How do you approach parent of screaming child?

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If I do still have my boy when she is old enough I think I will get her a mini wheel barrow and a brush and give her chores to do.

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I tried that but sadly my two are boys and they are far more interested now in golf - I did teach them how to count though by counting the poos when they used to try and help me muck out when they were small.
I am now wating for them to be old enough for their feet to touch the pedals so they can drive the harrows around over the school
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Well if she doesnt like it I might get OH to take her off to shoot things with the paintball gun, or go on a nature trail' lol. Poor we mite WILL have hobbies that involve the outdoors whether she lies it or not
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I don't think anyone was suggesting anyone else childmind the child, just speaking to it,. acknowledging that it;s a human being too would be enough. How many of us were pony mad kids who sometimes got a bit excited at the yard, hooned around on ponies? What if a group of adults had said "ugh I don't want kids at the yard, they're annoying and noisy".

Sorry, I just find some adults so bitter when it comes to tots with ponies. I know of no tiny child who will help with EVERYTHING. That's just ridiculous. But why should the child be denied a pony because of that? who has the right to say that child cannot have a pony because it can't help with everything?
I understand what you;'re saying if it regards a child of say 12 months, sat in a pram being ignored for the sake of a pony, but when it;s a pony that the child is learning to ride on and IF the parent is offering the child to help with lots of things then whats the issue? Children cry and scream, fact, and I'm suprised by the amount of adults here who NEVER cried when they were small.
It's like the comment about kids crying in supermarkets. Why should a parent feel bad because of a few obnoxious people who believe children should be seen and not heard? My nephew is autistic and communicates by crying. You wouldnt look at him and think he was autistic, he looks like any other child (people are always shocked when they learn he has autism, like they expect an autistic child to have green spots or something) but my sister ALWAYS gets rude remarks from people about his behaviour. She's even had parenting advice from complete strangers. What if the child at the yard has a learning difficulty? do you think slapping it or telling it to shut up will work??
And yes, I take my kids to (family) pubs. Don't like it? Go find an adults only one. Same with yards, if you don't like the YO's decision to allow children on a yard then find a 'no children' yard.
I've never been on a livery yard as such with ours, and with attitudes like this towards kids I wouldnt want to!
 
Having had my mare seriously injured as a result of the behviour of out of control children on a livery yard, which originally was child free, I feel quite able to comment on the issue of children not being correctly supervised on yards. Also if this child cries constantly at the yard, it is not happy there and it is the responsibility of its parents to deal with the underlying problem, not to impose it on people who pay to have their horses at a yard. I would also think that it is not in the childs best interests to persue this hobby if it cries every time it is at the yard. It sounds as if the pony is more for mothers benefit than the childs.
 
Totally agree with Charlie - the attitudes of some people on here towards this child is shocking!! You were all kids once, put yourself in the childs place and the poor mother probably has no clue how you all feel because none of you have had the balls to talk to her about it! Seriously act like adults! Ive never come across a yard that would treat a child like you are - shes 4 years old for gods sake!
 
plenty of mothers have their own horses and take kids to the yard. Why is that any different?

I am very sorry re your mare, I think I recall, it was a head injury wasn't it?

Though it doesnt sound like this child is being unsupervised, people have different takes on what might be five minutes of 'I'm bored' and an hour of constant crying. I mean, the whole time? My 5yo would be exhausted if she cried the whole time we were at the yard!
 
Having re read the OP, I seriously doubt that the mother can be oblivious to the problem. If she is ,then she is probably also oblivious to the childs problems with being there. If on the other hand she is aware of the problems her child is causing and chooses to ignore it she is equaly to blame.
 
Re children being on the yard with mothers with mothers horse, I would hope that the child is enjoying being there, if not then the mother is putting her hobby before her child
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Have to say I agree entirely with Mike007, this woman appears to be entirely irresponsible and not to have any concern for the child.
 
why should a yard of horsey people suddenly turn into child minders if that was what they wanted to do they wouldn't have horses they'd have kids.
deffo talk to the mother if shes approachable she may even have switched off to listening to 'it' if its always screeching.

as a last resort the screaming might cause an accident injuring either party (mother or 'it) and then hopefully it may be deemed too dangerous a hobby to pursue.
and as a really last resort try an ipod !!LOL
 
Ooh reading through the replies you can tell there are a few mothers getting tetchy! I'm sorry, but a professionally run livery yard is NOT a place for young children. Our yard has a lot of competitive riders with highly strung competition horses, and it would be inconceivable to imagine toddlers running around screaming!
I'm surprised your YO hasn't dealt with this already. Perhaps you and the other liveries could ask the YO for a meeting to discuss the matter. If the YO isn't interested, then I think you need to move to a better organised yard with more like minded people, where you can enjoy your horse.
 
I wasn't aware that OP's yard WAS a professionally run competition yard??
Jesus, what do these horses do when they go out hacking? Do you stun gun kids in villages to ensure they don't frighten the horse?
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Op said the child was screaming and crying, not running round. I also think at four, it's waaay past toddler stage
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Although I think alot of people like to think they're on a competition yard, the majority are just bog standard DIY-ers, paying a bog standard price on a middle ground livery yard with half decent facilities.

Where are horse owners with children meant to keep their horses?? In their gardens??
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Parents who also have horses should be welcome on yards, however if they bring their children to the yard they should take responsibility for their child and not allow its behaviour to impinge on others. People pay to keep their horses on a yard, not to put up with noisy children, or take responsibility for other peoples children. If the parents with children pay for creche facilities, as well as livery then that should be provided away from the horses, if no creche facilities are provided then the parents should be responsible for their children and their behaviour. What no-one should expect is for other people to look after their children to allow the parents to continue their hobby.
 
well, thats par for course, but children are not robots and cannot expected to behave impeccibly at ALL times.
I don't think anyone suggested any other liveries look after the child, but can you imagine being on a yard bitchy enough for the other liveries to refer to your child as 'it'?
Some parents have no choice but to bring their children to the yard, perhaps they haven't childcare? It's not always as simple as "well, if you havent childcare, and you cannot entertain the child the whole time you're mucking out then sell the horse". For some parents perhaps the yard is their only 'me' time, or the horse is unsellable, there may be all sorts of reasons.
I was more objecting to the 'slap it' and 'tell it to shut up' comments TBH.
 
No one has the 'right' to own a horse, or to expect other people to put themselves out while enjoying their hobby. People have to make choices in life, if you cannot manage both appropriate childcare and keeping horses, then put your children as your priority. The woman in the OP has bought a pony for a child who is obviously unhappy at the yard, people suggested that the appropriate response was for the other liveries to keep the child entertained and have it helping them. I would suggest that the woman in the OP sell the pony and find something which the child is interested in.
Oh and please don't personalise this charlie, no-one else has.
 
QR- i would speak to the YO and ask her to speak to the mother.

yes, she is allowed her 'me' time at the yard but its not fair if her child is causing other people to not want to spend time at the yard.

and as for suggestions that people should entertain the child- why?
the mother chose to have the child, chose to have the pony and it is up to her to make is work without encroaching on everyone else's enjoyment.

if the pony is for the child and the child is screaming that much that people are leaving the yard early, i would question whether the child even wants the pony?
 
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QR
I can never understand why people expect other adults to act as unpaid childminders
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Children take a lot of time and attention, if the child is missing out on the parent giving it attention because of a pony the child is obviously not interested in, then get rid of the pony. Seems a simple solution to me. If the child is not old enough to be interested and is cold and unhappy then surely the need to sort this out comes higher on the prioritues than owning a pony.

[/ QUOTE ] maybe she would be better getting rid of the child..
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We have to take my grand daughter with us when my daughter and I go to do the horses as we have no one to leave her with. If she is cold and bored then she will have a darn good whinging session
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But then as she is only 3 years old it is to be expected. We do our best to keep her amused but sometimes in spite of our best efforts she will have a crying session no matter what we do. On those days we get done as quickly as we can and beat a hasty exit
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After all horses are meant to be fun and the crying spoils our enjoyment too.

OP if you don't want to talk to the mother directly for whatever reason then go to the YO/YM and ask them to have a word with her. She can't be having much fun doing the pony with the child crying either.

Unless like me she has the wonderful ability to switch a hearing aid off
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Yes, speak to the YO, and so should other liveries who are leaving early and generally having their time at the yard disturbed.
Personally I wouldn't be stopping to speak to the child, because time tends to be short and I'm there to deal with my horse, not other people's children. I wouldn't be offering the child jobs to do, because I don't want to be dealing with children around my horse and wasting my time keeping them entertained. I'm afraid that mothers do have to accept that not all people are interested in children, so don't particularly want to spend time chatting and entertaining them. That's their choice. If you take your child to the yard then you have to accept that you may well have to look after your child yourself.
 
We carefully vetted all future liveries to ensure none had children. This was after we let one on and the mother seemed to forget she had children the moment she came thru the gate. We used to find her toddler playing in the pond and her small girl's greatest pleasure was kicking our dog and throwing rocks at him - the mother never said a word to them and we asked them to leave.

We also wouldn't allow dogs as people as didn't seem to be able to control them very well either.

What is it with certain people that they seem to lose all standards of decent behaviour and act like complete morons that moment they get near their horses?
 
Have a good chat with the YO, after all its their responsibility to ensure the yard is running how it should be, a safe and quiet environment for most importantly the horses not just the people.

We were all kids once, out of everyone that has replied to this post I’m sure not every single one of us was a complete angel when we were wee whipper snappers, maybe we played up in the supermarket or other public places.

But if you explain to the YO that the reason you are bringing it to light is because its more of a safety issue, for both the child (so you are actually thinking what’s best for child too) and other peoples horses rather than it just sounding like a moan about the how noisy and irritating the child is.

I personally wouldn’t say anything to the parent, if they can’t see that there child may be coming a bit of a nuisance to others then you going up and telling them won’t go down too well I shouldn’t imagine and it may make them feel uncomfortable or embarrassed etc, specially if the lady is a bit stressed out and struggling as it is but a quiet word from the YO I think would go down better and is more likely to take notice of them without any bad feeling etc.
 
QR

Haven't read all the posts...I have 2 children- the youngest was 2 when we went onto the yard. Yes- she did get fed up on occasions but I involved her in everything- ferried her to the muckheap on the wheelbarrow etc. I would not tolerate constant screaming from my own or anyones children...and I would not expect others to have to put up with it either, when they are trying to simply enjoy their horses.

No need for slapping....but I would have a word with mum---- mum to mum chat if you like- sympathising with her but at the same time making it clear that the other liveries and horses are getting upset. I don't think yards should be child-free zones- unless its a comp. yard...after all- we were all kids once and they are entitled to have their own ponies .....and how will they learn appropriate behaviour around people/horses unless taught?
 
This poor little soul screams the place down at every visit though. This doesn't sound like a pony-mad child, it's a miserable child that isn't interested in said pony at all. Fair enough to have a bit of sympathy with a mum whose child gets a bit fractious, but to have to put up with screeching all the time is just not reasonable.
 
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Why is it that mothers think the whole world has to change step to accomodate their brat. It doesnt.

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I have pondered this! I don't think that all mothers are like this - but many are.

I have come to the conclusion that they believe the rest of us are as enamoured with their child as they are. They also can get unreasonably emotional when their child is involved. Also, I think that once people have children, they become somewhat inured to the noise and general chaos kids can bring - they probably have to - and don't appreciate just how grating this is to people who are not used to it.

There are some fabulously well behaved kids on our yard - I am branded a "child hater" but in fact, where a child is polite, quiet, well behaved AND properly supervised, I always offer them a pat of my horse because he is fabulously good with kids and kids love him because they think he is so HUGE that they are very brave and clever to be able to pet and stroke him!

I don't hate kids, at all. I detest with a passion selfish, defective parenting.

OP I can't believe you and your fellow liveries are actually leaving the yard early because it's so awful
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that is just wrong. You simply should not have to put up with it. I am shocked that your YO and the mother have not dealt with it but clearly one, other or both need a word.
 
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No one has the 'right' to own a horse, or to expect other people to put themselves out while enjoying their hobby. People have to make choices in life, if you cannot manage both appropriate childcare and keeping horses, then put your children as your priority. The woman in the OP has bought a pony for a child who is obviously unhappy at the yard, people suggested that the appropriate response was for the other liveries to keep the child entertained and have it helping them. I would suggest that the woman in the OP sell the pony and find something which the child is interested in.
Oh and please don't personalise this charlie, no-one else has.

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why would I??
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what on earth are you on about?? what a strange comment. Plenty of people have made comments re their own children and yards..

No-one was saying they HAD to speak to the child, just perhaps it's a better alternative than bitching the mother off the yard?? Perhaps the pony IS more for the mother? no different to her having a 16hh WB for herself. Perhaps she enjoys caring for 'daughter's' pony??
Obviously if the child is THAT unhappy then something has to give, but with an atmosphere of 'We hate kids' can you blame the child for not wanting to be there when no-one will speak to it and it's made clear it;s not welcome?
 
I haven't read the whole thread but I am quite suprised by the reaction of some of the mums.

_charlie_ - you said your 14 month old would occassionally cry.....that is not the case her. It is a FOUR year old, whining ALL the time.

I don't have children.....and don't particularly care for children, however I totally understand that sometimes they will cry or have a strop. The problem here is not kids being kids, it is irresponsible parents allowing their ill-mannered children to behave any way they please!

I would NEVER behave like that since I bloody well knew better!! It is not the other liveries' responsibility to entertain the child. I have several ill-mannered children at my field who are irritating and at times dangerous and it is not fair on the other PAYING clients.

I am sick of yummy mummies sitting in cafes with their mega-buggies gossiping with no regard for the safety of their children. The kids run riot and when they run into a waitress and hot coffee is spilled on them......it's the cafe's fault!!!

OP - if I were you I would speak to the yard owner. This woman may very well not know the effect it is having on the other liveries. I think you are likely to offend her if you tackle it yourself.
 
IF we were talking about the child running round, being dangerous, then I could see the point. I too can't stand yummy mummies
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I can't understand why OP and fellow liveries havent had a word with the mother and YO? Surely thats just the logical first step?
 
Wow this has got heated, and a lot of people have mis-read posts. No one suggested slapping someone elses child, feeling that they would like to or wishing the mother would maybe but not actually advocating disciplining anyone elses child.

At the end of the day it is a choice to have a child and a choice to have a horse and neither choice should be made if you can't look after and provide for it properly.

When this woman bought the pony she should have considered what would happen when she is doing stable chores, or she should have got full livery or just paid for lessons.

Children get bored easily but it is a parents job to keep them engaged and happy. We have taken my nephew to the stables when he was less than 4 and he could be relied upon to be quiet and sit still when asked for reasonable periods of time. The rest of the time you needed to keep an eye out and keep him interested. But that was his families job and not any one elses!

Children can be easily entertained, especially at a yard, filling buckets, playing in a field, poo picking, mixing feeds, filling hay nets, cleaning bits and stirrup irons etc etc etc. You can also take suitable toys to keep them amused, crayons, dolls, cars etc.

There is just no excuse for a whining child on a yard. It isn't somewhere that the child *has* to be, there are few restrictions on what you can do to entertain it. Most people will tolerate a bit of occasional noise but constant whining for no reason is just a sign of bad parenting.
 
We had a couple of brats at the last yard

Mum was really nice and was worn down by them - so the other liveries would take turns entertaining them so mum could ride. I donated my kids hats that they grew out of, good fit for these two, and they got to ride and groom my very reliable little pony when thier mum needed time to ride.

There was always a quid pro quo and thier Mum would help out when other people needed.

These kinds of compromises and accommodation can make a yard tick.
 
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