How do I ask for my horse back with falling out with her?

[Lonesome_Dove]

I have a real dilemma on my hands, concerning one of my horses and my best friend!!

She took one of my horses (appaloosa X NF) on loan last May.

I went to see him in October last year and was quite shocked to see how he looked. He used to be quite well-built, with a really nice weight, and he had become very tucked up and had become a much lighter version of himself (he wasn't overweight originally, but was a 'cobby' build). I've known her for years, and she has always looked after her ponies very well, I just couldn't understand why he was looking poor but I trusted her to put him right and gave her the benefit of the doubt, bearing in mind he had moved homes and the changing of the seasons etc. It unsettled me a bit though.

Since then, she said he was fine, but did say that whenever it got cold he would drop "a few pounds", which he has never done before, when he was with me I wouldn't rug him until December time and it would be off again in March.

Anyway, I went to see him on Saturday just gone and he is still underweight (more than before), and he looks really sad and uninterested. He didn't neigh a greeting to us when we turned up like he always used to, not even to her and she has been looking after him for a year. When he was with me he would neigh to me if I turned up with food or not, and would sometimes call to me when I left him, silly horse! She said he might be stressed as he is getting beaten up by one of hers, and I asked if she could move him into another one of her paddocks (she has several paddocks within a field) and she just said "no". He doesn't look like a rescue case, but he is definitely half the horse he used to be.

I don't think for a second she is neglecting him, but she has always had hardy New Forest ponies, who basically "look after themselves", maybe she just doesn't know how to give him what he needs. She is in no way cruel or ignorant. People have said to me in the past he is "a mummy's boy" as he has been away from home before and dramatically lost weight (he dropped a rug size!), and now I think they might be right!!!!

Now I don't think I have a choice but to bring him home now, he is clearly not happy where he is - he just looks so desperately sad.

What I need to know is how to ask her for him back without offending her, as she is my oldest and best friend! I don't want to go in and say "you're not looking after him as you should be and I'm taking him home!" I don't want to lose my friend, but my horse's general well-being is very important to me! Any ideas?!

 

[Cliqmo]

If she is really your best friend just ask for him back and explain that you don't like to think of him being bullied. It is perfectly reasonable, especially as you asked her to change his paddock and she refused. If she is any sort of friend she will realise that you only want what is best for the horse and wont let it interfere with your friendship

 

[BSJAlove]

wow. thats such a difficult situation!! i think that you should talk to her before taking any action. say look, i think hes a bit under condition and id like you to do so and so to get him back on form. you can say this nicely obviously.. if shes a friend she would understand your worries. at least she will have a chance to right her wrong and if it doesnt work out, then you can say i want him back without feeling like [****].

i really hope you get it sorted and i feel for you for being in such a tough situation!! good luck x

 

[2diamondlova]

just say you want him back because you want to start showing him or something or say you want to keep him with you because of the bullying but she can still come and see him ect
sorry not good at these things loll

 

[tikino]

i have just been in the same situation with my boy as he was with one of my close friend. he was also in very poor condition and i now have him at home.unfortunatly she feels she has done nothing wrong and falle out with me. it is a realy shame but it is a sadlose but my horse comes first

 

[Damnation]

Could you not just say that you miss him terribily and want him back?

 

[Fizzimyst]

QR

I dont understand! Maybe I have a different relationship with my best friend, but we can talk about anything. If I want something back, I ask for it. If she wants something back she'll ask for it.

If I had her horse and she said it was looking a bit thin I would be asking for her advice to put the weight on. If she said she wasnt happy with the way it looked or had concerns and wanted the horse back I wouldnt have the ump.

If she came in all guns blazing and said I was neglecting the horse firstly I'd ask her if it was time of the month but then I would probably be narked.

But I cant see that it would ever get like that in the first place. She's been my best friend for 15 years and we've never so much had a cross word nevermind an arguement!

Surely if she is your best friend you wont upset her by telling her you want the horse back. And if you raise your concerns in an adult manner, everything should be fine?

If she flies off the handle, well I'm pleased she's your friend not mine

 

[Fizzimyst]

[ QUOTE ]
Could you not just say that you miss him terribily and want him back?

[/ QUOTE ]

How about being honest? Good grief, I couldnt imagine lying to my best friend about anything

 

[Colleen_Miss_Tom]

I would basically just come out with it ..... Something along the lines of .... " Hey *insert name* .... I have been thinking ...and really don't know what to say without offending you as you know..... me and you have been friends for quite some time ... But I am considering bringing *insert horses name* home with me .... He just doesnt seem happy and I am worried about him . I hope this doesnt cause any friction between us .

 

[Lonesome_Dove]

Thanks for your replies, I just don't want to offend her, but I think I will just have to tell her the truth, but her family can be really bitchy, even if she isn't!

I was going to tell her I miss him, and I do actually so I might just say that as well!

Thanks again, I will let you know how it goes, wish me luck!

 

[geronimostilton]

I have to say I agree somewhat with Fizzimyst. Surely she can see that he's not doing very well, has she asked for advice? If I had a horse on loan from anyone, let alone my best friend, and was having problems I would talk it over with the owner.

That said, obviously we do not know the whole story, maybe she has spoken to you about it? So why not just tell her the truth, and if she isn't too far away why not suggest she still loans him but keeps him with you?

 

[AmyMay]

[ QUOTE ]
What I need to know is how to ask her for him back without offending her

[/ QUOTE ]

Remember, this is your horse - so you don't ask for it back. You take it back.

I think as horse owners and lovers, we recognise that some horses do not do well in certain situations.

Personally I'd ring her and tell her that you will be comming to collect the horse on X day, as it's clear that he's not settled well.

Tell her it's a shame, because she clearly likes him. But she'll understand that the best interests of the horse must be served.

I don't know why anyone would have a problem with that. And if she does, so be it. She'll recover. But your horse going downhill further may not.

Good luck.

 

[jumpingjack]

I would just tell her straight that you want him back as he doesn't look happy or settled there and you aren't blaming her but you have to do the best for your horse.

 

[Lonesome_Dove]

Thanks Amymay, I know I've got to get him, and hopefully she'll understand, if not at least I've done my best by him.

Thanks everyone.

 

[AmyMay]

Good luck. Keep us posted.