How did you....

[Kat]

This is where the problem is. He has absolutely no interest in them. Just not his sort of thing, yet iv tried to encourage him to give it a go and if he still doesnt like it then at least he tried

Maybe if a neigh quietly in his ear when he is sleeping he will ake up with a different attitude

Perhaps you just haven't found the right angle?

Maybe try him western riding, or carriage driving, or take him to watch some polo (I think you can get polo lessons for beginners too), or horseball.

I know someone whose husband only took up riding because they wanted to travel accross mongolia and the only way to do it is on horse back. He began to learn to ride with the sole aim of being capable and fit to do that trip. He had private lessons with an instructor who really took that on board and rather than getting caught up in the fancy stuff concentrated on getting him stable and balanced and capable of riding different horses at different speeds over different terrain.

That instructor also used to teach my husband, she reckoned that male riders fall into one of two camps, they either want to embrace the technical and precise side of things and enjoy learning how it all works or they are adrenaline junky types who just want to learn enought to be capable of going fast and doing "fun" stuff. She reckoned that identifying which you had on your hands was key.

I'd also say that your OH needs to see men riding for it to look attractive to him. Preferably men who aren't awful riders and therefore don't look like a sack of spuds but also ones that aren't remotely camp/effeminate!

 

[Irishbabygirl]

My horses were there before my husband so he knows no different! When our daughter came along I took maternity leave then didn't return. I also wanted to be a hands on mum so set up my childminding business. Husband pays the bills, I work to keep my horses! Works perfectly!

 

[JFTDWS]

Maybe try him ... horseball.

Now you're talking!

OP, bring him along to Lee Valley next time they have matches on. I bet he'd be keen to ride then!


*casually mention your interest after seeing the article about it in this month's Essex Rider... There's pics of a lovely pony playing in it too *

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Id have to give up for a little while, I dont plan on having kids then getting straight back into work. Id like to be a full hands on mum - thats something we have both agreed on, until they start going off to pre-school etc and then I can start looking for a little part time job closer to home and go from there.

Id get bored giving up work for good. Id have to go and do something, even if it was volunteer work for an animal home or something.

So presumably your husband will be expecting all your day-to-day expenses to be met out of the one salary? The horse's upkeep would be one of those day-to-day expenses. Whilst I agree that young children benefit from having a parent at home full-time, I really don't like the idea that because the mother is the one giving up work, the father can dictate what she spends money on.

Or perhaps your husband would prefer to be the one giving up work, while you continue to pay his day-to-day expenses out of your salary?

 

[Karran]

Now you're talking!

OP, bring him along to Lee Valley next time they have matches on. I bet he'd be keen to ride then!


*casually mention your interest after seeing the article about it in this month's Essex Rider... There's pics of a lovely pony playing in it too *

Oooh is there horseball on there again? When?

 

[Patterdale]

My husband is a farmer so he obviously hates horses
But mine came with me and I've 'aquired' more since then.
I would never ever think to ask his permission to get a horse or do anything with the horses, but as they are kept on the farm he does request that I keep them to a certain number.
I respect this as the farm is sort of his 'domain.' But as he has always pointed out, if I ever wanted more than the allotted number and I can afford it then no problem, but they'd have to go to livery.

I think it's give and take. I would never dream of having to ask permission on how to spend my own money, but I do respect his wishes about not letting the numbers get out of control, u think that's perfectly fair.

 

[tinap]

We were together for 8yrs before our daughter started riding (I wasn't horsey) I loaned a pony from a friend to start with - he said we could loan it for a month, we actually did for 2yrs. I then bought the daughter one & for the next 3yrs he thought that was on loan!!

We've now had ponies for 11yrs & he still hates it & hardly ever comes to see either the pony or the daughter competing

 

[JFTDWS]

Oooh is there horseball on there again? When?

No matches or anything on the schedule for ages I think there are matches in Beds in August but can't see anything at Lee Valley this year... There will be trainings though which might work for the OP's purposes, but not really a spectator sport

 

[Karran]

No matches or anything on the schedule for ages I think there are matches in Beds in August but can't see anything at Lee Valley this year...

shame.
I really enjoyed watching it a year or so ago and so did the BF although after he looked it up on wiki, he suggested they should add the dead goat element in

OP take your OH to see that, or puissance. They're the only two horsey things my BF loves. Well that and Ellen Whittaker

 

[Tilda]

I met my OH while I was at uni and on a break from horses. When I left and we moved into together he encouraged me to start riding again as he was a chef in those days so worked weekends, we had moved away from all my friends and he worried about me being lonely. We then moved again, bought our own house and I had a very demanding job so gave up again.

3 months before my 30th birthday he announced he wanted to buy me a horse! Bought horse and he learned to ride on it but then got into offroading and gave up. We do occasionally row about the amount of time my 'hobby' takes but it's only because he has to look after our little boy and can't get on with his own hobby! Doesn't happen very often though so I can't complain

 

[nikicb]

I had the horse I had when I got married since I was 16 so well before I met the husband! He was told in no uncertain terms by my father in his wedding speech that he didn't just get me he got the horse as well. OH really has no choice. If he wants me as his wife (even after nearly 18 years) the horses/ponies are there as well.

 

[Hanzybaby01]

So presumably your husband will be expecting all your day-to-day expenses to be met out of the one salary? The horse's upkeep would be one of those day-to-day expenses. Whilst I agree that young children benefit from having a parent at home full-time, I really don't like the idea that because the mother is the one giving up work, the father can dictate what she spends money on.

Or perhaps your husband would prefer to be the one giving up work, while you continue to pay his day-to-day expenses out of your salary?

His salary is double mine and also due to go up. Unfortunately I am at the point at work where I can't really go any further and I'd never be able to support the entire family on my own. But he has told me he would prefer me to be the one at home for many different reasons, so this isn't 'me, me, me'. It's all been discussed in great detail.

I'd want to be at home until they start school, then there is nothing stopping me going out and getting a part time job closer to home, or one that allows flexible hours so I can do school runs etc. As I said earlier, I'd get bored not doing something. So I'd be 'out of action' for a few years, at the most, before getting itchy feet.

Also, im not a 'shoes and handbags' girl, and I hardly spend on new clothes.

I just keep doing the lottery

 

[JFTDWS]

shame.
I really enjoyed watching it a year or so ago and so did the BF although after he looked it up on wiki, he suggested they should add the dead goat element in

OP take your OH to see that, or puissance. They're the only two horsey things my BF loves. Well that and Ellen Whittaker

Least he didn't see the ancient afghani thing about playing it with a severed human head

 

[debsg]

I rode from age 2 and had my own, did my AI, worked with SJers, gave up totally in my twenties, married and had three kids.
When my daughter started showing a horsey interest at 11, we got Blaze on part share and OH was fine. When we bought her 3 months later, he had a major wobbly but since I was paying for her, there was little he could do.
We have since had up to 4 horses, now have just the two. I have never asked for a penny to support them and I work 48hrs a week to do so. Periodically he has a whinge about 'bloody horses, you love that horse more than me! And??? but on the whole he is ok, will come out and fix stuff if I need it and will watch horsey stuff on TV. He fixes up old classic cars for a hobby, so he has his obsession and I have mine!
Our biggest problem is that he is not really an animal lover, doesn't dislike them, just doesn't understand that it is possible to love animals as much as I do,
He also stated at one point, early in our marriage, that he wouldn't have animals in the house. At the moment we have: 1 Golden Retriever, 1 terrier, 1 19 year old cat (OH's!!!) we did have an Irish Setter (pts last Nov) and have had rabbits, guinea pigs, goldfish, tropical fish, budgies and a VERY talkative African Grey parrot, whose party piece was imitating No1 son and his GF having sex in the living room. Cue some very red faces at Sunday lunch! Haha
I think OH has given up now, bless him!

 

[NoseyPosey]

He doesnt have a hobby, nor has he ever had something he has wanted so badly that he would be willing to do anything for.

I had a wife like that. I left her.

 

[SillySausage]

I found myself an already horsey boyfriend

 

[zaminda]

Love me love my horses!(s) Otherwise theres the door!It did cause a few problems with the last partner, who is horsey, but it was always money orientated problems.
I've been horsey forever, and there would be no allowing about it!

 

[Mongoose11]

I adore my husband but I also adore my horse. Sometimes I daydream about being single so that I can spend EVEN MORE time at the yard but then on cold winter evenings I sometimes wish that she was on full livery so that I didn't have to trudge up there and I could curl up with hubby!

I didn't have my own before I met husband but I did have full loan. He met the horse on our first date so he knew right from the outset what he was getting into. He also feigned interest for about a year, poo picking for me etc. Now he doesn't even pretend to be interested. I wish he was. He never moans though - ever - which is lovely. I am lucky he is heavily into his own training otherwise I think it would be a contentious issue.

If he ever tried to make me choose - he would come off worse for sure!

I do think ownership SHOULD to be a joint decision if your hobby is going to take SO many hours out of your life. That said, if I didn't get the support I was looking for I would just do it anyway......

 

[AMH]

I had a wife like that. I left her.

Love this!

My OH understands that I'm a happier person with horses in my life. And over time he's naturally become more involved and it's more of a joint venture these days - I'm the 'horsey' one but I involve him in my horsey decisions and ask his advice because he has a more disinterested, and therefore often a more practical, perspective than me. Always useful to have a devil's advocate in the room...

 

[Spyda]

What's with all this 'allowing' business.

If you can afford a horse - buy one.

Although horses do take up more than just money. Time! I also have 4 children and there have had to be compromises all round. But I had horses well before I met my OH and as I threaten him, "Will continue to have them long after he's gone" whenever he gives me gyp about me spending a couple of hours a day with mine at the weekend.

I had the horse I had when I got married since I was 16 so well before I met the husband! He was told in no uncertain terms by my father in his wedding speech that he didn't just get me he got the horse as well. OH really has no choice. If he wants me as his wife (even after nearly 18 years) the horses/ponies are there as well.

Yep, that's the same for my Oh!!! He got the same warning LOL.

 

[Hanzybaby01]

I decided when I was about 5 that I wanted my own and the desire is still there. Iv spoken to him about it so its not a huge shock once were settled in our place and then turn round and say 'oh by the way I want a horse'. The idea has been planted, he has had plenty of warning so there are no excuses. Making such a big decision does involve others as like someone else said, it takes up alot of your time!

Its just a question of when

 

[AmyMay]

Actually, Hanzybaby01, having read a bit more - and you having given a little more detail, there's obviously more to just buying one and saying 'like it or lump it'.

If you are both looking forward to the future, and making plans for a future, then yes this does have to be factored in - and you will need your OH on board, as he will be paying the bills.

Hope you find a way around it.

Good luck.

 

[Patterdale]

I try to ask my husbands advice and include him. Doesn't work. This morning I was saying 'hmmm not sure about the weather. Do you think I should leave the rugs on or off? I don't want them to be too warm or cold.' to which he then rolled his eyes and said, 'ooh, the dilemmas of my wife. I bet your head is full of the horses, flying over a rainbow surrounded by hearts. God it must be easy being you, the pressing concern of the day is the temperature of Plow Feet and his friends. I don't know. I'd let the buggers freeze.'
He says this with a smile and does care really but the thing is, he's not far wrong

 

[guido16]

My husband didnt like the horses initially, then he thought he was some sort of horse whisperer.

I got rid of him.

Now my OH dislkes horses but to be fair, he looks after them for me if I am away, he bought me a new saddle for christmas and he knows that love me, love my horses.
Infact, I now have his daughters totally into the horses so it 3 against 1 now. he stands no chance.

Actually added No 4 to the herd on Saturday. Not sure if he has noticed yet........

 

[Copperpot]

Already had horses when we met. Last partner didn't like the horses or dogs, so that was the end of him. My OH now loves dogs and he bought my current ned for me. With regards to the cost of keeping horses, it's my money, I worked hard for it and I'll spend it on what I like. Although he never complains even thou my full livery is more than our mortgage I don't get people's OH stopping them having things that will make them happy. And I certainly would never ask permission or be "allowed" to have something. I'm an adult not a child.

 

[VixieTrix]

Actually added No 4 to the herd on Saturday. Not sure if he has noticed yet........

Haha this is like my Dad! he never knows how many we have and my Mum told she had got Blue on loan, it was about 10 yrs before he realised he was here to stay

 

[PandorasJar]

How did all you lucky ladies manage to persuade your OH's into allowing or being ok with you getting a horse?

Those of you that had issues with them, what was their excuses or reasons as to why they were not keen?

Mine sold one to me and then ended up with it back with me in tow

My dad has yet to meet her and my mum was taken to look at the 'pretty horse' in the field and then told it was mine a few months in! To be fair my dad's chrimbo present of money was handed over with a comment 'put it on a horse' not sure he realised how literally it went towards it!

OH still says she's fit for the freezer though He won her attention at the weekend, very good at bribing her away from me! And she loves playing fetch with him and a dog tug toy

Pan

 

[PandorasJar]

Plow Feet and his friends

 

[Doogal]

My non-horsey OH suggested I get my own, in fact he bought the horse as I could only afford the upkeep, not the initial outlay.

I did warn him that
a) the horse would take over my life and therefore his.
b) the car carpet would be always be covered in mud, hair and hay.
c) My mood would revolve around how well or badly my last ride went.
d) I could never ever go back to not owning a horse.

And he was still up for it. Couldn't believe it!