Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
Winter is here. Mum and Aunty C are back in were not fair weather riders mode so Billy and I are suffering. There should be a law that allows us equal rights to chose if WE want to go for a hack in driving horizontal rain. I am wet, I am sweaty, I have a sore bum from mum smacking me and all in all I have not had a good day.
Actually scratch that. I have not had a good week. For a start all week weve been banned from our stables as the Boss Lady was jet washing. What jet washing is I have NO idea but it seemed to involve a lot of noise and a lot of wet stuff and must have been dangerous as we were not allowed near to it and the Boss Lady had her face covered so it wouldnt recognise her. All very odd.
Then on Monday and Tuesday men came with guns to shoot us. Well I think they came to shoot the dive bombing peasants (which I wasnt too upset about) but I was scared that one misfired shot and Id have been a head on mum and dads wall. Fit ginger bird got herself into a total lather which in turn triggered Hot Stepper to have a go as well. Dolly and I just stood and glared at the men but held our ground. To be honest I just could not be bothered with running up and down and they used to shoot near our old yard so Im pretty used to it.
Mum obviously decided that I should have been running up and down as we seem to have done a lot of lunging with straps on this week. Even when the wind was so bad that no one else would even move their horses from the field. Why I have to have the lunatic for a mother I have no idea. At one point she was lunging me looking like Lawrence of Arabia with her jumper pulled up to her eyes because the sand was blowing so badly. NOTE I just had to suck it up and get on with it. And I mean literally suck it up. I have more sand in my lungs that mum has hair in that see through sucking thing she uses on the car.
Mother also seems to take my good nature for granted and has been mainly throwing rugs at me in the wind and hoping they land somewhere near me. I was not amused when one blew over my head the other day but since I was eating I couldnt be bothered to make that much of a fuss. It has been commented that someone called BHS wouldnt approve of my mothers horse handling. Stuff Mr BHS I dont approve of it either!
On Wednesday mum came to tell me that weve got some more appearances to do for my book. Next week mum is going to some party at the place the money from my book goes (Note people once again that evil quarantine person wont let me go so my cardboard alter ego has to go instead), then we have some game fair in Oct. Im not sure what a game fair is but apparently the man who runs it has asked for me to be there so hes obviously got good taste. Then mum tells me the big news is that shes going to do signing at something called Your horse is Alive. Now Im fairly sure thats the cult she went to a few years back and came back with all sorts of silly ideas so Im not sure Im too chuffed about this. More to the point they wont let me go. How is that fair? Apparently therell be loads of posh show jumping and dressage horses there so I could be in pulling heaven and maybe even get my invite to that big party next year? Mum says that Im on a waiting list in case someone drops out then I can go. WAITING LIST? Do they not know who I am? If they claim to be a big cheese in the horse world then surely theyve heard of me? I was most offended and thus didnt fall over with excitement when mum told me. Its not fair. She gets to go all over and I have to stay at home which is not on when I wrote the thing *sulk*.
Then this morning I get dragged out of my field, frogmarched into my jet washed stable (which looked no different to how it did before), told not to make a mess and then forced to hack out in rain, wind and a swarm of tractors of terror. They were EVERYWHERE. In the rain it was hard to see them so the dastardly things were upon us before we knew it. Then to make matters worse we went across the lair of the steel snakes (TWICE!!) and were nearly attacked by a flock of cones. I didnt really want to go so was not putting much effort in so mother was not amused. Then when I dived out of the way to avoid one of the tractors that was getting a bit too close I got a smack for nearly putting us in a ditch. Oh and someone we passed said Billy was handsome and didnt say the same about me. I blame mother- she tidied me up before we went out..................
All in all it has NOT been a good day.
Mother was last seen muttering something about putting a rocket up my bum so no doubt I may be a Hovis firework later. Hovis in the sky with Diamonds thats me. Life sucks. I am now trying to convince Frilly to share some of her molasses soaked hay through the hedge with me. Im not holding my breath on that one either. I hate my life..............
Winter is here. Mum and Aunty C are back in were not fair weather riders mode so Billy and I are suffering. There should be a law that allows us equal rights to chose if WE want to go for a hack in driving horizontal rain. I am wet, I am sweaty, I have a sore bum from mum smacking me and all in all I have not had a good day.
Actually scratch that. I have not had a good week. For a start all week weve been banned from our stables as the Boss Lady was jet washing. What jet washing is I have NO idea but it seemed to involve a lot of noise and a lot of wet stuff and must have been dangerous as we were not allowed near to it and the Boss Lady had her face covered so it wouldnt recognise her. All very odd.
Then on Monday and Tuesday men came with guns to shoot us. Well I think they came to shoot the dive bombing peasants (which I wasnt too upset about) but I was scared that one misfired shot and Id have been a head on mum and dads wall. Fit ginger bird got herself into a total lather which in turn triggered Hot Stepper to have a go as well. Dolly and I just stood and glared at the men but held our ground. To be honest I just could not be bothered with running up and down and they used to shoot near our old yard so Im pretty used to it.
Mum obviously decided that I should have been running up and down as we seem to have done a lot of lunging with straps on this week. Even when the wind was so bad that no one else would even move their horses from the field. Why I have to have the lunatic for a mother I have no idea. At one point she was lunging me looking like Lawrence of Arabia with her jumper pulled up to her eyes because the sand was blowing so badly. NOTE I just had to suck it up and get on with it. And I mean literally suck it up. I have more sand in my lungs that mum has hair in that see through sucking thing she uses on the car.
Mother also seems to take my good nature for granted and has been mainly throwing rugs at me in the wind and hoping they land somewhere near me. I was not amused when one blew over my head the other day but since I was eating I couldnt be bothered to make that much of a fuss. It has been commented that someone called BHS wouldnt approve of my mothers horse handling. Stuff Mr BHS I dont approve of it either!
On Wednesday mum came to tell me that weve got some more appearances to do for my book. Next week mum is going to some party at the place the money from my book goes (Note people once again that evil quarantine person wont let me go so my cardboard alter ego has to go instead), then we have some game fair in Oct. Im not sure what a game fair is but apparently the man who runs it has asked for me to be there so hes obviously got good taste. Then mum tells me the big news is that shes going to do signing at something called Your horse is Alive. Now Im fairly sure thats the cult she went to a few years back and came back with all sorts of silly ideas so Im not sure Im too chuffed about this. More to the point they wont let me go. How is that fair? Apparently therell be loads of posh show jumping and dressage horses there so I could be in pulling heaven and maybe even get my invite to that big party next year? Mum says that Im on a waiting list in case someone drops out then I can go. WAITING LIST? Do they not know who I am? If they claim to be a big cheese in the horse world then surely theyve heard of me? I was most offended and thus didnt fall over with excitement when mum told me. Its not fair. She gets to go all over and I have to stay at home which is not on when I wrote the thing *sulk*.
Then this morning I get dragged out of my field, frogmarched into my jet washed stable (which looked no different to how it did before), told not to make a mess and then forced to hack out in rain, wind and a swarm of tractors of terror. They were EVERYWHERE. In the rain it was hard to see them so the dastardly things were upon us before we knew it. Then to make matters worse we went across the lair of the steel snakes (TWICE!!) and were nearly attacked by a flock of cones. I didnt really want to go so was not putting much effort in so mother was not amused. Then when I dived out of the way to avoid one of the tractors that was getting a bit too close I got a smack for nearly putting us in a ditch. Oh and someone we passed said Billy was handsome and didnt say the same about me. I blame mother- she tidied me up before we went out..................
All in all it has NOT been a good day.
Mother was last seen muttering something about putting a rocket up my bum so no doubt I may be a Hovis firework later. Hovis in the sky with Diamonds thats me. Life sucks. I am now trying to convince Frilly to share some of her molasses soaked hay through the hedge with me. Im not holding my breath on that one either. I hate my life..............
