How do I tell, I cant tell. A lady from our yard that she drives people nuts with her incessant talking(shouting)while hacking.

[Bob notacob]

In fAIRNESS ,SHE IS THE KINDEST OF SOULS .But ...... Today I had to keep bob 50 yards ahead or I would go nuts! Oddly enough ,Bob was also hell bent on keeping 50 yards ahead and when trapped behind Martha the mouth , threw a complete wobbly and demanded pole position again (plus 50 yrds) . Am I being unreasonable , (is Bob also) . She is so kind but her incessant talking is driving us crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[nagblagger]

Could you advise her to be quiet for a while as you want to concentrate on your horse (as they don't feel right ?spooky) and you don't want to appear rude when you don't answer her.

Whats you relationship like with her on the ground- i know i could tell my friend to shut up and they wouldn't be offended and visa versa.

 

[Bob notacob]

Could you advise her to be quiet for a while as you want to concentrate on your horse (as they don't feel right ?spooky) and you don't want to appear rude when you don't answer her.

Whats you relationship like with her on the ground- i know i could tell my friend to shut up and they wouldn't be offended and visa versa.

As I said she is so kind . But there is an out of rhythm thing about her .To tell her to shut up would be like taking a stick to Bob. I cant do it .

 

[nagblagger]

Cotton wool in Bobs and your ears???

 

[Jambarissa]

I think there's one like this on most yards. Also the nervous one who screams regularly and the one who has to give you advice the whole ride.

You don't want to offend her, but is this stopping you enjoying your horse? Can you tell her you're feeling overwhelmed by all the 'chat' but don't want to tell her what she can and can't do so will ride alone if it bothers her?

My horse lags behind and I tune the others out.

 

[Auslander]

I've had a couple like this, further complicated by them being my clients -so I feel somewhat obliged to tolerate the noise!
I have on several occasions, quietly stopped hacking with offenders, and when questioned, politely said that riding my horse was my time to quietly reflect on life, and that I appreciated that it was more of a social occasion for them, so it would be more fun for everyone if we picked our hacking buddies based on our personal preferences in terms of noise levels.
Alf helps me out with squawkers by spooking and snorting loudly when they start bellowing, which makes them think he's the devil, so they don't want to hack with me!

 

[Red-1]

I would just hack alone. I mostly do anyway (although, to be fair, I keep mine at home so there is only me). I have resisted arrangements to hack with people in the village, mainly. Most people seem to crowd my horse and don't seem in control, that bothers me.

 

[OrangeAndLemon]

You could just try to be a bit more compassionate and be grateful she hasn't told you what your faults are.

Maybe she has no one at home to talk to.
Maybe no one at home listens to her or allows her to speak.
Maybe she is talking to deal with nerves or anxiety which don't have to be related to horse riding.
Maybe she had an unseen disability which means her social skills aren't as perfected as yours.
Maybe she just wants a conversation.

 

[ycbm]

If she's shouting is she deaf? I leave my aids at home in case they get flicked out by the mane or putting on and taking off my hat. But I've told everyone to tell me if I'm shouting. She might want to know, perhaps?

I nearly always hack alone in spite of having company always available. I prefer it both for the quiet time and to set my own pace.
.

 

[Auslander]

You could just try to be a bit more compassionate and be grateful she hasn't told you what your faults are.

Maybe she has no one at home to talk to.
Maybe no one at home listens to her or allows her to speak.
Maybe she is talking to deal with nerves or anxiety which don't have to be related to horse riding.
Maybe she had an unseen disability which means her social skills aren't as perfected as yours.
Maybe she just wants a conversation.

That's a bit unkind to OP. It's not his responsibility to make up for any holes in this persons social life by talked at constantly, when that's not something he enjoys.

Plenty of people live alone and don't have as much social interaction as they'd like, but manage to interact with others in a way that doesn't make everyone around them want to avoid them.

 

[Barton Bounty]

I always give people the time of day, it costs absolutely nothing to be nice. You never know what that person is dealing with. You could be the only person that she speaks to in a day. Sounds like she is chatting out of anxiety or nervousness but you have already said she is a kind person.

If I were you and you want peace? Hack alone

The chaz and dave song came into my head though

 

[littleshetland]

Is she nervous on her horse? Sometimes people chatter away because of nerves.

 

[Red-1]

You could just try to be a bit more compassionate and be grateful she hasn't told you what your faults are.

Maybe she has no one at home to talk to.
Maybe no one at home listens to her or allows her to speak.
Maybe she is talking to deal with nerves or anxiety which don't have to be related to horse riding.
Maybe she had an unseen disability which means her social skills aren't as perfected as yours.
Maybe she just wants a conversation.

That may all be true but, for me, my horse time is my me time and I take that very seriously. I think OP is being kind and looking to resolve his discomfort without causing hurt or offence.

 

[Quigleyandme]

I used to work from home but on the days I went into the office the assigned hot desks were in the same pod as the desks of office based colleagues. I would talk far too much until my besieged colleague would give me a hard stare, slowly and obviously, as if demonstrating an activity to the mentally challenged, put in her earbuds and turn back to her screen. I expect this woman is a bit starved of company too but it isn’t OP’s responsibility to remedy. It’s interesting about Bob’s reaction though. When I was at livery there was a mum who was a very decent person but rather irritating and my pony used to lay his ears back and tighten his nostrils in annoyance any time she came over for a chat although I quite liked her.

 

[ycbm]

You could just try ...... and be grateful she hasn't told you what your faults are.

I'm not sure I understand why anyone should be grateful for that

 

[tda]

I used to work from home but on the days I went into the office the assigned hot desks were in the same pod as the desks of office based colleagues. I would talk far too much until my besieged colleague would give me a hard stare, slowly and obviously, as if demonstrating an activity to the mentally challenged, put in her earbuds and turn back to her screen.

Sorry Quigleyandme, but that made me laugh

I hack out with a lady who talks quite a lot, I Don't mind, but another friend does so she just tunes her out

 

[Goldenstar]

You just have to change what you do to get what you want , by that I mean you are in charge of what you do not what another does .
The lady has an absolute right to chat , it’s a hack not open heart surgery ,if you don’t like it which I fully understand you simply ride at another time .

 

[Red-1]

Just a thought, if you are 50yds ahead, she would have to shout?

I do think hacking alone is best, I would also say that if I were out on a hack with someone, I would find it rude if they walked so far ahead. But then, it annoys me if I am out hacking with someone and their horse doesn't walk out.

I like hacking alone.

 

[J&S]

Maybe, if you are 50 yards ahead she has to shout for you to hear!!?? Seriously, if it is wrecking your horse/hacking time you do need to do or say something. How about, "That was fun, we must do it again sometime, but I am massively busy for the next few weeks and won.t be able to make firm commitments "

I do know how irritating a wrong match can be, I used to ride with a lady on the forest who was never ready at the right time, I would have had to get children ready, sort husband, get horse, ride to her house and all she had to do was walk outside and do horse for the right time. One day I exploded and went off by myself, she was never late again!

Haha. just x posted with ~Red!

 

[Gloi]

I used to regularly ride out with someone who could talk constantly for 4 hours without a break. I just tuned out after a while. Still, it made a change having someone to ride with and she would occasionally talk about interesting things.
Your job is to train Bob to be better mannered.

 

[ycbm]

Bob were you out with just this lady? If you were in a group I don't think you were unreasonable, but if it was just the two of you then yes it would be unreasonable to ride 50 yards ahead and you should have sucked it up that day and avoid hacking with her in future.
.

 

[ester]

I used to make a game of it and see how long mum would keep going hacking without a response. I’m probably not that dissimilar but if im hacking with other people am expecting to chat for most of it, I’d I don’t want chat I go on my own

 

[Flame_]

You could have a go at cutting her off and chunnering on at her about random crap for a bit, just for payback and entertainment. IKWYM about it affecting your horse, my horse hates it on fun rides when he hears groups behind or sort of in the vicinity shouting and whooping, etc, it really stresses him until he can see they're just stupid humans doing stupid human stuff, then that's fine. If its not fun, do something else, ie ride without her.

 

[Goldie's mum]

In fAIRNESS ,SHE IS THE KINDEST OF SOULS .But ...... Today I had to keep bob 50 yards ahead or I would go nuts! Oddly enough ,Bob was also hell bent on keeping 50 yards ahead and when trapped behind Martha the mouth , threw a complete wobbly and demanded pole position again (plus 50 yrds) . Am I being unreasonable , (is Bob also) . She is so kind but her incessant talking is driving us crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Every yard has one! I fiddle with my tack a bit so that I "get left behind". (My new boy is ok with being at the back).

Also, try not to be discussing her the rest of the time (presuming you are - she has a nickname and you know everyone else is also driven crazy by her). The more you mull it over the more irritated you'll get. She'll know she's not top of the hit parade even if she hasn't twigged why & that might make her more talkative, if she's trying too hard to be friendly.

 

[Goldie's mum]

You could just try to be a bit more compassionate and be grateful she hasn't told you what your faults are.

Maybe she has no one at home to talk to.
Maybe no one at home listens to her or allows her to speak.
Maybe she is talking to deal with nerves or anxiety which don't have to be related to horse riding.
Maybe she had an unseen disability which means her social skills aren't as perfected as yours.
Maybe she just wants a conversation.

I want to hack with you, please!

 

[ApolloStorm]

I live in perpetual fear this is how people see me! As someone who lives alone/wfh and also has ASD I sometimes don’t pick up on the “stfu” vibes from people, and I have often said there would be no malice if people just told me to stop talking in plain words! I do generally prefer to hack alone but this year have ended up stuck (out of guilt) being one persons only hacking buddy I just used kind words to say I needed to hack alone more.
In this case I would see if maybe a little break from hacking with her would help to see if you can cope a little better with it when you do.

 

[SEL]

Is she nervous? I used to babysit a nervous rider and she'd talk non stop as a distraction. I was ok with that because when her anxiety bubbled over she used to get off and not even want to lead ger horse.

 

[Barton Bounty]

God knows what BB thinks of me

‘Your incessant talking… why don’t you give it a rest’

 

[Tiddlypom]

I was all set to book a 1:1 guided trail ride before I figured out that the guide might well think it polite to chat away most of the time with me. I like to enjoy the scenery and the horse without distractions, a 'natter hack' is my idea of hell, so I have binned the idea.

 

[Goldie's mum]

I was all set to book a 1:1 guided trail ride before I figured out that the guide might well think it polite to chat away most of the time with me. I like to enjoy the scenery and the horse without distractions, a 'natter hack' is my idea of hell, so I have binned the idea.

Sorry, way off topic but that reminds me so much of the good hairdresser I had to ditch!