap thing across the way and every time I went near it the barrels near this thing of terror moved. I then had to step over a pipe right next to the contraption and then fit through a narrow gap onto the bridge. One false move and mum and aunty C agreed it would take the fire brigade to get us out of the ditch. So perhaps my lack of enthusiasm was understandable? Mum let me look at it but no matter how much I tried to spin round or run backwards mum was firmly insistent. To be honest I didnt know she had it in her. After several minute of mum thinking I was dithering and in my words me assessing the situation aunty C suggested we turn back. I then heard mum say no way we were going past it and if needs be shed get off and lead me. Now two things here -1. If mum was prepared to walk past it maybe it wasnt too bad and 2 if mum got off getting on again would have been interesting. So taking a deep breath (and according to Aunty Charlotte shutting my eyes) I shot past it and across the bridge. Cue lots of patting, cuddling and good boys.
I was so fired up with adrenalin by the time we got to a long canter stretch down the side of a carrot field I was in no mood to pootle so we went for a yeehaa! Nothing is stopping me canter / gallop. Well we did - Billy stayed behind doing an impression of that Doritos bloke. We had one moment where I dived left to avoid a thistle and mum nearly dismounted at very high speed. She managed to avoid this and yank herself back in the saddle thus avoiding a disaster and proving once again shes getting stickier bottomed as she gets older. We then trotted down another few fields, across the lairs of the steel snakes on tracks (when a steel snake came past I have to add here!) and then down the side of a field where these clouds on legs were running about and making funny noises. Billy and I wanted to run with them but mum and aunty C said no. Apparently this was very funny and much laughter was had as we trotted home.
We got home to much cuddles and kissing (and that was from Billy) so its safe to say Im in the good books. At least until later. So Im off to try to convince Hot Stepper to take my silly mask off, tell Dolly about my bravery, eat grass and maybe even have a lie down to recover. Just as long as I get up before mum comes back all will be fine .
