Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
I have news! Not BIG news but NEWs none the less. Once again people have been slow on the uptake but finally horse and Hound have realised that whilst people may enjoy reading about Carl Nester and Viagra, Flatlands Dorrito and Spankel the wonder horse what they really want is to read insight, wit and humour from a real man, well gelding, and so finally they have done it. They have offered me a job. I am going to join their stable (see what we did there) of bloggers on the main website. I am going to educate the masses about poncing in circles, the fact feathered boys can jump, how to wow the ladies and how to deal with crazy fans. All of which you understand I am a total expert on. My hooves will be flying over the keyboard every week faster than a lizards feet dancing on an induction hob. My words will be so in demand Ill make 50 Shades of Grey look like it sold as fast as a knitting pattern for paisley print Y fronts. People I have arrived.....
So as of next week I shall publish my diary on the main website and I shall get my agent (i.e. mother) to post a link so you can continue to read my words of wisdom. Im not deserting you merely spreading my love. Which is a good thing because quite frankly Ive been writing to you lot for years and not one of you has sent me carrots, a Swede or a fine young filly. And its not been due to my lack of hints... Maybe I will attract new fans that might be a little more switched on to a boys needs.
So as I told you last week I am currently shoe less. This is due to Cool-likes-to-take-shoes-off-horses-man decided that it would do my feet some good to go a cycle with no shoes. He told mum not to be alarmed if my feet chipped off a little and that in the long run it would do me the power of good, help my heels and my frogs. Chipped a little? CHIPPED? My feet look like a blind rabbit mistook them for a carrot. They look all manky and funky and I dont mean in a good way. As for helping my frogs do I look like a reptile rehabilitation clinic? Mum reassures me all is fine and that since I can still walk perfectly ok that they look worse than they are. Thats all well and good mum but Dolly thinks Im a cheap skate who cant afford a decent pair of shoes so the chances of me ever getting to play pin the Hovis tail on Dolly have gone from slim to positively anorexic. I was hoping news of my new column might arouse her interest but she seems to have got it into her head Im writing an agony aunt column for Pony Magazine or something. Seriously? Can you imagine?
Dear Hovis I am depressed because I am small and pony like.
My reply: Depressed? You dont know the meaning of the word; try having my mother as your parent. Stand on a box and count your blessings.
So my shoes are supposed to be going back on in a few weeks so the plus side is Im doing minimal work at the moment. I am allowed to hack out as long as we only walk and I go on the grass which is boooorrrrrrriiiinnnnngggggggggg. Sadly this ban on work does not seem to extend to working in the school so alas I am still poncing in circles. That said mum had news this week that she might be out of action for a while so we shall see. Supposedly the minor disagreement we had over fences many years ago which resulted in her going one way and me going the other may have caused quite a bit of damage to her hip. Ooops. I did tell her that its a good job I love her because shed never pass a vetting if I wanted to sell her. So send mum some dont be too broken vibes, my feet some dont fall apart any more vibes and get ready for the Hovis invasion of the Horse and Hound website. Ill see you there next week. Laters.........
I have news! Not BIG news but NEWs none the less. Once again people have been slow on the uptake but finally horse and Hound have realised that whilst people may enjoy reading about Carl Nester and Viagra, Flatlands Dorrito and Spankel the wonder horse what they really want is to read insight, wit and humour from a real man, well gelding, and so finally they have done it. They have offered me a job. I am going to join their stable (see what we did there) of bloggers on the main website. I am going to educate the masses about poncing in circles, the fact feathered boys can jump, how to wow the ladies and how to deal with crazy fans. All of which you understand I am a total expert on. My hooves will be flying over the keyboard every week faster than a lizards feet dancing on an induction hob. My words will be so in demand Ill make 50 Shades of Grey look like it sold as fast as a knitting pattern for paisley print Y fronts. People I have arrived.....
So as of next week I shall publish my diary on the main website and I shall get my agent (i.e. mother) to post a link so you can continue to read my words of wisdom. Im not deserting you merely spreading my love. Which is a good thing because quite frankly Ive been writing to you lot for years and not one of you has sent me carrots, a Swede or a fine young filly. And its not been due to my lack of hints... Maybe I will attract new fans that might be a little more switched on to a boys needs.
So as I told you last week I am currently shoe less. This is due to Cool-likes-to-take-shoes-off-horses-man decided that it would do my feet some good to go a cycle with no shoes. He told mum not to be alarmed if my feet chipped off a little and that in the long run it would do me the power of good, help my heels and my frogs. Chipped a little? CHIPPED? My feet look like a blind rabbit mistook them for a carrot. They look all manky and funky and I dont mean in a good way. As for helping my frogs do I look like a reptile rehabilitation clinic? Mum reassures me all is fine and that since I can still walk perfectly ok that they look worse than they are. Thats all well and good mum but Dolly thinks Im a cheap skate who cant afford a decent pair of shoes so the chances of me ever getting to play pin the Hovis tail on Dolly have gone from slim to positively anorexic. I was hoping news of my new column might arouse her interest but she seems to have got it into her head Im writing an agony aunt column for Pony Magazine or something. Seriously? Can you imagine?
Dear Hovis I am depressed because I am small and pony like.
My reply: Depressed? You dont know the meaning of the word; try having my mother as your parent. Stand on a box and count your blessings.
So my shoes are supposed to be going back on in a few weeks so the plus side is Im doing minimal work at the moment. I am allowed to hack out as long as we only walk and I go on the grass which is boooorrrrrrriiiinnnnngggggggggg. Sadly this ban on work does not seem to extend to working in the school so alas I am still poncing in circles. That said mum had news this week that she might be out of action for a while so we shall see. Supposedly the minor disagreement we had over fences many years ago which resulted in her going one way and me going the other may have caused quite a bit of damage to her hip. Ooops. I did tell her that its a good job I love her because shed never pass a vetting if I wanted to sell her. So send mum some dont be too broken vibes, my feet some dont fall apart any more vibes and get ready for the Hovis invasion of the Horse and Hound website. Ill see you there next week. Laters.........
Maybe you can give Carl Nester and Viagra a few tips 
Although you best be careful as he is always on the lookout for the next top Dressage (poncing about in circles) horse 
