How can I cope?

Mazz

Mazz

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Hello all, have just had to accept the horrible news that my beloved childhood pony will have to be put down in the next couple of weeks.

To those of you that have been through this before - did you stay while it happened or just leave the vet to it? I know I would never forgive myself if I left him alone with scary strangers, he's a bright little spark and always knows when something is up. My worry is that it doesn't take much to turn me into a complete emotional wreck and there's no way I'd have the guts to stay. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as well as some ideas as to how I can make him happy and comfortable, and just enjoy his last few weeks! All the talk of bullets, injections and cremating have just left me frazzled so apologies if it sounds like a silly question. :(

He has also been kept with my other gelding for about 8 years solid now - the other boy has terrible separation anxiety if they're kept apart for too long (mixing him with my other lad and the rest of the herd doesn't seem to calm him either). Any tips as to how I can cheer him up and ease his stress or is it all about letting him get on with it?

Thank you :o
 
Firstly, terribly sorry to hear the sad news. I didn't stay when I had my boy PTS (had him 17 years) by the hunt. As you say, I was utterly wrecked emotionally. The very kind and helpful yard manager was there with him - she knew him well and always looked after him when I was on hols.
 
Never been through it myself and dread the day coming when I have to make that decision - poor you. Only you will know if you want to be there, but the picture of his last moments will stay with you for ever. I'm not sure I would want that with mine. Is there anyone you trust and that your pony knows that would be willing to stand in after you've said goodbye?

This will pass...
 
Sorry to hear your news.
It isn't easy to stay. However, I can tell you that when I did,even as a jibbering,crying wreck, the vet and his assistant actually held my boy. I had an injection, and it was very peaceful, honestly believe my lad had no idea if I were there or not- but my daughter and I wanted to be. The vet wouldn't let us hold him,saying there is a certain way to hold the horse,and it was safer if they did it.
Let your other boy see the body,and you will likely find he knows his friend has passed,and will mix with the herd ok. This is what I found with my lads brother who had been inseperable.
 
Sorry to read that the time has come, it is upsetting. The first time we had to have a horse pts a very kind friend held the horse for us.

Since that first time I have been with both dogs and horses when we have had to make the final decision. It is a sad time but not as bad as I feared.

Have you got someone who can help you and perhaps be with your pony for you?
 
sorry you are having to go through this but if your pony is very sensitive you could do the same as me.... my vet sedated my horse and i stayed with her feeding her mints until she stopped eating and her eyes were heavy, i left the vet with her and the gun went off as i was walking away. i didnt look back and made sure i didnt look when she was collected. my vet was amazing and said it was better to remember her standing rather than see her drop. he was so right as i held my first horse and my last memory of him was him falling down and this image took ages to go. good luck with whatever you decide....
 
Mazz said:
He has also been kept with my other gelding for about 8 years solid now - the other boy has terrible separation anxiety if they're kept apart for too long (mixing him with my other lad and the rest of the herd doesn't seem to calm him either). Any tips as to how I can cheer him up and ease his stress or is it all about letting him get on with it?

Thank you :o
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Sorry to hear you are having to make this decision- it's never going to be an easy one. Most of us like to say we would be there when it happened as we don't want to leave them alone on this final journey, but not many people really do stay standing with the pony as it can be very stressful.

However, on your point above, it has been reported that leaving the carcass (sorry, not sure on a better choice of word) in the field with your other horse can be beneficial. Horses mourn in the same way humans do, and most horses will stand with their friend and then walk away as if saying "he is now gone". They are then reported to not quite be themselves for a few days, but cope better as they realise themselves that their friend is no longer with them. Speak to your vet about this, as it could be an option depending on how your pony is PTS.
 
Please don't stay - you won't be doing yourself any favours. I thought I should stay with my childhood pony while the vet put him down by injection, but as Splashgirl says, the image stays with you for ages and I hated that being my last memory.

Ask a horsey friend or instructor or yard manager, someone who is not emotionally involved, to be there. You can feed polos/apples etc until the designated person arrives, and then walk away and if they are using a gun, stick your fingers in your ears and hum to yourself because I hate hearing the shot. Have a massive supply of tissues so you can give in to a good sob and then remember the happy times.

We use Holts, and they are absolutely professional and kind, not scary in the slightest and of course they are calm. All of mine have stood happily munching on carrots etc as I walked round the corner, and the stockmen are used to owners crying buckets. It's the last kindness you can do but you absolutely shouldn't watch the deed unless you are made of rock.
 
Thank you all so much for your replies - always better when you remember you're not alone :)

I am hoping I will be brave enough to stay with him as to be honest, I'm the only one that spends any amount of time with him.

As to the idea of leaving the body in the field with my other boy - how long should it be left? I don't know how the rest of my yard would feel, but would even ten minutes in with him be beneficial? He's also getting on bless him so I hate to think the stress will do him any damage.

splashgirl45 - What difference did the sedation make? He's tough as old boots but if it would make it a bit easier on me, possibly!

Bloody horses, break your heart but I wouldn't ever be without them. :o
 
Llewelyn said:
Please don't stay - you won't be doing yourself any favours. I thought I should stay with my childhood pony while the vet put him down by injection, but as Splashgirl says, the image stays with you for ages and I hated that being my last memory.

Ask a horsey friend or instructor or yard manager, someone who is not emotionally involved, to be there. You can feed polos/apples etc until the designated person arrives, and then walk away and if they are using a gun, stick your fingers in your ears and hum to yourself because I hate hearing the shot. Have a massive supply of tissues so you can give in to a good sob and then remember the happy times.

We use Holts, and they are absolutely professional and kind, not scary in the slightest and of course they are calm. All of mine have stood happily munching on carrots etc as I walked round the corner, and the stockmen are used to owners crying buckets. It's the last kindness you can do but you absolutely shouldn't watch the deed unless you are made of rock.
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I keep telling myself having me there with him would be kinder - maybe he wouldn't feel as threatened... Does it really stay with you that long? I don't ever want to remember him like that. Looks like I shall be doing some major bribing as nobody I know wants to do the deed of staying with him! Should I just leave him alone with them or would that really shake him? Thanks
 
When I had my beloved first pony put down I couldn't have been there, I would have just upset him. Instead my wonderful instructor that had known both of us for over 18 years held him for me, and fed him a polo as he was put down, totally stress free.

My friend had on of her two put down, and let her other horse come and sniff the body once he was dead. The horse seemed to know and accept it. She then got a rescue (two in fact) as company.

Best of luck, its not easy, but its for the best.xx
 
I've been with all of my horses right up to the end but I'm able to hold everything together until afterwards. If you're not that sort of person and think you'll be a blubbering wreck then it's better you ask a friend who the pony knows to be with him.

The companion horse should be allowed to sniff the body. It may surprise you at how they just accept their friends have gone when you allow them this last goodbye.

So sorry you are going through this and you must do what you feel is easier on you because if it's easier on you then it will be on the pony too. xx
 
Mazz said:
Thank you all so much for your replies - always better when you remember you're not alone :)

I am hoping I will be brave enough to stay with him as to be honest, I'm the only one that spends any amount of time with him.

As to the idea of leaving the body in the field with my other boy - how long should it be left? I don't know how the rest of my yard would feel, but would even ten minutes in with him be beneficial? He's also getting on bless him so I hate to think the stress will do him any damage.

splashgirl45 - What difference did the sedation make? He's tough as old boots but if it would make it a bit easier on me, possibly!

Bloody horses, break your heart but I wouldn't ever be without them. :o
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I will find out for you, as I'm not 100% sure. I know some people say it can take half an hour, others say shorter and others say longer. But you should leave it until your horse chooses himself to walk away from the body. Will find out and get back to you though
 
I stayed with my girl rubbing her head until she was gone. I didn't want her last moments to be with strangers and I'm glade I did. The only bit I didn't stay for was the " taking her away"
 
Spring Feather said:
My horses usually only hang around the body for about 10 to 15 minutes and then they wander off.
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Do you have the horse pts with his herd mates around, or separately, and let them in to see him afterwards?

I had a mare pts recently, logistically it was not possible to let the others see her, but they knew. All of them were, not subdued, but 'different' for a day or two afterwards, there was no calling. It was a different reaction from the usual calling when a horse leaves the property and the herd.
 
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Spring Feather said:
Separately. I do it in an adjoining paddock so they can all see, then once the deed is done I open the gate and let the friends in. Is that how you do it too?
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edited last post, not this time, but whenever possible yes.
 
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Am so sorry for you.
Right, going to keep this short and sweet as don't want to keep reliving it.
Was with both of mine, held them both. For me my babies deserved to have the person they trusted most with them at the end, their mum. Personal choice though. You must be prepared that seeing them fall is hardcore, BUT they are gone before they hit the ground, but it is an image you will never forget. You must try and hold it together if you are going to be there, you don't want them to pick up on your distress. Mine were done by injection by my vet, sedated first, so they don't know anything.
For me was a no brainier, I love them so much I had to be with them, no matter how much it destroyed me. However if you cannot be there is no reflection on your love or bravery, just say your goodbyes first.
Let the companion come and say goodbye and grieve, you will know when they have had long enough to do so.
I feel for you I really do.
 
Oh, I must add, if you do stay, do not stay and watch the body being taken away, not nice to see that as not a delicate process.
 
the sedation makes them very sleepy and he wont know if you are still there so should not be stressed so will be better for both of you....speak to your vet to see if he is happy to do this....
 
Enfys said:
I had a mare pts recently, logistically it was not possible to let the others see her, but they knew. All of them were, not subdued, but 'different' for a day or two afterwards, there was no calling. It was a different reaction from the usual calling when a horse leaves the property and the herd.
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Sorry I didn't see this. They do know, no question about it and like yours mine are all different for a few days. It's almost like they are processing what has gone on. I'm sure they don't need to see. As much I don't think horses are intelligent in the way humans are they do have other instincts and their senses are far greater than ours I believe.
 
So sorry, it is hard when you loose one and especially if you've known them for so long.

I lost my girl that I'd had since I was 16 (& had owned for 16 yrs when she went) around 18 months ago.

I decided to stay and be with her, there were friends and the YO around that offered but for me it didn't feel right and I wanted every last minute I could have with her. You should though do what you think is best for the both of you.

re letting their friends know, we did this. Our yard fronted onto the field and my girl went on the yard - once gone her two field mates came over and said their goodbyes for a couple of minutes before they wandered off together.
 
Horrible decision op. I've not been through it BUT I do know if I am faced with it in the years to come I will stay with my horse all the way. I would rather she have the comfort of me being by her side rather than a stranger . BUT everyone is different, do what YOU think is right. There is no right or wrong when it comes to something like this.
 
Do what you feel comfortable with, but please don't watch them being I have had one old boy, a planned PTS, we considered removal issues and made him a nice deep bed in an accessible barn, he was sedated before the important jab and went down as though lying down, his owner and I were with him because he knew us, his field mates were in view so things seemed normal, they were let in to say goodbye, all calm and natural he went quietly by injection.
My other loss was during a bout of colic, his heart gave out, my other lad watched the whole thing (also witnessed the old boy going) and while I was stroking the dying horses forehead, he touched my hand through the stable bars as much to say what's happening mam, as the colicing one died.
He grieved for a long while, refusing to leave the barn, turned nasty when my daughter took him for a hack, only showing an interest in life when I borrowed a friends pony for company, be there if you can, they need things to be as normal as possible, just give him a hug if you are upset.
10 months on I still get upset over the colic death, I don't over the planned one.
My thoughts are with you
 
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Judging from the title of this thread you do sound as though you are quite young...sorry - but I am quite old!! This is a big learning curve for you, actually whatever your age! You need to change your mindset from what you are thinking to what is best for the pony....now you have to remember that ponies/horses think differently to us. They live in the moment and they don't 'do' pain thinking 'things will get better with a bit of medicine' and to die quickly with no forewarning or stress is good....if you are strong enough then be there for him, a bucket of food, a calm atmosphere, and a quick, definite action is best for him....I have always believed in the saying 'better a week too soon than an hour too late'...meaning that it is better to do the deed BEFORE he has to suffer, even for an hour while waiting for the vet. So think hard as to what is best for him....be brave....and do the best you can. Cyber hugs....
 
Alyth said:
Judging from the title of this thread you do sound as though you are quite young...sorry - but I am quite old!! This is a big learning curve for you, actually whatever your age! You need to change your mindset from what you are thinking to what is best for the pony....now you have to remember that ponies/horses think differently to us. They live in the moment and they don't 'do' pain thinking 'things will get better with a bit of medicine' and to die quickly with no forewarning or stress is good....if you are strong enough then be there for him, a bucket of food, a calm atmosphere, and a quick, definite action is best for him....I have always believed in the saying 'better a week too soon than an hour too late'...meaning that it is better to do the deed BEFORE he has to suffer, even for an hour while waiting for the vet. So think hard as to what is best for him....be brave....and do the best you can. Cyber hugs....
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I whole heartedly agree with this, well put Aylth. Life is hard I know but think from the ponies point of view. sad time for you.
 
My old girl was PTS by injection and my way of coping was to treat it as an ordinary day for her with an ordinary vet visit. She had her breakfast ( I could hardly look her in the eye at first) and went out in the field for a bit as normal then I brought her in and let her hang around with me while I sorted out her stable and loaded my car with the few things I was keeping while we waited for the vet. When he came my heart broke again but I carried on talking to him and her just as I normally would. I explained to the vet where I wanted her put down and he explained to me the procedure step by step (although I knew it anyway). I stayed with my old girl throughout and sat with her until the man from the crem came. I can absolutely honestly say that nothing messy, frightening or unpleasant took place at any point and she died peacefully and calmly which helped me to keep everything up together too. I had peace of mind knowing, because I'd seen it all, that it went smoothly and that I know she didn't suffer of feel frightened in any way.

It wasn't nice, but it wasn't awful.
 
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