How can I build a relationship where my horse respects me/builds his confidence?

[FriesianOwner29]

I LOVE my horse, he’s a lifelong dream manifest but I know I’m a softy, I don’t blame him for bad behaviour and I can be a bit nervous to avoid risking a kick or nip (not that he’s ever been known to do it, but you can never be sure)

ANYWAY, he bolted a few days ago. His second time in the 3 months I’ve owned him. I sat through it and I almost expected it. We were riding through a new area of his agistment, two horses came up on either side of him in their paddocks (we were on the walkway between) I felt him freeze, tensed up, and threw his head up. I tried to calm him down and give him pats and talk him through it. I wanted to keep walking past and he wouldn’t move. Eventually like an idiot instead of getting off, I turned him back and the other horses took off, as did he. I stayed on till a fork in the road where there was space to turn him and immediately hopped off. He was shaking and incredibly worked up.

I’ve been thinking about it and I think he needs me to be a stronger owner. He’s a nervous boy and at 17hands he’s dangerous so nervous.

I know he likes me. He looks for me if I leave him to grab something, he will trot to the gate when I call, follows me when he’s tacked up without me holding him. He will focus on me during physio appts so I have been asked to hide from him so they can get his focus. If I take him to his paddock and the bully gelding is near the gate he will refuse to go in. I have to chase the boss away for him to come through. He will put me between him and something that scares him if he can.

But I don’t think he respects me. He pulls me to grass when I lead him, he throws his head up and freezes at the same spots on the path towards the barn every time. He’ll ignore my pressure on the leadrope for ages. He is easily distracted when I ride/lunge him and can sometimes when he feels like it completely ignore my aids.

How can I help build that relationship or me being respected? I think for his own well-being he needs to feel like there’s someone with him who’s in charge and can make him feel confident/secure. And for my own safety he needs to respect me and feel safe so he isn’t so reactive.

Any ideas and exercises to introduce to get he and I to be in a stronger relationship??

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

Don't let him pull you around, lead him in a bridle if necessary. If you tell him to do something and he ignores you, don't just shrug your shoulders and work round it, insist.
By the way, that wasn't a bolt, it was very rude running away with you. Don't let him decide when you will turn round, preferably always follow a circular/lollipop route, so that he doesnt get into the habit of turning round.

 

[Starzaan]

Ok, firstly, it doesn't sound like this horse bolted. Horses that bolt are dangerous and should not be ridden under any circumstances.

This guy sounds like he's tanking off with you.

The biggest thing to do is work on your assertiveness. It is far more dangerous to be anxious and timid around a horse than it is to be assertive and calm. I would recommend getting some lessons from an experienced instructor - watch how they handle him, and then take your cues from that.

In terms of where to start in the mean time, don't let him pull for grass when leading, and don't let him stop. If you have to take a schooling whip with you then do so - stay at his shoulder and use the whip to tickle him and send him forwards if he tries to stop for grass or just planting.

Something I say to people who ask me about "rude" horses is that good manners are never something you will regret teaching. I have run livery and rehab yards for long enough to know that the horses who thrive are those with good manners. They benefit from clear boundaries, consistent handling and a firm, assertive and calm handler. It is a very nice thing to know that ANYONE could handle your horse safely - I would definitely encourage you to work towards this with him.

My inbox is always open if you're stuck and need a hand.

 

[maya2008]

Manners, groundwork. Maybe find someone locally who can show you how?

 

[Wonderling]

This kind of thing can manifest and get worse and worse over time, so in the nicest possible way you need to man (or woman) up with this horse if you do carry on, you just need to be black and white, no grey areas anywhere, if you decide a certain behaviour isn't allowed, then it is NEVER allowed, not the odd one off when you are chatting or feeling a certain way, just never.
You are not strong enough to lead him, get help, put on a bridle, chain, whatever is needed, don't over react just stop him taking control. Carry a stick, don't hit him, but he refuses to move, flick him, quickly and then reward every time - make sure you reinforce that positive behaviour also.
It is utterly irrelevant whether he 'likes you', mine gets away with nothing and is full of affection for me, so by being assertive you wont lose your bond, you will strengthen it, there will just be a more calm and respectful relationship once you are through the other side.

 

[Orangehorse]

Two things I have heard well known trainers say. "It is the boss horse who moves the other's feet." In other words, the horse has to get out of your way, when you say.

Also, "every time you handle your horse, you are training him." Be consistent, be clear. He will be much happier if he knows the rules.

 

[Barton Bounty]

Id go back to basics, sounds like a trust issue, lots of groundwork. I have done lots of groundwork with every horse I have owned, regardless of age, its the basis for a good relationship and its great bonding ?

 

[HeyMich]

https://www.wob.com/en-gb/books/kel...ije573ukxf5JRrEu4AgaAoYZEALw_wcB#GOR001465627

This is a good book for basic manners and groundwork.

 

[MidChristmasCrisis]

You need the training…to build your confidence which in turn will help your horse have confidence in you. Three months is a short time, partnerships take time to build. Try to find a trainer to work with both of you consistently.

 

[WispyBegs]

Try a rope halter and carry a schooling whip.
Don’t hit him but carry it as a reminder to both him and yourself that you will use it when necessary ( small taps on the shoulder work well ).
Take it back to basics with groundwork, leading and asking him to respect boundaries, when you stop he stops and every time he walks in front of you you need to circle (how to do it is explained below) to re-inforce.
When your horse plants turn into his hip and make him turn on a relatively tight circle, making sure he’s crossing over his legs and then carry on ( do this as many times as it takes ).
Don’t let his these behaviours become habits.

 

[Palindrome]

I think you just need some lessons, as you school him/work him more he will start listening to you.

 

[Leandy]

He does X, Y. Z, how do I stop him? We see this so often. The answer is "don't let him". If you decide something is not acceptable then you do not permit it - at all, ever .......... Be firm, be clear but kind, be consistent. It is not acceptable nor safe for those handling him to allow a 17hh horse to do as it pleases. Don't let him develop bad habits, he will get bolshy and bargy and it will just get worse.