How do I get over my fear?

roanwitch

roanwitch

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Hi to all, this is my first post so hoping you can help me.

I lost my old boy in a freak accident last year, I'd had him for 25 years had done everything with him. I now feel ready for a new pony and have been to look at a few.

My problem is, although I am quite a competant rider, when I try out a new pony I turn into a jibbering wreck. I get so nervous my teeth chatter and my knees knock (no joke) and I ride like spotty dog - so stiff and unrelaxed, I look like a complete numpty.

I know it takes time to build up a relationship with a new horse, but I can't seem to get past this nervousness when trying them out.

Any suggestions how I can get over this fear of riding again? Thanks x
 
Are you nervous of the horse or the people watching?

Do you have a friend who can go with you and ride first or for you?

I do sympathise because I'm the same. My solution is to send my daughter to ride first (that's if I ride at all). I've bought three horses from people on here and only one of them has seen me ride!

If you're nervous of new ponies then can I suggest you get yourself to a local riding school and explain the problem and get them to book you in for a ride on a different pony every couple of days for a couple of weeks just so that you get used to it all feeling different - and so that you get used to the fact that actually nothing awful happens.
 
Do friends have a safe pony you could ride on so you slowly get over your fear? If it is having an audience, then perhaps try and ride when you know there will be one or two people you trust there, again, do it slowly becomes less of an issue.
Failing the above, then I would call a couple of local riding schools and discuss your fear and explain that you would like a short lesson on a confidence giving mount. Perhaps go back a few times trying a different pony each time until it becomes less of a big deal?
When you go to view a pony do you go with a friend/instructor/yo? Perhaps someone you feel at ease with would be helpful, esp if they have a short ride first?
Most importantly don't beat yourself up and stress about it. Go easy on yourself and slowly work out of it.
 
Welcome Roanwitch

I'm very sorry you lost your treasured horse in such a sudden way, you obviously had a very special bond and that memory will last a lifetime but it's very hard to contemplate moving on and 'replacing' him.

Nerve is a very fragile thing, you take years building it up only to lose it in the blink of an eye.

Is there a good riding school near you? Some lessons with a good trainer in a safe environment may help re-build your confidence.

I would also consider some hypnotherapy, which is nowhere near as scary as it seems, to help deal with the sub-conscious issues that are holding you back.

Good luck and I hope you find a way to use the positive experiences you have had with your old horse to help you move on to the next horse.
 
I used to keep my horse at home so unfortunately have not a lot of contact with "horsey friends".

I think booking in at a riding school may be the answer. I'm not bothered about people watching me, its the riding a strange horse that bothers me. Although quite competant, I am a very nervous rider until I build up my confidence with a horse.

Thanks for your suggestions
 
I think the riding school idea is the best one, if it's just the fact of ridding a strange horse after being used to your old boy for so long then the more nice sensible horses you can get on the better. But I would stress the problem to them and make sure they understand that you need a confidence booster and go back and ride as many diffrent horses as you can. Good luck if you keep at it you'll be back on board in no time.
 
I agree, go to a decent riding school and ride lots of others. I had a horrendous accident nearly 7 years ago. and then stopped riding for ages due to going back to uni, having a foal to bring on etc etc. So thought I was ok until it came to crunch time. My fear wasn't riding but leaving the ground!!!

When it came to it. I was terrified, but I have been having lessons weekly and riding friends horses to help ease me back into it. And I must admit, never once have I felt nervous in my weekly lessons with just myself, my instructor (thanks Denise you have worked wonders) and any strange horse I have ridden. My gung ho attitude is certainly reappearing, but it takes time and don't put yourself under too much pressure.

It will really help you get your mojo back if you can get some good lessons in.

Best of luck hon
x
 
I so empathise, feel the same. I went to a riding school run by a very dear friend who I hadn't seen in ages but I trust her totally, and it really helped me a lot, got a new horse full of confidence then was thrown whilst mounting as on crutches for 6 weeks so back to the drawing board for me. I know it is just mind over matter but I hate feeling so feeble again, am seriously considering some hypnotherapy myself this time around - just want to be able to get on and have fun again. Very best wishes and good luck Roanwitch - and welcome to the forum - its great on here- you will find lots of constructive help and encouragement and be suprised how many of us struggle!!
 
I agree with the riding school idea. About 10 years ago -- actually nearer 15 I had a not so freak accident where a mare reared and came over on top of me... A spell in hospital with a fractured femur and several rib fractures followed and I was ajibbering wreck at the thought of getting on any horse.

After 4 weeks plodding round at a riding school I was SO bored that I went out and bought another horse!

Bx
 
Firstly welcome to the forum :D

Could you get a friend or family member to ride the horse?
Or if you want to yourself perhaps you could get a bit of practice/confidence in riding unfamiliar horses at a local riding school?

Good luck xx
 
hun I so feel for you. After 41 yrs of riding I lost my confidence riding in front of people. panick attacks sick etc . I was missing out on so much . I have 2 horses but went for private lessons at a riding school with amazing woman -vicky. The horse was schooled to a high level- she used to do dressage with him - and little by little she pushed me encouraged me critercised me in a positive way then she suggested joining the group lessons and please im not being big headed here i often demonstrated movements -- it wasnt a ego boost it was a confidence boost I needed. She really turned me around so much so that last year I competed on a friends horse(first time in the ring mounted for ummmmm 29yrs lol) - the first class i had to come out as I had a panic attack second class i was placed 2nd - senior equitation 10 in class. Please please to any one suffering confidence riding in front of people find a good sympathetic instructor be honest admit that you have a confidence low and trust them. Close your ears to the bitchy comments you can hear and start to love riding again - It turned my riding life around
 
I know the feeling I could ride Koko for hours on end without a worry but when I try out horses I get so nervous! Its because I had a near death experience trying one out and its completly put me off.

If the horse doesn't look like what you want or if the horse looks unsafe don't be afraid to say sorry, he's not what I'm looking for and don't get on. Some people get a bit upset but most understand and its better then frightening yourself and wasting their time.

See videos before you go see the horse this normally rules out about half the horses as the "super safe allrounder" is normally prancing around in the video :p

Take someone experienced to get on the horse first if you are not sure and they will give you a rough idea weather it is worth riding the horse or not and don't feel pressured by the sellers, your the customer and don't forget that :)

Write a checklist of what you are looking for in the horse and try not to sway from this list, so if you say not above 15.2 don't go and look at a 15.3 as he/she may sound great but they are not what you are looking for.

Need any more help feel free to pm me :D
 
Hi roanwitch and welcome to the forum. I havent been on here for long but have received some very valuable tips and advice, I am a bag of nerves myself but have recently found a lovely girl who has assured me she can help me to overcome them. She trains at dressage in Holland in the winter and works with some of the top riders and trainers there who are very big on overcoming nerves and helping you to think positively. I am going to see her next week for a chat, she also gives lunge lessons on a schoolmaster, which she also thinks will help me. I also live in lancashire where she is based, If you would like any details about her feel free to pm me.:)
 
I totally understand where you are coming from, we lost our precious boy earlier in the summer after a long illness and decided that we wanted to look for another horse as it felt so empty after he went and we missed being around horses. We went to view a couple and I was the same as you, stiff, uncomfortable and nervous. I suffer from panic attacks and anxiety anyway so it didnt help!
I think for me because it was such an important thing buying a new member of our family, I felt incredibly pressured.

After thinking we would give it a rest for a while, I came upon an ad for a beautiful chestnut mare (not something I would normally go for but she had a nice look about her) I look a trusted friend who happens also to be my instructress and after I rode her in my 'stiff' manner and still liked her (lol!) she rode her and assessed her knowing my 'usual' riding style. To cut a long story short, we have had her for a month now and are forming a really great bond with each other.

Dont give up, it is awkward and nerve racking at the best of times when you buy a horse. Take your time, dont be pressured and if you have a suitable friend to take with you who knows your usual style then drag them along as well.

We never thought we would have anything like we had with our boy, and although it is early days and he will never be replaced there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just take your time.

Good luck, I really hope you find your special friend soon x
 
lots of good answers here!

i agree, u should get some lessons at a local riding school, u will probably realise you are a lot more competent than you think after a couple of lessons. Also, when u go to view just explain your situation, its totally understandable to feel that way. I used to get that way just thinking about riding (all teeth chattery etc) like a nervous excitement! best of luck to you x
 
Have a look at this site www.tapintoheaven.com - it's about Emotional Freedom Technique,
a sort of self hypnotism - sounds flakey but it really does work to bring down your anxiety levels. See if there is a practitioner about that could help you learn, then as others say, get some lessons so you are up to speed and then, when you view a pony, make sure the OWNER has someone ride before you get up. It's their responsibility to show the pony for you so you can see it's safe.
 
Thanks so much for all your wonderful replies.:p

Its nice to know other people feel the same way about being nervous trying out new horses and not just me!

I could do anything with my old boy, but after being without a horse now for nearly 12 months, there is such a huge gap in my life, I've just got to get another, I miss having a horse so much.
 
roanwitch said:
Hi to all, this is my first post so hoping you can help me.

I lost my old boy in a freak accident last year, I'd had him for 25 years had done everything with him. I now feel ready for a new pony and have been to look at a few.

My problem is, although I am quite a competant rider, when I try out a new pony I turn into a jibbering wreck. I get so nervous my teeth chatter and my knees knock (no joke) and I ride like spotty dog - so stiff and unrelaxed, I look like a complete numpty.

I know it takes time to build up a relationship with a new horse, but I can't seem to get past this nervousness when trying them out.

Any suggestions how I can get over this fear of riding again? Thanks x
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when I tried my last horse out I asked everyone but the vendor and my Dad to dissapear from the menage so I could ride without feeling flustered.:p I think the bloke who owned the yard was really suprised (he is a top class event rider). But hey, ho. Can't be helped.

For my competition jumping nerves (following three falls and an ambulance trip) I had congnitive therapy by a qualified hypnotist and it worked wonders - until I fell off again :eek: I have a lovely slipped disc as a result of the falls but my confidence has been regained by little and often and pushing myself. This weekend I am off competing again and I am going to push myself and go from 2ft 9 to 3'0.
 
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