How Do/Did You Deal With Death?

Shantara

Shantara

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I posted a thread yesterday that one of the horses at the yard is very sick. I love this horse and he's taught me so many things and really been there for me whenever I needed him.
His future will be decided when the blood tests come back later this week/early next week.
It doesn't look good.

I've never had to deal with death like this before (if indeed his outcome comes to that) whenever a pet or family member has died, it's always been sudden and I think that's helped me cope with it, but knowing that the YO will have to book a date for him to be PTS and knowing there will be a last time I can see him is making me sick :(

How do/did you deal with death?
Sorry for the morbid thread, I'm just feeling extremely down :(
 
Death is part of life. As you get older, you will sadly experience more death. Whether it is a pet or a loved relative or friend. I have lost 3 horse in 2 years. I feel numb. I have also lost two good friends in this last year, it still feels unreal to me.

You have to try to remember the happy times and accept that especially with animals, they are only here with us for a finite time and we need to enjoy them while we can.
 
We had Ellie pts in 2010. She was 29, was developing a few problems and her eyes were telling us it was time to let her go.

The week before we had her pts was terrible. I woke up every morning crying, knowing it would be one less day to go before I never saw her again.

OH and I were with her while she was pts and it surprised me that I was fine. I didn't cry over her at all as I knew what we had done was the right thing, that she was ready and it was in her best interests. I think knowing all that helped enormously, and of course I had done lots of crying before hand.

It felt odd going to the field and her not being there for a while, but I felt at peace, knowing that the old girl was also at peace and no longer tired and in pain.

{{{hugs}}} to you x
 
So sorry to hear about what may be around the corner for your yard.

Dealing with death is exceptionally difficult. All you can do is let yourself feel the emotions and with time they become much more easy to deal with. Make a fuss of him over the next few days if possible to make his last few days as easy as possible. Saying that, I've not had to deal with a planned PTS. My best friend lost her wonderful mare at the beginning of the year after an accident in the field and while how I felt couldn't possibly compare to how she felt, getting that phone call to tell me what had happened left me in bits.

As has already been said, death is simply a part of life.
 
It's horrible, isn't it? :( I lost 3 friends last year, one to suicide, one to a drug overdose and one to illness. Like you said, it feels unreal.

I know it'll get better with time, as I was heart broken when Blobby died of a heart attack in his field, but now I can look back at the photos of him with fond memories.
 
My Oh was surprisingly helpful whenever I have experienced bereavement-human or animal. He said life was like being on a train journey, and every now and then the train stopped and someone departed. It made it easier for me to think of it that way, life as a journey, which has to come to an end eventually. The pain of grief is intense, time lessens it. I cried so much for six months after my mother died. For animals I believe quality of life is everything and better a shortened pain free life than a dragged out one full of suffering. But I do hope this horse recovers from the illness and you have more time together. x
 
Thank you everyone, I know it's going to be extremely hard for me, but these kind words are making me feel a bit better. I hope it isn't any too serious, but he looks like a welfare case, where as he used to be a happy healthy horse.

Here he is in his prime!
40487_428281087887_516957887_4810265_1264702_n.jpg
 
Death doesn't make an impact on me for a few days.

I've witnessed 2 horses being PTS on a yard and I was also present when my father in law died after having a stroke.

I felt nothing at the time. I felt guilty and extremely hard hearted as those around me sobbed their hearts out because I felt fine. All three deaths hit me later when I was on my own.

Looking back, I think it's a good thing because it enabled me to look after the people that were grieving around me. After both horse deaths I continued with my yard duties while the others were shell shocked. After the death of my father in law, I comforted my hubby and his family.

Grief affects people in different ways and you won't know how you are going to deal with it until the time comes. I haven't dealt with the death of anyone that is particularly close to me. I might deal with the death of a loved one completely differently.

The main thing is to make sure that you don't act upset around the horse (or anyone else that is dying). Their last moments should be happy and not wondering why the people around it are sad or acting strangely.
 
I do feel kinda bad for posting something like this, since I don't want to seem like I'm trying to dig his grave before we get the results. I just want to try and prepare myself for the worst :(
 
I am a carer and people passing away is part of my job. I sit with them reading and remembering memories with them and looking through pictures. Then when they slip away I strangely feel a sense of calm and happiness. It is almost as if I feel that I have made their passing safe and comfortable and they are now at peace and pain free. I feel again that life is a journey and I feel a great honour that I have been part of these peoples lives and very honoured that they have shared their last few moments with me.

My mum died of cancer 2 years ago and I was extremely grateful that I was able to have the chance to say goodbye to her but she did not want us there when the time came for her to pass over. This upset me at the time but looking back now I find it calming that my last memory was one of us saying goodbye not of her final moments.

I know my post isn't about horses but I hope that I will have the chance to be able to say goodbye and be with my horses at the end as I will feel I have kept them safe right to the end. Remember the good times with him and if it is his time to pass over be honoured that you have been part of his life and you have had the opportunity to say goodbye.

Bonnie
 
I pretend its not happening. That way I can make any decisions & arrangements and act normal round them because the idea of it being final isn't reality. Once their gone I can scream/ cry etc without the last days & minutes being all about my feelings.
 
Death is hard human or pet (your own or someone elses) we all get attatched to animals just as we do people.
When we had or 28yr old horse pts last month we tried hard to make it seem like a normal day, im sure he knew though. His friend definately did, she wanted to go in the paddock wth him, she wasnt bothered any other time. we had him on his own in winter as he needed alot more hay/feed than the others. I still cant watch the link below without bursting into tears.
Im not very good with people who are ill, and i never know what to say.
Go give the horse lots of treats (if he is allowed) and a big hug its all you can do.
 
Nah said:
How do/did you deal with death?
Sorry for the morbid thread, I'm just feeling extremely down :(
Click to expand...

Personally, I try and be pragmatic about it... IMO having a 'notice period' is a gift... It's a time to make memories and tell someone/an animal that you love them and to make sure their quality of life is as good as it can be until it's time for their next journey...

To have a little bit of precious 'special' time when life can still be good is a positive thing... You can't 'beat' the fact that death is coming but particularly where an animal is concerned, you can be totally proactive in making sure the final phase of life is one filled with quality, love and affection...

Being blunt... Watching suffering and a tortuous death of a loved on is something that you can never shake or be at peace with... Anything other than that, you can act and make the most of the individual/animal... Grief is a necessity but being able to temper it with the knowledge of making the most of that time can only help I think...

Nah said:
I do feel kinda bad for posting something like this, since I don't want to seem like I'm trying to dig his grave before we get the results. I just want to try and prepare myself for the worst :(
Click to expand...

Don't feel bad... You're just being realistic and that's a good approach in my mind...

(((hugs)))
 
My friends mum is dying of cancer she has only weeks to live but Sue was told this news last year nowe that the time is nearing it's ripping her apart even thought she was told and had accepted it. December 2011 was my worst year ever I lost my shire, a very good farmer friend of mine, one of my car club guys and my mums cat and another friend lost her battle with cancer all in the space of 3 weeks I just sat on the floor in pieces but i know in my heart with my animals I gave them the best of everything and as much love as they could have and been the best friend to those people Ive lost and that's all you can do and when you remember them smile.
 
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