How bad are yards these days for bitchyness ... lol

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charliecrisps

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Ive been on my own yard now for 18 years... but ive admitted failure with one of my horses and need help with my horse and am off to a yard for schooling and lessons...argggghhh

SCARED is not the word... I remember the YOU CANT RIDE and YOUR HORSE IS UGLY comments from when I was 13.. im now a lot older but am very worried about this!!

I was busy searching for new snazzy numnah and 'joules' clothes to fit in ...then realised how ridiculous im being!!!??? Arent I??
 
Yeah, we all dress like raggamuffins. Apart from the skinny ones.

I've not had any can't ride or ugly horse comments, or maybe I'm just a bit mutton.
 
Meh, I would just ignore it if I had that happen to me.

At the end of the day, it's only their opinion and it can only get to you if you let it. The opinion of a catty princess is not something that worries me in the grand scheme of things :)

You will be fine.
 
I think on any yard people come and go and you occasionally get some bitchy people through. You will soon work out who the bitchy people are and once you do it's easy enough to keep out of all that.
 
NaeNae87 said:
Meh, I would just ignore it if I had that happen to me.

At the end of the day, it's only their opinion and it can only get to you if you let it. The opinion of a catty princess is not something that worries me in the grand scheme of things :)

You will be fine.
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as above. It has taken me ages to work out that bitchiness stems from jealousy.
Its not about what you have or don t have, if other people are unhappy and dissatisfied/disappointed in their own lives they really can t stand folk who are content and find something to bitch about no matter what. Theres nothing you can do but limit the time you spend with people who bring you down.
 
Are they Olympic Dressage Medal Winners??? Are they WEG winners? Do they compete at PSG?? Do they even compete??

Who do they think they are???

As for horses being ugly... hardly horse-lovers are they?

Ignore the fakers.
 
9tails said:
Yeah, we all dress like raggamuffins. Apart from the skinny ones.
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Had to laugh at this! Same as on our yard, well only 1 person on the whole yard actually makes an effort to look good...... and that is a sharer (although she is there every day with 3 horses)!

If it is bitchy I assume you don't plan on staying there forever so as long as your horse is happy and you are getting the help you want I am sure you will enjoy it :).
 
I was part loaning a lovely boy last year however I ended the contract due to the bitchiness at the yard :( unfortunately queen bitch was a member of yard staff and most other liveries copied what she did
 
Think a lot depends on person running yard. If it is known they wont stand for it, great, but if they allow it or worse take part then yard is awful.
 
It's the same where ever you get a group of women together!!!

I have found its those who don't work or who are retired are the worse gossips! Too much spare time (no offence to those lucky ladies who do t work or are retired.... Sure ill be the same one day! Lol)

The key point I try to stick to is to offer advice when its asked for, accept others keep their horses differently to you (and just how you might comment on how they do it, they will also comment on what you do), and always try to remember the vast majority of us have our horses for fun... Smile and be nice to everyone! It doesn't cost anything to be pleasant ;)
 
If you arrived at our yard, I would be in admiration of your efforts to do right by your horse, sometimes it is really hard to admit defeat even to yourself let alone a bunch of strangers, you are doing this to get the help you need, it should be a lesson to us all and at the yard that you are going to that all horses are different and even when you are 80 you will still be learning, and there is no failure in asking and getting help, you obviously think a lot of your horse and feel his training is worth pursuing and that says a lot about you and him, so don't worry about what to wear! I have seen some of the best riding of my own naughty horses by little known talented riders, wearing second hand jods and old sweatshirts and a faded out hat, with boots with all the stitching coming undone, its the quality of the riding that counts not the look, yeah its nice to feel confident, but it shouldn't and doesn't matter what you wear!

Good Luck and enjoy the training, if you get any catty remarks, watch them ride, I bet you put them off when you do and you can always say you were 'learning' ;o)
 
charliecrisps said:
Ive been on my own yard now for 18 years... but ive admitted failure with one of my horses and need help with my horse and am off to a yard for schooling and lessons...argggghhh

SCARED is not the word... I remember the YOU CANT RIDE and YOUR HORSE IS UGLY comments from when I was 13.. im now a lot older but am very worried about this!!

I was busy searching for new snazzy numnah and 'joules' clothes to fit in ...then realised how ridiculous im being!!!??? Arent I??
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You are both being ridiculous and not being ridiculous, hearing such things can really get to you, and it is understandable if you worry about it happening again. But understandable doesn't mean that it is good to worry about it, because there is no guarantee that you won't meet new idiots, sometime, somewhere, in the future, and except from becoming a hermit, you can only change your own reactions, and I don't think that you do that by worrying about it happening again.


"Can't ride", who said that? Nelson Pessoa, John Whitaker, Alois Podhajsky (the later was the director of the Spanish Riding School and won an Olympic bronze medal in dressage etc.) or someone else whose opinion is really worth considering? As mentioned on another thread I read recently, if riding for x years = either you're in no need of the occasional riding lesson now and then, and can continue to ride being fully educated, or if you still need a riding lesson now and then, you should quit because riding is obviously not for you, then that would mean that probably the majority of the riders that competed in the latest Olympic Games should quit . If it is good enough for them to "still" have lessons, then surely, you're in good company.


About ugly or beautiful, different people, different tastes, what one person think is beauty, another person might not agree about, there is persons who think that for example French Bulldogs can be beautiful to look at (I am one of those):
breeds_07249103146073_1.jpg
french-bulldog.jpg


But I don't expect everyone to agree with me, and it doesn't change my view on them one bit.

Hope you get lots lots of help and have some good lessons with your horse, and in the unlikely event that you're unlucky enough to hear any new bad comments from thinktheyknowitallbutactuallydoesn't/Igetakickfrombullyingothers persons, think happy thoughts and either ignore them , or tell them something like "mind your own business" or "the one who said it was it".

:)
 
I don't get it either. I never had to share a yard til 3 years ago. And at the most it's been 3 people but my goodness I couldn't stick more people. No one needs be jealous of me. No one has to gush over my horses. Just be polite. Don't ask me questions so you can somehow turn it around to " I already knew that" in your snarkiest voice. And when you know seemingly everything, put people down constantly, and know how to do everything, don't come to my door when you need a bandage put on or advice when your horse gets a cut. Just call your vet.

That is all.
Terri
 
I recently upset someone by doing the horse's girth up :o I thought I was being helpful as I'm useless doing girths when in the saddle and prefer someone to do mine from the ground. Seems she thought it was me being an interfering know-it-all and that I was passing judgement on her riding. Lesson learnt.
 
pip6 said:
Think a lot depends on person running yard. If it is known they wont stand for it, great, but if they allow it or worse take part then yard is awful.
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^^ This.

Never forget that you are paying for the schooling and lessons, you are a client. Would you accept bad treatment as part of any other service you are paying for? If it happens, take you horse (and money) and find a good trainer who wont put up with it.
 
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Some or a lot of yards are terrible for bitching, really awful. It is a yard full of women I suppose :rolleyes:

When I imported my first spanish horse the yard he was first kept at were terrible! everyday they were always bitching about people then were nicey nice to their faces. I had trouble with my horse at the time (bolting), so no doubt they made comments. Funny thing is NONE of them would get on him and all of them rode their ploddy horses like rubbish anyway AND all were to scared to even compete! so hardly good enough themselves to make a comment. I never got involved, I always said I was busy when they arranged social stuff! not my type of people.

So, in my opinion if people feel the need to be nasty about others it is likely they are jealous. Also, at least you are honest about needing help (like I was too) the likely hood is they probably do need some sort of help....but just too much pride (or stupidity) to admit it!

Just ignore them :)
 
Equilibrium Ireland said:
I don't get it either. I never had to share a yard til 3 years ago. And at the most it's been 3 people but my goodness I couldn't stick more people. No one needs be jealous of me. No one has to gush over my horses. Just be polite. Don't ask me questions so you can somehow turn it around to " I already knew that" in your snarkiest voice. And when you know seemingly everything, put people down constantly, and know how to do everything, don't come to my door when you need a bandage put on or advice when your horse gets a cut. Just call your vet.

That is all.
Terri
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*Like* :)
 
I'm on a big yard and I did wonder about the same thing, but actually its been fine!
Most of the other owners that I see on a daily basis are actually really nice people!
Having moved 200+ miles to the area I live now meant I'd left all my old mates behind, but I've made some really good new ones at the yard, so sometimes being on a yard has some real positives! :-)
 
I keep my ponies at home however have worked on yards and been livery. One yard was the nastiest place ive ever been it wasa constant battle ground, one was weird as the owner was so scared of anything nasty being said it got to the point where as an employee if some one wanted help with their horse I had to do it through her. Another one where I was a livery I got the odd comment on what I wore - trackies and an old sweater woth paint on and then some obnoxious women took my stable I had allocated for me so I went to the yard owner who made her move. She then ignored me straight out - I used to make an effort to wish her good morning every morning. She was such a rude person and didnt even thank me when I did give up my stable for her as I was due to move home after a riding accident and my pair were living out.

My advice take from a yard what you need from it. Don't get involved with politics, offer to make tea for people, if you want bring in the odd cake or yummies at the weekend and follow yard rules... oh and dont leave a wheelbarrow full of poo - from most of the yards I've been on its like the rising of the anti christ if that happens LOL!!
 
Well I admit to the wheelbarrow thing. When I moved in YO had a couple of wheelbarrows, both with flat wheels. I brought 2 and lots of implements. I was asked to use my stuff and I'm like sure. I had all my stalls done by the time they rolled in. In the summer my wheelbarrow would be full of poo and parked in front of my horses overnight. 3 stables away from her horse. I was new so said nothing. Finally one day I said why do you put the full wheelbarrow down my end. This response is classic; " I don't want flies near my horse." She looked at me horrified about how stupid she was. I just said well outside might be better don't you think?

Ok get that sorted. During that bad winter I was finicky about keeping things empty,dry,the water filled, taps covered, hoses done. Me only. Anyway come out at 5am to do mine before work and my 2 barrels are filled with frozen poo. I had to go back in to get hot water to get stuff out. Yes, that is annoying. I said something nicely. She went ballistic at me for being picky???? It's my stuff!!!! Finally she bought her own. Her horse has 20 rugs and she still doesn't own a pitchfork. Anyway, cue new person. Same ole bull. No stuff, can I use yours? Yes no problem. Because I still believe people have etiquette! After the 4th day of coming out to a full barrel in front of my horses I flipped. How hard is it to empty or to even push out the door if you can't empty it. Now I don't know about you but I take a tongue lashing if I've been rude and or abused kindness. I well deserve it. But I don't repay kindness with being lazy in the first place nor do I then proceed to act like the hard done by. This is what I got from this cheeky mare. So in big letters on my wheelbarrows in big letters is : Alpha Mare's Wheelbarrow, don't touch. Yup I went petty. I in general love people who show off all their cool rug purchases and other fun things for their horses but yet can't make a practical purchase such as fork or barrel. And then you can't treat other people or their stuff with respect and then blame them. Sorry screwed up.

So maybe look a bit further for why people flip about full barrows.

Terri
 
Terri, assume that people who don't even bother to have their own basic (some would say necessary) stuff, certainly won't bother to look after yours!
 
Smile and say hello to everyone, keep your area tidy and suddenly find something to do when the gossips start.
Play deaf and don't get drawn into it.

Only dress smart if you are on full livery. DIY'ers smell and look like poo.


Its actually usually very friendly, you'll make friends and have company to ride with.
Erm, apart from the odd spat when the police are called in. You'll be fine...
 
horserider said:
DIY'ers smell and look like poo.
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:D:D:D Too true.

When I came to the yard I'm on, I told everyone they're welcome to use my stuff as long as they put it back. I've regretted saying that, as people borrow and forget to put back so I can't find it when I need it, and some of my stuff has mysteriously been put back broken. :(

The above is my own fault though, I did say they could use it and I don't want to cause upset by changing that now. But I would start as I mean to go on, if I were you, and quietly put your stuff out of harm's way.

I don't think it's really just that yards can be bitchy, I think it's that groups of people together can be. I've sometimes worked with bitchy staff or had bitchy neighbours. It all depends on the mix of people and how shallow they are.

I'm much older than most of the people on our yard, and teenage girls don't bother to bitch about older womens' clothing etc, in fact to be honest they're all very supportive and helpful. I do hear bitching between themselves though, and it makes me sad, especially when they pick on one particular girl who's had a hard time and is bit of an easy target. :(
 
For a big yard, my place isn't too bad. There's a bit of gossiping, but it mainly stems from irritation of the people who think the sun shines out of their bottom. The kind of people who will never say hello or smile at you when they come up, try to take over the school when you both happen to be riding at the same time etc. Will criticize other people's riding and their horses for the slightest thing (under their breath, of course), but when you see them ride their horses it's like watching learner drivers trying to control a Lamborghini.

In general, our place is a relaxed and friendly place. Most of us know we're nothing special and we just enjoy our horses and get on with things in our own way and time. But when one of the above mentioned holier-than-thou types rubs one of us up the wrong way, then it can get a bit heated in the tea room! But that's where it ends - let off a little steam and go back to normal.

I would hate to find out what they say about us when we're not in earshot!! But none of it matters at the end of the day. Just brush it off and carry on.

Unfortunately, bitchyness comes with the territory. I've never been to a yard in my life where there isn't at least one person who's always scouting for gossip or can't keep their opinions to themself.
 
I'm really struggling at the moment, as this is a trigger for me - and I am struggling with my stuff being used atm. And it's NOT by other liveries, either.
 
I think a lot depends on your attitude- almost more so than the other liveries' attitudes.

We've never been bothered or upset by bitching. My sister, mum and I tend to take it on and find it hilarious. This might be because we've got each other so the yard was never lonely and even if we were isolated we had each other though. But I think, when people bitch, you've got to take it and find it funny and make it into a joke.

When Al got Reg, lots of people were not very nice at all. But you know, we still have ongoing jokes about him- we call him the schoolmaster, or the cronky old ex-racer. We take the piss out of his pole-bashing. It stops people in their tracks, we've found. Be honest, don't try and hide problems because that gives ammunition.
 
Equilibrium Ireland said:
Well I admit to the wheelbarrow thing. When I moved in YO had a couple of wheelbarrows, both with flat wheels. I brought 2 and lots of implements. I was asked to use my stuff and I'm like sure. I had all my stalls done by the time they rolled in. In the summer my wheelbarrow would be full of poo and parked in front of my horses overnight. 3 stables away from her horse. I was new so said nothing. Finally one day I said why do you put the full wheelbarrow down my end. This response is classic; " I don't want flies near my horse." She looked at me horrified about how stupid she was. I just said well outside might be better don't you think?

Ok get that sorted. During that bad winter I was finicky about keeping things empty,dry,the water filled, taps covered, hoses done. Me only. Anyway come out at 5am to do mine before work and my 2 barrels are filled with frozen poo. I had to go back in to get hot water to get stuff out. Yes, that is annoying. I said something nicely. She went ballistic at me for being picky???? It's my stuff!!!! Finally she bought her own. Her horse has 20 rugs and she still doesn't own a pitchfork. Anyway, cue new person. Same ole bull. No stuff, can I use yours? Yes no problem. Because I still believe people have etiquette! After the 4th day of coming out to a full barrel in front of my horses I flipped. How hard is it to empty or to even push out the door if you can't empty it. Now I don't know about you but I take a tongue lashing if I've been rude and or abused kindness. I well deserve it. But I don't repay kindness with being lazy in the first place nor do I then proceed to act like the hard done by. This is what I got from this cheeky mare. So in big letters on my wheelbarrows in big letters is : Alpha Mare's Wheelbarrow, don't touch. Yup I went petty. I in general love people who show off all their cool rug purchases and other fun things for their horses but yet can't make a practical purchase such as fork or barrel. And then you can't treat other people or their stuff with respect and then blame them. Sorry screwed up.

So maybe look a bit further for why people flip about full barrows.

Terri
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Just incase people think Im a wheelbarrow sinner - Im not, I empty after every use and kick the much heap up :D - Thought I might have given the impression I had been at the brunt of some wheelbarrow drama..

I'm the type that arrives with my name scrawled over everything and have all my own mucking out accessories, often double of everything as Im too polite to say to someone if they're using my bits can I have my stuff as I need it now.

I'm also little bit fanatical about sweeping and have different yard brooms for different occasions - one being a fair weather broom, that does a super job with dry hay and dust - can you imagine my annoyance when I saw someone had nicked it and was sweeping up frothy muddy water after washing their horses legs down :mad: Yet still I say nothing - not that they were to know and if I had said something about it being for dry conditions only, I might had looked a bit strange..
 
BigYellowHorse said:
I'm also little bit fanatical about sweeping and have different yard brooms for different occasions - one being a fair weather broom, that does a super job with dry hay and dust - can you imagine my annoyance when I saw someone had nicked it and was sweeping up frothy muddy water after washing their horses legs down :mad: Yet still I say nothing - not that they were to know and if I had said something about it being for dry conditions only, I might had looked a bit strange..
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Yay ! Are you my twin ?

I have a dirty wee broom, a clean feeding area and dry sweeping up broom and a broom for mud/wet yards.
I have looked in quiet horror when someone used my feeding bowl brush to clean their horse's muddy feet.
I don't say anything either, only OH gets told off.
 
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