How do I convince my mum..

I wouldn't rule out sharing/part loaning. This is what I did when my parents never came through on their promises. It's very frustrating though, isn't it? Having a false hope and then it being taken away is much worse than never having the hope there initially.

As for loaning, with loans I have paid £20/£25 a week to do half the week where I got to pretty much treat the horse as my own. You should look into it properly, especially because you are working part time and I assume college/sixth form, so having a horse full time will be hard with not much time, but one one loan shouldn't be too much of an issue? Whilst I was at school, I did 1 end of the day (evenings) after a few months stint of waking up at 4am every morning to do early and late checks *dies*. Now it's summer, I do both checks and do as I please on my rides, within reason :) It's a great chance to ride and have fun without owning.
 
Part loan would be a good idea but there's none within travelling distance for me so again it's waiting until I can drive - I'm expecting it to be a good 5-10 years before I get a horse on loan, but don't worry I'll get my horsey fix from you:)
 
Well get saving and in mean tome look around for someone wanting help. contact local riding clubs offer help on show days get yourself known in horsey community and someone may just be looking for a keen person to help them and in meantime helping at shows will be great for experience. also any RDA places around or riding schools? Just a thought :)
 
How about talking to your mum about a horse for the both of you? A mum/daughter kind of thing... If she thinks she can be involved it may sway her. I do think passing your driving test then looking for an actual yard as its so much more fun when you have people around you to enjoy it with.

I've been lucky, mum had horses before I was born so I got my first at 7. But as soon as I had the money from my first job, I was paying for my horses. We kept ours on our own however when I got to 17 I 'quit' horses because there was no one at the yard to hack or talk too!!! It got boring. But I was back a year later... The only break I had since was when I had my daughter, but I'm back now she's 4 months.
 
There's an RDA near but needs a car to get there. I think I'll buy a moped and see where I can go from there - just angry I now have to turn the person down who I'm renting the fields from. Don't want them thinking I'm a time waster
 
What about fostering a horse can you do that ? from charities im not sure if you can but maybe an option :) Even if it's not riding you could get a horsey fix and if you can ride it's a bonus... then if anything goes wrong you can hand it back over :)
 
Ok forget the anger. channel all that energy into looking at hiw you can get with horses. they dont have to be yours to have fun . get mobile so you have more options :)
 
Its just annoying she keeps switching and choosing!! And the fact she doesn't have a reason, just 'no'.
 
Are they in cycling distance?
That's how I get to the yard x) Used to be 40 minutes cycle away, but still did it so I could have some horsey time, haha!
 
Do a budget as I suggested earlier, amymay has given you some figures to start with, don't forget to add in a £10 per week contingency fund. Then every week without fail put aside all the money that keeping a horse will cost you into a separate bank account. When you next feel like getting a horse you have three things in your favour: A realistic budget, proof that you can afford the monthly outgoings (and save a little bit on top) and, possibly most important, proof that you can stick to a plan and work to make it happen.

Good luck:)
 
I completely understand your frustration...but trying to see it from her side...are you planning on going to uni etc? If so, she might well be thinking you've got one year with this horse, and then you'll be away and she'll be lumped with it. I was very lucky that my mum looked after my pony whilst I was at uni.

As others have said, I'd look into getting yourself more independent first. If you've got a car and can afford a horse then there's not much your mum can do (bar chuck you out. Err...).

Part loans are a really good way to get some experience in, show your mum you've got the dedication...and save up! I had a pony on part loan for a year whilst I decided that I have the time for my own. And more importantly...I saved up in that time!
 
Not going to uni, or college - sticking to working as I need money to live haha! I will continue looking for a partloan and wait until I can drive to travel further :)
 
I was going to say if you aren't going to uni then I just spouted a load of tosh at you... But I was on my phone so I couldn't edit.

You could pick up a fairly decent bike second hand, then stick up ads for part loan wanted in your local tack shop :)
 
I feel your pain, im 17 and all I ever dreamt about was having my own. but no way in a million years could we afford it. I rode at a riding school twice a month for 7 years, then finally I got a share- not the most ideal horse and agreement but i couldn't care less ahaha! then that ended and didn't ride for a few months. found another share which I have now, she is brill and owners are so so so lovely :D

But It wasn't just about the riding- I wanted to be more involved, even the silly things like learning how to lunge. sooo I put an ad on a local horsey facebook group- and a lovely women got in contact with me who rent's a little barn/farm out the back of her house, she said I could come once a week and help out. now we are good friends and have learnt to lunge, free school annnnnd been to my first ever show :D :D :D she has also said when i ge a job and can afford it I can get a horse and keep it at hers.
my mum started refusing to drive me, so now I get on my bike every friday morning and cycle there- takes about 25 mins but worth it- and getting fit!

I used to think i would be stuck horse-less forever but now im so happy with both the oppertunities I have :D
 
When I was a wee bit younger than you OP, with no hope ever of being able to afford my own pony ever, I got on my bike and harassed every horse owner within cycling distance :o

I got a lot out of it, rode loads of different horses and ponies, did lots of mucking out, but it was all worth it. I am 33 now and have Boyo on shared part loan with unrestricted riding, but he is 12.5 miles away... But I have a car so I can get to him when I have time, and he is wonderful!

Boring as it is, you need to get driving first :o
 
I gave up on owning a horse ever when I was 16-17.... I am now turning 26 this year and I own two.

You may not get there for a few years, but don't give up.

Can you do some work experience at a local yard or maybe even a local rider (I am not talking top riders) but maybe someone out there would appreciate some help on weekends or something? You can get your horse fix and also learn while you're doing it :)
 
I don't mean to come across as rude, but to me you sound a lot younger than 17.

I moved out of home when I was 16, took my horses with me and struggled along in a job so I could afford them.

Every suggestion given to you, you have an answer for why it wouldn't be possible. I have no idea what your riding experience is, but to me it sounds like you may be better off going to the local riding school and getting lessons, even if the lessons are on lunging, general care, basic first aid etc., show your mum your committed and learning everything possible. I'm sure if you were a paying client at the riding school, they would help out with the experience you want.

Failing that, you could go to a college and do a 'horse course' and then when you have the money, you know you will have the knowledge, so your mum won't feel she needs to be involved, which realistically at 17, she doesn't.

I'm not suggesting moving out and getting a horse, it's unrealistic, but luckily worked for me, but I know if I was in your situation, I would be doing everything possible to have contact with horses, be it from a riding school, or helping out local people poo picking!

Good luck with what ever you decide

Bexcy-bee x
 
amymay said:
I think you're mum is being entirely realistic. Parachute.
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I'm with Amymay. £140 a week may sound a lot but it's £115 after rent plus all other outgoings doesn't leave a lot for a horse. Plus field is quite far so when weather bad, your mum would have to take you at least twice a day. Put the money aside for transport and find a loan on a yard where you'll have back up.

I moved around a lot as a kid so it wasn't until I was 28 that I bought my own horse after having loans/shares/riding schools up till then. It really is worth waiting for!
 
amymay said:
I think you're mum is being entirely realistic. Parachute.
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Ditto.

Have to be contraversial here also. No way I'd loan a horse to a 17 year old with no parental support.

People loan for all sorts of reasons, but not to someone who might go for 3 months struggle, then hand the horse back. Or even worse, struggle and say nothing resulting in unintentional neglect.

As before, get a bike (pedal power kind) and get a share. Anything from £10-£30 a week around here depending what you want - hacking to competing.

It will happen, give it time. Put ad's in all feed merchants/saddlery shops near you and try preloved.
 
I feel sorry for op as your mum is being inconsistent and getting your hopes up. Do you work full time? If not and you are not at college can you not increase your hours. I think the other problem is no car but what about saving for a moped?
 
I feel I should give you my angle on this, as I bought my own at 18, as soon as I started work, straight out of college.
My Mum may be a bit more laid back (and hey what would you want your daughter do, spend all her money on horses or drink and drugs and going out?), but as soon as I turned 18, I made my decisions. Because I was a legal adult.

Wait till you are 18. Because as long as you are paying your way at home, rent etc, and if you aren't relying on your mother at all for help, then it's not her business. This was the opinion my mother had. As long as I looked after him, and didn't ask for anything off my mother, then she was all for it.

And I am sorry, you're heading in the right direction with your job, but I personally feel £140pw isn't enough. Up until very recently, I was only on £150pw, and it was really tough. I had my phone bill, petrol, horse insurance, shoeing, feed, hay, bedding, worming, vaccs, general bits and bobs for Joe to pay for. As well as random larger expenses-- rugs, tack etc. That's not including his £125pm DIY livery on a very private yard, because my sister is my sharer and contributes that way. I also have a boyfriend-- whether or not you have one, you will need some spare cash for a social life.

I really stress that if this is your first horse, you WILL need as much help and advice as you can. Unfortunately you won't get this if you are just renting some fields. Since having my Joe, I've learnt so much, and have been lucky enough to have lots of guidance from another livery making my life a lot easier.

And then there's a car :D You need one. I couldn't have worked and kept my own without one. Having a license and your own car will really help with getting better jobs. All of my previous employers were so impressed that I learned as soon as I turned 17 and passed 1st time within 6 months. It's another thing to add to your CV, so you can earn more monies for ponies in the future :D

If I were you, I would use the money I am earning now for the car, I know insurance is rubbish but if you don't start you will never be on your way to a no claims bonus (finally got this after two years, and it's lovely having insurance below £900). Then after that, see if you could do more like 30hrs pw, that's what I do, and there's still time for horses and more money too. Then you can be independent and make your own decisions. And always be looking for better jobs, get that CV looking good, boost your earning (and thus horse ownership) potential.

Sorry this was long. But I hope it helped, I know it pretty much echoes everyone else. :)
 
You need to be more proactive i think. When I was 15, I cycled (using an ancient Bike I bought for a fiver from the tip!!) to every yard within a 20 min cycle from where I lived asking if they wanted help. I found a lovely lady who had 5 horses and no-one to ride them. Worked my butt off cycling to and from there every day whilst at college to muck out etc and get some riding in. I then decided I need a good job to get the things I wanted so I joined the military. Pay was good and if you worked hard, you could get places. By 22 I had my own horse, trailer 4x4 and all the gear. At 24 I bought my second horse.

The point I am trying to make is that if you want it enough, you will find any way of achieving it and you will work hard to get it. I think your education is very important - someone suggested doing an equine studies course? Alternately, look at joining the Kings Troop - play with horses all day and get paid really quite well for it!!! If I had my time again, I would do that but thats just me!!

FWIW, my Mum promised me a horse but backed out each time. I asked her a few years back why she never let me go through with it and she said it was beacuse she was scared of having to let go if the worst happened to the horse. Silly I know but it is a factor that puts lots of people off having horses.
 
bexcy-bee said:
I don't mean to come across as rude, but to me you sound a lot younger than 17.

I moved out of home when I was 16, took my horses with me and struggled along in a job so I could afford them.

Every suggestion given to you, you have an answer for why it wouldn't be possible. ....
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It's funny how people read the same thing and come to different views. I have actually been very impressed with the maturity Parachute has shown. Yes, there have been negative responses to some suggestions, but for good reasons. You can't take a part-loan if you can't get there etc.

I can truly understand your frustrations Parachute as I was there, I so desperately wanted a pony when I was growing up, ALL my friends had one except those who didn't want one in the first place. I actually didn't get my first until I was 40 (but don't let that dishearten you!!)

I would say that given the winter we have just had, hay would be your biggest enemy - I am still feeding it well into May and it isn't cheap. Hard feed also. You are right though, if you are living with your mum you won't get anywhere if you have negativity surrounding you about your endeavours.

Why not put the money you would be spending right now on a horse into an account and see how quickly it adds up - also see if you can truly afford it on a weekly basis. Do that for a year and then you will a) have some good savings and b) get a true picture of what it will cost. Don't forget to add in teeth, hypothetical vet fees (plus costs of vaccinations, wormers the works), plus bits of tack etc.

Also, have a look around for live-in posts (not just yet, but perhaps to get an idea of what will be available when you are 18).

You will get there, sometimes it just takes a little longer for it to be right x
 
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not read all the replies but i remember (just!) being 17 and how much this hurts. At 15 my parents moved house, away from everything I knew. I had the option to stay with my grandparents and keep at the same school etc etc but my father told me that where they were moving was in the country and I could have a pony. He even spoke about where there were greenhouses that could come down and we could build stables etc. Obviously, I moved with them. Funnily enough he then claimed he never said it:rolleyes::(

I havent read all the replies but I joined the pony club. I didnt have my own but i went along to everything either to watch or help. Within about a month I had several offers of ponies to ride or share and I didnt look back:D I rode a variety of ponies in lessons, people were lovely and would bring along the outgrown pony they had at home for me to use at rallies etc. Then someone offered me the use of their pony whenever I wanted to treat as my own:D
 
I've been in a similar position as you.

When i was 17 i got a part share on a TB mare about 4/5 miles away from my house. I couldn't drive and my mum made it clear she wasn't ferrying me about. So i bought a bus pass and walked 20 minutes to the bus stop for a half hourly bus (that was never on time) and did a 20 minute bus ride followed by another 5 minute walk to the farm. I did this for 2 years.

I finally got my licence in august last year and due to my job had to give up the horse. Fast forward to Feb 2013, i changed jobs and found a lovely horse on full loan :)

I think you really need to have a plan of action. Are you prepared to go 3.5 miles every day to see a horse? What if its snowing/raining/whatever crazy weather we have?
I did it you just have to be committed. My mum wasn't supportive as she's not horsey and thought i was too young. But I've proved her right and she fully supported me finding a horse on full loan as i can get myself there and back and i have enough money to pay for the horse and ALL my other bills with a bit to spare for savings/social life.

You seem to be very negative saying 'No' 'That wont work' 'Thats impossible'
If you really want to be around horses that much you'll make it work. Other than that maybe you should go to college/get an apprenticeship as it's hard to come by a decent job to allow you the money for a horse full time with GCSE's alone.
 
jess_ said:
Other than that maybe you should go to college/get an apprenticeship as it's hard to come by a decent job to allow you the money for a horse full time with GCSE's alone.
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I'd also agree with this, and I also think your mum is being sensible. Having horses in fields several miles away with no transport and limited funds is not an ideal start to ownership.

It might seem frustrating now, but a year down the line you might just find yourself more interested in going out, buying clothes and dare I say it boyfriends. :eek:

If I were you I'd focus on getting a good education that allowed a well paid job to allow me to spend my money on the horse I wanted, without the worries of just scraping by with one. You would be eligible for loans for education while you are young, so I'd make full use of that now rather than wanting to do something in the future that will cost thousands and take loads of time tht you simply won't have when you are older.

Being able to drive is practically a necessity nowadays and costs a fair bit, but you really need to be able to drive for plenty of jobs and for your own benefit, especially as a horse owner with feedstore visits etc. I'd focus on that and getting a decent job down the line and then think about horse owning.

In the meantime there are usually plenty of people wanting help with their horses, you could try an add in the local feed/tack shop and focus on learning to drive for transport.
 
Not going to lie, havent read the entire thread. Sneaky at work hho-ing going on. But heres my litte story.
Family unhorsey. Hate them.
Grandad took me for riding lessons for a few years when i was 8-11. Started loaning when i was 17, didn't bother telling my parents, i've worked since 13 and always payed my own way. Rent from 16, never asked for a thing from my mum except birthday/xmas. Loaned a few ponies for a few years until i was 18 when i took magic on full loan. I didnt tell her for an month and when i did she told me to get rid of it. Needless to say i ignored her threats of being thrown out ect. I managed fine to afford my pony while at sixth form 5 days a week and a weekend job at greegs making £89 a week.
year bought kyra outright, recieved the usual threats ect and thats the story so far.
My mum has visited my horses once in the 5 years ive been riding. As long as you're finacially stable for the future i dont see why not (:
 
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