how do you accept it?

BeckyX said:
I am sitting here crying my eyes out listening to sad songs , its been over six months and i can't accept he is one i just can't cope with it :( i have even started praying and i have never prayed in my life before now, i just can;t do it, i can't move on :(:(
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I know how you feel :( Its been a year and 4 months since my loan pony was taken back and im still struggling, Reacently got back in touch with his owners and hes doing brilliantly so thats helped me a little.

If he was PTS dont feel bad/sad hes at peace :)

((hugs))
 
Try not to rush yourself. I don't believe you will ever 'get over' something like this, but in time it will become less painful and you will be able to enjoy your memories without it hurting you so much. You won't forget him, he will always be in your heart. So many hugs, it will get better in time, try and look after yourself and go easy. What you are feeling is normal and allowed, If praying helps you then don't beat yourself up about it! Just do what helps you.
 
I have lost three of mine this year alone. A pony (mother of one of my yearling fillies) she died whilst out on loan. My old rescued broodmare 5 weeks ago her time had come. Less than 3 weeks ago my other yearling filly was pts i still can't talk about it and i cry everyday. Not an hour goes by without me thinking about her. I am crying less but can not talk to anyone about them or i breakdown. I suppose as with grief over anyone or thing it will get easier in time. Some people who are not in to horses don't understand how we feel, i feel like i have lost part of me over my filly i waited 4 years for her, delivered her, held her up to drink for the first 5 hours of her life as she was born small and weak and now she has gone. I know i will have to move on it just takes time but i will never forget the pain i felt and still feel over all of them.
 
MontyForever - i know people say it gets easier and time is a healer, as soon as a start to smile or feel a glimmer of happiness i remember why i can'y smile and why i am so sad and feel so guilty. And thankyou x

ShysMum - thankyou i really hope i can get through this, but at the moment i am not so sure :(
 
(((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you. Don't know what else to say realy.
You did do the right thing Laminitas is just awful. Having struggled with it with Lucy for years I know how hard it is. He is out of pain now and will never have to suffer again. Lucy will be looking after him up there. Leading him into all sorts of mischife I'm shore. There is no Lami up there and they can eat all the lush green grass they want to. Till you go to collect him and then you will be together forever.
I'm here if you need me ok. xxxx
 
Becky, it may be worth going along to your GP and see if he can suggest some help for you. You really don't have to go thru this alone. I needed GP help after my beloved lab died, I'm so glad I asked for it when i did. sm x
 
Magicmadge - I am so sorry for your loss :( and people without horse son't understand, they can try but they will never know the hole it leaves :( i would love to say it gets easier but it doesn't, i am really worried i will breakdown :( i am taking an ex-race to pc camp in 2 weeks, the same place i took bracken 3 years ago - the very reason i wasn't going to take blue, but i couldn't say know, i felt rude :(

I really hope you can come to turms with the loss, i just donlt see how i can :(
 
Hugs hun, as montyforever says time is a healer and it does get easier, he is free now galloping about with his friends and eating all he wants with no pain, and he knows he was loved, you did the very best for him and let him go because you loved him so much..

Give yourself some time, cry as much as you have to..And then after a while you will be able to smile about the good times xx
 
shysmum said:
Becky, it may be worth going along to your GP and see if he can suggest some help for you. You really don't have to go thru this alone. I needed GP help after my beloved lab died, I'm so glad I asked for it when i did. sm x
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I have thought about this but my parents might think i have gone mad, i already been to the gp for needle phobia and panick attack this year - they will think i have lost the plot :( :(

But i might go ... i just can't cope :(
 
Wonderwall said:
Hugs hun, as montyforever says time is a healer and it does get easier, he is free now galloping about with his friends and eating all he wants with no pain, and he knows he was loved, you did the very best for him and let him go because you loved him so much..

Give yourself some time, cry as much as you have to..And then after a while you will be able to smile about the good times xx
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Thankyou i know he is happy and pain free now but i just loved him so much and i miss him :( i really hope i can get through this pain to see the happy times ..
 
There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and your parents will support you ! If you need help, please go and get it. You don't have to take meds if you don't want, you don't have to do anything, just talking to the GP may help. Get the problem on your records, and if you're no better in a month or so, you can go back and then maybe take the help. sm x
 
Was just going to write the same thing as shysmum. Although going through this is always going to be difficult, there is no weakness in seeing a doctor and seeing if you can get some help to help you through this hard time. Chatting it though with a neutral person can also be really helpful. Also, if you smile, this is a good thing! You shouldn't feel guilty. You can miss him and grieve for him, but you are still allowed to smile and find happiness in things. No one will think badly of you for this and you shouldn't think badly of yourself for this either. I know this is easier said than done, just try to be easy on yourself.
 
LauraWheeler said:
(((((((((hugs)))))))))) to you. Don't know what else to say realy.
You did do the right thing Laminitas is just awful. Having struggled with it with Lucy for years I know how hard it is. He is out of pain now and will never have to suffer again. Lucy will be looking after him up there. Leading him into all sorts of mischife I'm shore. There is no Lami up there and they can eat all the lush green grass they want to. Till you go to collect him and then you will be together forever.
I'm here if you need me ok. xxxx
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I think i know why i huurt so much, i wasnt there when he went, i was at school :( the groom and lorraine were ther his owner (duchess)was on holiday and izzy was at boarding school , i didnt get the final goodbye and that kills me :( and i cant stop hurting :(
 
Forgot to say. Last night when i was crying down the phone to Laura (the one who looked after Lucy at the end) She said a lovely thing.
"Greif is in amount to love" Basicly the greif you show relates to how much you loved the horse who has died. She said i will greive a very long time for Lucy Because i loved her so much. :(
more ((((((((hugs)))))))) to you.
 
BeckyX said:
He was pts in late jan from a bad laminitis attack, watching him in pain was the worst, i know it was thi right thing to to but i just can't cope with this pain :(
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Its better that he is out of pain and you miss him which is causing you pain.
Than him still being here in pain.
You have memories that will last forever
 
LauraWheeler said:
Forgot to say. Last night when i was crying down the phone to Laura (the one who looked after Lucy at the end) She said a lovely thing.
"Greif is in amount to love" Basicly the greif you show relates to how much you loved the horse who has died. She said i will greive a very long time for Lucy Because i loved her so much. :(
more ((((((((hugs)))))))) to you.
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I guess that makes sense, he was my everything, and now he's gone :( i just loved him so much, i would have given my life to save him, but he just wasnt strong enough, he just could'nt stay :( lots of ((((((hugs)))))) to you too xx
 
I also lost my mare in jan and it still breaks my heart. I have got another, not to replace her as i will never do that, but to give him as much love and a great life just like she had.
I wasnt with her at the end and ill never know exactly what happened although i do have an idea.
I have her ashes here with me and i feel like she is still her with me when im sat in my living room. Sounds crazy but i still speak to her when im cleaning and i always polish her box as she was a fussy girl and didnt like to be dirty.
I do think getting J helped me get through loosing her. Seeing him come on over these 6 months has made it feel like shes looking down on me and helping me along.

Sending you hugs xx
Feel free to inbox me if you want xx
 
You have to carry on for everything else in your life. My family needs me and my other horses need me too. My other yearling filly is grieving, she has lost her best friend so i am considering getting another youngster for her, to help her move on. I feel like it may be something to fill the void they have left for both of us, not to replace them, nothing can do that, but to help me move on too. Keep me busy until time lessens the pain i feel. Go to your camp, it will help you. I took one of my shetlands to an in hand show the weekend after Tilly went. I didn't want to go but my daughter had been really looking forward to it. He got a second and a third it gave me something else to focus on it kept me strong. P.m me if you feel you want to i am in that place with you.
 
LauraWheeler said:
Forgot to say. Last night when i was crying down the phone to Laura (the one who looked after Lucy at the end) She said a lovely thing.
"Greif is in amount to love" Basicly the greif you show relates to how much you loved the horse who has died. She said i will greive a very long time for Lucy Because i loved her so much. :(
.
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However that doesn't mean that you didn't love your horse or pony if you get beyond grieving quickly, or even that you should feel guilty on days when other things occupy you and you are not upset.

some people will grieve, some will dust themselves down, others will have lasting sadness but happy memories - there are no rules but extreme grieving does not have any connection to the relationship you had with your friend when they were alive.
 
Please please do and go and see your GP, you don't have to go through this alone and as a parent I would much rather my children sort the help they needed than suffered in silence. I'm very sure your parents feel exactly the same and they probably feel a bit powerless to ease your pain.

It's a cliche but as had been said already time is a great healer and eventually you will be able to remember the good times and smile rather than remember them and cry. All of us who have loved and lost our horses know how hard it is and are here for you.

JDx
 
BeckyX said:
I think i know why i huurt so much, i wasnt there when he went, i was at school :( the groom and lorraine were ther his owner (duchess)was on holiday and izzy was at boarding school , i didnt get the final goodbye and that kills me :( and i cant stop hurting :(
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I hurt to because i never got to say goodbye to Lucy. But I also know i couldn't ask her to wait for me. I feel so guilty and wish i haddn't gone on holiday. I feel like i let her down when she needed me most.
But I would feel so much worse if i had asked her to wait and she had started to suffer. I realy don't think I would ever have forgiven myself for letting her suffer.
I'm shore if Braken could have waited he would have but i know you wouldn't have wanted him to suffer a moment more than he had to. You love him to much to have let that happen. xxx
 
BeckyX said:
I think i know why i huurt so much, i wasnt there when he went, i was at school :( the groom and lorraine were ther his owner (duchess)was on holiday and izzy was at boarding school , i didnt get the final goodbye and that kills me :( and i cant stop hurting :(
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You did your best for him and the right decisions were made. It isn't always helpful for somebody close to be there at the end, your distress might not have been good for your horse. He is no longer in pain and that has to be your overriding thought at all times.
 
I lost my lovely horse that I was just about to buy following a loan agreement...I had spent all my waking hours with him and hacking for hours on end just enjoying the world and having his company...I lost him to colic very suddenly that no one could do anything about. I was devastated as I am sure you are and thought I had nothing worthwhile anymore or anything to look forward too. I was inconsolable...as you are...and my poor OH could not cope with my grief after only a few days.
Barely 2 weeks later he made me write down the things I loved about my lad and the type of horse I liked and he scoured the papers to find some for me to look at...it was harsh and he literally dragged me kicking and crying to view some horses that he thought might be right...I was totally against it and did not want to know. He then heard about a horse through a work colleague that was in Llandudno...we are in Derbys! He sent for details from the owner and photos...the photos alone made me smile...for the first time in weeks apparently.
He drove me all the way to Llandudno to ride the horse and when I got there I liked him and when I rode him he made me laugh hysterically as he spooked at his own shadow and tried to follow my OH walking in front and kept shoving him from behind...to get a move on!
To cut a very long story short...he is my boy and has been for 7 years now...although the pain of writing this and thinking about my beloved horsey previously is still enough to make me shed tears.
I will never forget my lovely fella, it is still hard to think about now and I still miss him even though I now have a wonderful character that I could not be without ever.

Try to remember the good times...you will be happy again and you will find a way of dealing with the pain...I am not saying you should go out and find another horse like my OH made me do...but what it did do was give me hope, make me have something to look towards...I hope you find that too. Take care.
 
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