How do I convince my mum..

Parachute

Parachute

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My mum's always said to me, I can have a horse if I can afford it and have somewhere to keep it. So after trying extremely hard, I now have a job (21-25 hours a week) and i've had permission of someone in the village to rent 3 fields from them to put a horse on.
So after doing everything my mum said, I approached her tonight saying i'm going to start looking for a loan. Well, cue mum saying a firm 'No' and not hearing otherwise. I'm trying not to get angry with her but i'm really starting to lose my temper.
She used to ride, and loan horses when she was my age and I was always told, I worked for them. So why now, after I've got land and a job is she still against it?

It's like false hope! She came with me the other day and went halves on buying me a new riding hat, telling the assistant I was getting back into riding and now she's saying this. The thing is, i'm only looking for a loan but she's still saying no!!

Can I please have some advice on how to persuade her otherwise, I really feel like i'm banging my head against a brick wall here.

*cookies for those who read it all and haven't shot themselves with boredom*
 
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I'm just coming up to 17. She tells me she's up for getting a horse, even saying she'd get back into riding, my brother's can ride. Everything and getting my hopes up. I'm just getting frustrated but the worst bit is she won't even give me a reason. It's just a 'No'. There is another pony in the next field so they wouldn't be on their own as such as they could see/touch noses over the wall - You know, I don't even know if that's enough.
I guess, i'm just ranting really. I can take the 'No', I just want a reason other than 'because I said so'

It's just frustrating. I know i'm only young and I should listen to her, I just got excited and now being told i'm not allowed.
*Sigh*
 
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Parachute said:
I'm just coming up to 17. She tells me she's up for getting a horse, even saying she'd get back into riding, my brother's can ride. Everything and getting my hopes up. I'm just getting frustrated but the worst bit is she won't even give me a reason. It's just a 'No'. There is another pony in the next field so they wouldn't be on their own as such as they could see/touch noses over the wall - You know, I don't even know if that's enough.
I guess, i'm just ranting really. I can take the 'No', I just want a reason other than 'because I said so'
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Could you get work experience or help out at a local yard, perhaps to show your mum you are ready for it ? :) x
 
How about starting with a part share? That way the livery/land etc will be sorted by the owner, and you just have to pay your part to ride and muck out.
 
tessybear said:
Could you get work experience or help out at a local yard, perhaps to show your mum you are ready for it ? :) x
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The local yard don't need any help (asked a while back, and they have a lot of helpers) - I don't know how I can prove it to her :o X
 
Perhaps she would be more amenable if u could find a space on a diy yard? So that u have help on hand and people to ride with. Perhaps she thinks u will get fed up of it and she will have to look after it.
Hope she changes her mind
Good luck :)
 
Pigeon said:
How about starting with a part share? That way the livery/land etc will be sorted by the owner, and you just have to pay your part to ride and muck out.
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Travel's an issue. She is very stubborn and it's her way or no way, and there's no way of getting round her :rolleyes: - Tried looking for part loans but they're too far away.
Sorry, i'm not trying to throw your ideas away! :o
 
Ditto Pigeon, part shares can be great. I think you should look into having one of them first, you don't have all the responsibility but still get to treat horse like your 'own' on share days and ride them, take them out to shows even :)
 
Perhaps if you do a realistic time and budget plan and show your mum? She's probably got far more idea of what it's likely to cost you in terms of time and money. I have to say I find it hard to see how someone with a part-time job is going to be able to contribute to the cost of her keep and afford a horse, sorry. It's not the buying of a horse that costs the money - and I know you want to loan - but the upkeep and having the money put aside in case anything goes wrong.
 
rainer said:
Perhaps she would be more amenable if u could find a space on a diy yard? So that u have help on hand and people to ride with. Perhaps she thinks u will get fed up of it and she will have to look after it.
Hope she changes her mind
Good luck :)
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Thank you,
I can't afford a livery yard, the fields are only £10 a week, which probably means I actually can't afford a horse. Nevermind, i'll wait and save up a bit and see what's about next year.
Thanks for your help everyone :)
 
The amount of times i've had false hope over the years.
"You can get a horse when you've been riding at least 5 years."
"You can get a horse when we don't have to pay for your brother's child minder anymore."
"You can get a horse when you've done your GCSEs"

etc, etc, etc

It even got as far as my mum emailing the owner of a yard to ask about prices, owner of yard tried to sell her an ex-racer for £3k (no way worth it) and my mum was put off.

And that's how at almost 20, I still haven't ever owned my own horse and have only ever loaned. It's annoying as heck, I feel for you with that, but all the tears I shed and frustration I felt didn't ever lead me to getting a horse in the end x)
 
Oh hun i can understand you are frustrated but you have to think "adult"and i dont mean that nastily. you have to make alist of what it will cost to keeo a hirse and be realistic. then write down your wages etc. and then sit diwn calmly and go through it with your mum. listen to what she says and talk about it. you have to show you have thought sensibly etc and show your mother how you can afford it . if you can :). I think back some 30 years and i was same. another idea put the loan idea on hold for mo and save save save so you have some savings there for likes of vets etc again to show hiw responsible you will be :)
 
FlaxenPony05 said:
Ditto Pigeon, part shares can be great. I think you should look into having one of them first, you don't have all the responsibility but still get to treat horse like your 'own' on share days and ride them, take them out to shows even :)
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jemima*askin said:
Perhaps if you do a realistic time and budget plan and show your mum? She's probably got far more idea of what it's likely to cost you in terms of time and money. I have to say I find it hard to see how someone with a part-time job is going to be able to contribute to the cost of her keep and afford a horse, sorry. It's not the buying of a horse that costs the money - and I know you want to loan - but the upkeep and having the money put aside in case anything goes wrong.
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Just wanted to add, mum is weird in the sense, if she saw me with a horse on loan, she'd want to be involved and ride - it's like she's scared?
I could try to write down a plan for mum but I can't see it happening. I think I know that she won't change her mind, I just wanted to share my frustration! :o
 
FlyingCircus said:
The amount of times i've had false hope over the years.
"You can get a horse when you've been riding at least 5 years."
"You can get a horse when we don't have to pay for your brother's child minder anymore."
"You can get a horse when you've done your GCSEs"

etc, etc, etc

It even got as far as my mum emailing the owner of a yard to ask about prices, owner of yard tried to sell her an ex-racer for £3k (no way worth it) and my mum was put off.

And that's how at almost 20, I still haven't ever owned my own horse and have only ever loaned. It's annoying as heck, I feel for you with that, but all the tears I shed and frustration I felt didn't ever lead me to getting a horse in the end x)
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That's awful- really feel for you! My mum's always been very consistent and said I'll never be able to have a horse until I leave home and make my decisions for myself! Luckily she's agreed with a part share that's worked out really well and I'm really happy with it :)
 
As Tessybear said, could you help out at a local yard to gain some experience & make some horsey contacts? Maybe then a share would be a good way to start, you'd only be committing to 2 or 3 days a week & wouldn't have all the responsibility/cost of looking after a horse full time.

I'd not had any experience of shares, but i've recently found a local young woman who is coming to our yard three times a week & riding my daughter's semi retired PC pony & also doing bits with a young cob i have. It's working fantastically, with both of us, & the two ponies getting lots out of it. Might be worth having a chat to your Mum about it & seeing how she would feel?

What area are you? What experience do you currently have? Maybe someone on here could help?
Good luck.
 
Do you drive? If not then maybe that would be the first thing you should look at doing as then you're more independent and can look to put a horse on a DIY type yard.

I think a lot of us on here remember being 17 and I am pretty sure your mum will be able to and a lot of 17 yos change their minds an AWFUL lot as to what they are going to want to do. I imagine your mum is thinking that you may find the reality of having a horse isn't as much fun as you think, especially when othe things will begoing on in your life as well.

I know that sounds very sad of me (I am not that old REALLY!) but I do wonder if that's part of her concern - she could well end up doing a lot of the work!
 
I think its sensible waiting a bit and in that time you could try and save money, get as much horsey experience as possible and have more lessons so you'll feel really confident when you can loan or ride. I'm at uni and doing the same thing until I finish and have more money and experience.

Keep a look out for shares/yards needing help etc. There's no rush :) you'll get your horse one day. I like to think that if I have to work hard for things i'll appreciate them more :)
 
FlyingCircus said:
The amount of times i've had false hope over the years.
"You can get a horse when you've been riding at least 5 years."
"You can get a horse when we don't have to pay for your brother's child minder anymore."
"You can get a horse when you've done your GCSEs"

etc, etc, etc

It even got as far as my mum emailing the owner of a yard to ask about prices, owner of yard tried to sell her an ex-racer for £3k (no way worth it) and my mum was put off.

And that's how at almost 20, I still haven't ever owned my own horse and have only ever loaned. It's annoying as heck, I feel for you with that, but all the tears I shed and frustration I felt didn't ever lead me to getting a horse in the end x)
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My dad promised me a pony for my 10th, 12th and 13th birthday, never happened :rolleyes:
My mum's the same. She browses adverts, tells me to message them, they message back and she goes 'NO, stop timewasting.' it's ridiculous.
The thing is, I get super jealous when people go to shows and I can't because I don't have a horse. Or they go hacking and I don't get invited because i've got nothing to ride.


babymare said:
Oh hun i can understand you are frustrated but you have to think "adult"and i dont mean that nastily. you have to make alist of what it will cost to keeo a hirse and be realistic. then write down your wages etc. and then sit diwn calmly and go through it with your mum. listen to what she says and talk about it. you have to show you have thought sensibly etc and show your mother how you can afford it . if you can :). I think back some 30 years and i was same. another idea put the loan idea on hold for mo and save save save so you have some savings there for likes of vets etc again to show hiw responsible you will be :)
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I'm literally only looking for a loan - and she looks for them online herself. :rolleyes:
It's like I get so close and then she decides otherwise :cool:
amymay said:
Have you done a budget of how much a horse would cost you per month?
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No, I haven't. I'm starting to lose faith in myself. I earn £140 a week, £10 a week for the field, £25 a week for house rent and the rest for the horse, I don't even know if that's enough for a loan tbh.
 
On 2nd thoughts if I were u I would concentrate on learning to drive and getting a lil car and then get a part loan/share as u would be able to get there then :)
 
babymare said:
Oh hun i can understand you are frustrated but you have to think "adult"and i dont mean that nastily. you have to make alist of what it will cost to keeo a hirse and be realistic. then write down your wages etc. and then sit diwn calmly and go through it with your mum. listen to what she says and talk about it. you have to show you have thought sensibly etc and show your mother how you can afford it . if you can :). I think back some 30 years and i was same. another idea put the loan idea on hold for mo and save save save so you have some savings there for likes of vets etc again to show hiw responsible you will be :)
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Ditto. I am one of thoses mums...groan... She's probably worried what would happen if you lost your job and suddenly she had to pay for it all.

I support the share option, get a bike so you're mobile, and get out there. Sharers wanted right left and centre around my part of the world!
 
rainer said:
On 2nd thoughts if I were u I would concentrate on learning to drive and getting a lil car and then get a part loan/share as u would be able to get there then :)
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Good idea! Save up your pay for driving lessons and a little car and then you'd be able to get yourself there and back without help from mum.
 
Don't loose faith in yourself - but it's really important to do your maths.

So:

Field - £43.00 per month
Shoes - £80+ per month
Insurance - £30 - 50 per month
Winter = hay so lets say around £50 per month

Then you have worming, vaccinations, dentist and possibly hard feed.
 
Okay, on my phone now. We're not close, that could be a factor of it. Just now, we've had a fall out which proves I'm not mature enough to have a horse yet. Thank you for your help everyone, I've decided against getting a horse on loan for now, perhaps in a few years, for the time been got to save up and move out - mums just 'kicked me out' for arguing :rolleyes: thanks again everyone
 
I'll focus on getting a car, suppose I've got to get on with the real world and necessities before luxuries. Thank you all for being honest and mature :)
 
I think a good idea would be to try getting a loan at a local riding school, where you pay a set amount each week and can stop it any time. That would show her that you are dedicated at least.

Your mum probably is worried about it. A horse is a huge financial commitment and if you fall short then the bills will end up in her lap.

All you can do is budget, save, and prove your commitment. It will happen one day :)
 
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