Hovis' monday diary

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Hovis_and_SidsMum

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Dear diary
I am so sorry I didn't write on friday but mum was in Londonium so I could get access to the laptop. Not that it would have mattered if I did. I probably wouldn't have been able to get any signal from within the casa de pero which is where i am firmly residing at the moment.........
Last weekend mum and Dad ruined my life. There i have said it.... they RUINED my life. I have been SHORN. Like a sheep! I have no fur, I look like a baby seal, all my manly gingerness has gone and been replaced by a delicate shade of pale grey which has had every other mum on the yard making cooing noises about how "sweet" I look. I am not SWEET. I am the destroyer. A big manly beast - not a cute sweet little thing - apparently I look about 4 years old again. The only good news is mum fought off an attack by boss lady sarah and Dad to take my legs off too so at least I still have my feathers.
Anyway my newly aquired streamlined look has got me in a world of trouble this week....
First of all I have been put in a new field with lots and lots of grass. My new field is next to Dolly who is the yard matriach and until now she has paid about as much attention to me as road kill. That was until I managed to upend the bin that her mum puts outside her field with "stuff" in it and empty said "stuff" all over the place. In the process i found a box of treats which was very nice. I also discovered Dollys mum can also run quite quickly and shout very loudly.......... oooooppps.......
Then on thursday mum got on me for a ride. Well I am sorry but I have had a week eating great grass, I am now no longer weighed down with fur - what exactly did she expect? Apparently my enthusiatic jumping into canter was inappropriate and resulted in me being lunged til I nearly died of exhaustion. I hate my life...
On saturday we went to a jumping clinic and Dad rode me. This was partly due to mum not wishing to fall off in front of some of her friends - which worked well as a tactic - Dad fell off instead.... Admittedly my last minute swerve to go and gawp at a fit chick parading up and down a nearby field probably didn't help matters but I refuse to take full responsibility for it. Dad should have held on tighter. I jumped everything else very well but that fence was far too close to a hottie and a boy cannot be blamed for wanting to do what bunnies do.
So Dads not happy with me, mums not happy with me, Dollys mum is not happy with me, all in all I am not in the good books.
On the plus side Dolly has come round far more since my new haircut and actually called out to me yesterday. She also ended up in trouble as she broke loose in the barn and sauntered down for a chat over my stable door the other night. I am thinking of playing hard to get but I think I am slightly too desperate to pull that off with any conviction. Maybe its my new "boglands quaver" posh name that has thawed her?
Talking of which mum says the games are over now so I can go back to being just Hovis. I think its stinks that i was not invited. Mum says theres a big games party in 2012, I will be 9 by then so do you think I will be allowed to go?
 
Ah, oh Great Destroyer (which suits you far more than Boglands Quaver did :D), it's good to read that you are okay. Nekked, but okay :cool:

And you are indeed correct, your Dad should have held on properly, it is very simples! It is a concept I am trying to explain to Human, who is, I fear to report, still crock and still keeping her feet on the ground. Apparently her attempting to do pairs jumping with me (I thought pairs meant two riders and two horses, not one horse with the rider getting off halfway over the jump to fly over it with me! Very confusing for a young Dutch Beautifulblood :eek::rolleyes:), has damaged bits of her.

Anyhoo, if you find a way of keeping your human on your back, please let me know. Mine isn't allowed back on until after Christmas, whatever that may be (something to do with money and tinsels apparently, oh and extra carrots, so it's okay with me), but it is a very long way off and I quite miss Human. Mini-human rides, but she's trying hard to get me 'going well' for when Human gets back on, so it's all very hard work and not what a lady such as what I am should be doing.

I really do think that you should have objected to being shorn. Are your humans not knowing the difference between a sheep and a Destroyer such as yourself? That is going to be one heck of a woolley jumper :cool:. Human tried something similar with me last time the ground started to get hard and the grass didn't fill me up quite so much; I soon pointed out that I am very partial to my fur coat and much as I love Human, she could bob-off with any ideas of parting me from it! She said she would give me a nice new coat, which could go on and off, but really! What is the point in taking off what I have just to put a different one on? I ask you. I have said to her, if she gets me a coat in pink, with lilac edging, or in teal with rose-pink detailing, then we might have a deal, until then, her and her noisy fur munching machine can go whistle.

Well dearest Hovis (aka The Destroyer, Boglands Quaver), I shall sign-off now; there is a new girl in my field and she really does need keeping an eye on, far too above herself with her airs and graces ("I BS don't you know?!") - I know what the BS stands for! :D. She even tried to go up to Human yesterday! Well, could not be having that, Human is vulnerable and how was I to know this new Grey Mare wasn't going to run her over or squidge her (that's my job), and I deny all rumours that it had anything at all to do with the Polos Human had in her pocket.
 
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Ah Hovis, I searched in vain on friday but you've just made my monday morning loads brighter !! Keep up the diary - any day (or more than 1 a week if you can get at the laptop) is great.
 
Ahh Hovis. I too can empathise with the naked look. WHAT is it with these humans, one whiff of colder weather and they strip us off our beautiful coats ! My human did this to me last weekend. :/

As I had had a week's holiday (my human had gone to the games that I also was not allowed to go to, seriously, its NOT fair!), my human decided to lunge me... Well I didn't know if I ran off at warp speed you can make your human actually fly... They don't land that gracefully though, apparently they CAN use their head and face to brake too... NOT a pretty sight I must admit, think the broken see through things she wears and the sand mask didn't give her a good look.

So, I have had another week off.....my human has had something called whiplash... which I expect is how my bottom will feel if I do anything like that again !!

Nice to read I am not the only one who is naked in the naughty corner, but I, like you have also got my beautiful feathers :) Take care Destroyer, lets hope we get in the better books with our humans this week
Bonnie :D
 
Brilliant
Feel for you dear Hovis. I mean why on earth do owners want to rid us of our coats at THE COLDEST PART OF THE YEAR????? Do they not have clue, what delicate sensitive creatures we are under all that fur. Winters are for hibernating, not galloping round madly getting all hot & sweaty, it's so undignified don't you know.
Bestest
Pippi
x
 
Hovis, if your book gets in to print and you become rich, I really think you should insist on your own laptop. Im sure someone techy could wire up the Casa Fido so that you have intenet access at all times.However, well worth the wait, as always.
 
Boglands Quaver aka The Destroyer aka Hovis - a few words to the wise, mate.

Yes, shaving is a pain, especially when the barber spends hours marking lines in chalk along your middle, fiddling about with the buzzer trying to 'get it neat' ('stand still for goodness sake!!'), zooming perilously close to a chap's important bits, stopping for cups of tea but complaining when you demand a hay net, and changing plans about the shape halfway through (of course I'll be warm enough - I'm a geezer). BUT........now you can look forward to the perks - improving your coolness rating with technical clothing (get a hoody if you can), extra food rations 'in case you are cold'(important to understand the power looking cold can give you.....), nice warm nights in your own personal hotel room in a nice quilted smoking jacket after a good old rush round the stubble. Can't beat it!! Take it from one who has this whole horse/human arrangement sussed! We should share a Guiness some time and I'll give you some of my tips - when and, importantly, when not to get on a lorry; the negative action pathway to extra treats; natural personmanship; in-hand leading from the front; vet awareness and rewarding reactions; worming - it's implications and treat possibilities ........just a few of the important tips you need to take on board.

Laters,
BB (don't ask me to divulge my show name....wasn't there when it was chosen....)
 
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